(because I don't swear, I cannot bring myself to, even under such absurdly & patently unfair circumstances)
What would you do?
A family to help feed and clothe and no possible real job in sight FOREVER and ever. Those are my prospects.
I wish I could just walk away and force them to try to hire someone to teach my classes the night before I start teaching them.
That's what I wish I could do
Because having the courage to tell someone that YES, that's what we're going to do with you, exploit you for all you're (NOT) worth and "Hahaha!" if you walk away it's OK, just do it. The night before, when work has already been put in, when you've been communicating with students, when they know you need the money...
THAT is inhumane, not just unfair, it's... I don't even have the words for it.
How am I supposed to answer that email? How can I even face my students at 9:30 am tomorrow morning, after a 1h+ drive and such emotional turmoil? How can I find the strength to do this?
And the worst thing is that I KNOW there'd by a desperate person somewhere willing to move to make only, say, 20K a year to teach these classes. That's how absurd the situation in academia has gotten. They can get away with ANYTHING because that's how desperate we all are.
Why do I allow myself to be tortured like this?
If I don't do this we may not go really hungry, but I don't know if we can really pay the mortgage and live. For sure we won't be able to travel next year, we won't do so many things, I just can't do it.
But teaching 5 class meetings and being paid the same as 3 is something I wish I could refuse to do.
What in the world can I do?? But sign on that dotted line and walk like a silent lamb to the slaughter? I'd rather go kicking and screaming, but for who to hear?
If I could do some kind of protest, something, anything but WHAT? HOW?
I think that they actually WANT me to quit, they totally do!
How can I go back to putting the final touches on my syllabus now, How?