One Year Ago: New Eyes

June is almost over, but before it's gone, I want to commemorate the fact that last year in June I had LASIK surgery and experienced a "modern (medical) miracle" that made my life incredibly better! It happened on June 7 and while my vision was perfect right away, it took me a while to stop seeing glare and halos.

I never described the surgery in detail here in the blog, but it was very quick and painless. (here are all the posts that mention the surgery, starting with the reason why I decided to have it). I'm sure Jo(e)'s description of her surgery is probably better written, but I'll try anyway (and I won't re-read hers until I'm done).

First I was given Valium to relax and after about 10-15 minutes I walked to the room where the surgery was going to take place. My husband sat outside the closed door which had a glass window so he was able to see the whole surgery (shudder!). The room was fairly small.

I laid down on a "bed" covered in synthetic material, under lots of fancy medical equipment. Then, the doctor put these "clamps" to keep my eyes open (comparable to the one used in a gynecological exam, but much smaller and made of plastic [synthetic material], not cold metal) and the room was darkened. The clamps didn't hurt, but felt weird because we never keep our eyes open for long, we're always blinking.

The doctor put anesthetic drops in one of my eyes and then shone a light on it (red?) and then he cut the cornea to make a flap.  I could still see (and it wasn't strange), but I didn't feel any pain. The doctor then lifted the flap and told me that he was going to shine the laser. Meanwhile, he kept talking to his assistant and moving the machines and there was soft music playing in the room -- I always think that's a bit strange, but I quickly thought that it must be boring for the assistant and the doctor to be in that dark room all day, so they can listen to music, that's OK.

The laser made a whirring sound and I smelled something burning and that was the moment in which everything went dark in that eye. The doctor said that it was just the smell of the machine or something, but I'm pretty sure I could smell burning flesh from my eye. Shudder. Then soon after the doctor put the  cornea flap down and I think that by then I could see a bit in that eye.

The whole procedure was repeated in the other eye (left?) and then it was over. I could still see, but things were pretty foggy and strange. I got up and went to the doctor's office with my husband. I waited for them to check my eyes for about 20 minutes to half an hour. I don't remember if K left the room to check on the boys or not (they stayed in the car outside -- it was parked in the shade & they were playing on their iPads or watching something).

After a while the doctor came to check me and the assistant gave me a schedule of medication, checked whether I had bought all the eye-drops (I think I actually had to bring them with me to the surgery) and then gave me the shields & sticky tape and instructions on how to put it on as well as dark sunglasses. I was told to take a three hour nap as soon as I got home and only then to use my eyes.

We had over an hour drive to get home, though. I wore the sunglasses and tried to keep my eyes closed, but I couldn't help but try to look at things. We even stopped at Costco on the way home and it was really strange to look at the lights with this strange halo around them (it wasn't as bad outside, even with sun and bright light).

I did take the three hour nap when I got home (I'm guessing that the Valium made it easier to sleep) and I could see a bit more clearly then. The next morning we went to the doctor (this time we left the boys with a friend so I could have a meeting at the university -- I had just received a job offer, remember?) and my vision was pronounced better than perfect (20/15) and they took a photo of me and the doctor and gave me a T-shirt (?).

I had a strict routine of eye-drops and the only thing I think they did wrong was not recommending that I purchase the thicker "gel" lubricating drops (I guess I didn't have a problem producing tears, that's why they didn't recommend it). The problem I had was the following: whenever I slept I woke up with horrible pain from dried up eyes -- they eyelids were "sticking" to the eyeball and it really hurt! THis happened because I couldn't wake up and put the drops in the middle of the night, so it was helpful to use the stronger "gel" drops.

One really annoying thing (which I still experience when I put eye-drops before sleep) is getting up with eyes full of dried up eye-drops... sigh... and that went on for months because they recommended I keep using eye-drops to sleep (good advice).

The halos (caused by the cutting of the cornea to make a flap) were visible during the day when looking at lights and the sun and very strong during the night, but they slowly... over a period of two months... went away. The "starburst" lights at night lasted longer and in one of my eyes they still appear.

Other than the halo (also present when watching TV and looking at the computer screen) and the starburst effect, and maybe a bit of sensitivity to light in the very beginning, there were no other side-effects.

Is there anything you'd like to know about having LASIK?

It's definitely the best thing I've ever done, especially considered that I hate glasses and I was forced to wear them because of the GPC (giant papillary conjunctivitis).

But now I wait for my need to wear reading glasses (BOOOO!)... I hope I can have one or two more years, but... at nearly 42, I know it probably won't be long. :( Do you have to wear reading glasses?

20/15

Last week I had my last eye-doctor visit after having LASIK surgery back in June and I was told that I have 20/15 vision (better than the standard 20/20 vision). Isn't that great?

So the "modern day miracle" of this surgery really did work!! Yeah, there are a lot of things that money can't buy, but getting rid of contacts and eye-glasses isn't one of them (for those who qualify for the surgery)! ;)

I will be paying for the next two years... 137 dollars per month, but I think that it's more than worth it! If only I didn't have to dread the days I will need reading glasses! Sigh... ;)

Facing Fears... Home Alone! :(

This who I am... a "realist" or... as some like to call it "pessimistic realist"... my husband can't stand this trait of mine and I know that he'll have no patience whatsoever for me if I say anything at all about the surgery. Especially considering we're going to be paying money that we don't have for it. Sigh... 

So please indulge me in this hopefully short and pathetic "fear fest" while my three boys are away having fun at a water park (surgery precluded me from going. I am slightly happy for saving the money, but... my situation is not ideal for being alone right now).

Fears:

- the long drive, being too exhausted, the danger inherent in driving which will be basically tripled (every day when I drive back home I think about how dangerous it is to drive a car, but we often don't think about the risk);

- having permanent damage to my eyes, like some astigmatism (I know, I should have given more thoughts to the risks before the surgery, not after);

- losing this new job after one year and not having the old one anymore;

- continuing problems using the computer/looking at screens or the slight glare and that I'm experiencing now (this one makes me despair because I generally use the computer a lot, both for work and for leisure);

- the challenges of the new job and the feeling of intimidation of being at a more prestigious place (this is actually not a bad thing at all, right?);

yeah... I'm sure there are more, but so far, this is a pretty short fear-fast, aren't you glad?

Now I'm going to try and watch a film or two... even though the subtitles (which I don't completely need, since I know French, but which I read anyway) are slightly out of focus/ "glare-y."

Headache(s)

I don't know if it's because I spent too much time in the sun this afternoon (my son had a birthday party at a pond -- I wore sunglasses the whole time) or if the glare from the computer screen is bothering my eyes (I have it dimmed as much as possible and I'm wearing sunglasses right now!), but I had an uncomfortable headache this evening. I'm feeling better and I'm hoping that my eyes will adjust soon and that I won't have trouble using the computer.

Then, of course there's the continuing headache of this position I've been offered. I literally spent the day either actively "working" on it... calling my dept. chair in Europe, calling a friend who has taught a class at the university, writing emails to friends and drafting the all-important email to the other department head... or talking about this headache with my friends and with K. I'm getting sick and tired of this and will be glad once it's all over...

[I'll add links later] I just wanted to make a quick correction to Friday's email (because of Spanish Professor's comment -- thank you so much, BTW, and thanks to everyone else that took the time to comment, or email me): it was my department's secretary (not my chair) who had an enthusiastic reaction. I didn't talk to my chair until this morning and she was, understandably, pretty upset -- but she immediately said that the university cannot offer me a full-time position, as I imagined she would say. I hope I can help her find a suitable replacement. In fact, we spent a lot of time today brainstorming who -- among the people we know -- could come and teach these classes. We even called a couple of people!

OK, I have to try and finish the (new) chair's email and send it. K is reading my draft now... I have a lot of questions for her, I hope I can find the right kind of language to ask them!

I'm exhausted and headache-y, so I have to go, but I'll keep you guys posted.

Sticky...

edited in 10/23/13 to remove links at the request of medical equipment vendor Allegro Medical (I hope I can mention them, this is no link!) I'd linked to them myself, they weren't paid links, but they're having trouble with Google so I removed the links.
 
I have to wear shields like these for sleeping:

And I secure them to my face with surgical tape (3M's Transpore)...

The tape just won't come off my face, though and I've been pretty sticky in the last few days. Yesterday I tried soap, moisturizer and vaseline, but it didn't work. Today I googled how to remove surgical adhesive and one link told me to use either oil or rubbing alcohol (which would dissolve the tape). I went straight for the isopropyl alcohol, and rubbed and rubbed my face with a cotton pad. It helped some, but I was still mostly sticky.

That's when I went to 3M's website and found out that this particular tape (which is used for keeping tubing in face after surgeries other medical procedures) does NOT dissolve in alcohol!

One thing this Q & A document suggested was using a medical grade adhesive remover or moisturizer (I tried the moisturizer already!) to remove the tape.

I don't want to spend 26+ dollars on an adhesive remover like this one
{this link & the next ones were removed at the request of the online vendor}, but maybe I'll need to! :(

HEY!! There are wipes that don't cost too much -- the problem is that it's a box of 50, if sold individually, they'd be 1.02 each...  I wonder if I can find these wipes in a pharmacy, since I can't really wait several days to get rid of the stickiness in my face. Sigh...

You know... I will email/call my LASIK provider and tell them that if they always use the 3M Transpore (they give us a small roll), they should include a few pouches of the adhesive remover for us patients -- that would make their care even greater. Maybe they'll listen to me and future patients can have an easier, less sticky post-operative week.

20/15 Vision

That means I see better than 20/20 (which is a weird way to describe vision for me to begin with. According to this, it's 20/20 because the normal length of a vision testing room is 20 ft. long).

I really can see absolutely perfectly and that's awesome! More about the surgery later (the most annoying thing is having to put drops in my eyes all the time, particularly the lubricating ones, which I need to feel comfortable)... now I have to blog about something else.

(sigh)...

Incredible: Modern Miracle

I can see!!

I shouldn't be writing, I need to go down for my 3h nap, but I couldn't resist blogging. I'll describe the whole thing in more detail later, in case someone is interested.

Off We Go...

... I'm not nervous at all and I hope everything will go smoothly (and quickly).

I hope to be able to blog again by the end of the day, we'll see!

Last night I felt slightly panicky for a few moments and also guilty for spending all this money on an elective procedure, but the feelings passed quickly.

Now I just hope that my adhd forgetfulness will not interfere with putting drops in my eyes every two hours and then 4 times a day for a week. I've been told by other LASIK patients that the lubricating drops are particularly important. I've already been using them for a week, but less than faithfully at times.

All right, gotta go now!

It's The Day Before...

... my LASIK surgery. Bright and early tomorrow at 8:45 (which means we have to leave home at 7 am).

Since I have been posting so little on the blog lately -- and I'm afraid I'll have trouble catching up in the second half of the year -- I want to post a lot today.

I am slightly nervous, but not really. The doctor said they give us a Valium before surgery so we can relax... I've never taken one or anything like it, so I don't know how it will feel and I was thinking of saying I didn't want to take it.

What do you think, Valium or no Valium?*

*I just checked the NIH site on it. I had no idea it was also used to treat IBS (which I have -- my IBS could be bad tomorrow morning from waking up so early, that's for sure).

P.S. it might be good to be drowsy, since I've been told that the best thing to do is just to sleep afterwards since one can't read or do anything else. Sigh...

Tonight I saw the first firefly

Tonight I saw the first firefly this almost summer
The moon already shining
My vision still clouded from my dilated pupils

If I were a poet, this would be a real poem
I think, instead, of how next week,
I'll see twilight with new eyes

And I hope there will be more fireflies, not just one.

Scheduled... or Kissing Contact Lenses Goodbye (after 22 years!)

... if you've been wondering about last Friday, you might be surprised, or maybe not, but I scheduled my LASIK surgery for next week on Thursday.

I can't say I'm not a tiny bit apprehensive, but it's not like this was an impulsive, last minute decision on our part. I do feel somewhat bad for having bought a new pair of eyeglasses, but insurance covered most of it and in the end it cost about $100. Moreover -- that was my reasoning before, in case I were to have surgery -- I needed a good pair of glasses to be able to wear them non-stop before the surgery and I'm happy with them.

As for deciding, ever since my eyes were affected by really bad "giant papillary conjunctivitis" back in 2010, I knew that the only way out of wearing glasses for the rest of my life was eye-surgery and I discussed that here in the blog a few months ago.

When I learned about the cost after my examination by the doctor, I thought that that the surgery isn't that expensive, at a bit more than 3K, and K agreed when I called him. We mulled over it during the long weekend and decided to go ahead. We are going to pay in 24 months without interest through a special credit card from -- coincidentally -- the same bank that's our mortgage lender.

It's hard to believe that I will never again put a contact lens in my eyes... after 22 years and countless contact-lens themed nightmares... every kind of nightmare you can imagine. Giant soft lenses that I had to wash because they were full of sandy dust, ripping contacts, lost and missing contacts, you name it. It was a recurring nightmare (with multiply variations) that I had to put up with.

I hope that I don't get to have nightmares about LASIK! My friend who did it last July with the same doctor says she has them once in a while. (She recommended our current optometrists and this doctor -- he's the guy who did surgery on Tiger Woods -- my friend knows that because her prescription was really complicated, very similar to Woods' and the doctor commented on that).

My biggest concern is the requirement of not touching my eyes AT ALL for one whole week after surgery, but I'm practicing not doing that now, so hopefully I'll be "trained" by the time the surgery is here. I also want to buy some nice sunglasses and wear them often in the week after the surgery in order to protect my eyes.

Sigh...

I'll keep you posted, OK?

P.S. and I'll try to come back later and tell you about the busiest weekend EVER! ;)

LASIK Visit & Test Drive

Today I have an appointment to verify whether I'm an eligible candidate to have LASIK surgery. I'm glad that they don't charge for this visit as I don't know if I'm going to be able to have the procedure done anytime soon. I just want to know whether I'll be able to do it someday and take advantage of the fact that I haven't been wearing contacts for a month (one can't wear them for at least two weeks before this evaluation).

This short trip will also serve as a "test drive" for my long commute if I were to get the job I applied for. The commute is the only undesirable thing about this job, but it is in fact a "big" thing, since it not only means that I'll spend tons of time on the road, but away from my sons as well (not to mention money on gas).

So, let's see how the visit & the drive go. I don't feel very enthusiastic about them right now, unfortunately... sigh. And maybe I should have asked to teach a class this summer because I'm really depressed not to have a paycheck right now. I hope we can survive these summer months on one paycheck and still have funds left over to pay our credit cards. :(

Would you do LASIK @ 40?

I actually wanted to title this post something like "Cranky Lilian is Back, with the eye & eyeglasses trouble," but it was too unwieldy and negative.

The truth is: I can't stand wearing eye-glasses. They make me beyond cranky and depressed because I'm constantly reminded me of my physical "handicap" of having poor vision. Not to mention that they are uncomfortable, a pain to wear with hats in winter, get smeared & foggy, etc.

I don't like glasses because I never had to wear them, since I was blessed with good vision for the first 18 years of my life and then wore contacts for the 22 years after that. Well, except for the nearly 6-7 months I was forced to avoid wearing lenses last year (because of this, you'll recall), a period in which I was always cranky and upset too, but I tried not to express those feelings in the blog.

The problem is that when I'm wearing contacts, I act like I have good vision & wear them for 16 hours straight (for as long as I'm awake, which most nights is very late, like 1-2 am). I suspect that this is what caused my GPC in the first place. You'd think I'd learned my lesson after having a "sick eye" for most of last year and then having it finally heal, but no! :(

I will probably have to go back to my new doctors -- optometrists this time because the ophthalmologist plain LIED to me about GPC's connection to contact lenses (as I wrote on the post linked to above, he said it had nothing to do with lenses, which left me flabbergasted) -- and get my GPC treated.

I wonder, though, should I even consider getting LASIK*? At 40? (when the chances of needing reading glasses increase every year). It annoys me that to even consider it I have to wear contacts for at least two weeks before the doctor's visit to check surgery eligibility. One good thing is that I don't have to pay for the visit! One other thing to consider is that the surgery is risky, am I willing to run this risk just so I can ditch the glasses for a few years?

After I buy new, more comfortable, eyeglasses, I think I will schedule an appointment. Let's see. One thing is certain, if I new I could safely treat and, most of the time, prevent GPC, I wouldn't even give LASIK another thought because I'm really OK with contacts and I don't mind having cloudy vision in the morning... I can read without glasses or contacts and use the computer, I just can't see far away.

What would you do? I think I'll go as far as having the appointment, for now... and I'll keep you posted.

* I never liked this acronym (thinking to myself that people "had" to say here in the U.S. it because it was a trademark or something, and it IS. In Brazil we call it simply "laser eye surgery"), but I was surprised to learn that it actually means something: "laser-assisted in situ keratomileusis." The description of the surgery is pretty scary!

My foe in the past year: Giant Papillary Conjunctivitis (and a very bad health care experience) 2/114

Now that my eyes feel normal and healthy again, I can write about this without annoying y'all with a whiny tone!

It all started during orientation last year (in August). I couldn't put my contacts on, particularly on my right eye, without feeling that there were "grains of sand" or some other bothersome particles that made me blink non-stop. My eye also itched like crazy and some morning it was a bit swollen and sticky. Sometimes I also felt that my eyeball was moving on its own. My son had had regular conjunctivitis (commonly called "pink eye") a few months earlier, so I quit wearing contacts for a few days and used his drops (I know... one shouldn't do that). It didn't help too much...

Then, I started freaking out, thinking that maybe I had that problem (since I have this pesky virus on my lips) and I used some other eye drops that my mom had been prescribed for a sudden pain in her eye months before too. I know... very bad as well, but it was just for a few days.

I felt the discomfort on and off, but still managed to wear my contacts to yoga and to teach my classes, but only barely. One morning, while driving to yoga class my eye felt so bad that I had to take my right contacts off in the middle of the highway (while driving) because it was impossible to see otherwise! That was the last straw and I finally decided to see the doctor, but I made a mistake... I didn't go to an optometrist, I went to the eye doctor (ophthalmologist) practice where I'd taken my youngest son earlier (he has amblyopia, or lazy eye, because we didn't find out he had very poor eyesight in his left eye until May last year when he was 6).

The doctor examined me in late November, barely told me what I had (I wasn't able to memorize the diagnosis, it is a mouthful, after all) and prescribed eye drops for three weeks (and told me not to wear my contacts). He didn't tell me that the drops were a corticosteroid, which should not be used for more than a few weeks.

In my return visit with the doctor, I paid close attention to the name of the condition (GPC: Giant Papillary Conjunctivitis) and also, very concerned, I asked the doctor whether the condition had any relationship to the fact that I'd been wearing contact lenses for 20+ years and whether I was becoming intolerant of the contacts. He said that no, it had nothing to do with contacts (BIG! FAT! LIE!) and when I talked to him about my son having to wear a patch and whether there was any therapy that could help to recover the vision in his left eye he also said that patching was the only way, that therapies didn't work (according to other sources, another lie!).

When I came home I googled GPC and I immediately found out that this condition is often 100% percent related to contacts (OR, alternately, to hay fever & allergies). This is the first sentence on the NIH (National Institutes of Health) website of the American Ophthalmological Society that talks about GPC:

"Giant papillary conjunctivitis is a syndrome found frequently as a complication of contact lenses."

Isn't it outrageous that this doctor (an older man, white haired, probably one of the senior members of their practice) would simply "lie" to a patient so blatantly like that? The funny thing was that my mom mentioned the story to her new ophthalmologist in Brazil and he started to defend the doctor here in the U.S. saying that he hadn't lied, that GPC was an intolerance to the contact lenses' solutions, not the lens itself... whatever! In any case it IS totally related to contact lens us. The scariest part was what this doctor said next to my mom: that the only way to get rid of GPC -- but just maybe! -- would be not to wear contacts for three months and, if it didn't help, for a whole year -- but that there was no guarantee of it not coming back again, just a good chance that the eye would heal. I started freaking out! And thinking that I really, really needed eye-surgery (LASIK).

The truth is that it became unbearable to wear my contacts and I only tried to put them on to go to yoga class, but I couple of times I had to take them off and do yoga nearly blindly... :( I had to wear my (older) glasses constantly now and that made me cranky, unhappy and really upset! I really don't like wearing glasses (I suppose that this is an understatement) and I just didn't feel like myself in them. In spite of that, I knew that the condition was serious and so I wore glasses for months. It was only later in the summer that I began to try to wear my contacts again for a few hours each day. I wore them for a few days in a row before going to a (highly recommended by a friend) optometrist.

My eyes were declared healthy and she explained to me that GPC is definitely related to contact lens use and that she had actually even had it in the past (I wonder why she herself didn't get LASIK -- that is a little unsettling for me). In fact, after I began talking to friends and acquaintances about GPC I found out several other people who have had it and recovered. I think that my problem was aggravated by the fact that it took me so long to go to a doctor and because I kept wearing my contacts in spite of the discomfort.

I am glad that my eyes are fine, but terrified that they'll get GPC again! Let's see what will happen, I'll keep you posted. Meanwhile, I still need to decide whether to order the daily use contacts I sampled. They're awesome, but much more expensive than the biweekly/monthly ones... sigh...