"We Shall Not Opress the Stranger..."

"...for we know the heart of a stranger, we were strangers once too."
                      President Obama quoting scripture in tonight's speech.

(I was going to embed the video, but decided not to)

I missed seeing it live (I forgot! and remembered only 8:35pm), but saw it on my phone as soon as I remembered.

Immigration is an issue that I touches me very personally since I am an immigrant (albeit an "accidental" one) too. And I have many friends belong to the ranks of the millions of undocumented immigrants the president talked about. Most have been in this country for over ten years, many have children born and raised here (like me) and are active parts of their communities.

I hope they will have a chance to continue to build a life here. It's a pity that legislation regarding this important issue has been held hostage to political division (that's the main reason I loathe a divided government, nothing gets done, it's not a matter of keeping the other side in check, it's a matter of having one side stubbornly refusing to do the work they're paid to do).

In any case, I hardly write about political issues here (because I don't want to argue with anyone), but today I felt I had to. I don't know if this executive order will do much good to the remainder of Obama's presidency, since I'm afraid that the opposition may have a hissy fit and cause another aggravating government shutdown, but we'll see!

Sigh...

Christmas Cards Ordered

We're still "Thanksgiving-less" (we don't know what we're doing, who will join us, or what! Since our closest family members moved to Egypt, now our Thanksgivings will probably be "meh") :-(

And we haven't planned the details of our Christmas celebration (we're probably going to Florida to see my cousins, but I haven't talked to them yet), but I just ordered 100 Holiday cards -- that's a lot of cards, right?

It's just that Costco's prices are so attractive that this year I ordered a cheap photo card and a more expensive double-sided cardstock one! I LOOOOVE designing and sending Christmas cards to all of our friends and family, YAY!

12 Step Program?

Warning: tons if italics and BOLD WORDs ahead! ;-) Oh, and words repeated for emphasis. ;-)

I think you could call me a shopaholic. There, I've said it. But it's "serious," this problem that I have. I'm a proud, hardened, unrepentant, "don't want to change, don't even try to convince me" second-generation shopaholic. You see, it's a genetically transmitted defect! Even my father (a MAN!!!) loves to spend time in stores and, if it's a really good bargain, to shop. Wasn't I bound to be doomed?

Problem is, I don't feel the need to change! For the most part I only buy cheap stuff. Sometimes (and here's part of the problem), really, really cheap stuff. I could never ever be the "extreme couponing" type of person. I don't have time or patience for clipping coupons. In fact, I can't stand grocery shopping and I HATE buying name-brand stuff (and virtually ALL the coupons are for name-brand, highly processed items).

So... what did daddy pass down with his genes (almost wrote jeans, hahahaha!) to me? An irresistible need to be a "bargain hunter" and, probably, a love of colorful clothing. Not that he actually wears very colorful clothes, but after he retired from being a pastor, a chaplain, and a professor for many years (but, mainly, church pastor), he ditched the dark suits and white shirts and started to wear slightly mismatched, more colorful (or at least striped or checkered) shirts. Gotta love him, he's so cute!

Clothes and shoes. These are my weaknesses. Particularly dresses. And NEVER any accessories (belts, scarves[light ones], jewelry -- I cannot bear to pay any money for these things, particularly belts). If I could afford it I'd have tons of winter hats and gloves (and even scarves), but I can't, so there you go.

Interestingly, there are items that I can't stand buying, I just do it because I have to, and even then, sometimes, I ask my mom to help me (with skin colored pantyhose, ARGH, I don't know why I hate buying it so much and almost equally, wearing it, but sometimes one has too, right?). I don't like to buy bras... (and maybe that's because I'm too skinny & they don't really fit me right).

I love pajamas and wish I'd allow myself to buy more (like I do with dresses), but there's logical reasoning about having lots of pajamas! We spend a very large portion of our lives sleeping, we might as well be dressed comfortably!

Yeah, I don't really think I have a problem, although I probably do. Sigh... My other reasoning (for buying a 9.99 or 8.99 cute dress almost every time I go to Ross) is that "I work so hard and actually make some money, I deserve this -- it is so cheap!" But, as my husband said, it's OK, as long as I donate as many dresses or clothes to other people and I promise I'm working on it!

And I think I have pretty good taste and pick very cute clothes that look good on me. I think I have my own quirky sense of fashion. Actually, for a couple of years I've been dreaming of having this little unassuming "fashion blog" on the side, but I simply don't have the time it takes to do it. Mostly because I'd need to take and post photos and that takes a long time, but also because why do it if getting people to read is nearly impossible with so many professional bloggers out there?

So, the "secret" is out. Do you have any little secrets or not-so-secret bad habits like me? I'd love to know!

Car Update

Well, good thing that the dashboard malfunction is a manufacturer's defect and will be fixed free of charge by Toyota. The car had to stay overnight and my husband is driving a pretty red rental car while I'm stuck with the old Hyundai Accent! ;-)

The other problem the Prius has had is that the headlights suddenly turn off at random occasions. Toyota was going to charge us 480 dollars to replace them, so (after K watched a few YouTube videos with instructions) we bought a pair of lights from Amazon and he will attempt to replace them. Let's hope it'll work!

I'm glad that the problems can be easily solved, but car troubles are always a disruption of the routine and a source of stress... (at least to me, K kept telling me on the phone that these inconveniences are part & parcel of owning cars and that I shouldn't be stressed. Thinking of spending money always stresses me out, though! :-(

Did we Buy a Lemon? :-(

I got in the Prius to drive to work and the panel lights are off. I can drive, but I can't see my speed, how much gas I have, whether there are any problems with the car, etc.

I was already on my way, but decided to stop at a gas station to wait for my husband and switch cars. I think he's going to take it straight to Toyota. :-(

My husband didn't get the Carfax from this car when we bought it, he just trusted the owner, are young lady who was selling it with the help of her fiancé.  And later he came to suspect that maybe this car was in a minor accident because the paint in the front bumper is peeling off. 

This is so upsetting, not to mention stress that I don't need and can have right now! :-( Hopefully it won't be very expensive to fix (which is my biggest worry, expensive car repairs -- precisely what we wanted to avoid when he bought a new-ish car) and can be done quickly.

I'll keep you posted!

Too Many Things (before kicking the bucket or... hitting the boots ;-)

Last Friday & last night, I was over-tired and, consequently, not very inspired to write here, but I always have way too many things to say. I never run out of words, it seems, or ideas, and, a lot of the time, energy! ;-) It's positively exhausting to be me, I assure you!

That's not the subject of this post, though! I want to reflect about the fact that there are way too many things I want to do in life, but I don't like to call it a "bucket list." In fact, I only learned/heard of the term "bucket list" a couple of years ago, probably in a blog post title, and I had to look it up! You know, when I learned that it was the list of things you want to do before you "kick the bucket" and was reminded of that expression I had a good laugh!

It's just that "chutar o balde" (kick the bucket) in Portuguese means something completely different! It means to "give up" or to stop forcing things and just to let them happen naturally (see here if you know some Portuguese). The equivalent metaphor for dying in Portuguese is, instead, "bater as botas" (hit the boots or, even, in a sense "kick" them). Yeah, languages are lots of fun, no?

I thought of this very commonly blogged about subject because today I found one more thing to put in my list and remembered another one, since they are in the same state of Brazil.

Inhotim (wikipedia entry), a place with an interesting name, apparently derived from Mr. Timothy (a British man who administered the mining company located there), or "Senhor Tim" which transformed into Sinhô Tim, and then Inhotim. It is located in the state of Minas Gerais and it contains a contemporary art museum within a nature reserve and botanical gardens. Apparently it is the largest open air art museum and permanent installation(s) in the world! I really want to go there someday!

Here's a video in which your artists visit Inhotim:

And here's a slide show:
But even more than this fascinating museum, I want to visit the town of Dimantina, in Minas Gerais, where one of my favorite books, Diário de Helena Morley (or The Diary of Helena Morley) was written. It is a well preserved 18-19th century mining town in Brazil.

Suggested Pain?

This is more a quick note than a blog post, but I wanted to write it just to record this slightly "weird" event. Last night I was reading the blog archives, looking for the posts about the broken tree and I found this old post from 2011 that described this horrible back pain I had then.

Now, this morning I woke up with pretty strong back muscle pain and that felt weird, given that I'd read that post last night! I don't think it was the power of suggestion that gave me pain, however. My back had been hurting yesterday a bit before I went to cook dinner to all of my students at U#2, and I carried a very heavy basket from the car when I got home, so that was probably the cause.

Remembering what had happened in 2011 I used a hot pad for an hour in bed before I got up and took a hot shower. I decided not to take any painkillers because I was OK, just a bit sore. I already feel almost good, but I'll use the heat pad again before sleeping.

OK, not let me finish today's "official post." ;-)

Leaves of the Tree we still have & new garden "pet"

 It's pretty incredible that this tree is still with us after losing significant limbs and part of the trunk not once, but twice (can't find link to second time). I love how its leaves are so "reluctant" to change colors and then how gorgeous they look when the finally turn.

 The green so late in the season is this tree's greatest problem -- it still has leaves when the snow comes!

We moved some wood right next to the back garage door and, lo and behold, we found this creature! I don't like snakes at all, but they're slightly fascinating animals. :-)  (and, obviously the title of the post is just a joke -- I would never ever have a snake for a pet!).

Wow, The Movie is Better than the Book? (Ah, Baz Luhrmann!)

I never, ever thought I was going to say this (literature "purist" that I am) but I like Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby way better than the book! It helps that I don't much like the book, I suppose, but I still think it's very well written and a "classic."

I re-read it late last year, hoping to see the movie in the theater (something I do extremely rarely), but that never happened, and now I will have to re-read it again! Sigh... I first read it for my 20th  century American lit class in college (I was an English major, after all!) and I thought it was such a depressing book, full of hopeless characters, which I guess it is.

The movie does a brilliant job with the story, though! It takes a few liberties -- Nick in a Sanatorium doing therapy sessions with a psychiatrist and writing the story as therapy was... I don't know... an interesting ploy to introduce the narrator, a bit forced, perhaps -- but I suppose it's a minor detail. The plentiful use of words on the screen (as well as the writing done by Nick) emphasize the literary character of the work and I obviously love that.

Like in Luhrmann's previous movies, the art direction, the cinematography, costume & set design as well as the soundtrack (20th & 21st century music mixed to convey the roaring 20s!) are 100% over the top, which fits this particular story amazingly well! And the inventive language Luhrmann uses is also fascinating.

I'm sure I could go on and on, but it's 2 am (and I'm fudging on the time of the post for NaBloPoMo's sake once more, hello!) and I still need to cook some before I can sleep. Maybe more later?!

Have you seen the movie? What did you think?

10 Years Old [on 5/30]!! or Happy Birthday to my "baby" (written on 5/30/14)

Instead of writing another lame post, I looked in my drafts folder and found this post that I forgot to finish and publish on my youngest son's birthday in May. Oh-oh!

I can't believe my "baby" is a decade old today. Wow!

He's such a joy, my youngest son, very sweet and caring, responsible and helpful, he's quiet with people he doesn't know and almost shy, but a chatter-box when he knows you. (you know all about that, right, J?). He's got this very unique sense of humor, mostly using word-plays and puns. And he has the most beautiful cursive handwriting.

My mostly easy-going boy gets all of his brother's hand-me-downs and doesn't ever complain, bless his heart! Of course I do get him new clothes once in a while! ;-) He's very skinny, but is growing very fast. I keep hoping both boys will wear different sizes for a while longer, but we know he's probably going to be taller than his brother, so soon enough they'll be wearing the same size clothes and shoes. I'm not looking forward to the extra-expense!

He's beginning to behave like a "tween" already and his attitude and teasing manner sometimes take me by surprise.
(the draft ended here)

Some things have changed since last May. Now he's in 5th grade and feeling pretty "grown up." He now plays in the band and sings in the choir and he wants to join the bell choir next year (much to his older brother's chagrin ;-). I still feel like he's my "baby" and he's definitely still a young boy, but his "baby face" is slowly transforming and changing.

They grow too fast, these kids, and I try to enjoy every second and every phase. I would include a photo, but I don't think he would like that. I hope he enjoyed his birthday celebrations! He had a playdate with his two best friends on the day and a pool and climbing wall party with some other friends a few days later. It's the last "official" party, the 10th birthday one. I know it's an "arbitrary" decision, but I think that 10 parties each is enough, right? ;-) Maybe I'll do a "round up" post of all their birthday parties (nah, too many photos to choose from!).

Ha!! I found two usable photos from his party, I don't think he'll object to these (and you can barely see the kids' faces on that second one).

Goofy birthday photo! The party was also a good-bye to two of his friends: the boy in the middle [in white] and his twin sister, [not pictured] -- they are the youngest kids of our former school principal who moved to the West Coast with his family.

Tired

Warning: lamest NaBloPoMo blog post ever, but it's for a good cause (going to bed earlier!)

I'm exhausted!! I just spent 3h preparing food for the dinner I'm offering to my students at U#2 on Sunday.

A friend came to help me, particularly in the rolling of the "cheese bread" (pão de queijo). 

Last night I was up 'till past 2 am, so I need to post this & go to bed! Ok, bye!

Warm Wind, Colorful Dress

I can't stop talking about how much I love this amazing weather we're having! :-) It's because it just makes me so blissfully happy!  And I also know that it's not going to last much longer. 

I wish I were wearing a dress like two weeks ago when the temperature reached the 80s! But it was colder 76 miles away where I live so I didn't know it was going to warm up like this! It is actually warmer now (70!!) than the forecast says will be warmest temperature in the day. I guess they made a mistake!

I am also enjoying this blogging while walking to and from work and speaking into my phone. I'm sure it's not my best writing, but I hope it's okay!

Here are some selfies of the pretty dress that I bought on sale and wore two weeks ago (I even painted my toenails for the occasion):

72 F (22 C) in November feels Heavenly!

This is awesome! It feels like a winter afternoon in Brazil!  Except that the light is way more slanted (ah! Emily Dickinson) and that there are some red and yellow leaves left on the trees while others are mostly bare.

What a gift! I'm enjoying every second, knowing that this is unexpected, unusual... Maybe the result of our constant destruction of the environment. :-(

In any case, it's a glorious, gorgeous afternoon, and I'm happy!

My Tree-Hugging Brother & His Sustainable Company

I don't know if I should check with my brother before sharing this photo, but I don't think he'd mind. Here he is, literally hugging a tree in a forest in Bolivia, maybe in 2011 or 12:

My brother (2.5 years younger than me) is a "forest engineer" or, I suppose, forester in plain English. Back in 2012 he made a photo album in facebook (where I got this photo) to show to his friends why he loves his life as a forester. The photos begin in 2006 when he moved to China to work for Stora Enso, a Finnish paper company that was (and is) working with the Chinese government to plan eucalyptus for a future paper mill. He was basically teaching them how to plant the tree which was successfully introduced in Brazil many years ago and thrived there. 

In 2008 he moved to New Zealand (because my SIL didn't want to have babies in China!) to work for a consulting forestry company, Poyry (also from Finland). In that job he traveled the world -- he worked in the Australia backlands (where he was super emotional seeing eucalyptus in its native environment for the first time in his life, after years of working with that tree). in forests in Fiji, Ghana, Brazil (the Amazon), Bolivia, Chile. 

Then he moved on to another consulting firm, Indufor, (also Finnish, what's with Finland and forest engineering and consulting?) where he led this huge consulting project for his current employer, Fibria, the merger of the two largest paper producers in Brazil and one of the largest pulp production companies in the world. Last September, he moved back to Brazil (with a newborn and a 22 month old) to work as a manager at Fibria and this weekend a business magazine in Brazil (Exame) named Fibria the most sustainable company in Brazil in 2014! (I sill need to congratulate my brother)

I'm sure some environmentalists would disagree, but my brother knows A LOT about paper production and sustainable forest management, and he says that most large-scale paper producers in the world are actually benefiting the environment. In addition to planning ahead and planting millions of trees that will be used for paper-making in the future, they also preserve local indigenous forests, among other intiatives. That makes me feel a bit better about using paper, although I agree that using less of it is good even if paper companies are planting more trees than they're cutting down. 

The Berlin Wall

I don't really have any personal experience with the Fall of the Berlin Wall. I'm sure I watched the news, but I wasn't really aware of the significance of it. I was a senior in high-school, starting my last month of classes (the school year ends in early December in Brazil).

I know that three of my husbands' second (actually third) cousins lived in (West) Germany, and although they were much younger than us (around 9, 11 and 13), they certainly felt the effect of the reunification of Germany very keenly. I hope to be able to talk to them about this someday!

Meanwhile, I'd like to share the Google Doodle video for today. I visited Berlin in 2000 and it was pretty fascinating to see what a construction site it was (even though 11 years had already passed) and the differences between the two sides of the city.

Perfect Autumn Leaves (and Sky!)

I'd originally written Perfect Autumn Photos for a title, but obviously these aren't perfect, I do have a good camera and great zoom lens, but I'm not a "real" photographer by any stretch of the imagination. The leaves and the gorgeous day are/were perfect!

I wish I was more savvy and could fiddle with the template of the blog to make these photos appear really big, but no, I'm not, so that's it (I did make the vertical photos bigger* because they will fit in the template). These haven't been edited in any way (I'm too lazy & I'm also not using the Mac most of the time now). I took them two weeks ago while my sons were having piano lesson make-ups on Sunday morning at a local university.

*The photo rotation in the first and next to last photos are courtesy of Blogger. How does it know what's supposed to be the right side up? ;-)

I totally wish I'd taken many more photos and made sure they were all focused right. I always have this feeling that "I'm taking too many photos already, I should stop!" But later I realize that I did not in fact take enough photos. Sigh...

A few links: Lena Dunhan, Breastmilk & Diva Cup

I hope to have time to come post more later, but if I don't here's a quick linky post!

(update about yesterday: power came back before 10 pm, but I didn't go back online)

My friend Dawn doesn't have a personal blog anymore (and I miss her blog very sorely), but she wrote a great post about Lena Dunham from the perspective of a therapist who works with children and family.

The last two links are borrowed from Laura at Apt .11D, thanks Laura!

I always love to read and find more about breastfeeding and breastmilk, since long-time readers will know that I breastfed for a long time (5 years 5 months) and I'm an ardent "Lactivist." So making this one of my five monthly NYT reads for this months was worth it -- "In a Mother's Milk, Nutrient, and a Message Too."

Last, but not least, I've blogged about the Diva Cup and while this is not a groundbreaking post, it's an interesting account of someone else who likes it. (and, just for fun, you can read a hilarious review from Amazon which I couldn't find there anymore-- though I did read it there -- I found it posted here).

Have a great weekend everyone. It's very cold here!

Blogging by Candlelight

Just in case power doesn't return to our subdivision this evening and before my phone battery dies, let me quickly blog by candlelight!

 I just got home and the boys had to say by themselves for over an hour since K had an event he was helping organize at he university. The boys lighted all the candles on their own, it was a bit scared when my son told me that over the phone.

I'm going to use our gas stove to cook some pasta and hopefully we can go to bed early, 'cause I'm pretty tired! 

Maybe I'll get to blog more later, we'll see!

Divided States of America

I wish the world could function without politics and, most importantly, politicians, but that's not the case. I wasn't really following the elections, but I knew that things didn't look good. This morning when I turned on the radio and heard just a little bit about the results, I was upset, though. A divided government. Historically divided.

Sigh...

And I immediately called my husband to communicate that I think we'll have to spend that money -- the one I haven't wanted to spend at all -- to become citizens so we can vote in 2016.

Especially considering where we live right now. I think two votes may make a real difference. ;-)

Is spending close to 2K for that reason worth it, I wonder? I don't really know. Probably not, but I want to be engaged in the future of my "adopted" country, and that's one important way to do it.

I'll let you know if we decide to take this next step in becoming part of this country.

(I guess you can tell I've got very mixed feelings about all this)...

111: Should I try it?

If I write 111 more posts I can post more than last year, but what for?

I mean, blogging is becoming nearly obsolete. At least this kind of blogging: personal, with few readers, not "branded" and not professional.

I know I blog for me and except for the depressing year of 2009, I have always blogged more than the year before -- it was pretty much my only goal in the blog.

Maybe I should pick another number instead of aiming for 249 posts in 2014. I know I can totally pull off writing 111 posts between now and December, but I should have a better goal or aim at a "funner" number, like 177? ;-) That would require only 39 posts between now and the end of the year, but that's too little for blabbermouth me!

OK, so maybe I'll have no goal. However many posts I get to write is fine. But, wait! Maybe I'll stop at 214? That would be cute -- 214 posts in 2014! 64 more to go then. I'll try!

iOS8 Speaks Portuguese!!

After I got my new iPhone battery, the first thing I did was to upgrade to iOS8 and I was very tickled and thrilled to find out that I can now dictate texts, emails, lists, anything, in Portuguese!!!

Muito legal! Very cool!

Yeah... Apple works very hard to "convert" us all to its products, doesn't it? ;-)

Maybe Hope?

(But I still have a deep-seated need to be prepared and "rehearse" worst-case scenarios)

Last week I finally, FINALLY got to talk in person to NH ("new hire") for the first time since the first day of classes. And...
                       ... and?

Well... maybe, just maybe all is well regarding the possibility of employment next year. I know it cannot (even "by law") be certain, but I feel much more positive and hopeful about it.

This is a relief, and also a slight embarrassment given my hugely stressful reaction. But... I have this need to be prepared for the worst (especially considering my nightmarish beginning of the semester!) and I know that my "pessimistic realism" is an important coping mechanism for me.

I don't know if I can truly be "cautiously optimistic" because that's almost foreign to my nature, but I can try, right?

I'll keep you posted!

Adopt a Highway -- Please don't litter!!

A week ago I helped out at my sons' school -- a very rare "treat" for me, since my schedule is so busy and I can hardly ever do anything at the school or go on any of my sons' field trips.*

The 7th and 8th graders were going to clean out these roads that are informally adopted by their elementary school and close to the campus. My group consisted of my son and four boys in his class and we were assigned the very first stretch of road, fairly short, and I was blown away by how much trash had been thrown by drivers in this short stretch of a rural side road!! Countless empty cans, cups and bottles of soda, beer and water. Old lottery tickets, grocery bags with trash. A large bag of bird-seed and plastic bags and lots of other small items.

The five boys in my group filled two of the bags you see above (probably the fullest ones). Our stretch was short, but I think the other roads cleaned were side ones and ours must be the most traveled stretch (after three other roads meet, leading into a minor not-divided highway). Some of the boys in my group were a little rowdy and started throwing some of the trash across the road to the other group, but other than that, they worked diligently and did a good job. We were the first group to finish.

I kept thinking that if the people who litter had to clean even a small area of the roadside they would never do it again! And I was very glad to have my son and his classmates do this service project. I have some qualms with a few things his teacher does, but I think that the good initiatives far outweigh the bad. I'll talk about my kids' teachers and schedules in another post. There'll be lots of posts this month.

I'm sure none of my blog readers do it, but in any case, please, don't litter!

* I am planning to go on two trips next year, one to the Capitol & White House and to their ski day. I will cancel my classes to do that.

NaBloPoMo once more!

Last year I took a relaxed approach to "National Blog Posting Month," but this year I'll try to be more intentional about it! So, before I forget, I'm writing this post!

I will try to share some Fall photos and other old ones that I'd wanted to post on the blog for a while. I think it will be fun and I'm looking forward to it!  

For Once, Apple "delivered" ;-)

I have this half-written post in my drafts folder in which I'm mad at Apple and basically giving up on its computers. I wrote it only a handful of days ago, actually, mad at the situation with my photos!

Why the slight change in perspective, you could ask? Well... Because my once "top of the line" iPhone 5 just had a battery replaced for free by apple today because it had a faulty one that qualified for free replacement! YAY! 

Great "gift" on the 2nd anniversary of me getting the iPhone. I joke that since 7 is my number -- ;-) anyone out there born on 7/7 as well? Too bad it wasn't in 1970! I turned a disappointing six on 7/7/77 -- my next iPhone will have to be the 7! ;-)

We'll see about that! It will all depend on whether our AWESOME "alternative" carrier Ting will take it! Meanwhile, I'm more or less in peace with Apple, but I still need to find a way to back up TWO YEARS of photos held hostage in iPhoto in my laptop. 

Brazilian Presidential Elections

Today was the second round of the presidential elections in Brazil and, in spite of corruption charges and much criticism, the incumbent president, Dilma Rousseff, was re-elected.

The sharp divisions in the country remind me a lot of the "red" and "blue" states extremes that started with Bush's "election" and re-election, except that the Northeast and North of Brazil are equivalent historically to the South of the U.S. and in Brazil the "red" side refers to the socialist-learning Worker's Party and the even more left communist parties.

All of my friends and family are very  upset with the re-election and I read lots of unhappy posts on facebook. Many people actually putting up a black "bereavement" Brazilian flag as their profile photo. I also talked to my mom on the phone and she ranted for a long time.

I haven't lived in Brazil for 18 years, so I cannot really have an informed opinion about the election. I liked Marina and I used to support the Worker's party, but their corruption and other problems make me no longer sympathize with them.

People are talking of impeaching Dilma, let's see what will happen. I hope that the economy in Brazil doesn't go into crisis mode harming our family members. :-(

The "Big Dream" ;-) (a Sabbatical in Europe)

I had to spill all the beans in the title because, well, if all you see are my blog post titles, at least you'll know what my greatest dream (for now) is! ;-)

You know, the thought of not having a career, a job/jobs is pretty freeing, actually. But I know I will need to figure out something to continue helping to support my family.

While that doesn't get decided/settled (will it ever?), why don't I take to dreaming? Half-an-hour of research about traveling in Europe reminded me of my "big dream" and gave me a small epiphany: maybe not having a job could help in this dream? Or the contrary? K and I have often talked that having an actual job I could request a semester of unpaid leave from would be the most important condition to actually act on our dream. And maybe that's true. Sigh... :-(

So, the dream is simple. When K got his current job at first he was told that they were no longer doing sabbaticals, but then things changed and there are actually sabbaticals to be had -- after he gets tenure (which hopefully will be in the Summer of 2016). And the dream would be for him to find an institution in Europe to do research during the sabbatical semester -- preferably in France, Switzerland or England (to make it easier for the boys in school).

The dream would be to go in the Spring so he could also do research in the summer and then we could travel around. If we were to go to France, particularly the greater Paris region or to England, I think I could also get a teaching job (language, literature) for one semester. I mean, anywhere close to a big university would give me a chance to do something too.

Anyway... it would be challenging for the kids (who would be 13-14 and 16-17), but it would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience!

I'll let you know if any of this ever transpires. In any case, it's several years into the future.

Dreaming doesn't hurt, does it?

(big sigh... not whiny, but the "smiling"/content kind of sigh :-)

The Amazing Summer 2015 Middle-East/Europe Trip Tickets Were Bought OR ("Good" Debt??)

Buying international travel tickets is costly and, therefore, horribly scary & stressful! (at least for me!) Right now I'm burying my head on the sand, ostrich-style, not thinking about all that debt on my credit card that we'll have to figure out how to pay! The problem is that we still have some debt from buying the car this summer, yikes! Is there such a thing as "good" debt? If yes, these qualify, I think! ;-)

We don't travel until mid-July next year, but bought the tickets two nights ago because tickets need to be purchased well in advance for these kinds of trips. Especially for such a crazy itinerary as ours! We fly into Cairo (via Frankfurt), tour through Cairo, Sinai Peninsula, Jordan and Israel with a group; fly from Tel-Aviv to Zurich, spend 14 days in Europe; fly back to the U.S.

I'm excited! The Middle-East trip will be with family: parents-in-laws, my parents, one of the brothers-in-law ("K2") and his wife & sons, my mother-in-law's sister and at least two of her three sons and their wives, maybe a few more relatives, and, to complete the group, some close and not-so-close friends. My sons will be baptized by their grandfathers (both pastors) in the Jordan River -- Kelvin's bright idea! -- and I think that's going to be very emotional and meaningful (my nephews may be baptized too, but I don't know).

Then our family and my parents and I will spend some time in Europe together. We haven't decided the itinerary yet, but I'm already super panicky that 14 days is ABSOLUTELY nothing & too little time! Good thing I spent 27 wonderfully packed days in Europe in 2000 backpacking, camping, and "Eurail-passing" with my husband, so we did see LOTS, most everything (museums, churches, monuments, sights) in these eight cities: Paris, Barcelona, Florence, Rome, Venice, Munich, Berlin, & Amsterdam.

The boys have an agenda, and it has ONE (cute!) item: they want to visit the Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg, Germany, which is the largest model railway display in the world! So we have no choice, we have to go to Hamburg! ;-) And it's kind of "out of the way," but we'll do it for them (they also want to do the "behind the scenes" tour -- but we have to book one in English in advance, I don't know if that will work, but coming from so far away, it may be worth it!). K was saying we should then go to Denmark, but I think that maybe not, only if we had more time. My parents already know Denmark. They know most of Europe, actually, since they lived there for 3 years(1969-1972) and traveled around for 4 months at the end of their time there.

I don't really have any "agenda" except to visit my birth-place (Geneva) with my parents and to go to the Alps (wherever Rick Steves, our travel guru extraordinaire, says to go). We will be able to spend a few nights "camped" in K's aunt (actually his mom's cousin) in Basel, Switzerland, so that will be helpful -- we can leave suitcases there, for example.

Yeah, I'm excited! And I will probably blog much more about his trip in between now and July. And, hopefully I'll blog a lot of the trip as well!

Have you been to Europe? Or the Middle-East? Do you like traveling abroad? I love it, I'd do it all the time if I could!

Trying to Be At Peace

My "silly" premonition may be dead-on. I found out nearly 10 days ago (but I couldn't find the right way to blog it) that U#2 is going to do a national search for my current position and I'm "welcome to apply."

I totally freaked out when I found out and I sent a panicked email to two friends. Good thing my dear friends, who are so patient with me, reminded me that they do need to advertise for a new position in order to change it to a 3 year more permanent position. That happened with them, but I think the circumstances were quite different. (it was a last minute thing two years ago, positions opened up, were advertised mid-summer for a short while and they got the contracts. Last year they had a few more 3 year contracts for other lecturers of the same language). It didn't seem to be premeditated and long planned like this, I think. I will find out when the ad is posted. (which may be late in the year too!) ;-(

So... I have a really bad feeling about this. I think it's a very convenient occasion for them to get rid of me. And what happened this summer and in the beginning of the semester with my contract strongly suggests that my intuition is right. I know the students love me, but maybe asking for fair treatment is a ticket to be discarded. After all, as Chomsky stated, they want more control over us vulnerable workers.

And to make matters even more complicated and stressful I found out that there's no way I can have full-time work at U#1. In fact, I don't even know if I can to teach more classes there, though I'm hoping it will be possible.

Yeah, just what I needed to keep going with my crazy-busy schedule in the middle of the semester.

Sigh...

I know that whatever happens I will be OK. I trust that the Lord has a plan for my life and this situation, but I'm still apprehensive and sad. And stressed out about the money. But I know He can provide. Please keep me in your prayers in the next few months. I hope that this unbearable suspense won't last too many months! (but it may) :-(

That Gluten-Free Experiment?

I don't know if you remember that I did a really short week-long experiment of going gluten-free and I need to report back that it didn't really work (and please don't tell me that I needed to have gone at least a month, blah-blah-blah, I already know!) .

The thing is: I'm quite sure I don't have a gluten intolerance.

(OTOH I am not sure I'm not lactose intolerant, but I don't really want to know at this point, sorry, no! ;-)

So, yeah... that's that, I don't think I have a lot to say about this (which is a pretty rare thing for me!), except two things:

1) It wasn't very hard because I already eat lots of gluten-free meals and I'm not dependent on bread or cereal at all.

2) Large amounts of pasta or white bread (rich in soluble fiber* and poor in insoluble fiber) are excellent for my IBS, so why quit them for no reason?

Note: I still eat lots of veggies and whole grain foods, I just try to balance them with foods rich in soluble-fibers. I love lentils, for example, but coupled with tomatoes, they are my worst enemy. ;-) I still eat them once in a while, if possible, but with tons of rice!

* This very link -- that I found years and years ago (OK, back in 2006 or 7, not that long ago) when I was discussing with my husband about eating fruits & veggies together, and googled "soluble/insoluble fiber" -- is what led me to my highly accurate self-diagnosis of IBS. (the diagnosis was confirmed by a doctor after I had a colonoscopy)

My kids' pediatrician drives...

... a blue convertible BMW!

I just saw him as I was getting gas at Costco.

Weird Premonition

Last Thursday I found out with great delight that they're building an Aldi grocery store precisely halfway in the middle of my daily commute from home & University #2. 

We love Aldi, it was a "staple" of our grocery shopping back in PA and while my son was doing vision therapy an hour away I could also shop there weekly.

So... The catch? It seems WAAAY too good to be true that they're building an Aldi right on my daily path. 

My crazy "natural" conclusion? I probably will lose my job at U2 and won't be working here once the store is open.

I may be crazy, but it could be true!!! I should find out soon. 

Sigh...

Happy!

I had to get those negative feelings out of the way, thanks for bearing with me! And BTW that photo I took & shared in the post make be happy, beauty makes me happy!

This week I met briefly with a student on Tuesday afternoon, just to make her some copies from the beginner level textbook. She lived in Brazil as a child, but hasn't been in touch with Portuguese for years, so she needs some grammar to help her re-capture the language in its fullness.

We walked down the hall together, talking. Then I started making copies, telling her what to do with the pages that were coming, explaining that I'd save the originals and make her a double sided, stapled packet.

Half-way through the process, my student turns to me and says, simply:

"You're so happy!"

I don't think I said anything. Maybe I just nodded and most certainly continued smiling. Or I may have said something like:

 "Sure! I guess I am!"

And it's very true. I'm really, really happy. And blessed. And I'm thankful for that every single day. That's why it doesn't bother me that sometimes I feel down and that my job situation is pretty depressing. That doesn't change a thing about me being truly happy. And I'm pretty sure that even if bad things happen (like deaths in the family), I can still be happy.

And, of course, I need to include "Happy" in this post because I do love it! (ever since I heard it in Despicable Me 2). I don't care that some people don't like it because it's so ubiquitous and overly popular or for whatever other reason. It makes me happy!

The Summer of... Nothing Done?

I can't believe it's Fall already.

Blah... you may recall I don't like the cold and though Fall is beautiful, it's also sad to me. 

This Fall I'm particularly... I don't know... disgruntled? maybe? Because the summer wasn't satisfying in a "things accomplished" kind of way. 

Some things got done, some for the very first time (like the piano):

• the boys had piano lessons and kept their progress up, and I went all "tiger-mom" on them and had them learn a really hard duet to play in churc when family was visiting. That was satisfying, but the results are not very palpable, right?

• The boys were in swim practice whenever we weren't traveling, but they didn't participate of any meets, so, again, no "results" except for better fitness. 

• Both K and I presented papers at conferences and had a good time meeting colleagues and traveling with the family -- too bad they were back to back, so we got tired of traveling!

I guess that's about it. We did travel some -- a short trip to Florida, which had to be short because of this wedding we needed to attend -- and another short trip to Canada to visit family (which was short because they all came to visit us!).

The visit from family was short and intense (hosting 8 people is a lot of work!), and it helped us clean the house some (there's nothing like pressure to get things done!) but they left precisely on the kids' first day of school and the timing was far from ideal... 

What depresses me is the seemingly endless list of things that did NOT get done:

• First, and foremost, the translation project that I started in July and which has been completely PAUSED since we traveled to Canada and classes started. :-( I won't be paid a penny until that whole things is done, so, yeah... our loss! And the worst part is that I have no idea how in the world and when I am going to finish this!!

• I never worked in the yard and removed the countless SCARY poison ivy vines that have spread EVERYWHERE in the our backyard flower beds and next to the trees in the border of the property. 

• We never cleaned/organized the garage.

• I didn't organize our books which is something I've been wanting to do forever, but maybe never will?

• I really wanted to paint the hallway and living room and downstairs, but K doesn't want to hear of those projects so, guess what, I think they'll never get done! ;-( (summer is a busy time for him and he knows painting is time consuming, but I want to do it myself, but with my "problem" who know if I'll ever really succeed in doing it. I think I could if I wanted to!)

• I also wanted (I always want to) make more photo books and stuff, but that only works out when I have a deadline (such as a free book offer). 

We did re-stain the deck -- I finished last Friday and last Sunday! -- and I got to help K significantly with it, which made me incredibly happy! "Useful manual labor" is something I truly enjoy! (except gardening in the heat and with tons of mosquitoes, I suppose). 

Yeah, it wasn't that bad. That's why I wanted to write this post, to put things into perspective! I need to be more positive, but it's hard!

Well, like it or not, Fall is here. Happy Fall, everyone!

Kimbap (Sushi) for Breakfast!

This morning I had a lovely, if unusual, breakfast of leftover yummy food from last night! Kimbap (the Korean word for sushi -- my friend Jen who helped me make them, wants me to use the right word) and Korean soup!

(There were about ten or twelve, but when I remembered to take the photo only these we're left!)

My younger son, who shares my taste for lunch/dinner foods for breakfast, had leftover penne with garlicky broccoli!

Do you ever eat unusual foods for breakfast? I'd LOVE to know!

P.S. BTW, for most Brazilians, typical American breakfast fare such as eggs, bacon, potatoes [home fries or hash browns] grits, sausages are very strange indeed! I love them because I love savory food much more than sweets.

Some Reasons Why I Hate Cold Weather/Winter

I even dislike Fall and early Spring (though Spring is a hopeful time -- warmth is coming! -- as opposed to depressing Fall), and some of the reasons are:

- the cold kills the plants and the world becomes all brown and grey and sad. :-(

- I strongly dislike wearing pants, socks and closed up shoes (and I obviously loooove sandals and dresses!). I've never cared for scarves & other accessories. Thankfully, I do love hats & gloves & I don't completely despise boots.

- I hate feeling cold, and my feet are often cold (sometimes even in the summer I wear socks to bed!).

- Putting on coats and taking them off is a horrble nuisance! Not to mention the cost of dry cleaning them (and their cost to begin with!). I have a bunch of filthy coats that I NEED to have cleaned -- why oh why can't I just wash them at home???? (I don't mind buying coats. I just wish I could afford more)

- I love snow (and snow days!!) and think it's beautiful (though messy), but it doesn't snow a lot here, so it's mostly really ugly & dreary.

- Winter is just way too long. Not having grown up here I don't really enjoy the seasons that much.

I need to drive now, so I'll publish this. If I remember anything else, I'll edit the post!

What Wise Man Noam Chomsky Said about Adjunct Labor & Higher Education

I'm late* to this since it was published online in February at AlterNet, but "better late than never" is my motto!! *(but not as late as publishing a 2009 article as "new/news" here this year, that was embarrassing and I'm thankful for the commenter that pointed it out. No link for obvious reasons!)

and thanks to my dear friend Diber for the link!

WARNING: this is a "Soap-Box" kind of post. My apologies in advance for the inflammatory language!

"Chomsky: How America's Great University System Is Being Destroyed" (subitle: Faculty are increasingly hired on the Walmart model as temps.) is a great article not only explaining how/why the university system is "adjunctified" nowadays, but also exploring in great historical detail how universities have fully adopted a "corporative model"or the model of private enterprise. 

I suppose people on the right would probably argue that his arguments are flawed, blah, blah, blah... but seriously, he is perfectly right in saying that it is only possible to have a really profitable corporate world by exploiting lots of people and, at the same time, relying on them as consumers. 

I'm sorry if you disagree with me, but I cannot, in any way, shape or form, understand how people cannot see the truths he's pointing out in this speech/essay. I cannot help but be a "leftist," and I cannot really understand anyone who thinks that exploiting other people and not granting everyone (including women, children, people of color, people of other countries, people of every sexual orientation, etc) equal rights and protections is the way the world (and this country in particular!) should operate. I just cannot understand. 

You don't need to be "communist," "socialist" or any other "ist" to believe that people are inherently greedy and that there is no way any system (particularly a supposedly "communist" one) can work without exploitation and, most importantly OPPRESSION of weaker classes of people (and suppression too -- that's why I secretly, and not so secretly admire whistle blowers such as Edward Snowden and the WikiLeaks people). 

Chomsky outlines a series of ways in which Higher Education is being destroyed in this country: 

1) relying on very vulnerable (i.e. graduate students and adjuncts) teaching body, while hiring less and less tenure track faculty, is conducive to CONTROL. In addition, reducing the time and the quality of the time students are in contact with faculty also enhances control and decreases the possibility of dissent and critical thinking. The vulnerability of this group (ME, MY FRIENDS!!) is great and in many cases prevents them (US!) from organizing, unionizing, protesting. 

I LITERALLY CRIED reading his paragraph about that. 

2) Hiring lots of administrators (and staff too) and paying them higher and higher salaries. I had no idea that the numbers of students and faculty hasn't been changing much, but the number of administrators (of all levels and their staff, under-deans, secretaries, etc) has swelled incredibly.

3) Increasing the cost so students will be saddled with LIFELONG student debt that they will be forced to repay. So, they are most effectively controlled for life because of their debt!

I HAD NO IDEA that education, even an Ivy League education, was relatively inexpensive 60-70 years ago (until WHEN? I wonder). 

If you've lived in this country all your life, you may not know this (and you should see my students poor wistful faces every time I tell them that -- I just did last week), but in most other countries, UNIVERSITIES DO NOT CHARGE TUITION. Getting a college degree from a prestigious university is free or practically free in most developed countries, but not in the United States.

OK, I'm getting of my soapbox right now. Screaming like this is exhausting!!!! 

It's just I wish with all my heart I could be a "real" activist, but I just CAN'T! And it's not just that I'm a vulnerable adjunct, but I really don't have any rights here where I live. I cannot unionize, I do advocate for myself as much as I can, but although that can give me a temporary one more year of a full-time contract, it doesn't guarantee AT ALL future work. 

Sigh... all this is exhausting. I wish I could take a break from these thoughts, but they are my whole entire life, day in and day out. The mega-commute, the teaching of too many classes, the meager paycheck (which is actually great compared to other people in a similar situation).

It's easy to just feel too weak and tired to fight back. It's easy to feel defeated and powerless. But I don't want that for myself. I don't know how, but I will fight. I won't give up! (hopefully)

thanks for listening, if you're still here. 

Boyhood: Delightfully Brilliant, yet Riddled with Stereotypes...

... or should I say brilliantly delightful? And... are some of the stereotypes slightly mysoginistic?

I don't know, but I wonder...

Well, after a summer of constantly wishing to watch movies, but not having time, I finally got to see Boyhood last Sunday with my husband in the small local theater!

(this viewing was preceded by a Richard Linklater "Before" movies marathon the weekend/week before, but I'll blog about that later! Can't wait!)

First of all, Boyhood, filmed over twelve years, is a groundbreaking film-making experiment/experience. It is incredible to see the characters age, particularly Ellar Coltrane, the boy, and his sister, played by Linklater's daughter Lorelei. Trailer:


Apart from Rebecca Woolf's commentary on the movie (and her previous post), I avoided reading reviews or criticism of the movie online, but I knew not to have too high expectations, so I wasn't disappointed.

The film is pretty moving and funny and I loved how (and I'd read about that ahead of time) Linklater chose to use music from the different years the action was taking place. I particularly loved the opening scene with Coldplay's Yellow!

I think -- although I haven't grown up in this country, so I wouldn't be able to really evaluate that! -- the movie accurately portrays American families (particularly with divorced parents) and the way American kids are raised. I loved that I have family in Texas and that I'd already been to most of the locations and I could recognize the landscape, which is very similar to where my sister-in-law's family lives. The NYT had an article about this in July, titled "Texas Gets Love Letter in 'Boyhood.'"

I was looking at my students today and thinking that I better understand their elementary/high school experience and their worldview after watching this movie (I felt that way particularly when I was looking at one of my female students who has lots of earrings in one of her ears, kind of quirky like boyhood's Mason) -- Brazilian kids' upbringing seems to me to be so different (of course in my generation, I haven't lived in Brazil and taught kids there for the past 18 years, but I still think it's different).

I liked the movie, but I think it's very hard to give it much depth and really develop the characters when you're filming over a twelve year span and that is the film's weakness. Filming like that is also very conducive to reducing the characters' lives to countless stereotypes. The single-mom who keeps finding abusive partners, the misfit high-school kid, the way boys/men see women.

I don't know... maybe I'm being too picky and academic here in being annoyed with the stereotypes and the way women/girls are portrayed. The sister seems to fade away so much towards the end of the movie, since the focus has to be on the boy(hood) of her brother.

And maybe my viewing was colored by this having read this tweet by Joyce Carol Oates:

Now for a film titled "Girlhood"--that lingers as lovingly on the understated, the mundane, & the transcendent in a girl's life.
— Joyce Carol Oates (@JoyceCarolOates) September 8, 2014

(tweet was looking great, but then it became text only when I deleted a comment I had here before, I hope it works again! YAY, it is working!)

In any case, women, particularly the mother, seem to be viewed as victims of men (maybe that's a good thing? To show how women can be strong and overcome abuse?) and since it's a movie about a boy growing up, we also have stereotypes of the way young men see women. I like the girlfriend and what happens seems realistic, but I don't know if I like the girl at the end.

I don't really know exactly what/how I feel, but as a girl/woman, I wish there was another movie like Joyce wrote. Sometimes this whole being-a-feminist-thing and seeking gender equality is exhausting to me... I wish I could just move on, but it's not possible, not with depressing statistics about the gender gap (particularly one I can't find now about how mothers make even less money than other women). The fight has to continue... sigh... and the awareness of gender stereotyping really did take some of the "magic" from this movie for me.

Last, but not least, I kept wondering if his mom wasn't just an adjunct and probably not really a tenure-track professor (like her second husband -- what a piece of work! And then they also totally make fun of this crazy supposed UT Austin professor who talks to himself in a diner, yikes!). She obviously seems to have a full-time position, but she's also pretty broke (and she clearly only got a master's degree not a doctorate). Well... it doesn't matter, but that part really resonated with me (obviously!).

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie and I loved Ethan Hawke, though I prefer him in the Before trilogy much more. Ellar Coltrane was superb, I want to read the interviews and articles about him and also view Q&A's with him and Linklater that are available on YouTube. I liked Lorelei Linklater's performance a lot and Patricia Arquette was OK as the mom. Now I can go read some reviews and I may come back to edit this with some links to my favorites (or not!).

I'm glad I finally got to do something I'd been really looking forward to! We do make it a point not too watch too many (if any!) movies, but this was one I wanted to see very badly. Hopefully this post doesn't have too many spoilers for you if you still haven't seen it!

P.S. As a mom of two boys I also got to think about my sons and my mothering of them, but they're still too young for me to identify with the teenage years that were a large part of the movie. In addition, their upbringing is/will be just very different from the boy in this film. Oh, and I thought that including stereotypical views of religious people was fine, almost funny. And the guns in a Texas ranch detail. I just thought that the dad's marriage came out of the blue and was left completely unexplained... but the movie wasn't about him. The mother is always closer to the boy, so she's portrayed in more depth.

Missing my boys

I haven't seen my 10 year old since Wednesday morning! And my 12 yo since yesterday morning. L had outdoor education at a camp 1h30 away & Kelvin had the 7th & 8th grade retreat. 

I miss them!! K & I couldn't really enjoy our time to ourselves because we had so much work and I "needed" to finish a free photo book (I know... Bad me, but 29 dollars off is good, no?).

We still got to have dinner together last night at this tiny Middle eastern restaurant and froyo afterwards. And we watched a movie at home! (More about the movie later! We overdosed on Linklater last week, hopefully we'll get to see Boyhood on Sunday!)

I can't wait to go pick up my boys in school though! (I'll leave in a few minutes) and then... We head to a house church retreat later today. I LOOOVE retreats, can't wait!!! (Though I'll be busy cooking/coordinating the food)

Sometimes, I just want to sit down and have a good cry...

... But I have a hard time doing it. There are too many good things in my life, and I know I should count my blessings instead.

 Sometimes, however, it is too overwhelming! I am always doing too much, being pulled into too many directions. Most of all, this lack of a real job and a definite direction in my life sometimes takes its toll on me.

Today I spent four hours with other faculty at University number one, and I felt keenly aware that all those other people in the room had an actual job, but I didn't. After four full years of this, it is starting to get old and hard to bear. 

As much as I enjoy this these new initiatives, and getting to know more people at the University, and, why not say it? Being paid to go to this... Sometimes I wonder if it's not just a waste of my time. A waste of precious psychological energy too, all because I'm passionate about researching teaching and learning.

I love to learn new things! I enjoy challenges and working in a group. I thrive doing these activities (like various faculty institutes). But, at the end of the day, I know they're throwing crumbs at me by allowing "part-time faculty" to participate of these faculty enrichment activities.

I feel like saying outright "I have all these great ideas, why won't you just give me a job so I can put them into practice?" The associate dean was there, I wish I could have said this to him! I wish academia worked in a more straightforward manner. But it's impossible, there are too many of us desperate overqualified souls.

 Too many things go through my head as I walk around each of the campuses, that's why I just wish I could sit down and have a good cry.  But crying won't solve my problems.  It will provide momentary relief, but that just means I'll cry again soon in the future.

So I just hold the tears. I don't allow myself time to break down and feel like a failure (and I know I can still cry and know I'm not actually a failure, but still...).

I "spoke" this post into my phone while driving to pick up my boys from school. I'm almost there now, so I will stop. It felt funny, like I was recording for an NPR show! Maybe I will do this again soon!

This is not a letter or an email, but I still want to finish saying that I hope everybody has a good weekend! :-)

Gluten Free for a Week

I'm doing an experiment. I'm going gluten free for a week, just to see if I'll feel any different. Some adult ADHD specialists, particularly Jacqueline Sinfield affirm that going gluten-free helps people with ADHD. Frankly, I'm skeptical, but why not give it a try? Of course the recommended period is 30 days and I may continue longer and see.

I'm also curious to see if it'll have any effect on my IBS (which is relatively mild, mostly with morning symptoms).

I don't eat lots of gluten to being with. I eat bread sparingly, and I totally don't mind not eating pasta. I have always, for as long as I can remember, been drawn to and LOVED gluten-free foods, particularly potatoes and manioc starch products (especially "cheese rolls" -- pão de queijo --> links to mouth-watering images!).

I've also been paying attention to food labels for a while now and I think I can do pretty well -- as far as frozen meals for work are concerned. All of the Amy's Kitchen frozen meals I like are gluten-free!

Oh... I have an event at the university tomorrow and I don't think they'll have gluten free options!! (I didn't ask ahead of time, I didn't know I would be doing this experiment boo!) Oh well... having to cheat on my second day is no good... In any case, I can keep going later.

I don't know if it's the lack of gluten, but I'm not sleepy at all tonight! I bet I'll be tomorrow morning, though, I'll see!

Reveling in the Warmth, Dreading the Freezing Cold

ETA: written on my cell phone, walking from the car to the building where I teach :-)
I'm not just "enjoying" the hot weather, I'm drinking it like the thirstiest person would. I'm trying to soak it, absorb it, try to feel it so much on my skin so I can keep the delightful sensation in my memory for as long as I can because I know it won't last long.

I almost feel a quiet despair thinking that it will soon be all over. That's why I don't enjoy he Fall season anymore, unlike many of my blog friends. I know the cicadas will stop singing and the crickets too. The world will have almost no green. 

And (silly superficial me!) I have too many dresses -- ha! You call them "sundresses" in this country. Too many summer clothes that I feel I barely get to use. :-(

Yeah, I'm not looking forward to Fall & Winter!

Saudade (& Gorgeous Maragogi!)

When distress and almost despair overtook me last week K & I felt like we always do in such situations -- a rare feeling, to be frank! -- we felt like we might want to go back to Brazil if things didn't/don't get better.

Home. I don't even talk like that about my home country now that home is really here. And not because we own our fourth house in this country. And even in spite of the fact that we always feel like "accidental immigrants."

I can hardly believe that I was there this year. January feels so so distant from the sad "shores" of early September! Sigh...

Talking of shores, I never shared images more than one image of where we were in Maragogi, right? -- only borrowed from other people [scroll down] before I'd even set foot on that sand and that water. No filters, first two photos taken by my sister-in-law D in her Canon, remaining taken by me with my Nikon (D5100).

Last week, on the morning I had my conversation with NH s/he asked if I'd gone to Brazil in the summer and when I said with sadness in my voice that I probably would only be back there in 2016 s/he asked "Why?" "Because I cannot afford it!" I answered, to which s/he retorted, "Oh, that's right, you have kids!" (and then I added that we're going to the Middle East + Europe(hopefully!) next summer with my in-laws and that's also why I can't afford to go to Brazil as well).

Anyway... I thought it was pretty bad timing to be talking about the fact that I can hardly ever go to Brazil while they didn't even wanted to offer me a full-time job. Sigh...

Yeah, we know that going back is not a "cure-all" solution and never would be, but sometimes it feels like it would help.

The lovely beaches (thousands of miles away from where we'd live, haha!) would be nice too. ;-)

New (to me) Wedding Music

This summer I went to two weddings which couldn't have been more different and I want to share some of the music since I don't know if I can or should share photos. (maybe in a another post?)

Two weekends ago we went to Philadelphia to attend my husband's Brazilian/Chilean postdoc colleague (not tenured at UPenn!) who is a really dear friend of ours. I met the bride at the wedding, but my husband had already stayed at their house so he knew her -- such a lovely young woman!

The bride walked in to "The Book of Love" and I couldn't believe I had never heard this delightfully moving song (covered by Peter Gabriel). I'm sure you know it, in case you don't here is a HQ youtube version I can't stop listening to:

There's also a live rendition by Peter Gabriel and while the orchestra and the backup singer are great, he's more speaking than singing in certain parts. Blogger wouldn't let me have three embedded videos, I don't know WHY!! :-( so it's this one here.

At the other wedding, the bride walked in with a live (and extra slow, because it was too hard for the pianist) version of this pretty earworm that apparently is all the rage at weddings all over the place (because of Twilight, apparently):

And I also gather (from YouTube comments) that "The Book of Love" has been in quite a few movies & TV shows and the cover was actually recorded for a movie (that I learned from Wikipedia).

I'll try to find some wedding photos that don't show people to share.

August, be gone already! / Agosto já vai tarde!

Seriously, I'm so over August. The end of this month was traumatizing, to put it mildly... sigh.

Last week after I gave one of my office-mates the good news she told me that now I could go celebrate with my husband.

Celebrate? I don't think I have any reason to celebrate. I am very relieved that it worked out, but I'm just even more bitter about my whole work situation. It's getting too tiresome to advocate for myself and to try to avoid being even more unfairly exploited.

I feel stronger, but at the same time even more cynical, skeptical and bitter. You know... I truly love getting older and I don't feel like going back to my younger, more naive and inexperienced years -- no way! I value all my past experiences, good and bad. One thing I kind of feel sorry about, though. I've always been kind of "childish" in a way, very enthusiastic, motivated, energized and these troubles only make me less so. They seem to seep into the fabric of who I am and deposit a thin layer of bitterness over everything. That, I don't like.

It's part of life though. And I can choose to remain positive and enthusiastic. I don't want to be one of those bitter old ladies, oh, no! And I think I won't be, so I need to get over it. That's why I'm glad this month is over. As we say in Portuguese, "it's leaving late already."

Good riddance! ;-)

In Print

Just got the scanned offer letter in an email.

Relief.

Now to sign it, take a picture and email it back, and, more calmly now, carry on.

Whole

Maybe it's weird, but I feel "whole" again now. It seemed, after all my indignation about the unfairness of how I was being treated and the distress I went through, that something was irreparably broken.

Walking around the sun-drenched building on my way to my office after I'd taught my classes on the first day (Tuesday) around 2 pm, I felt very raw and out of place. Not only because I was utterly exhausted, having slept only from 5-7:20 am and not having eaten a thing since about 10:30 pm the night before and feeling still slightly high on adrenaline, but because I felt just plain broken. Like a piece of cracked china that will eventually be discarded. I had fought and lost. I felt that I didn't really belong in that building. The only lecturer who was not full-time. The odd one.

And I opened my email to find a strange email from the chair that I didn't much like. I responded with two other emails, asking why we couldn't offer another class in the Spring, and by the time I wrote my "perspective" post he had written me a nice email saying he was meeting with the dean the next morning. I volunteered to compile some numbers in a document, showing that 24 students had remained on the waiting list (for a class of 18) when classes started and to demonstrate the demand for the class which, I argued, could be offered again in the Spring. I emailed him the document and went to bed.

To make a long story short, I talked to new hire (NH) briefly in the morning (s/he needed to approve of this plan of the new class, according to the chair -- I had also emailed NH the document) and had another brief meeting with the chair in the afternoon and s/he said that the dean had agreed with them letting me teach one more class and, thus, have a yearly full-time contract.

My husband had been bit upset about my angry email from the middle of the night, but I guess it worked... I'm happy, but the way things transpired was quite strange. Last Friday the chair had said that it looked promising, that he would use this money/line from "other language." Why did he change his mind? I really don't buy the "blaming the dean" story. Sigh... Since yesterday he said that he had told the dean that there wasn't a need to ask for funding because he was using another line that hadn't been used. (and I was "You said what??" in my head). Anyway... and there's one more thing that NH said that demonstrated that they'd obviously been talking to each other about the situation.

So... yeah, my fight will continue, but at least I don't feel broken anymore and I know that in the long run I'll be stronger and even more motivated to advocate for myself. Not that I have much, if any, leverage 'cause I don't.

Most importantly, I'm no longer the odd-one. Now I can look all my lecturer colleagues in the eye and not feel a pang inside. (Of course it's still kind of painful to know that some of my colleagues have a 3 year contract & make 50K, not 36). I've got a long way to go, I guess... we'll see what will happen.

(if you're curious, what I'd really like is that a position opened at U#1 where my husband works & I could go back there & not have the long commute anymore)

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" Matthew 7:7 KJV

(and 7 is my favorite number [teary-eyed], I was born on 7/7)

"For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened."

Matthew 7:8 (English Standard Version)

I was offered the full-time position.

Perspective

I still have two "half jobs."

I enjoy teaching and (most of ) my students are great.

I will only be missing 6K from last year's income. Maybe I could even teach another class at U#1 to help me get some of that?

It may hurt not to have "full-time status" anymore as a woman in her 43rd year and basically no perspective of a "real career," but it's not the end of the world.

It really really hurts to be aware of the unfairness of one's situation, but compared to millions of disenfranchised people in the world, life is very far from unfair to me.

Most everything else is lovely in my life, why be so bothered by this.

Pain and emotional distress make us more sensitive to other people's suffering and, hopefully, better people.

I hate to live this "roller-coaster" life, but it's the only life I have, so it's ok.

I can choose to be happy in spite of my frustrations and sense of being unfairly treated.

I'm sure there would be many more items in this list, but I'll stop here for now.

And now I'm just so sleepy my eyes are closing. I think I won't even have dinner before collapsing.

I'm done. Thanks for being a sympathetic (albeit silent!) listener to my plight.

Edited to add: I received a nice email from the chair just now. I don't think things will change because apparently it really IS the dean that's the problem, not him. And not the new hire as I suspected. I must not let my hyperfocus & mental hyperactivity related to negative situations and facts rule my brain, right?