It's Official

The job search is over for me. I received the "official" rejection letter yesterday.

I'm not disappointed because I knew I had "blown it" at the interview. I wasn't prepared enough to present myself well and, to be honest, I don't think I'm really prepared to face a tenure track position right now. I have doubts whether I will ever be prepared. Maybe after adjuncting or teaching for a while and padding my CV with more publication and service. I do have a strong teaching record, but I never worried too much about the teaching evaluations, so those aren't that great. Actually, I just couldn't bring myself to read them while I was teaching, they made me feel awful. (That shows you how much I don't like feedback). Of course there are many good ones, but several not too good.

Now that there is the concrete possibility that my husband will get a job, we're thinking even about alternate careers for me. I know I should still give academia a shot, but that may have to wait until next year. I say that, but I haven't even checked the "post-MLA" job postings, and I know I should. Maybe I'll do it right now. Well, if hubby gets the job then I will have to find something to do there, because I'm definitely finishing this year, but that's another topic!

Photos from Brazil - I (Flowers)

A while ago (last November) cloudscome asked me if I could post any photos from Brazil in the blog and it took me this long to finally getting around to it. I'm going to make it a series, since I have way too many. I'm starting with some flower photos that my husband and I took in December 03- January 04. The first one is a photo of my aunt's neighbor's front yard, in the city of São Paulo. The second one is from the tree right in front of my parents' house. The remaining photos were taken here -- an ecological park at a beach town in Southern Brazil. Enjoy!

Compulsive Categorizer

I feel a bit guilty about this, but I just spent the whole day "working" on this blog. I finally updated the template and my blogroll, which had several non-working URLs as well as links to blogs which had moved elsewhere. I kept the "obsessive categorization" -- which, by the way, is not alphabetized (only the blogs within each category are). Now I have the labels in the side bar as well -- every single post (I have less than 300) is labeled and now all of my 30 or so readers can go look in my archives by choosing a theme. The number of labels is almost as ridiculous as the number of blogroll categories, but I just can't help it. It's part who I am to compulsively categorize everything. I guess it could be the name of a disorder or syndrome: "Compulsive Categorizer Disorder," like obsessive compulsive disorder.

Don't be fooled by that (or this photo of my closet, for that matter) into thinking that I'm an organized person because I'm not. I'm the messiest person you could ever meet, just ask my mom or my poor husband. The top of my desk, my bedroom floor, my closet, are a shame to behold. Not so with my filing cabinet (this is the dissertation drawer -- I ran out of hanging folder tabs, or there would be more of them -- I just bought a package last week, though:) :
This is the extent of my organization, though. Oh, and I almost forgot, most of my photos and negatives are all organized by year (at least up until 1999) -- we do have well over a thousand photos taken between 1990-2003 when we went digital. Needless to say, all my digital photos and computer files are organized too -- but alas, that's a "virtual" kind of organization.

Back to the blog, though. I have already added some nifty novelties, e.g. scroll your mouse over external links in posts or the sidebar and you get to see an image of that site -- this is free service from Snap.com. Now the next step will be to change the template around a bit with the help of sites like this one, which is awesome (thanks for the link, Geeky Mom)! So, get ready to see some changes -- although I am pretty cautious, and the changes that I already made are making it hard for me to add any elements to my the layout -- the page just won't charge!! The problem is that in order to keep the same kind of blogroll, I had to add a lot of html to the layout, and it seems not to be too "happy" about that.

Well, at least I hope I can make more changes to this space.

Good News and Miscelaneous Thoughts

Guess what -- my husband got a campus interview!!! He was getting nervous because he hadn't heard from any other schools in the past two weeks, but now he's feeling more confident. We know we shouldn't get too excited just yet, but it's good to feel at least hopeful that he has the possibility of receiving at least one offer after all.

This has nothing to do with the subject, but I was checking the local PBS station's schedule today (to know when Thomas the train was airing) and I figured that I want to watch this. I generally enjoy the Masterpiece Theater period piece adaptations of literary works, but I hardly ever remember to watch them -- I don't watch any TV because I want to set a good example to my sons. I'd be a TV addict if I didn't just cut it off from my life. In spite of that, I have been seeing a few movies because we have Netflix. We saw this absolutely lovely Iranian film, Children of Heaven, last week and now I'm curious to see all the other films by the director, Majid Majidi. Last night we saw this "funky" British film, Millions, which is cute and last week I watched Whale Rider. I know... most of these are old, but I'm trying to catch up :).

It was lovely to see our friends and their newborn daughter. She has lots of hair, and I simply adore newborns with hair (of course my sons were completely bald). Our beginning with our oldest son was so tough (I should soon post the conclusion to that "saga"), so I always hope that other new parents have less bumpy first weeks and months. Our friend's baby is slightly jaundiced and already quite sleepy, that's how it started with us. I hope all goes well for them.

Thanks for Delurking! Anyone Else?

I know that the week is over, but I found a picture I like better, and decided to continue inviting any lurkers to de-lurk. Question -- how did you find me? Some already answered, but I was wondering about the others.

Thanks to and Swissmiss, Suzanne, Kateri (I don't think you'd qualify as a lurker, but it's great to know you're reading, since I have very few readers), and Heather* for being brave and delurking. I feel delighted to have you as readers!

I'll be back later with VERY good news. A dear friend had a baby on Friday and we're going to visit and meet the new baby girl right now, so I can't write more -- I love newborns, yay!

*Heather, I'm so forgetful that I had to look for your previous comment and my email -- and I see that you already answered the question above. Email me back when you have time!

Anyone Out There? Delurk Yourself!

I know it's the very last day of "National Blog Delurking Week," or some such thing, but maybe, just maybe I could get any lurkers to delurk and say hi today. I'd seen this on Wednesday at Mausi, but today I was reminded me of it by cloudscome and decided to try it before it was too late. Oh well, perhaps it is too late...

Come on... I just want to know who is out there :) Pleeeeease?

Looking at the Bright Side

(the actual post comes after a semi-literary digression - feel free to skip it)

I know I'm going to sound completely like a "Pollyanna" in the post below and I will take advantage of this comment (which I don't like to make one bit, and you'll soon see why) to say that one of my pet peeves with the American culture is this derision of Eleanor Porter's work.

Has anyone actually read Pollyanna? Well, I have. Not once, but like 20 times. This book is very popular in Brazil in its Portuguese translation. My sister-in-law's name is Polyana -- a very common name in Brazil as well. My husband and I loved it and its sequel Pollyana Grows up. As a matter of fact, we have just re-read both -- motivated by the fact that I watched the new Pollyanna movie a couple of months ago -- I liked quite a bit, except the fact that she comes by boat and not by train and the story takes place in England and not New Englsnd. As a "purist" in what regards the adaptation of books into the big screen I don't like the Disney movie since it's very "unfaithful" to the book, even though I do like the actress. My husband thinks that the first book is not very good after all and that the sequel is better, and I haven't thought enough about it, so I don't know if I agree. Perhaps having "devoured" the book so many as a child makes me "blind" to see through it and critique it. My former advisor (a children's lit. specialist) even asked me whether this work's success in Brazil wasn't due to its translation, by the founder of Brazilian children's literature, Monteiro Lobato. I didn't think so, the book in English sounded the same to me, but maybe there's some truth to that. I don't know...

The truth of the matter is that I have a deep dislike of the expressions "this may sound Pollyannish" or "I may sound like a Pollyanna" even though I understand why people say that -- they do not want to be over optimistic, like she seemed to be. I am aware of the historical context, that this book became a kind of "phenomenon" in the the beginning of the 20th century which motivated the publication of over 10 bad sequels -- by various authors, since Porter only wrote the sequel I cite above. These publications alone may have been the reason for the "joke" that the heroine's name became, but I still don't like it. I think that people just don't know what exactly they're talking about when they use that expression, I mean, they don't really know the original two books. Whatever. I feel the same about Pearl Buck and how people think it's a joke that she is one of the few American authors who received the Nobel Prize for literature -- but that's another subject altogether (I saw a wonderful panel at the MLA about this and if I have time will write a post about it).

~~~ ~ ~~

OK, this post is supposed to be a more optimistic view of the subject of the previous post. I'm glad it struck a chord with you and I'm glad to hear your experiences and to know I'm not alone. What I want to say is that it's tough, but I think I'm luckier than other parents. I was going to link to Alice's post about her children only eating noodles, but I thought it would be hard to find (I just tried, but didn't find it, if you give me the link, I'll add it, Alice) -- so, I know it's even harder for other mothers and fathers out there.

My older son eats rice and beans, lentils, pasta with various sauces, some broccoli, tomatoes, various fruits, bread, tofu, and some other things, so it's not that bad. He wouldn't touch salads for the longest time, though, and now he's slowly beginning to eat salad greens. He doesn't like most vegetables, chickpeas and soybeans (not even edamame -- the green soybean). He does eat a lot, which is great. Oh, and in the morning he eats a mixture of several Brazilian (Nestlé) instant cereals, powdered milk and soymilk.

I remember that my little cousins wouldn't eat ANYTHING. My cousin, their mom, would spoon feed them their meals, more like force-feeding. And they were always very skinny. My oldest is a bit thin (he's my son after all), but he does eat well, so I can't really complain. What he said yesterday did make my heart sink, though...

Well, this is a pretty "weak" post, but I'll post it anyway. I have been working on several posts for weeks now, including a very belated anniversary post. I do want to get those out, though, so watch this space. Oh, and I want to post at least one beautiful photo a week.

The "Joy" of Cooking for a 4-Year-Old

When my ravenously hungry four (and 10 months) year-old son saw his plate today he said (in Portuguese):

"Mama, when I look at my food my hunger goes away. Yes, when I look at this it just disappears."

~~~ ~~~

This is what I cooked today :Indian food (without chilies): [clockwise from left] aloo gobi (potatoes and cauliflower, one of my favorites), basmati rice, a mild chana masala (chickpeas and tomato),* and sautéed tempeh (Indonesian soybean "cake"). Oh, and I took a picture of my plate, not his, which had no cilantro, and had just a tiny portion of each food, minus the tempeh.

Maybe a little too exotic, but not bad, huh? The saddest thing is that he used to love this stuff as a "baby" (12-24 months - sometime in his 2nd year he went from eating everything to a being very picky eater). I had to fed him several spoonfuls, but he didn't eat much. Good thing the 2 1/2 year old still eats most everything.

I felt so discouraged! That's why I can't eat properly, I just don't have the energy to cook a meal and face this every single day, so I stick to the same tried and true recipes. I love potatoes, for example, but I hardly ever eat them now because my sons don't care for them... and the list goes on and on. I can't wait for them to grow up and become less picky even though I have my doubts whether they'll ever become like Jennifer McCann's "Schmoo." I took great comfort in one part of her great book that described how her son decided to start eating salad. And in this week's post she describes how his appetite changed in the past year. There's hope.... I hope!!

*P.S. Jeannette, did you know that one of your blog entries is the fifth result on Google for Indian chickpea stew?

4 Things Meme

All right, a week or so ago Alice tagged me for a meme and because I'm tired from having written that humongous post yesterday two days ago, which I'm sure none of you will have the patience to read (you can look at the pictures, though :), I decided to do this fun meme. Oh, and I think this is my "timeliest" response to a meme ever :) Of course I kind of cheated because most of my responses feature various things grouped into categories, but I just couldn't think of just four things each time.

4 activities I've been paid for (and these are all the "jobs" I've ever had):
- teaching English to 2nd to 4th grade children for 45 minutes a week and for various groups (children, teens, adults) and in various settings. (my first and only job in Brazil: young [middle class] people hardly ever work there, one usually starts working when going to college, like in my case).
- cleaning peoples' houses (what I did here in the U.S. before being accepted to grad. school - I stopped after I started to teach.)
- pet-sitting 3 or 4 times a day for 2 1/2 weeks (4 dogs - one of the them slightly lame and blind, they stayed indoors and I had to clean up their messes as well as feed them). It was in one of the houses I cleaned and it coincided with my first weeks of graduate school and being a T.A. Crazy busy weeks.
- teaching undergraduate gen. ed. literature classes both as a T.A. and instructor with my own class.

4 splendid foods:
- I love pretty much anything with potatoes, especially well seasoned and crisply baked in the oven.
- Indian food in general, particularly aloo gobi (potatoes and cauliflower)
- (Can ice-cream be considered "food"?) Italian gelatto, particularly from Florence.
- Italian pasta with various sauces: with porcini mushroom and a creamy sauce; with a tomato based sauce and grilled artichokes; with grilled vegetables, garlic and olive oil, and many others)... yumm!

4 grand drinks:
- Brazilian fruit juices, particularly cupuaçu (heavenly), cajá, acerola (which is actually not a Brazilian fruit, but the West Indian "cherry"). I actually can make them here in the U.S. -- the Portuguese supermarket chain Seabra (there are many in New Jersey) sells the frozen pulps. YAY!
- Brazilian açaí [pronounced ah-sah-eeh] (not exactly a drink, the authentic thing is very thick and has to be eaten with a spoon, oh, and lots of sugar, at least for me -- I was tickled today to see a new tea by Celestial Seasonings, my favorite tea brand, featuring açaí).
- mango lassi (yogurt and mango Indian drink -- I make it at home too)
- homemade strawberry lemonade (with frozen whole strawberries, prepared in the blender)

4 Movies I saw over and over :
- Sound of Music (I know... old stuff, but I always loved it, know all the songs by heart)
- Back to the Future I, II and III (my husband and his brothers LOVE those, and I like them too)
- Pride and Prejudice (A&E series and recent movie) and other adaptation of Jane Austen's works, like Persuasion, Mansfield Park, Emma,
- A Room with a View (particularly with my girl friends as teenagers)

4 favorite TV shows: (I don't have cable, so I can't really watch those that are still on)
- Most Anything from TLC, particularly A Baby Story, Trading Spaces, While you were out, etc,
- Sex and the City (watched only the full 5th and last season on demand when we had cable for a few months after moving).
Used to like:
- Ally McBeal
- can't think of a fourth one. I don't really care much for TV.

4 places I've been to: (very hard to answer, I have traveled quite a lot, so I've grouped them)
- South of South America - Argentina (Buenos Aires, Bariloche) and Chile (Santiago and Southern Chile - Osorno volcano area) - car trip when I was 7. I remember it well, though.
- Brazilian Northeast: Salvador - my favorite city in that region, Recife, Natal, Fortaleza, and
São Luiz.
- Main cities of Western Europe: London, Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Rome, Florence, Venice
- 7 National Parks on Western U.S.A.: Grand Canyon, Carlsbad caverns, Rocky Mountains N.P., Yellowstone, Grand Teton, Bryce Canyon, Zion Canyon. (Hey, I have digital photos of these, would you like me to post some to the blog?)

4 websites I use lots: (that's a hard one, I'm always online, but I don't really have specific sites)
- tons of blogs
- Gmail, Google, Google maps and image too
- Amazon (for research too!), Netflix, of course, various banks
- For research: Library of Congress catalog and other library catalogs and academic databases

Should I tag anyone? Well, feel free to do it if you want.

The Holidays in Review

Edited to add: New Year's Menu.
These Holidays were extremely busy, but fun. As you already know, we spent Christmas and New Year's with my husband's family and I had the MLA in between, but before it all started I was busy for several weeks because I was in charge of the Christmas program in church. It had been scheduled for December 16, but had to be re-scheduled for Dec. 23, which made everything even more hectic. (Note: you can click on the photos to make them bigger)

We have a singing group and prepared a special song and the children sang as well, then we had several soloists. There was a dinner afterwards and we distributed gifts to the children and also community children that we got through Toys for Tots (I had to pick them up, wrap them, etc). We weren't even planning to stay for dinner since we wanted to drive down to Maryland as soon as possible, but in typical Brazilian fashion, the program started way late and we stayed. It was fun for the kids because a friend had them make "gingerbread" houses out of graham crackers and their boxes. They turned out cute and I was impressed to see how my oldest didn't eat any candy until his house was done. The little one, on the other hand, didn't help, but was very interested in eating candy and got all dirty with the marshmallow cream, peanut butter, and chocolate frosting.

We headed to Maryland on Sunday (the 24th) morning. It was a long day since I was helping in the kitchen non-stop all afternoon. The meal planned was extra special and delicious, but a bit "experimental," since some of the things prepared by my sister- and brother-in-law were being cooked by them for the first time. My BIL decided to prepare salmon, which was delicious, and my SIL made two kinds of "Rondelle" (rolled and filled pasta) from scratch, including the pasta dough -- with fillings of chicken for the non-vegetarians and heart-of-palm and artichoke cream for the vegetarians. We also made the dessert -- yellow and chocolate cakes filled with cream cheese lemon pecan and chocolate filling and frosted with condensed milk frosting to match fillings). There was also rice, vegetables, asparagus, a vegetarian roast, Brazil's leading brand of panettone (an Italian Christmas "bread" with candied fruit and raisins), Brazil's leading brand of guaraná (a soft drink), Italian gelatto, and plenty of Ferrero Rocher chocolates. I'm very sorry that I didn't take photos of the food, but by the time it was ready (after 9:30 p.m.) everyone was so famished that we didn't even have time to set the table properly, and we only took the required family photos because if we didn't there wouldn't be any "record" of this Christmas celebrations.

In Brazil they open the presents on Christmas Eve, after the Christmas supper (ceia, we call it), but because of the children we decided to do it in the morning like the Americans. Everyone was up between 7:30-8, but we didn't get started until 11 because we wanted my youngest BIL, who was in Brazil, to watch everything online and it took forever to set up the connection. He did get to watch and even figured in the family photo, on the computer screen. There were TONS of presents and barely room to see the fireplace:

But we lit a fire anyway:

Opening the presents was fun, particularly because my oldest (4 years 9 months) was so excited, not only about his own presents, but also about everyone else's. It will be great when all four cousins (and any additions) are old enough to enjoy it fully. I went overboard this year and bought many presents for the boys -- most train themed. A huge 150 piece Thomas set (plastic, motorized) -- you can see his reaction in the photo below-- and a generic wooden set (photo below too) with several additions (a large shed, a bridge, a stop sign, a "rotary"). My youngest got trucks (two garbage trucks and a small trailer truck) and a Bob the builder set, and both got several DVDs.We enjoyed being together with family on the 25th and 26th and came back home that night tightly packed in the car because my BIL and SIL came with us since she was going to the MLA with me. On Friday, my poor SIL had a accident with our car. I felt terrible sorry for her. You can read what happened at her blog. On Saturday my husband went to pick up my youngest BIL in New York (with a rental car, just in case) and in the afternoon my oldest BIL and his family arrived, so the four brothers were finally together. On Sunday, while I cooked lunch and prepared for the New Year's eve dinner, my husband, kids and the two youngest BILs and wives went to Kelly Drive to run and bike. My SIL is a runner and her husband caught on and has since ran a marathon and a half marathon. My youngest BIL, is planning to join them on Houston's half marathon next Sunday -- I wish him luck! So they went to run and meanwhile my husband took the boys on the bicycle trailer and my youngest SIL biked in my bike. I was very jealous because we planned to do that all summer and ended up not going -- I have yet to bike on Kelly Drive :(

My father- and mother-in-law were driving from Massachusetts after their afternoon church service, so we planned a very late (3-4 pm) lunch and they arrived at 11:30 p.m., just as dinner was being served! The kids had taken extra long naps and were still awake, so we got to take a few full family photos, right around midnight -- an important thing, since my BIL and SIL from Texas flew back home in the morning of the 1st and the full family was together only for a few hours. Edited to add: I prepared vegetarian "chicken" Stroganoff, zucchini lunch (a kind of zucchini "soufflé"), rice, steamed broccoli salad, a tossed salad (we had salad on Christmas too), guaraná, and for dessert a dish with a condensed-milk based cream topped with fresh strawberries and melted chocolate (yummy!) and two kinds of Brazilian panettone: chocolate and regular.

On New Year's day we just hung out and the brothers and their father played games -- their favorite thing to do together. My youngest pretended to play Sudoku with his uncles:
And my oldest played UNO with the grown ups for the very first time and he actually won several rounds! For a few days all he wanted to do was to play cards with me, but now he has gone back to playing with his trains. Oh, and talking about trains, it was quite easy for my husband to look after the boys during the MLA because they played with their new train sets all day long!Well, that's it for now, this post is too long already, but I hope you enjoy it, as well as the photos. I'm still planning on doing the second and final post about Christmas trees, so that should be up soon :)
P.S. If anyone is curious to see the other photos I talk about, send me an email and I can give you the link to my family photos website.

Sick & Cute Photos

First, the weather. The thermometer outside my kitchen marked a minimum of 62.6 F/ 17 C since midnight yesterday and a maximum of 75.2 F/ 24 C today!!! Right now, it's 70 F. I opened most windows and I can't wait to spend some time outdoors, even with the strong winds. I wanted to go out there with the boys, though, and they're not here.

Yeah, I have the stomach flu and I'm home alone while my family is in church, finishing their desserts at the potluck lunch. I'm guessing that it's a virus that my second brother-in-law passed along, since he was sick between Christmas and New Year's while he was here. My oldest sister-in-law (not his wife) was sick on New Year's Eve too, so it may be the same bug. I'm just hoping against hope that the boys don't catch it. After a not so good night (I vomited at 4 a.m. -- I don't really like to say "puke" or "barf") and a positively horrible morning (I was nauseated and had some diarrhea), I started feeling better at 10 a.m. and I slept from 11-2:30. I've eaten half an apple and will cook some plain rice, so I think I'm fine now (hopefully).

So, to cheer you and I up, I decided to end this post with two cute photos of my boys and their cousins, taken on New Year's Eve:

Clean Laundry

This week I was finally able to do something I wanted to have done before my guests were here and not after they left: I organized my linen closet.
On second thought, it's much easier and it makes more sense to do it after using and laundering most sheets and towels, though. You can probably tell that I like pastel colors and floral prints. I learned to fold towels "studying" the way they do it at department stores ;)

I wish I could write a nice haiku, like those of Cloudscome, or a poem about my clean laundry, but I just haven't been writing any poetry lately (in the past year or longer), which is very sad. Well, at least I hope you like the photo!

SCARY! It's 16 C/ 60.8 F Outside at 8 p.m.

I'm positively scared with the weather. It's just not right. It's true that we enjoyed playing in the backyard on Wednesday and Thursday, and I was able to work on the yard and the garden a bit, but it's just too warm for this time of the year.

I saw An Inconvenient Truth a month or so ago and I was slightly alarmed (mostly because I already knew many of the facts discussed by Al Gore), but this? 16 C/ 60 F on an early January night? Downright scary. How can some people still think that global warming is not an alarming reality and that action needs to be taken right now?

Jody has documented how her crocus bulbs are sending out shoots already. Mine are too, and I live many hundred miles North of her in Southeastern PA. Not only the crocus, but the tulips too. And some poppies that I planted last Spring are still thriving. I have seen trees and some gardens with flowers on them. What next?

Edited to add: Cloudscome, who lives here too, just posted a photo of a cherry tree that's blooming.

A Reluctant Prospective Immigrant Now Reluctant to Go Back "Home"

I'm having a hard time concentrating on my work tonight (I have started to work on the dissertation every night after my husband comes back from work).

This evening hubby and I had some time to talk in the car and as we thought about job applications and interviews he said: "You know, if I don't get any offers, we may have to go back to Brazil."

Whoa! Really? I hadn't been thinking about that at all.

It hadn't really dawned on me that this was/is a very real possibility. I just found out that while all these years (over 10) I didn't really care too much about life in the U.S. and I was very reluctant about becoming an immigrant, now it seems that I do really want to live here after all. When the imminence of having to leave (maybe forever) presents itself, all of a sudden I discover that I don't know if I want to go back. However, I just may have to.

You see, there is a job offer. The only one so far. The college that supported us for six years (and then "released" us from any further obligation to go back) would like us to go back and teach there if we so desire. My parents (who lives there) are "desperate" for us to go back, of course. Our friends would also love to have us back there. It wouldn't be bad... except perhaps for my husband, who would probably have to stop researching and have to concentrate on teaching or administration. One thing he keeps saying is that "people would value us a lot there" with the Ph.D., all these years abroad and all. True, but is that the main point? Is that really important? I don't really care too much about what people think, I want to be happy and value myself. I know we might be "more useful" there (no Thomas the train reference this time, I don't feel like being humorous at all), but would we feel more "fulfilled" by our work?

In addition, I feel very torn about living in Brazil. I have become very critical of the superficiality of life there. People care about appearances way too much. Everyone wants and feels like they have to look beautiful. This involves wearing the right things, doing manicures and straightening one's hair every weak (it's EXTREMELY cheap, mind you). The media (mostly TV and one main channel) "rules" people's lives, particularly the lower classes. People don't read (of course, education is one of the country's main problems) and consequently the news media (magazines and TV reports) is very superficial. There are so many things!

Of course I feel the same way about various things in the U.S., such as the rampant consumerism, the emphasis on having big houses, big cars, tons of things, eating junk, watching lots of TV, etc. But I have come to value the access to knowledge that we have here. There books just about everything. "Scientifically minded" books, not the self-help books that pile the Brazilian bookstores and make many authors famous overnight. These are just some of the things, the main ones. I know I could still buy the books (I don't know if I could afford them, which I may not) and keep in touch with people via blogging and online communities... but, I'm sure I'd miss things like Mother Talk salons, a lot. Oh, and don't get me started on the differences in teaching, and academic pursuits such as research, etc. there.

So, here I am, torn. And it may be a useless discussion after all if my husband does get at least one job offer (30 applications, remember?), but it doesn't hurt to start preparing myself. Steeling myself for the possibility.

The hardest things unfortunately have to do with money. I don't like to talk about money, I positively loathe it, particularly not having enough. (I edited the paragraph below to include the correct link)
BIG DIGRESSION: There was this brief discussion a while back sparked by this post from Separation of Spheres about whether families would be able to afford to have only one of them working while the other did a Ph.D. and/or took care of kids. I don't agree with the arguments brought forth by Dr. Dobson, of course, and I was more interested in the comments, particularly Sarah's (thanks for the link, BTW). All this to say that I have an answer to the question of whether it's possible to live on one income: YES, it is possible, but one has to live a very frugal life. We have been living a frugal life for many years now, since the income of two graduate students was even less than what my husband makes now. There was a period of a few years when things were better financially (it was during the period when we received support from the college in Brazil) and we got to travel to Europe and were able to buy a house, but other than that, we have been able to survive on two graduate students and now a post-doc's salary. When my brother-in-laws did his master's degree, he and his wife lived with much less and he had the added weight of paying tuition... what they did is even more amazing than what we did or have been doing. Problem is, I wasn't planning on living forever like that, penny-pinching, I was hoping that someday both of us would have reasonable paying jobs and that we'd be able to do some of the things we enjoy, like traveling a lot and buying many books :)

All right, back to the subject. In Brazil, the financial aspect would be tough. It would be extremely hard to save enough to travel abroad with the boys (and I have already been dreaming of the day I'll take them to Europe, for example), and we would basically continue living frugal lives so we could afford to save to build a house, buy and maintain a car, etc. the basics. Here it's so much easier, one just gets a mortgage -- it doesn't work like that in Brazil, interest is sky high, no one can ever get in debt (while here everyone is in debt because it's the way things work, money-wise).

OK, I'll stop. Too many things, you must be bored already, and I'm getting impatient. I need to be prepared, though, for whatever happens. Oh, I forgot to say that my husband had a phone interview today (school in Virginia) and that it went quite well. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed.

P.S. I was planning to write a more light-hearted post today, I haven't written any of those in a while, haven't I? I'll try to do so over the weekend. Oh, and I have to apologize to my husband for using this "sacred" dissertation time to write this, but I just couldn't help it. I had to get it off my chest, and it took just over half an hour, OK? ;)

The New Year is Here

Wow, we're in 2007 already. And now begins that confusing period when we say "last year" while talking about 2005 and not 2006, and when we have to adjust to not saying that I want to do this or that "next year," realizing it's "this year."

Alice recently wrote about our perception of time and this feeling that as we get older, time seems to be passing much faster than it did before. I think that this is generally true and, as she wrote, it probably happens because we have much more free time in our hands when we are children (or at least used to have) and are eager to grow up, so time seems to go by very slowly. While I can't argue that the years seem to be flying by, particularly with my boys growing up so fast, staying at home with them full time does seem to make time "slow down" a bit, similarly to those long vacations during our childhood. Of course I'm very busy and there are tons of things to do in the house, but not having external deadlines or routines to guide our lives (the boys don't go to school yet) does make the days seem very very long... I enjoyed spending a few days without the boys at the MLA, that way I got to feel like I was working, at least temporarily. I think I would enjoy to go back to work. It would do me good and the boys would enjoy going to school and daycare since I have a hard time providing a structured environment for them at home.

I'm kind of avoiding the topic, but I came here to say that I don't like New Year resolutions. I wrote a post at the end of January last year titled "Happy New Fear" and looking back, I did quite a bit of progress in 2006 and I'm comparatively happy with where I stand right now. Of course I didn't defend the dissertation yet, but it's almost fully completed. I do feel a bit worried that I still need to finish writing, editing it, and then I have to defend it, but I'm confident that this will happen. I no longer feel that overwhelming weight on my shoulders, I know I have done most of the work -- what a relief!

As for the other things that I wrote here last January, the desire to settle down in a less "temporary" location; having jobs (either me, my husband or both); making good friends, etc, these still need to happen. So, in 2007 I'm looking forward to:

- Finishing and defending the dissertation, getting my Ph.D. and, hopefully, participating of the commencement.

- Husband finding a job at a good location.

- Selling this house and buying a bigger one wherever we're going.

- Presenting at two academic conferences, my favorite, the Children's Lit Association, and an international conference that will take place in Brazil -- in Rio de Janeiro, where I haven't been in over 10 years!

- Spending at least a month in Brazil in July and going to this place called Caldas Novas, which has hot springs, and many hotels, resorts, etc, which are quite cheap.

- Going to Brazil again for Christmas and my husband's cousin's wedding in the beginning of January. I don't know if that will be possible, but I'd really love to go.

I'm sure this will be a great year, which hopefully will bring great changes to our lives. Change is good. I can't wait!

The Year in Review

I waited until today to post this meme not only because I didn't have time to do it earlier, but because I thought it would be more fitting to do it as my last post of the year. I first saw it at Raising WEG, and then Laura, Kateri and Cloudscome did it too.

The meme asks one to post the first sentence of each month's post, but I'm also including the post title, as well as links to the whole month and the post.

January: "Here in Brazil #4 Quick Update or Travels, Birthdays, and Weddings"
"I’ve been very busy over here."

February: "Amazing T-Shirt Folding Technique!!"
"OK, since I mentioned t-shirts in the previous post, it seems fitting to link to a recent post by Andi (from Mother Shock) which is indeed a "gift" to anyone who hates to fold laundry as much as I do."

March: "Of Snow and Snowmen (and Exercise : )"
"This post is over three weeks too late, since the snowstorm was three Sundays ago (2/12)... but, better late than never, I guess!"

April: "Oh Jane, dear dear Jane..."
"I'm in a state of grace right now (and I hope this expression means the same in English as it does in Portuguese)."

May: "Random Notes (Bees, Teething, Arrivals et ali)"
"On Saturday I was stung by a bee right on my left tigh, can you believe it?"

June: "Festive Weekend and Family Internationalization"
"My brother and his wife arrived on Friday to visit us for a week before they head to China, where he's going to work for at least two years as a forest engineer for a Sweedish paper company."

July: "So, it's Over for Brazil"
"I'll post soon about my gorgeous newborn nephew, but I wanted to get to the bad news first..."

August: "Calling All Academic Mothers!! Mama Ph.D. Book"
"I know most people may have already heard of this and since my readership is quite limited, I may not help much, but I wanted to get the word out, because this proposed book is literally the materialization of some of my greatest wishes!!!"

September: "I'm Back!"
"We got back from Florida this afternoon and although I'm dying to post and catch up with other people's blogs I really can't because this house is a big mess!!"

October: "Answering Your Questions!"
"You asked, so I respond."

November: "Spoke Too Soon"
"My son seemed to be better during the day, in spite of a total lack of appetite."

December: "Blogging is Very Useful Sometimes..."
".... even though it's not a blue engine."

I can't see a unifying theme in these. Some are good summaries of important events, while others are a bit random. It's certainly a fun exercise.

My blogging friend Cloudscome added a new twist to the meme: choosing a favorite photo each month. This was interesting because it made me realize that even though I do post lots of photos, there were months I posted hardly any, and when I did I tended to pack many photos into one post. I think I'll start posting single photos like Cloudscome does.

January (my mom's house - the only photos available this month)
February (cake - only photos too)
March (flowers - this month has six posts with various photos it was hard to choose)
April (flowers again, only 2 posts w/ photos this month)
May
June
July
August
September
October - hard to decide: cranberries, flowers, Central Park.
November
December (Christmas trees - only post with photos)

Happy New Year!

Looking Back at my MLA Experiences

The Job Interview
I know this is what many of you want to hear about, so I'll start with it, drawing from the notes I took Friday morning, right after it took place.

It went well, but in retrospect I know I could have done much better. It's hard not to keep thinking later of what I could have said, and, most importantly, what I forgot to say, which is very sad. I was very much myself, as Articulate Dad recommended, but I could have given more specific answers. The part in which they asked me to introduce myself was the worst, my mind went blank and I almost started mumbling. I certainly wasn't prepared enough -- I didn't do any mock-interviews. I should also have memorized a little speech, since in my introductory remarks I should have "sold" myself much better. Weak, I was weak then. It got better later, but still, as the saying goes (at least in Portuguese), first impressions are those that stay.

I have no idea whether I'll go to the next level, but I have a feeling I won't, for all the reasons I have listed above. I feel I'm too "green," but this was to be expected, since this was my very first interview ever.

Feelings About Conference Going in General
In my previous post about this topic, I expressed my enthusiasm about conferences, as well as my negative feelings about it. This is the third time I go to the MLA (01, 04, 06), and the seventh conference presentation since 2001, so I feel much more experienced in that regard.
I have come a long way from that first MLA and first conference presentation (at ChLA) back in 2001. I feel that I belong to the academic community and I'm not just dabbling in this. The knowledge that I'm about to finish the Ph.D. and all the dissertation research behind me helps a lot.

I have also realized that I have become less enthusiastic, and much more skeptical, and even cynical sometimes. I wasn't taking notes in most of the most "out there" sections, but I was still very excited about some new things I went to see (I wish I had time to talk about these at a later time, but I doubt that I will). It was a great experience overall.

Meetings
While walking through the book exhibit I met a former student, from a discussion section I led as a T.A. six years ago! I was pleasantly surprised that she remembered me at all and even the one lecture that I presented on that class. It was really nice to talk to her and about our university (oops, I almost named it!) and what she and I have been doing in the past six years.

I already mentioned that it was great to meet Laura. I did get up early yesterday to go to the blogging panel, and it was extremely interesting. It's always nice to put a face to go with the writing that we read online, even though, as "Dr. B"explained, Bitch Ph.D. is a persona, and not her, the person that was talking to us. The other bloggers in the panel were Michael Bérube (sans beard), John Holbo, and Scott Kaufman.

Later, I met a colleague from my Ph.D. program who came to do two presentations (the second of which I saw and was excellent) , and I had lunch with her, another Chinese scholar (my friend is from China) and my sister-in-law. It was great to see her again and see photos of her 16 month old daughter whom I haven't met. She got to see my sons briefly as well, as my husband was driving through downtown with my youngest brother-in-law (who arrived yesterday morning from Brazil) and stopped at the conference hotel so she could see them.

Well, it was a great conference, but I'm glad it's over and now I get to be a hostess to my three brothers-in-law and their wives, as well as my two cute nephews. My father- and mother-in-law will be driving from Massachusetts this evening and hopefully they'll be here before midnight.

Another post about the year in review is coming soon, OK? So hang on!

Quick Conference Update

For those of you who may be wondering, my presentation last night went quite well. The section was really late, from 8:45-10 p.m. so I was really tired this morning, and we had to get there 8:30 for the first section. My youngest sister-in-law is going with me, she is finishing her master's degree in English and enjoying her first MLA (she also blogs here). The other panelists were great, a woman from Iran, doing a very relevant critical analysis of Reading Lolita in Tehran (if you're interested I can summarize what she said later), and an Indian woman analyzing a story about an Indian woman who immigrates to the U.S. Oh, yeah, I can email you my topic if you want, but I try not to write about my academic work openly on the blog.

Today I was able to talk to a scholar in my area and ask him some questions after his presentation, and then, I had the great pleasure of meeting Laura (Geeky Mom) in person, we had great conversations about our dissertations and the job search, among other things. It was really nice to meet you, Laura!! I know you don't like the MLA that much, but I hope you had fun there tonight! We're hoping to see each other again on the bloggers' panel on Saturday morning, if we muster the courage of getting up early.

Well... my job interview is tomorrow morning, so I'm going to bed right now. I'll post tomorrow again, and I'm hoping it's a happy post like this one.

Edited to add:
P.S. And just to cheer me up for the job interview tomorrow, as a Sound of Music lover I have to now "publicly" sing to myself: "I have confidence in sunshine, I have confidence in rain, I have confidence the sun will shine again... besides, which you see, I have confidence in me!!!" If I don't, who will have?

Academic Conferences, Why I Love and Hate Them

I promise to be back as soon as I can with the completion of my Christmas tree post as well as some words about our Christmas, but... I really wanted to write this post before the MLA, so I can come back later and see whether what I experienced was the same or different of my current view of academic conferences.

First of all, call me naïve, overly enthusiastic, or idealistic (and I guess I am all these things), but I just love academic conferences. Except that oftentimes when I get there and see what's going on, I feel like I totally despise some aspects of them and academia. I have to say upfront though, that there's one organization I belong to whose conferences give me hardly any bad feelings: the Children's Literature Association. This is probably because the organization is small (around 1,000 members) and people who love children's literature are (generally) nice and caring :)

I love conferences because I am (and have always been) absolutely passionate about learning, research, and knowledge in general, especially new things I had never thought about. I get extremely excited when I go to conferences, I want to go to as many panels/sections as I possibly can, learn as much as possible, and I feel that I "recharge" my academic batteries when I go to one -- I feel like delving right into new research, writing and reading papers, etc. Another thing that helps is that I'm really "multivalent" -- I am interested in many different subjects and areas and I don't just want to attend panels in my major area of specialization, on the contrary, I want to explore new things, new perspectives. I guess that ideally, that's what academic conferences should be all about. Except that... those are generally not the main reasons why many people attend them, and I'm not talking just of the job market aspect of having job interviews at the MLA because all other conferences don't have that in them.

Some of the things that I definitely hate in academic conferences is that they're organized primarily so that people can fulfill their requirements, enrich their CVs for either getting a job or tenure. Organizing conferences, chairing panels, giving invited talks, presenting papers, are all "requirements" of academic life, and I understand that this is the main reason why these conferences exist in the first place, which in and of itself is not bad. Except that when people are participating merely for fulfilling their requirements or padding their CVs, they only care about their own panels, and their own "friends," colleagues and area of specialization and don't "look around" at all to see what's going on with other people in the conference. I have a feeling that academic conferences (at least in the humanities) are not really as much for "advancing knowledge" as they are about getting together with the same people from your area, like "preaching to the choir" in the sense that people go there to talk to people who already know all about what they're doing and people who aren't already "in" feel left out and ignored.

I remember my first MLA in 2000 (Washington D.C.). I had been a graduate student for two years and took advantage of the fact that I have an uncle who lives in D.C. (now I have my BIL too) to go. So while my husband enjoyed his visit to the White House to see the very last Christmas decorations put up by Hillary Clinton, I enthusiastically went to the conference (as a result, I've never been to the White House). I attended primarily children's literature and Brazilian literature sections, and in the latter, I felt that the people there were part of a private, closed "club." They knew each other and were there to support each other's work. Of course this was more acute to me because as a Brazilian I know how people of my country (re)act. I also know that academic Brazilians are not the most agreeable people in the world -- on the contrary, they're often very snobbish and "exclusivist" (spell check is not recognizing this word, it might be a "transfer" from Portuguese -- do you get what I mean? Please let me know what a better word would be and I'll edit it).

This past October I went to my first conference of Brazilian studies, a fairly small interdisciplinary conference, which partly explains some of the problems that it had. Many panels had no attendees at all, or only one or two, like ours. This is very sad when people come all the way from Brazil to present (like my friend). The same happened at the MLA two years ago, though, some of the panels I went to on the last day of the conference had very few attendees. I understand that sections in the early morning or in the first and last day are harder for people to go to, but still, poor attendance also shows that when a subject is not fashionable, or is in a more "marginal" area like Brazilian literature, there aren't enough people interested in it. On the other hand, try to go to a talk by Toni Morrison, Spivak or any big names, and you will have to sit on the floor...

I know, it's like everything else in the world, you have the pop stars and the rest of us regular people... there are the movies who please the academy and get Oscars (and they often reflect the interests of those who vote for them) and there are the other films from around the world that are mere curiosities... I understand that, but it still makes me sad. Ideally, there would be room for everyone in the academic world, but one has to try and fit in. One has to try and work with a fashionable topic to be competitive in the job market. Then, there are the many things one has to do to get tenure... The person who was going to present after me at the MLA is not coming because she has to finish her book manuscript for publication... poor person, torn between two things that may help her get tenure, having to drop the "weaker" one.

I should be working on polishing my paper now, but I'm here writing this instead. I haven't decided whether I'll go meet the famous academic bloggers who are presenting on Saturday morning. I feel ambivalent about it... they don't know who I am, they're "pop stars" as far as I am concerned, and I don't want to be just a "fan," I want to be heard too... that's why I'm here in the first place.

But when I present at academic conferences, when I get published in the small journal that is the only one I have published in so far, I don't feel like I'm being heard at all. There are just too many voices and not all of them matter. Why then are we here? The folks in physics, chemistry, medicine, engineering, they may be really "advancing science," but what are we doing, those of us in the humanities, those of us who study literature?

So on the one hand, when I go to academic conferences I feel stimulated by all the new things I learn, I may meet a new person or two who share similar interests (really, I haven't met many more than that), and I truly love to be able to see what other people are doing and working on. On the other hand, I feel absolutely overwhelmed by how many of us there are, how little the work of every one of us matters to the others -- see, I do care, but the great majority doesn't. They have their own concerns, they're worried about their own papers, the job interview, the tenure requirements, the fashionable subjects, you name it, but there's not room for other people's new ideas.

Well, I just don't know what to do with all these feelings, but it does feel good to express them. Maybe this time it will be different? Maybe I have felt left out before because I wasn't presenting? Or maybe I'll feel even more left out because of that very reason, because I'm presenting but not really being heard. Well, I'll let you know either way. And I'm not worried about my own presentation. For one I'm not afraid of talking in public and I feel prepared. Second, I know that it doesn't really matter whether my presentation is good or bad, people won't really be listening, it doesn't really matter in the end... it's just a line in my CV, and I hate that idea (well, except perhaps if someone from the search committee which is interviewing me comes to see me, but I doubt that anyone will). I could go on, and on, in circles, so I'll stop.

P.S. Speaking of conferences, I know it would all be well if I were rooming with, or meeting up with Jo(e). Even if I had to be subjected to a nude photo section. I'm sure some people (for various reasons) don't face these dilemmas in academic conferences and have just endless fun. Someday... someday... after I have a job and the kids are grown and I have funds to go to conferences again, so I don't have to limit myself to those that are close by, like this year's MLA, or in places where I have aunts and uncles. (When I was still teaching I did have some funding and got to do some nice traveling, though).

Christmas Trees - Part I

We're spending Christmas with my husband's family and everyone but my youngest brother-in-law is here in my oldest BIL's house (he'll be here next weekend, though). I was helping to clean the kitchen, but I really want to try and write a post. I spent the whole week yearning to write, but life was just too hectic -- I'll fill you in on the details on another post.

I decided to write about Christmas trees after I read Joe's post about her Christmas tree philosophy from almost a month ago. The reason why I didn't post earlier was that I wanted to include photos of past Christmas trees and some of them needed to be scanned. As for Jo(e)'s post, I wrote in her comments' section:

I really like your philosophy, although we unfortunately don't have heirloom ornaments because my mom never cared for Christmas trees and the kids haven't made any yet -- my boys are a bit young, don't go to pre-school and don't like crafts very much. I started buying ornaments in 1995 after I got married and have added quite a few since then (not nearly enough to fill a whole tree, though).

I do like to color coordinate some of the tree decorations, though (since I do have to buy extra stuff because I don't have enough ornaments). One year I had light pink, lavender, and mint green bows and glass balls, plus the other "regular" ornaments, and the other years I do the traditional red, green and white decoration (bows, candy canes, etc).

The time of this post couldn't have been better because I have a question for you, since you do know more about environmentalism than I do. Leaving the discussions of a good smelling beautiful real tree versus the simetrically perfect artificial tree aside, what would the "environmentally correct" thing to do, get a live tree every year or an artificial one?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. A live tree has to be thrown out (good thing it's completely biodegradable), but it spends all its growing years producing oxygen, etc... and it might not have been planted had it not been the demand for Christmas tree. The fake ones will polute the environment after they're discarded many years from now, but they'll "save" trees from being cut down (will they really, though?).

And Jo(e) responded:

Lilian: A real tree is the ecological choice.

I could buy an artificial tree made from plastic (usually polyvinyl chloride) and metal, shipped all the way here from some place like Hong Kong, and it would end up in a landfill in less ten years. Or, I could drive a few miles from my house, to buy a tree that will be in my house for a few weeks, and then turned to mulch. With a real tree, nothing needs to end up in the landfill.

In my area, the profit from Christmas trees is a critical source of income that allows small farmers to hang onto their land, rather than selling it to developers. The trees are often planted on hillsides and pockets of land where other crops can't grow. The trees, while they are growing, do all the kinds of good things that trees do: providing oxygen, helping retain soil, reducing air pollution, providing habitat wildlife. For each tree cut down by a family for their Christmas tree, the tree farmer plants two or three seedlings.

In communities here, leftover Christmas trees are gathered up by the DPW and chopped into mulch, which we can then take free for our gardens in the spring.

I most certainly would not have an artificial tree in a household with small children or pets, since lead is used to stabilize the polyvinyl chloride. The possibility of lead exposure is slight, but it's there. At least, that is what a chemistry grad student explained to me.

Well, good thing that all the trees I've had were real trees, including the one I bought in planted a pot as part of my wedding reception decoration (more on this on a post that's coming up). We planted that one later between the the two buildings of the elementary schools where we used to teach in Brazil. Unfortunately they decided to build on that site and the tree no longer exists.

When I was growing up in Brazil, we never spent Christmas at home. My parents, who worked at a boarding academy, took advantage of the one month of end of the year break to go to the beach with my maternal grandparents, since Christmas time and the week after was the only time my uncle's beach house was available for us to use. I've always loved Christmas and wanted to celebrate it properly, so I was very sad to be at a beach house. One year I was yearning for a Christmas tree so much that I just cut off a branch of a common tree (not even an evergreen) and cut out little balls out of colored paper to make decorations. There was one memorable year (1982, I think) in which we stayed home. My brother and I were so excited! We cut off a large branch of a Brazilian pine tree (araucaria brasiliensis), and put it in a paint can full of sand to make a tree for the living room. We also made small trees for our bedrooms with smaller branches and tiny glass balls. That was one of my favorite Christmas ever. Later, when my grandpa died (when I was 15) and we no longer went to the beach with my grandparents, we spent several Christmas at my aunt's house and I loved to help her decorate the tree. After we got married, I kept the potted Christmas tree from my wedding so I could decorate it for our first Christmas together (even though we spent Christmas elsewhere).

After we moved to the U.S., on our third year here (1999), we had the visit of my "middle" brother-in-law and my husband's cousin, so we decided to get a Christmas tree. It was the only time we went to a field to choose one and had it cut -- it was such a lovely experience! (Sorry I didn't scan a photo of this one, maybe I'll add one later). Then, the next tree was for the 2001 Christmas, when I was pregnant and my three brothers-in-law, and one SIL came to celebrate with us (for 2 years, my in-laws' four sons lived here in the U.S., now only the youngest is back in Brazil). This was the year I decided to do a pink, green, and gold tree:












In the following year, Christmas was at our house again, this time with my mother- and father-in-law who got their wish of a (very) white Christmas, as a snowstorm hit Massachusetts right on Christmas day. We had nine month old Kelvin (the first grandson on both sides of the family) to entertain us (and to entertain), and it was great. (I promise to add a photo of the baby later, OK?). That year I went back to more traditional red (with apple ornaments and bows), white and green tree decorations:












I put up our tree over two weeks ago and I just realized that I don't have any photos in my camera's memory stick as I thought I had and I didn't upload them to the laptop either, so I'll be able to post pictures of this year's tree only two days from now. So I'll leave you with a photo of my SIL's tree, decorated mostly with my own ornaments, which are slowly becoming heirlooms!
So "tomorrow" (I'm actually writing past midnight, but started the post a bit earlier), I'll let you know how the kids liked their presents. I know, I didn't post about that, but I bought them long ago, and they were all wrapped over 10 days ago... not that I didn't have to get some last minute gifts last week. Well, but more on that later. I have to go to bed, it's past 2 a.m. and tomorrow is going to be a looong day, even longer than today, where I spent 6 hours helping to cook the Christmas Eve dinner with my sister-, brother-, and mother-in-law.

I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas is having a wonderful day!! I have yet to send our e-newsletter to our friends and family. Sigh... too many things going on in our lives lately.

Oh, and did you know I have a paoer presentation to finish up for Wednesday night? And did you know I had a job interview on Friday morning? Yeah. Do send lots of good thoughts my way, if you will...