Gone Missing

Right before K got out of the door and into the car to leave for his eventful blizzard trip,* I handed him a small camera bag, which he promptly stuffed into his backpack. I, the photo fanatic, thought he might want to photograph the university after his interview, or something, since we couldn't go with him.

Ever since we went digital back in 2003 we've wanted a second small camera since the two cameras we have are old and clunky, with long swivel lenses.** So this past December K bought this one for us, one of the cheapest of the cheap, and we were a happy two camera family over the holidays. This obviously resulted in many more photos, since Kelvin took over the smaller one, but it was a relief not to have to carry the big camera and its bag everywhere anymore.

After his interview was over and K was getting ready to drive home he called me to tell me that he couldn't find the camera anywhere. He looked in the hotel room again, the car, opened his suitcase and bags one more time, and nothing. When he got home he looked again, but it was gone. Too bad...

I just hope that this is not a "bad omen" regarding the interview. ;-)

*I'm thinking of making him a T-shirt with that photo of the car in the blizzard and the words "I Survived the Blizzard of 2010!"

**We don't use the first one anymore and the second one was a kind used gift from a friend who upgrades his camera every year or two. We wish we could afford a decent camera. Someday. I'm considering asking my friend again in a couple of years, though, since he just bought a Canon Rebel in 09. (just kidding!)

Young Picasso

One more in the series of the boys' artwork. This one was painted with tempera by Kelvin, my almost 8 year old. He followed closely the video instructions of his teacher. I love it that they're learning about Cubism and other art periods and movements. This will make our present & future museum visits much more enjoyable!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K hadn't checked his email in three days because of the job interview.

Tonight, as we finished talking with my brother- and sister-in-law whom we decided to visit today, he checked.

Unbelievable.

He's got an interview at an Ivy League school.

................ .................... .........................

I have no words. K cannot believe it. I just told him I've always had faith in him, though (or else I wouldn't have married him ;-).

Do you guys realize what it means, to have been invited for an interview at such a school? It's something nearly unthinkable... but it's happening.

K may not get a job offer from them, but I have a feeling that at the end of this job search season he'll have a job and we'll finally settle down.

P.S. The school in question is the only one in the country that has a department in my specific field. And there's another school nearby with a department on a closely related area in which a good friend of mine works. Wow, just wow.

Icicles

Christina (from Mausi) posted photos of the beautiful icicles hanging from the roof of her house in Germany and I decided to do the same. I took these a few minutes ago.
You can see before and after shots of the longest one in my Project 365 blog.

As you can see, I'm moving on. Thanks for all your lovely and supportive comments!

Dawn is Right

Of course Dawn, who's been blogging since 2001, and knows way better than I do about blogging is right in her comment: "the only time I ever feed trolls is if I feel like the conversation would benefit OTHER readers in some way. I mean, if I think a troll -- however mean-spirited -- brings up a salient point or question. This person is not. Don't feed her. Who cares what strangers on the internet think?"

Thanks, Dawn, I needed to hear that. The problem is that I'm relatively new at this blogging thing and have to learn just to let things slide.

So anonymous comments are officially off. Good riddance to you, latest annoying anonymous commenter. And thanks to Monkey McWearingChaps for civilly (and not anonymously) raising a reasonable point in his comments to the previous post which I promptly addressed. I don't object to criticism, just to gratuitous and heartless attacks with a hidden agenda (particularly a rude, anti-immigrant, right wing one -- since I don't even talk about politics in this blog). Sigh.

Party's over, you can look the other way now.

Awash in Adrenaline

Too bad that it makes my skinny body way too cold and shivery, but I've already made a cup of (Brazilian) lemon-grass tea to warm me up/calm me down.

I just thought I'd let you know that the discussion with anonymous commenter is continuing over here in the comment section. Just in case you want to come and add your two cents. I may, or may not, close anonymous commenting after this. After all, it's important to be forced to weather criticism in order to build a thicker skin, since mine is way too thin. I want that overly sensitive girl to be a thing of the past.

Adrenaline can be very useful to me too! It propels me to clean, clean, clean, which is not my normal mode (understatement :-) -- so it's just what I needed today to get me going. I have to go sweep and mop the kitchen now, so I'll see you later.

Going Annie

my apologies for the repeated editing.
This morning, a nightmare woke me up at 5 am. I went back into a fitful sleep until 7 and then got up, the night spoiled by the terror of a strange dream. I guess it may have been an after-effect of the late night adrenaline shot.

I was in my parents' old house -- the house where we lived when I got married, back in 1994 (in São Paulo, Brazil). There were a few people there and then, out of nowhere, appeared this guy and he had a gun. The gun was bad enough, but then we heard this clicking noise and there was this "thing" on the floor, it looked a bit like a broken toy truck, wish loose wheels and stuff. When I saw it, I new immediately that it was a bomb. "Throw it out!" I screamed to my brother, but he picked it up and threw it very close (you know how in a dream you cannot run well, or get things to move?). Then, I picked it up and threw it away, I think, but it didn't go very far either. There was a guy car parked in the neighbor's driveway and the "bomb" landed right behind the car, still inside the fenced gate and I screamed to the man in the car. "Get out!! Get out!" And I think he did, and the bomb began to explode, only it wasn't a Hollywood explosion, I just saw a some sparks and fire and then I woke up.

Of course K is still away and this morning will be the last "leg" of his interview. I'm sure that this is in my thoughts too. I'll write more about it later, but now I just want to share a couple of pictures. I took the one below yesterday morning, when I woke up at 7:30, this time because I knew that early morning light would be the best for photos of the historic blizzard of 2010 (and besides the wind wouldn't have blown all the snow away yet from the trees). Incidentally, this was the photo I selected for the cover of my facebook album. If you're my friend in there, you can check it out, there are 89 photos! And if you'd like to be facebook friends, just email me, ok? And now I'm going to go all Annie on you. Things may be tough for us right now (I mean, not really, but I'm thinking of those regrets), but I know that "The sun will come out, tomorrow!"

Taking the Leap + Useless Rant Meant for Anonymous Commenter

Like many other wiser bloggers before me, I'm seriously considering switching to Wordpress. OK, I have mostly decided, I just have to work out the details. I even got the URL already (same name).

I'd spent all day thinking about this -- mostly for other reasons, the desire/need to have password protected posts -- and then came this "lovely" anonymous comment which totally pushed me over the edge. I don't know how Heather Armstrong could take the hatred for all those years (I totally supported her "profit from the hate" initiative [it had another name]). And I, a thin skinned stupid over-sharing person should have watched my mouth, but didn't. Good thing, I say again, that I don't have many readers, or else it would be much worse. Please forgive me if I become truly aggressive in the next paragraphs. I just have to get this out of my system. I don't know how to write for nothing. It's the only weapon I have in life. The writing.

What's hurtful to me is that it sounds like this commenter was not an occasional reader. I wonder if it's someone who's commented before and whom I may "virtually know." That's why I think it's so annoying to me that people always hide behind anonymity to criticize others. Or do it behind their backs in "real life." Of course, earnest, idealist me wants to be always honest. And, YES, you're right, commenter, I AM, have always been a whiner. Unfortunately. It's what my husband hates the most about me (good thing he likes pretty much all the rest). This is my blog, however, and I have never asked you to read it. You're reading of your own volition. I've also been known for blaming others, but my husband and I talked this subject over hundreds of times and I really wasn't the one making the decision. I just stood by whatever decision he made. Are you angry that I'm writing about this? (And I know that I could talk about other things in the blog that could be "blaming others" -- like blaming others for not having a job or for the PhD being useless. I'm not really doing that, since I haven't even looked for a job, and a humanities phd is useless after all, but I would still have done it).

And another thing. I don't think your tax dollars are going towards my mortgage, did you hear me? I'm pretty sure that all of the principal that's not paid now is being deducted from our equity and we'll end up paying for it all in the end. And besides, I have already paid enough taxes in this country, you hear me? And not been eligible for most everything that other tax-payers are. And I've always been here legally. I have spent thousands of dollars paying your consulate to get a visa to travel back and forth to my country. I didn't want to be an immigrant here to begin with and it's encountering people like you that make me feel like this is indeed a hopelessly lost land full of shallow, selfish people. I can go back to Brazil if you want to, but you have nowhere to go, right? You're stuck here and if this country unravels, then you're just going to have to face it.

OK, enough. I have a feeling that the commenter won't even read this, or, if he/she does, maybe he/she won't want to do a rebuttal. Whatever.

And I thought of deleting the post, but I won't. I don't like to take back any of my words. I'm not talking about anyone's life but mine. It's therapeutic to share these details. It will be better doing that safely behind a password once in a while, though. At least I won't need to waste my sons' sleep (we were going to bed when I came and saw the comment) and my adrenaline.

I'm done now. My apologies for all my other readers for this rant. Peace and love to all. Really. Even to anonymous.

Out Into the Storm (Live Blogging K's Trip)

K drove a rental car out into the storm to go to his job interview about an hour and a half ago, fearing that he might never be able to get there tomorrow morning if he delayed his trip until later today. He decided to do that after checking the forecast (which includes a blizzard warning for our area) and noticing that there was a lull in the snowfall from 7-8:30 am. It had already picked up and it was "sleeting" pretty bad when he left by 9:50, though. Now it's mostly a light snow.

Our lane (it's a "three-house-long" street) was cleaned 20 minutes before he left, so that allowed him to drive away comparably safely. I'm hoping the highways will be fine, the only problem will be reaching them from the house and then transitioning between major highways. The university itself is right next to a major highway, so I guess that the conditions won't be too bad.

I wanted to include an update with this post and I called K, but he didn't pick up the phone. I'll update the post as we talk on the phone later today. Now I have to continue cleaning the driveway (I want to do it before more snow accumulates and then I'll re-do it after the storm is over tonight). Keep K in your thoughts and prayers today, OK? Thanks!

Edit 1 at 12:28 pm:
I just talked to K on the phone for a while. What he's doing is completely crazy, and he's never seen so much of the white stuff in his life, but he's safe so far. Some parts of the highway are cleaner than others and he's had to drive over 3 inches or more of snow at times. A mildly unfortunate thing happened, in using Google Maps to try to help him find the best way to transition from one highway to another I unwittingly made him take an exit into another road (with worse driving conditions). It will add only 3 miles to the trip, but I hope it's not a big problem. He just hung up and will call me later and then I'll have a second update. He'll probably get there safely, but still, I wish he had listened to me yesterday and traveled yesterday afternoon... sigh.

2nd update at 12:57 pm:
K is on the second highway now, the one that basically cuts through the university. We just spent some minutes on the phone with me reading these two articles of the Chronicle to him: "Preparing for Campus Interviews" and "The Academic Job Interview Revisited." We printed them out before he left, a copy for me to read and a copy for him. I hope it helps! Now I'll go back to shoveling some more.

3rd update 1:58 pm - K exited to eat and now found out that the Interstate has been CLOSED! I think K will try to hang out in a hotel lobby for a few hours, I hope they'll allow him to. :-(

4th update, 2:58: K wasted an hour because couldn't park at the hotel (too much snow) so he's driving towards Maryland now on a smaller road. What a nightmare. And to top it off, I accidentalky left the phone off the hook for 45 minutes while he was frantically trying to call me. We talked briefly just now, but got cut off. I'm getting worried now.

5th update 3:29: No worries, he's just fine. It has stopped snowing for over an hour there. It's very like Pennsylvania to close its highways... I don't like this state much. In any case, it's not snowing where he is, but the wind is strong. K will have to drive on a smaller road, parallel to the highway all the way to the Maryland border and there the highway is open and it should take him two hours at most (we hope) to get to his destination. Now I'll go back to shoveling the driveway a third time. I actually enjoy it a lot, but more on that later.

5:11 pm: K's in Maryland now. He realized that he had crossed the state line because the road was way better (cleaner). PA doesn't seem to use enough salt on its roads. He's just got into the highway now and it is clean, so in less than two hours he'll reach his destination. It looks like this will be the next to last update. Phew!

8pm: It took K 9h30 to get there, instead of 4h30, but he's safely there. Now I hope everything goes well tomorrow.

And I'm glad this live-blogging post is finally over!

I love snow, except when I can't

And I can't love the beautiful snow that's falling out there tonight and that will continue falling tomorrow because K has a most important job interview on Thursday and it's a 4h+ drive away.

I wished he could have left before the storm, but he was busy working on his presentation and the last minute need to borrow a laptop from a friend (ours doesn't connect to the video projector anymore and we cannot afford a new one). He's still working on the presentation as I type. I wanted to keep a "vigil" staying up as late as needed with him, but I don't think I'll be able to do that.

The boys will wake up early and I have two extras tonight and tomorrow (our friends' sons, 7 and 10) to look after.

I'll keep you posted about K's travel. We think he won't leave until tomorrow evening when the storm will be winding down.

Oh, and we had nice plans for tomorrow and the weekend... We were going to drive down together to K's brother's house in Maryland where I'd stay during the interview and then we'd spend the weekend there too. The snowstorm rendered that plan unfeasible. :-(

BIL had called to say, however, that it would be hard for us to come and visit anyway since there are no parking spaces available at the crowded townhome community where he lives. Things are chaotic in the D.C. area right now!

I just hope that K can get to his destination safely tomorrow night. Until then, I'm at odds with the snow.

Drowning in Regret: A Sad Tale of Naivete and Idealism (or How We Refused to be "Mercenaries")

(I began this post on 4/13/09, but never finished it. I decided to go back to it after today's earlier post. I may not be able to capture my feelings from back then fully since now I'm much more hopeless and sarcastic, but I will try to recapture the reasoning that made me give it this pathetically long title. I promise that it will make some sense in the end.)

Original 09 opening:
We have this saying in Brazil that goes, "Se arrependimento matasse... eu já estaria morto." Something like, "If regret killed, I would be dead by now." Well, yeah, we would. Not that I think we made the completely wrong decisions, but perhaps the timing of the decision was not right in this particular case.

I am about to share something that K initially didn't want to share with anyone (he hasn't even told his parents because he wants to spare them for now -- he later did), but I've already talked about it with most of our closest friends (and I did call my parents the very next day). I just cannot help it. Sharing helps ease the pain.

You may, or may not remember, that after the initial and devastating shock of October 31st, 2007 (when K lost his job after having it for only 2 months, on the very same day he mailed the first mortgage payment), he was re-hired, albeit "temporarily," with a review of the group due on November 08. He had already found another job, a postdoc position, but let that go, obviously. Work didn't go well for him at big pharma, though, the projects his group was trying to tackle never took off, and he found himself frustrated and feeling that he was wasting his time doing basically nothing (in retrospect, now we know that it must be something fairly common in industry jobs, that's why many people, including academics, find industry so outrageous, but we were too naive and "idealistic" to see that at the time, but more on that later).

In June 08, we went to Brazil and he didn't get the tenure track position he had applied and competed for -- which was good, because we were not sure we wanted to go back to Brazil. After that experience, which included a surreal event in which one of the professors in the hiring committee told him that one position he had applied for in the past but then decided not to interview for had not been filled and that he was the candidate they wanted. (That was an "alternate reality"/ Back to the Future type of experience that felt very strange and kind of sad, knowing what could have been, but never was -- if you're curious, I can elaborate more in the comment section, oh, and we kept this information from our parents, fearing they might get too upset -- they still kind of don't know, hope they don't find out from this post. 2/8/10).

When he came back to the U.S., K contacted the professor who had the postdoc position back in November 07 and found out that he still had the position (Feb. 2010 edit: what we didn't know back then was that the professor is somewhat of a slacker, that's why he hadn't hired anyone. He also took a long time to apply for grants and that's why K's job has to end on August/10). So, after thinking long and hard about this and having been encouraged (or, rather, almost persuaded)* to quit by his boss, who reassured his that his prospects in the industry were not very good decided to quit his job, that by now [Feb. '10] was temporary, up for review in November 08.

[Continuing on February 2010]
The thing is, before going to Brazil for the concurso (tt job competition), K had gone to a conference in Boston where he met his boss (who lived England). At that meeting, the boss encouraged him to take a new job if he found one and explained that -- from his point of view -- K was getting too old for a career in the industry. THAT IS, assuming that in industry everyone wants and needs to climb up quickly to management, since apparently when you're 50 you're kind of stuck or whatever and you have to be up in the ladder. He made the whole reasoning saying that K would have to climb "one step" of the ladder per year to be in the boss's position when he was 45, or something. (Why would everyone want that, I wonder).

[ridiculous number of parenthetical remarks ahead, but I'll leave it as is.]
Then, there's the "academic side" of this story. Academics (those in the sciences and engineering at least) generally loathe industry folks because "they don't know anything" [ETA 2/12/10: this statement bothered a reader, see comment here, and I responded in this comment] (after his two first months there, K tended to agree, but he's not so sure now) and fellow academics whom K met during that year all commented in derisive terms of his decision to work for the industry. This, coupled with his dissatisfaction about the uncertainty of work and plain lack of work, made him reconsider his decision to continue on the job. This and one key issue, or lack thereof: whereas in academia K had plenty of role models, mentors and all the knowledge he needed to succeed (he just knew what he had to do from years of doing it), in the industry he did NOT! He had no mentors whatsoever and, most importantly -- he didn't know the ins and outs of industry jobs (that was as big problem, he learned too late)! He knew one devastating truth: these jobs were UNCERTAIN. He was permanently scarred from being laid off two months after starting. That did it. Academia meant certainty and gave him a feeling of security, of knowing what he was doing and where he was going to get, whereas he felt unsettled and uncomfortable working in the industry. Oh, and I almost forgot, there's one more thing that is really important. If he took to long to return to the academic environment (particularly because he is an experimentalist) he would never be able to go back. Academically, he had already wasted one year of his life, with no publications, research, nothing (and that, I must say is hurting him now, most certainly!). So, it was a either "now or never" moment in his life. The moment in which he had to decide what, in his heart of hearts, mattered most for him. What he wanted to do with his life. So, academia it was.

And since the professor still had the job (seven months later! It looked like a "sign" for K, really [ha ha, only a sign that his future boss was a bit too slow]) and K was all but certain that he'd be laid off again in November when his group, which was doing nothing and accomplishing nothing, would undergo a review (remember he'd he'd been re-hired in a temporary position), he decided to take the leap.

And take a 60% paycut. With a mortgage that was half his monthly pay at the industry, and credit card debt from the home renovations.

The plan was to put the house on the market immediately and move,** but we were unable to finish the renovations (with K's new 3 hour daily commute and me starting to work at Kelvin's school three days a week for around 9 hours), so ended up not doing that. We figured that we could survive at least six more months on the severance package. K was also counting on my meager salary and the online gig that I was going to start -- that's part of the story too, hang on.

In any case, fast forward to March and April 09. Panic strikes. We have to put the house on the market. Immediately. We are risking losing the house 'cause we really cannot afford to pay it anymore. After three "dark" months of and countless house showings and no offers, we appeal to the bank and Obama's plan for struggling homeowners comes through for us (although we felt really guilty that our problem was not really related to the economic crisis, but chiefly a consequence of our decisions). You read about those things here, if you've been around.

Before that, though, came one fateful afternoon in March (a Tuesday, the 26th), when we were getting ready to put the house on the market. I was working outside weeding an empty flowerbed next to the house when a car pulled into the driveway. A guy came out and talked for a while with K, who had been working on the garage. The previous night K had sent a job application for big pharma again. He was desperate, and he had emailed that guy, who stopped by to bring some mail for K that had been at the company for months. I -- foolish me -- thought, "Wow, maybe there's another opening at the company and he'll be able to go back to work there." And I continued to work feeling a bit hopeful even.

The guy left and I thought it was strange that K continued working in the garage quietly. It was almost 6 pm when I finally went inside and opened the door of the family room to the garage and talked to K. I will never forget what he told me then. His face was ashen with pain and regret and he looked very very tired.

"They're still there." He said.

"Who's still there? Where?" I asked.

"My boss T and the other guy here in Philly, V. They're still there."

"What?" I incredulously asked.

"Yes. They never left last November."

We both knew what he'd say next. The truth hit us harder than anything ever before. It was like a regret tsunami, and we were drowning in its dark void.

"I'd still be there."

This is just too painful to write and think about even over ten months later. The absurd irony of the timing was not lost on us. Why? We asked incessantly, why did we have to learn this just days before having to put our house on the market? Why couldn't we have remained blissfully (hahaha) ignorant? Why? It's always like that with us, the timing is always "perfect." It never fails, even in disastrous situations.

After my delightful two weeks in Massachusetts were over (the return trip was blogged here, I don't know if anyone read, no comments), I became really bitter about this. We began to analyze K's decision process described above and I reached a conclusion: we're just too idealistic for our own good. I know, the world needs idealists, yada yada yada, but some people are just handed too much of it at birth and from their upbringing (both in our case) and the two of us are "Idealism Champions" or, as Heather Armstrong would say it, we're "The Valedictorians of Idealism."*** I know, pathetic. K also realized that he had been simply too naive to have been persuaded by his boss. I mean, it was in his boss' best interest to have him leave, right? One less person in the payroll, one last person to try to find "work" for. He caught on that K still had links to academia and encouraged him to go.

And where do I get into this story? Before all this happened, there was the horrendous, nightmarish online gig. I knew we needed the money. I could have tried to "suck it up," but I just couldn't. I hated it, I rebelled against and disagreed with the whole thing most passionately and thus it ended the way it did (they dropped me). This happened in February and helped unravel the whole situation with the house. It wasn't much money, but it made a difference and we needed it most desperately.

Why, oh why, couldn't we have agreed to be mercenaries? For the sake of keeping the house. For the sake of the family.

K's immediate reaction was one of extreme guilt. Guilt for making his family suffer and go through all this. He apologized profusely. My dear K -- last year was the "year of apologizing" for him (the whole imbroglio with the school that left me depressed happened because he decided to pursue it and later he apologized too). I reassured him that it was OK, that it made me happy to see him enjoying his work and feeling passionately about it once more. And it totally does.

The painful regret, though? It comes and goes. I don't think it'll ever go away.

Maybe someday when K reaches that same yearly income. ;-)

Too bad that in academia (if he gets a job) it will take a long time for him to get there...

So here's our tale. All things considered, I guess I was able to finish this pretty well. If anyone will get this far into reading it is another question!


* This whole experience has made me compare K to Anne Eliot, the main character of Persuasion, my favorite Jane Austen book. I think he may be just too persuadable. (note from April 09)

** We even went to visit a townhome in a rental community and hated it with a vengeance. :-(

*** Yeah, I was so idealistic that my "non-speech" (I don't like formality and never made into t he valedictorian finals in high school, it received only one vote. I still see the woman who got to do it when I go visit my mom. I guess she's been probably more successful than me in life ;-).

Happy, but Overwhelmingly Worried

I haven't been blogging lately because I just don't know exactly how to articulate my feelings. We're happy with K's interviews (more so with the first one, this upcoming Thursday) and at times we're even giving ourselves the dangerous permission to dream, but still with very mixed emotions. We don't want to be disappointed and heartbroken. Again.

Last Friday evening, as I ran to the store to get some hot chocolate ingredients so we'd be ready for the snowstorm, I returned home to find K, just arrived from work, at the desktop (that is very unusual). I saw him from the window, but he got up immediately to go talk to the boys. Later I found out that he was indulging in the ultimate "forbidden" (= too-hopeful) behavior: checking real estate listings for the Virginia area where the school is. (sigh)

The thing is, we've been having renewed "regret attacks" since last Sunday, when the good news arrived, but also a day in when K spent a lot of time thinking about why he would have liked to continue working an industry job (yes, the one he quit), since he was sending out an application that day (the position has since been removed from the site, so we think nothing will come from it). I haven't yet had the heart to finish a post I started writing last April. At this point it will probably be very repetitive and almost irrelevant, but I still want to go back to it. So I guess I won't say more about regrets here. [I ended up doing it a few paragraphs down].

I started writing today because I just had to check a few disagreeable websites: our bank's, our credit card's and another bank account in Brazil. (Remember that I hate money?) The truth of the matter is that financially, our lives have become a disaster and I feel very upset about it. I guess we're better off than most people, but still, having credit card debt, seeing money disappearing from whatever little equity we had in the house,* and, most importantly, realizing that K does not make quite enough money for us to live on, is just unsettling and downright depressing. I feel that the trip to Brazil was just an "escape" and by being there (which cost us quite a bit) we were just "pretending" that things were fine when they're not.

It's the fine line between "living" and just despairing full time. We'd been choosing to bury our heads in the sand, ostrich style, if you will, and "living" for a bit. Trusting against better judgment, that things will end up all right in the end.

I'm tired of living like that. I wish, day after day after day, that the traumatizing big pharma job had never happen (that we hadn't bought this house, etc, etc, etc). And we wish, even as we try not to, that K hadn't done the unthinkable, walked willingly away from a nearly six-figure paycheck. It's all nice and beautiful to pursue an ideal, an ambition, or a higher dream, but there are always the bills to pay at the end of the month. (It's my old trauma, the book about "the beans and the dream," I guess K and I do have a lot in common in life after all).

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It doesn't make any sense to do this (I'm in tears now after writing the previous paragraph), but I just wanted to go back to the "happy" there in the title because it wasn't meant to refer only to the job interviews. I wanted to register here that we're happy with our peaceful domestic routine right now. Although it's still being very hard to "do school" with the boys, things are going very smoothly and enjoyably here. I've been cleaning the house more and even enjoying it, we're eating healthily, K comes home and is not stressed out about having to teach the next day or having to grade. Things have fallen into a smooth "groove" and I like it a lot. It's a simple, but happy life. It was very stressful last semester, with K teaching ("adjuncting"), but that means around 700 less a month, a big difference that we've already felt. He is less stressed out, though.**

OK, I'm not doing a good job of conveying the "happy" because I'm not really happy as I type this. So I guess it's the time to stop and, maybe try to finish that other unhappy post. I wanted it to be a "masterpiece" of regret and despair, but I don't think I'll succeed.

And, right now, the fact that I don't work and don't contribute in a financial way to our lives is really bringing me down. I know, I know... I'm caring for the boys, they're flourishing and learning so much and above all they LOVE to be home with me. But we need to pay the bills!!! We're tired of living in a cold house!

OK, I hate this post and shouldn't even publish it, but I will. I can't even write well. There are so few things that I can do well... I'm just not doing OK lately. How long do we have to keep going on like this? I guess I should go bury my head in the sand (or snow, that's what's available) again. Pretend that everything is fine. And hope, against all hope, that there is a job offer and that in a few months we're out of this nightmare for good.

* That is happening because we're not even paying the interest in full right now and the bank never gets the renegotiation/ refinancing finalized -- I was NOT aware, actually that this was going to happen when we were "rescued," I had no idea we'd lose equity and I'm just so sad about it. What's the use then, of keeping the house? ('cause nobody bought it, remember? 'cause we're paying the same as a rental right now... we should be thankful, ha ha, great).

** Too bad that he also has a negative, ironic view of this. The main reason he decided not to teach was so that he could concentrate on the "many interviews" that he hoped to have. Now that there are only two, it feels as if he'd made the wrong decision. Especially considering that he would have all the classes and most materials prepared already. Why even go there? Why regret such a small thing and not just enjoy him with us calmer and more whole? That's what I said to him when we were having a conversation, but when I look in the the checking account, I almost change my mind.

Abstract Art by a Seven Year Old

(7.9 years old, to be exact)

Kelvin made this during church the weekend I was away in Brazil and my mom had him scan it and email to the whole family! I saw the email first and then I was amazed when I saw the real thing since it is just so small! (only a few inches long and wide). I love the colors he used. I've wanted to post it for over a month, but only had the chance now. I thought that this would make for a nice back to back post with the previous one. :-)

Now, if I tell you that both of my boys do not like to draw (Kelvin is quite good at it when he tries, but Linton is not) and color, you won't believe it, will, ya? It's nothing but the truth, though. That's another reason why I really love their art classes.

P.S. Laura (from Portugal) asked about the cyber-classes and I'd just like to explain a bit to her that the boys are enrolled in a "Cyber School," which is a virtual, computer-based kind of charter school (a different kind of public school, a definition here), so their art classes are part of that. I will try to write more about cyber schooling at some other time. International students can also enroll in at least one American cyber school (there may be more, but this is the only one I'm aware of, it's not ours, BTW), but it's pretty costly.

Watercolor by a Five Year Old

Five and a half, I'm sure he'd have me tell you. :-)
Edited to add: Sarah Sometimes commented below on the use of perspective and I need to clarify that he did this following the exact instructions of his art teacher, whose two part-video lesson he watched twice. The painting was done in two steps, first the background and then a few days later the trees, one close and one far away. His art classes in the cyber-school are FANTASTIC! (you may remember this and that and I should post more).

I just thought I'd post this to fill the space until I find the time to write a "real" blog post. :-)

Two Campus Interviews!!

[deep sigh of relief]

K was quite stunned to open his email this morning and find requests for not one, but two campus interviews. We're so relieved! And more hopeful about his future prospects too.

Oh, and when it rains it pours, obviously: later today he's also sending his resumé and an application for a job in Big Pharma (his former employee). He's actually sending it directly to the hiring manager (his inside contacts got him the information). The job would involve moving, though, it's not in the same site he worked at before. Moving is not a problem for us, though.

Things are getting "hot" around here! I'll keep you posted, my friends...

Winter Math

I didn't want to be negative and title this "Shiver," so you get the mathy title instead. :-)

Edited to Add: Talk about "redundant" blogging! Good thing I skipped that title, since I'd already used it for an earlier post on the same subject. Sorry about that, folks! I'll try not to repeat myself so much in the future. (sigh)

Before I begin: the heating in our older house is baseboard/oil and we have three thermostats, one for each level of the house (no heating in the basement, which does feel comfortable and is dry year round because of the furnace there).

K didn't re-program the thermostat after we got back home from Brazil yet and I got tired of fiddling with the "hold" button, having to press it for a long time before it would let me change the temperature. So I decided to simply bring the radiator space heater that we have (like the one pictured here from this brand) and turn it on in our study/school room which is where we are for most of the day and leave the rest of the house cold. I thought this would be a smart way to save money on the oil bill too. It's tough to use the bathroom and the other rooms of the house and at the end of the day I end up turning the heat up, but it's been working so far. We do have to dress warmer all the time, though.

So, here's the winter math in our house today:

Outdoors (corded thermometer sensor right outside the study window):
38.3 F/ 3.5 C

Inside of study:
68.4 F/20.2 C

Level 1 (right out the door of this room - family room):
55 F/12.7 C

Level 2 (kitchen, living & dining rooms):
56 F/ 13.3 C

Level 3 (bedrooms & upstairs baths):
57 F/ 13.8 C

(level 3 is slightly warmer because the heater goes on at 7:30 am so it's easier to get out of bed. We love sleeping in a chilly house and the boys have no problem wearing long blanket pajamas on top of cotton ones).

How high/low is the thermostat at your house?

I didn't know he was left handed...

... the president, that is. I guess this was a significant oversight of my part and a huge sign that I don't watch much TV (can this have been really the very first time I saw him giving autographs?!?).

In any case, I just watched the State of the Union address. I thought of live blogging it (as I've done with the Oscars before ;-)), but I guess I'm too incompetent a person to write tolerably interesting comments on politics. I am deeply interested in politics and I think I'm a politicized person, but I just don't enjoy discussing politics with anyone.* Particularly because most people around me either deeply disagree with my views or cannot fully understand them (respectively: church folks & Brazilian friends).

If I were I true political junkie I'd be watching the Republican response, but I'm not. I do not have much patience with "the other side" as it is... and It's over by now anyhow (as I was editing the above paragraph).

I wish I had live-blogged the speech if only to be able to record my favorite parts or the "one liners" that were most significant to me. I tried to remember three of them, but the second one is already gone now... :-(
Edited to add: What am I thinking! "live blogging" is so 2000's... Laura brought me to my senses and reminded me that it's on occasions like this that microblogging is so useful. Only if you already do it, of course, and as you already know, I don't twitter. Yeah, I was never a "cool kid" anyway. ;-)

The first was the incisive question: "How long should we take then?" Which was addressed at those who think he's too ambitious to try to tackle broad and overarching problems in the country.

I guess the second might have been something from his call to end bipartisan bickering and get the job done.

I did like his "I won't quit." at the end. I'm glad he won't, but I'm not sure how he's going to be able to do it. See? I knew that when all was said and done I wouldn't be left with enough worth writing... but I'm posting anyway. If you watched it, what did you think of it?

* Except with K since we share the same convictions. Oh, and I should say that I don't like to discuss anything with anyone. I'm not into arguments and arguing AT ALL. K is the very opposite -- he loves to argue for the sake of argumentation (and he's good at it, he can take any side and just go with it).

My Uncle: Long Overdue Update

Last summer, Uncle O -- my dad's younger brother who lives in the Washington D.C. area -- had brain surgery to remove a large but benign tumor (a meningioma). The tumor was discovered accidentally because Uncle O had fallen and broken an arm in an accident that suggested he might had had a stroke. We had seen him for the first time in two years the weekend before the fall and we were struck by how slow he seemed, particularly to walk -- he didn't lift his legs, just dragged them. These were all symptoms of the tumor which might have been growing for five or more years, but since he'd never had a sudden and powerful headache (like Jo(e)'s uncle), the tumor had gone undetected.

After his surgery he remained in the hospital for over a month and was then moved to a rehabilitation center. The next part of the story was the most outrageous and I wrote about it here. My mom was in really bad shape (clinically depressed) when my parents got back to Brazil after helping care for Uncle O for a month. She was treated and is much better now. At least I hope she remains well because they are caring for my uncle again.

The thing is, months before the accident, aunt and uncle had decided they were going to Brazil for Christmas and New Year's. After the disastrous aftermath of uncle's poor care here, she and her sisters decided that it would be a good idea to bring him to Brazil anyway and try to find people and facilities to care for him there. They went and during the holidays at my aunt's sister's house, her nephew, who is a physical therapist, started to do physical therapy several times a day in my uncle with the help of a young lady (who's a massage therapist).

Then, on January 4th, Uncle O came to spend two weeks a facility close to my parents' house (it's like a health spa, only with doctors, nurses, physical therapists and various hydrotheraphy and other natural treatments facilities). The young lady who was helping with the physical therapy came too, to help him, since he's still in a wheel chair, adult diapers, and does not move much. The intense therapy began to strengthen his muscles, but there's still a long way to go.

A week ago my parents took him to see a neurosurgeon who's a friend of the family. He saw the brain scans from after the surgery and examined Uncle O. He thinks that O will be able to recover most of his motor skills (such as moving and walking), but that it will take time for the brain to re-learn certain things as well for the muscles to recover from such extended immobility. My parents and my uncle were elated.

The biggest problem, aside from the physical disabilities is that Uncle O is usually quite confused. His awareness of the "here and now" is almost non-existent -- he doesn't know which day of the week it is, which year, etc. Sometimes he even momentarily forgets where he lives (in the U.S.), but his memory of past events and people is perfect. He can still speak Portuguese, English and French.

My parents decided that it would be a good idea for Uncle O to stay at their house for a few more weeks (or months) so he could undergo physical therapy twice a day. They hired a nurse's aide to help them during the day and a cleaning lady/cook. I hope they don't overdo it and, especially, that my mom doesn't get depressed again. They are happy to be able to help my uncle and I hope he can recover as much as possible.
~ ~ ~ ~

I was motivated to write this post when I read Jo(e)'s post about her own uncle's brain surgery. I was struck by one big difference in this case: how much harder it's been for my uncle to have family support. The biggest problem is the fact that he is an expatriate with no family nearby. His youngest sister lives in Nashville and he has a sister- and brother-in-law in Toronto, but all his other siblings and siblings-in-law live in Brazil. He has only one daughter who came to help for a month after the surgery, but who lives in Vienna, Austria. I couldn't really help because I have two young children. Thankfully my parents were scheduled to come visit us and arrived a few days after the surgery. They subsequently postponed their return for a month to be able to help more and now they're helping as much as they can in Brazil. Now I hope Jo(e)'s uncle can have full support from Medicare and/or his health insurance so he can undergo the needed therapy and fully recover. That is not happening with my uncle -- my aunt and her relatives are paying for the care themselves in Brazil, it's way cheaper and more efficient, though. Sigh.

P.S. Karen in NC asked about Brazil's healthcare in my previous post about my uncle and I'll try to write about it sometime.

Beans, Clothing Retail, Weather: Some Random Observations

I suspect that comparably few people buy and cook dry beans (and lentils) in this country nowadays, am I right? Years ago you could find lots of different brands of them in the supermarket, today, I found only two at Giant, both Hispanic brands, Goya and MiCasa. Can one even get beans on wholesale stores? I don't know about Costco, but BJ's only has canned beans. Target has almost become a supermarket, but it doesn't sell dry beans either. I generally buy them at Aldi (my favorite store!) and Wal Mart, -- 'cause you may remember that I don't shop at regular grocery stores at all, today was an exception because I was looking for some hard to find items* and didn't find them there either -- but I haven't had time to go to Aldi &or WM yet (or both, they're next to each other) .

January and February come, the coldest months of the year, and I never cease to be amazed when I get into stores and see all the spring clothes for sale. What is this? Extreme positive thinking? (probably more like trying to maximize sales). I don't understand winter clothes for sale in August either. Whatever, that's the way things work here in the U.S. (sigh). At some places, such as Target, the first thing I see as I walk in the door is actually swimwear! (the image was borrowed from here, actually from April last year at that store). I feel very bizarre and, at the same time, thankful that I can buy winter clothes for a fraction of the price on the clearance racks.

Last, but not least, I just wanted to point out that the boys and I loved the 66 F (19 C) weather yesterday! It rained most of the day, but then the sun came out in the late afternoon and I let the boys ride their bikes outside (Linton got the back of his shirt all wet and muddy and had to change, but that's part of the fun ;-) . Today it's back to being cold and wintery. We are looking forward to a snowfall or two before it's all over, though, since we missed the December record blizzard.

Well, that's it for now, I've been busy with the cyber-schooling as usual. Oh, and with some much needed cleaning in this house, thanks to K's help! More about that some other time.


* If you must know what I was looking for: (1) a rust remover for a rug and one of the boys t-shirts. Unfortunately the only one the grocery store sells is SUPER toxic POISON stuff! and can only be used in white fabric. Any hints on how to remove rust from fabrics? I'll google it soon ;-). The second thing seems not to be sold anymore :-( Drew's Smoked Tomato dressing... It took me too long (like 6 months) to need to buy it again and now Drew's doesn't seem to carry it anymore. HA! The product's site still lists it, so I guess it's just that Giant is selling less varieties of it. BOO! I'll just have to keep looking or try to buy it online. Do you think that someday we'll be buying all of our groceries online?

Slipping Away?

In our first moments together in the car after dropping Michelle off at the airport last night K broke the news to me. He'd been carrying the heavy load for over 24 hours, poor thing. It turns out that there wasn't only one rejection on Tuesday, there were three. Two of them from universities K was most hopeful about his chances, which made the news all the more crushing.

A letter arrived in the mail from the North Carolina school and then K checked the colloquium speaker list for the Atlanta school and found out that it included a graduate student of his first postdoc advisor. His friend, the guy whose wedding we attended last October in Harvard. This is not the first time a close colleague was chosen to interview instead of him. As a matter of fact, it's the second time, at the same university, just two years later.*

Perhaps something will still come through, but K feels like he's hanging by the skin of his teeth right now as far as getting an academic job is concerned. He's checking the colloquium list for the Virginia school every day (even I almost tried to check this afternoon). If they post the names, he's probably done. And it's getting so late in the game that K thinks most schools have already chosen their short lists.

Having an almost "six year old" PhD helps even less. He thinks he's approaching his "expiration date" for an academic job. Sigh. I think the same about me, and it hasn't been two years yet. You know, having ONE "useless phd" is almost bearable for me, but TWO? Please, don't let that happen! That can't happen! The thought just fills me with despair.

K still has seven months to think of alternatives (his postdoc ends in August), so he's considering contacting head-hunters in Brazil and here, getting in touch with all his pharma contacts, throwing the net as wide as possible. Life is becoming more and more unpredictable and uncertain when all we want is to settle down. And we're getting tired, and feeling older, more jaded, discouraged. I don't want to become a bitter old woman someday, so I hope something happens. I hope K may not have really wasted the chance of a lifetime when he ditched the pharma job. I've been trying to write a post about this subject since April 13, but it's just too hard!

I thought that after the house situation had been solved the regrets about that fateful job would disappear, but K spent the day yesterday having second thoughts again about his rash decision to come back to academia. Do keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We're calm, but getting discouraged. I don't like to see K discouraged like that -- I already don't have anything going for me as far as academia or a job is concerned. This is all very hard. My apologies for the return of the somber tone to this blog. I wish I could say I was confident it would clear up soon, but I can't. I'll keep you posted. And thanks in advance for your support, it means everything to me.

* The close colleague is P, our dear Chilean-Brazilian friend who received no less than five job offers back in 2007 (and decided to stay here at Penn), which would have been utterly discouraging to K had he not gotten the unexpected job at Big Pharma. ha ha ha... and the rest is history. K talked to P today, but he didn't say that their former colleague A is interviewing in Atlanta.

Prayers Over the Ocean, in the Dead of Night & The Loss of an Irreplaceable Woman

Both boys fell asleep even before take off, as I had imagined they would. I ate, watched a bad movie (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) and slept too. Six hours into the flight, Linton woke up for a while, so I turned on the map function on the screen. We were flying slightly east of Haiti at that moment and my thoughts turned to the unspeakable suffering of those people. I do not watch much, if any, television, but last week I watched several reports about Haiti on Brazilian television and I couldn't help but have those images and stories replay in my head as we flew over that country in the dark of night. So I prayed and thought of them.

The earthquake in Haiti was a great tragedy for Brazilians because it took the life of the pediatrician and humanitarian Zilda Arns (Neumann), the founder of Pastoral da Criança (Children's Pastoral) and also the Pastoral dos Idosos [Elderly], both grassroots/ volunteer community service and education organization linked with the Catholic church that has spread to over 20 countries around the world (according to McGowan's essay linked to below). Coincidentally Chris McGowan wrote yesterday on The Huffington Post about Arns (as opposed to Robertson). Zilda Arns's efforts helped reduce infant and child mortality in Brazil tremendously and she was in Haiti to train volunteers (religious workers) to expand the Pastoral's efforts in that country.

Brazil's army has also been present in Haiti for several years, serving as part of the peace-keeping United Nation's corps and at least 11 men perished as well in the disaster. The Brazilian networks paid homage to them by broadcasting recent reports including interviews with some the deceased servicemen and women, one from last Christmas, and showing their family. Tear-inducing television, for sure, but bringing the tragedy very close to home. Even the sports program of Globo Network (the main one in Brazil) re-broadcast a report on Haiti with the reporter in tears on screen (presenting the program). I don't know how the coverage was here, but I was proud of Brazil because they had nothing to regret -- the country had already been helping Haiti and showing its tragic poverty in the news before.
~~ ~~ ~~

If you're curious to know about us, the trip went well. There was a delay of over 1h30 for boarding and take off because the aircraft landed late from its previous flight. As for security, the line was insanely long, but my father-in-laws got us to go in the preferred line (senior citizens, pregnant women, special needs, and people with small kids). Later at boarding they did search every passenger, even the children, men and women separately, frisking each of us with that beeping wand as well as inspecting each bag (theme park entrance style) -- but that was not the major reason for the delay. This initial problem caused us to miss our 8:20 am connecting flight and we arrived in Philly only 1:30 pm. This was OK because a dear friend was in town just for the day (interviewing for a medical residency application) and we got to spend a few hours with her before dropping her off at the airport.

~~ ~~ ~~
Seeing Michelle again after over three years was wonderful and it brought my day full circle to its beginning in the middle of the night. Michelle's family is originally from Haiti and her mother still has family there. Her relatives are safe, but her presence with us for a few hours -- such a beautiful, tall, well prepared young woman, a few months short of becoming an M.D. -- made me think of what the children of that country could become if they had the same living conditions we have here. How could things be made different for the most miserable countries on earth? And how incredible the effects of immigration on only one short generation are, no?

I'm sure I could say much more about this, but an hour has passed and I have to unpack.

I'm glad to be on the other side. More on that later.

Leaving for the Airport

We're leaving to take the airport bus in a few minutes. I hope we have a good trip. I'm not looking forward to the lengthier security (they probably will inspect each U.S. bound passenger one at a time, which takes ages), but the boy and I are glad to go back home. It was a good stay in Brazil, but doing school here was nearly impossible in these last days.

No airport blogging this time, so I'll see you on the other side, OK?

First Formal Rejection + 2nd Phone Interview

I just got off the phone with K who had his 2nd phone interview this morning. It was more of a conversation with the chair, who wants to explain how the department works to prospective candidates. It's for the NJ post that ironically was close to the bottom of my list ;-).

Right after the interview, while we were still on the phone, he received an email from one of the top 10 schools (#7) in the list which was a rejection-with-a-dash-of-hope type of communication. He's not going to be interviewed at this point, but they may go back to the pool of applicants if they don't hire anyone by February. BLAH. And this was a post he had a personal recommendation for (and he knows one of the people in the committee). A bit discouraging.

The most discouraging thing of all for K was not having gotten any other emails or phone calls until now. I guess this means that perhaps he won't get any more interviews and that he won't have the be able to negotiate or even reject any offers. Well, if there ARE any. We're still waiting for any possible campus interviews at the two places with the phone ones.

It's pretty hard, all this waiting. We have to start thinking of alternate Plans, B, C, D... Sigh.

The Last Moments

The boys want to play outside non-stop and I don't blame them. I know what awaits us back home! That's why I'm letting them play, in spite of the fact that we're way behind on schoolwork. :-(

And I'm still managing to squeeze in some time with friends that I haven't seen in years. The trip has got to be productive "socially" too -- since that's one of the most important things for us Brazilians, personal relationships. In this aspect, the balance of this trip is beyond positive [saldo pra lá de positivo], it's really spectacular! I got to see most of my friends here, even if for a short time, and I got to spend significant time with people I hadn't had the chance to interact in depth for many years.

In spite of all that, I still think that I'm going "back home" right now. And saying this is no small feat or matter to "accidental" and even reluctant immigrants like us. I think it's finally dawning on us that we are, in fact, immigrants, committed to live expatriate lives until who knows when. I have tons to say about this, but it's hard to sort through the feelings and articulate the scattered thoughts. Perhaps more later...

P.S. Six minutes flat. That was the time it took to write this post. Not bad, huh?!

Anonymous Comments Are ALWAYS Negative

How nice, no?

Why do people have to hide behind anonymity to say something bad to you? I find this ridiculous. Why even comment? Just to make people feel bad? Why are they even reading the blog?

Of course I have to admit first and foremost that I'm an idiot for having a blog in the first place and writing boring an annoying things about my personal life. I should know better right?And I should actually be thanking the universe because I have had basically no trolling here. Of course... I'm not a famous blog, those bear the brunt of the trolling in the blogosphere.

Now, don't I already know there was NO PLANNING whatsoever and ridiculous negligence of our part already in this and that? Thanks for pointing the obvious out, anonymous WIMP.

P.S. I also know it's childish and stupid of my part to be annoyed by this, but it's a pattern -- this anonymous posting of negative things -- and I wanted to comment on it. However imature of my part...

Edited to add: Perhaps I should just ban anonymous commenting, right? Heather Armstrong did a good move when she created her community and had only members comment in her blog. I'm all for freedom of expression, though. I just have to get used to it.

Should I Twitter? Please Respond :-)

Should I Twitter?

Why yes? Why not? (meaning: Why do you do it? Or why don't you do it?).

First problem: in which language would I tweet? Should I do it in both and have two accounts? This in-between life is just SO confusing! :-) I don't think many of my friends in Brazil tweet, if any, so I guess that kind of answers the question. I don't even blog in Portuguese!

Another thing that bothers me is that I think I'd be tweeting to NOBODY. I mean, only a handful of people read my blog, but who would read my tweets? And why?

I'm sure I'd start with adding the tweets of people I whose blogs I already read to my feed, but would they add me too? I really don't know if I see the point of tweeting. I think it's spectacular to see how the Maytag episode with Dooce went -- it demonstrated the power of the internet and Tweeter, but still... do non-famous people get heard in Tweeter at all? Well, maybe that's not the point, the point is to communicate with people instantly and share one's opinion.

Why would tweeter work better than blogging in the sharing opinions point? Because it's an ongoing discussion and because people get instant reactions and input from other people?

Ah! Last, but not least, if one doesn't use a smart-phone and is NOT online on the go, would tweeting still make any sense?

More Updates to 365 Project Blog

Just a shout out about my other blog. I recently posted some photos of K's cousin's wedding (the groom) and of other things (a cashew fruit, a lake, etc). I will try to post everyday, but I'm not promising anything.

This is NOT a New Year's resolution, OK?

I just talked to K on the phone for almost 2 hours, so it was easy to talk and post some photos to the blog. :-)

Problem Solved. Tab: close to 200 dollars :-(

It was frustrating and very very complicated affair to solve the problem that was a result of our forgetfulness, but last Friday it was solved. You know, I understand that it is important for a country to try to curb child traficking, the only problem is that there could be easier and still trustworthy ways to do it and not so much bureaucracy. The only way the authorization can be made, however, is with the authentication of the signature of the parent in front of a Brazilian government or official representative (such as a cartório or children's court judge or, abroad, the Brazilian consulate).

The bitterest consequence of this ordeal was the waste of money and time (two whole days of missed work for K -- Thursday and Friday, most of the day on Friday for me and a dear friend). $: over 45 bucks spent only to cross the Lincoln Tunnel into Manhattan back and forth (twice on Sunday) + the tolls. 70 bucks completely wasted for a global express mailing of the permission notarized in the U.S. (cannot be used here), 40 dollars paid to the consulate for the authorizations, parking in NYC, gas, etc, etc, etc.

I'll try to make a long story short, but I probably won't succeed -- you can just skip the post if you want! K went to the Brazilian consulate on Thursday and they told him they couldn't do the authorizations because they didn't have a certain seal that comes from Brasília and that would probably only be available the next week. He went back and tried to argue with them to no avail. He called our in-laws who in turn called us and we called my cousin who works as a "higher officer" (delegado) of Brazil's Federal Police (Polícia Federal, equivalent to Federal Marshalls, immigration officers and the FBI, up to a certain point) who then tried to contact the Guarulhos airport Federal Police officers. By the time my cousin got back to us, K had already notarized the document at a notary public in NYC and mailed it express to us. BAD MOVE -- useless!! That's why after he got the phone call from his mom about this he tried to get back into Manhattan (crossing the tunnel again) to go into the post office and try to stop the mailing. Too bad that particular P.O. closed at 3 pm! K had to drive all the way back home (2h) because he needed to print out new photos of the authorization and to fill the form again.

My cousin said that the airport officers told him that K had to go back to the Brazilian consulate the next day and that the consul would have to fax the document to the Federal Police. In addition, it would be best if I could go to the Federal Police at the airport and wait for the fax to arrive so they could process the authorization and hand it to me. Sweet, huh?

K left very early to NYC (6:30 am) and I, fortunately was "saved" by a dear friend who volunteered to drive me to the airport and to wait there with me so I could get the document. We kept in touch with K via her cell phone and my in-laws. We got to the airport before noon, but didn't leave before 4:30 pm!! K had a really hard time at the consulate -- they didn't want to authenticate the authorization and fax it to Brazil. He finally got to talk to one of the actual consuls and she finally did it, around 3 pm. We still had to wait for the delegado to get the fax and stamp everything and hand me the document...

Well, at least it worked out and we're ready to travel. New resolution: try to ALWAYS plan to have the whole family go back to the States together every time. WHAT A HASSLE!

Thing is, I'd always remembered to have this authorization before, but this year was just an unlucky one and we totally forgot. Sigh.

The First One & Maybe House News (Edited)

K's first phone interview will begin in about an hour. I'm hoping it will be a good one because this is one of the jobs in Virginia that we'd like him to get. Send your thoughts/ prayers his way, will you? I'll let you know how it went.

In other news, a while back, one day (in November, I think) when K stayed home to help with the raking of the leaves, a man stopped in front of our house and talked to him for a long time. It turns out that he was one of the people who were interested in buying our house but who weren't able to make an offer because they needed to sell their house first. He's still interested in buying the house and he's left two phone messages already since last week. Maybe the house will sell. That would be great! I just wish we can stay in it at least until we know where we're going for sure...

I'm ready for all the changes. I really am.

Edited to Add:
The phone interview went well, let's see if he gets a campus one and, hopefully, an offer.
K talked to the guy interested in the house. He was just calling to touch base with us. His house is still on the market, but he continues to be very interested.
So we keep on playing the waiting game.

Happy Birthday to My "Little" Brother!

Oh No! I almost forgot to post about this and I'll do it, in spite of the fact that it's already almost 2 am of the 13th here in Brazil and the middle of the day in New Zealand where he lives...

My brother was a cute baby and child -- he's still a very handsome guy. I wanted to have scanned other baby and childhood photos of him, but I won't be able to do it now. So, I'll have to be happy with these. Happy birthday brother, I love you!! And I really hope that this is the year in which you'll be able to have a baby as cute as you were.

The 365 Photo Blog is Back!

I was going to write about this only after I'd posted "the first 10 days of 2010," but then it would be a bit of an overdose, I think. 'Cause I post too many pictures, including almost a "photo essay" of Brasília, the capital of Brazil.

There are also fun weather photos (tornadoes anyone?) and some family photos at the pool, etc. It's only six days of photos, but we did quite a bit on those days. Check it out!!

If this is not a stupendous start to photo blogging in 2010, I don't know what is! ;-)

It's all our fault (and Brazil's bureaucracy's), but I'm still upset at the prospect of being stuck here longer

Ridiculous title, I know, you don't have to tell me.

Ridiculous situation to be in -- now I tell you. All because in the past some evil parent kidnapped his/her children and took them out of the country without the other parent's authorization. So now all parents need authorization to travel with their children without the other parent. Not only to leave the country, but also to move within the country using public transportation -- this I already knew, it was already like that when I lived here 13 years ago.

So, THE DUMB THING: we totally forgot to print out authorizations for me to travel with the boys and take them to a notary public where K needed to sign and have them notarized. We only remembered this past Sunday when we were taking K to the airport bus. We stopped and purchased some blank printing paper and he signed about 15 of them. Today I painstakingly assembled the authorizations (one for each boy, two copies of each, with printed color photos and all) and printed them on the signed papers. Then I took them to the notary public (one in which K already has his signature registered and "recognized" [firma reconhecida]) for notarization.

They couldn't notarize it, though. Because K needed to be there to sign in person. TOO BAD because he's in Philadelphia right now. HOW GREAT!

Now we're going to spend upwards of 100 dollars for K to drive to NY, pay the notarization fee at the Brazilian consulate and then mail the authorizations back express to us.

How fun. And the poor guy has his first phone interview tomorrow afternoon, so he won't even be able to pick up the authorizations and will have to go back to the consulate on Thursday and mail them only on Thursday! Unless we beg some kind soul to get the paper from K and retrive them in the afternoon. Or unless they are kind enough at the consulate to stamp and notarize the document WHEN HE'S THERE.

Bureaucracy RULES in any Brazilian government office or organization, though, so I don't know if they'd do this for him.

My apologies for the pathetic rant, it is all our fault after all... we should have remembered to go to the notary the day K got here. SIGH.

We're supposed to travel back home next Tuesday, the 19th. Wish us luck.

P.S. I was really really (pleasantly) surprised that I was able to travel with six-day-old Linton by plane from Connecticut to Texas and back. Here in Brazil this would NEVER EVER be possible. First, because one cannot travel using public transportation with a child in Brazil without the birth certificate. Not even the parents. Second, because as only one mother, I'd need the permission of the father.

Ten More Days in Brazil

You know, I think I'm going to try to write a "10 first days of 2010" post, but meanwhile, I'm just popping in to say that K is on his way back home today (flying through Mexico again with his brother and his family) and that in ten more days we'll be flying back too. I now fully agree with K that it wasn't a good idea to be here while the boys need to "do school," but I have to face it and try my best so we can catch up and be up to date before we travel back home.

It doesn't help that I have a sinus infection and that Kelvin has a fever and is in bed with his iPod touch and doesn't want to work. Blah. Good thing at least Linton is doing well, after vomiting during the trip back on Friday.

The wedding was awesome and deserves its own post. I'll try... and maybe succeed since we are "taking it easier" today.

The Poolside Blogging that Wasn't

it's become late at night, almost falling asleep blogging on the hallway, since our hotel room (without a view) doesn't get wireless.

Things are relatively ok, too bad I've just been slightly sick the whole time (abdominal pain/ cramps, constipation) and I'm not yet recovered (though on the mend). The boys have also been coughing, with earaches (too much time jumping in the water) and other minor ailments, so we're getting tired of all this and can't wait to be back to my parents' house. Too bad K returns to the U.S. on Sunday and we stay, having to do TONS of the boys' school work.

Hopefully tomorrow we'll have a good trip to the country's capital (Brasilia) and the wedding on Thursday night will be nice.

Oh, and the pools here in this only slightly ok (acceptable) hotel aren't bad. It's just a pity that it's so hot that we don't get to enjoy the hot water as we should.

On the Road Again

I wish I could be finishing the selection of photos for a slide show for my wished for "2009 in pictures" site (I started last night and uselessly went to bed only 1 am), particularly now that my SIL wrote such a post.

In any case, I cannot do that now because tomorrow we travel again, an 8 hour trip to Caldas Novas, the hot water springs resort town smack in the middle of Brazil, not far from Brasília, the country's capital. K and I want to go there with the boys, let's see if we can make it.

I need to finish packing and to get as much sleep as possible because I don't want to sleep too much on the car and let K driving on his own. I'm not happy about this trip only because the boys' school resumes on Monday and we won't be able to do any work this week. Then, the following week will be CRAZEEE because of the backlog of work. Sigh.

OK, gotta stop whining and go to bed. I'll write short posts from the road. I just don't know if I'll be able to include photos :-(.

Here's one, taken at the water park last Tuesday: I had my son's goggles on because I was wearing contacts and wouldn't be able to open my eyes otherwise. It loaded so fast! Hmmm... maybe I'll post a few others.

My One Wish for 2010

I have one single wish for 2010:

a (good) job for K.

No resolutions (not that I ever make any, I can't stand resolutions), no other high dreams and plans, just this. It'll be more than enough if it happens.