On Dissertation Work and... Driving

Dissertatin'
This week, for some reason, I've been a bit down, not very motivated to write on the blog. Part of it has to do with the fact that I feel terrible because I'm not writing the way I should do for the dissertation -- finishing the chapters I need to finish.

I have set these impossibly difficult goals in terms of analysis of data and I'm working hard to achieve them, but I feel very very guilty about working on this because I know it detracts me from the larger goal of just getting this "thing" done. Last week I was able to collect all the data from a whole encyclopedia of Brazilian literature (about 2/5 of it was collected by two people in Brazil, paid by my mom). This week I finished one of the parts of the analysis on Tuesday, adding data from a literary dictionary on Brazilian women writers and I felt quite happy by this accomplishment that day.

On Wednesday and Thursday, though, I toiled away for hours and hours, trying to sort out through many many thousands of dates in an excell spreadsheet. I finished one part which was comparatively easy since it involved only 6,700 dates, but the other will just take hours to do manually. I've asked my husband to help, to try to find an easier and better way to sort this stuff (since I'm not very good with excell), but he was very busy, and now he's going to be away until Tuesday.

I'm still truly excited about my research, it's just that two whole days of working with these numbers has made me tired and uneasy about what I should or shouldn't be doing. I know I'm kind of avoiding the hard stuff, writing those parts that need to get done (very little in fact), but it's true that I do need these numbers, these results in order to finish writing my second and third chapters.

I know what you guys who've been there will tell me -- get it done! And I will, I promise, but I have also promised myself that I will finish and not hate this project. (I have tears in my eyes now, guys) This is very important to me: I have to finish in a frame of mind in which I'll be able to continue to work on it, to fine tune this research that I have started, to make it into a book. I have a feeling that this stuff is just very unique and necessary, something that no-one has really done (nobody is crazy enough to do what I'm doing, believe me, it's utterly insane but I'm stubborn and persistent enough to do it and I'm very, very close to finishing).

So... I believe in what I'm doing and I know I will finish, but I need to do it in my own terms. That's why I have stopped berating myself for not finishing in time for this May's commencement (defended diss. would have to be turned in by April 30). I can go to commencement next year, what difference does ir really make? Some of my good friends are participating this year, but some others will graduate next year. A ceremony is special, but it's pretty impersonal and has no meaning in and of itself. And besides, next year maybe my parents can be here (this year they'd be in China).

Drivin'
All right, and what about the driving up there in the title? I promise you that sometime I'll have this "Driving Meme" that I have been making up in my mind since April last year (I love to create brand new memes, you may recall my "innovation and technology" one, oh, and there's the handwriting one too), but today, I just have to share some "sad" news and I didn't want to make them a post in itself, just a "footnote" to another post.

I got my first speeding ticket this afternoon.
I know, this is really common, happens to everyone. Besides, it was bound to happen to me sooner or later since I do speed quite a bit (not dangerously so, but still do).

But... it still hurts, it's still a sad event in someone's life, isn't it? I haven't been driving for many years, I started in 1996 when moved to the U.S. and I was 25; and I was pretty proud of myself -- wow, almost 11 years and no tickets yet? (just for parking, but those don't really count, right?) Well, it serves me right, I have to be more careful from now on, which does take quite a bit the "joy" of driving leisurely, not really worrying much about speed limits and such.

The officer told me that this carries points and that he was participating in a state sponsored project today (of collecting lots of money, I suppose, from first timers like me) and that I couldn't go without a citation, but... that if I went to the judge, they could do something about removing the points. He repeated that twice, so I guess I'll take him up on that -- it just feels weird to plead "not guilty" when I was speeding all right (47 in a 35 zone -- I had just sped a bit to go through a green light, that's one of the reasons why). What will I say to the judge? Something like: "The officer told me to come here?" or "I think I deserve not to get the points since this is my very first citation?" Any advice, or shared stories from those of you with more experience on this will be appreciated! :) Oh, and the tab? 131 bucks, plus 6 if I plead not guilty. Yeah, it stings and makes me feel like not speeding ever again. Or at least for a while ;).

P.S. We're going to D.C. to see the Cherry Blossoms this weekend, so that should cheer me up! I'm only going on Monday, though, it's just too crowded on the weekends. Too bad my husband won't be with us.