Friday, December 05, 2014

Working Through the Holidays

You know... I'm not sure I can write 44 posts in the coming days because I desperately need to work like crazy all through the holidays. I still don't know HOW -- because there are finals and grading and our children's Christmas program and our 20th wedding anniversary (we want to go to a beautiful hotel for a couple of days) and, of course Christmas and family to go visit in Florida.

HOWEVER, I need to translate hundreds of pages of a super highly technical manual. Because I need the thousands of dollars they will pay me after I'm done. :-(

Mercenary freelance work like this is hard and nearly impossible for ADHD me. :-( Seriously. I needed medication to be able to do this, but I don't think I'll go that route just yet (only for a "real" job which I won't ever have, most probably).

Anyway. Please wish me luck, please urge me on to go and work. "Think about the money!!!" you should be screaming at me -- please do!

Because I just can't get motivated, even with the money. I'm just a lazy creature, it seems. I know I should blame it on the ADD, but sometimes I can't. It's easier to think that I'm just a bad person. And my poor son feels the same way -- I don't know how to help him and how to help myself (sadly, therapy isn't helping me at all. I'm not very good at following suggestions, or even "orders" from anyone).

What a horribly written post, but I'll put it out there anyway. I'm sure that's part of the reason why nobody reads this old blog anyway -- horrible writing, too much talking from an annoying ADHD brain. Sigh... I know those who are still around don't feel that way, but it's hard not to think like that.

OK, I'm just trying to get myself motivated to work. I will come back later and let you know how it went. Maybe it will help. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayer. You don't know how hard it is for me to try to work on something that is so boring and tiresome. :-(

P.S. And the worst thought is that I'm so tired, I work so hard, I deserve to have a break and to have holidays, but I just CANNOT because I was hired to this job, I'm many months behind schedule (for many reasons, the main one being my incapacity of just getting down to working on this) and I need to do it to help my family financially. Thankfully my husband says he will help -- but he is also busy and should be writing academic papers, not doing this. Sigh...

BTW. the last day of teaching was yesterday, but I can't even sleep in, I need to work.

1 comment:

What Now? said...

This is a comment/question coming entirely from ignorance: Do you not want to take ADHD medication because it has side effects you don't want? Would there be benefits of such medication for your life in general? It sounds like you'd consider medication for a "real job" but not for your current work, but it also sounds like your current work is making you pretty miserable because of the ADHD. I'm not pushing medication, just wondering!