Beatriz: more amazing Brazilian music for you (English Translation too!)

At the end of nearly every Portuguese class I teach we listen to a Brazilian song whose subject is related to what we just studied. I am passionate about Brazilian popular music (MPB: Música Popular Brasileira) and I want to share that passion with the students.

Of course more often than not, the students just listen to the songs as a curiosity, but last week I think they were moved by one of my many favorites, Beatriz, a song by the amazingly talented songwriter/lyricist/novelist/singer (he's not the best singer, but he sings OK) Chico Buarque in a partnership with Edu Lobo. The best interpretation of the song is by another amazing Brazilian singer, Milton Nascimento.

After my students seemed so touched by the song I went to research a little bit more about it and found out that it is part of a ballet called O Grande Circo Místico. The spectacle first took place in 1982, but the CD was not released until last year. The ballet has a great website (in Portuguese) which is where I learned what it is all about --  it's fascinating!

The inspiration came from a really crazy poem by Jorge de Lima which, in turn, was loosely based on a real story! The story of how the Knie Circus (nowadays, Switzerland's "national circus" -- site in German) and how this Austrian medical student fell in love with an equestrian acrobat (Agnes in real life, Beatriz in the ballet). If you're interested I can give more information in the comments (translating some of the circus' story from Portuguese). For now, I just want you to listen to this song... it's beyond lovely, I should include the lyrics and translation in the future too. Last see. I hope you like it!

Note: the slide show is really cheesy, so you don't have to look at it. ;-)



Spanish subtitles only:


Edited to add (on 3/22/2011):
Someone found this post Googling for the English translation of Beatriz and he emailed me to ask for a translation. Here is is:
Edited to correct the translation, see comment below (07/07/2014) -- thanks Jules!

Beatriz
(Edu Lobo/ Chico Buarque)

Look

I wonder,* is she a virgin?

I wonder, is she sad?

I wonder, is it the contrary?

I wonder, is it a painting?

The actress’ face

If she dances in the seventh heaven

If she believes it is another country

And what if she only memorizes her role

And what if I could enter her life

Look

I wonder, is it made of porcelain [or china]?

I wonder, is it made of ether?

I wonder, is it madness?

I wonder, is it a set decoration?

The actress’ house

If she lives in a sky-scraper

And what** if the walls are made of chalk

And what if what she cries in a hotel room

And what if I could enter her life

Yes, take me forever, Beatriz

Teach me not to walk with feet on the ground***

Forever is always by a thread

There, tell me how many disasters are there in my hand

Tell me if it is dangerous for us to be happy

Look

I wonder, is it a star?

I wonder, is it a lie?

I wonder, is it comedy?
I wonder, is it divine?

The actress’ life

If she one day falls from the sky

And what if the costumers [payers] demand an encore

And what if the archangel passes the hat around

And what if I could enter her life.

* Será means “will be,” but será que ela é cannot be readily conveyed in English. I have decided to use “I wonder” in spite of the fact that Será que is impersonal.
** I had originally translated "E se" literally as "And if..." but decided to add "what" because I think it makes more sense in English and makes the "wondering" of the narrator stronger. I made this change on 6/24/12

***she was a tight-rope walker on the play

Democracy in America: When the voice of those who care to vote (and only those) gets "heard"

I was mildly annoyed all day. It all started with a facebook app that asked me whether I'd already voted. "I can't vote!" I replied in my wall, "I really wish I could, but I can't 'cause I'm one of those 'scary aliens.'" BLAH!

Then on campus I saw several people looking smug while walking around with their American flag backed "I voted" buttons and I wished I had this button (I just made it on Picasa):

Well, I'm not really that bitter about it, you know... Politics is tricky stuff. And I know if I stick around for a few more years and I decide to become a citizen, I'll be granted this "privilege." The worst part of politics for me is that for an overwhelming number of people, this privilege does NOT come "with great responsibility" -- they don't really care to vote. 

When I came to this country I couldn't understand the two party system and how it really worked or what each party stood for. In Brazil there were two parties only when there was some kind of dictatorship or when elite minorities were in charge. Once the political opening took place in the 1980s, many political parties were created, fostering a diverse political climate (almost circus-like at times, literally! This year people voted an allegedly illiterate circus clown into the house of representatives as a lame protest: BBC). It's not only here that people seem to be losing their minds in the political discourse... :-(

In any case, for me the most remarkable difference -- which can be looked at from a positive as well as a negative point-of-view -- is that in Brazil, voting is mandatory. Sure, that can lead to the clown representative, but one can also argue that the elected officials are truly the ones chosen by the majority of the population, 16 years old and older (between 16 and 18 years of age one can opt to vote on a voluntary basis -- but one can't get a driver's license until one is 18 in Brazil, this all makes much more sense to me!!). 

When the Bush Vs. Gore debacle took place in 2000 and whenever there's a presidential elections here, a lot of people in Brazil get really confused and cannot believe that a president got elected without the majority of the popular vote. I know how it works (it took over 10 years, but I finally understood), but lots of people around the world don't get it (and of course Americans could care less, right?).

I think what I wrote in the title is one of the things that bothers the most about American politics. And I know that you, "my fellow Americans" will argue that this is the very basis of your "democracy:" people have freedom not to participate in the election process. Fine, but when people don't get involved, they have no say and that is not good for them or the country. 

A couple of days ago Laura (Apartment 11D) blogged about Saturday's Rally and a productive discussion ensued in the comments. One of the things that her friend Suze wrote here exemplifies one of the things I feel is "wrong" in the current political sytem/climate:  

But I know a lot of others who did attend the rally. And they are not particularly political. Voting is the most political thing they do, and they only do that when there’s no line and they’re passing by anyway after picking up milk. It’s not that they’re so disillusioned they won’t vote, but rather that it may not fit conveniently into their day. They’re likely to go into the voting booth having only the vaguest idea of who’s on the ballot. 

Yeah... so only the voice of those who care to vote is heard. And right now there's lot of screaming and screeching out there. :-(  (at least the clown is comparatively harmless, no?)

NaBloPoMo - 4th year in a Row

Well... here we go again, this is my fourth year of NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month).

I hope to write some mildly interesting posts, but this will not be one of them. :-p

November... it's an OK month. I think Fall is pretty and all, but it's not my favorite time of the year. And winter, which this month begins to usher, is my least favorite season too... I do think that summers are just exceedingly hot in the U.S. (they really aren't bad like this in Brazil, only perhaps in the Northeast or for a few days at a time) and that's why a lot of people seem to enjoy the cooler temperatures in the Fall, but I prefer hot weather.

Today I was walking on campus when one of the reasons why I don't like winter dawned on me. One can't wear cute clothes in winter, particularly not cute shoes (I love cute, and cute shoes are one of my weaknesses). I pretty much wear clogs-style shoes all winter long, boots once in a while or sensible waterproof shoes if it's snowing or wet. Not pretty, not cute. I also wear lots of dark colors (and I'm OK with that) and I enjoy wearing hats, but they make one's hair get all weird. Oh, and not to mention how cold I get (I know, it's part of my "small body privilege," I'm not complaining, I swear). I wear long underwear or leggins under my pants all winter long, six long months.

So, yeah... I don't much care for a winter wardrobe. If I could afford really nice winter clothes I think I'd be fine, but, as it is, summer clothes are way cheaper (in the off season) and I have tons of cute summer dresses, sandals, blouses, crop pants, etc.

I can't wait for summer and I'm already tired of my winter clothes even before I get to wear them. I bought a few new things and a pair of boots, but I know I have to be sensible and not spend money on clothes when we have to save to buy a house. (ah, that will be exciting!).

OK, this has probably bored you to tears, so I'll stop. Is there anything you'd be curious to know or that I should blog about? I will try to post some photos too.

I want to thank Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, from the bottom of my heart for...

... bringing my precious niece to Washington D.C.!

For those who don't remember the significance of a girl in this family, let us back track. My parents-in-law had four sons. Until September 31st when baby A was born, they had six grandsons (my son is the eldest of the six since K is their eldest son).

My sister-in-law is a huge fan of Jon Stewart and when she was planning her 10 day visit to the U.S. she changed her whole trip around in order to attend the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear! That meant that she was able to spend the night at my brother-in-law's ("K2") house and we got to meet baby A. I'm so so thankful! We didn't go to the rally because we had a prior engagement (and we couldn't really do it with our two boys), but I can't wait to watch the whole thing online (I watched the beginning with K).

Thanks, Stewart, thanks Colbert! I never imagined I would have you two of all people (and I do love you guys, don't get me wrong) to thank for the sweet privilege of meeting my one and only niece!

Look at her! Isn't she the sweetest thing? I'm holding her, in my pajamas. I hope you don't mind the photo in my blog, sis. Thank you so much for coming to see us! It was nice to see you too, not just your gorgeous daughter. ;-)

P.S. As a reward for your effort sis, I think Texas should win the world series. Too bad it's 3X1 right now. :-(

Dilma Rousseff, Brazil's New Woman President/ NaBloPoMo

I don't have much of an opinion or deep thoughts to share with you about Brazil's new president, but I think that as a Brazilian, it would be a bit strange for me not to blog about it...

In a few words, lots of people in Brazil were campaigning against Dilma (we usually use first names for famous people in Brazil) using arguments that were not particularly strong: corruption in the former president's government because she belongs to his party, the fact that she was a former "terrorist" or "guerrilla fighter" opposing the military dictatorship in the 60s in Brazil, inaccurate statistical comparisons between next to last president's four years and Lula's eight years, and more. There were even conspiracy theories attesting that she had actually been born in Bulgaria (country her parents, or father? is/are from) and therefore was ineligible to be Brazil's president. All those campaigns notwithstanding, she won today.

Today was the second round of the presidential election because Dilma hadn't won 51 percent of the votes back on October 1st. There were many other candidates in the first round and the second runner up, José Serra was not particularly strong and thus unable to beat Dilma.

The truth is that in spite of the strong criticism, the former president Lula (whose popularity is about 80% right now) did great things for the country -- doubtless as his detractors point out -- because the previous president, the respected sociologist Fernando Henrique Cardoso, had set the country on the right track. In any case, I think it's not bad that there will be continuity between the previous government and Dilma's.

So, yeah, these are my thoughts. I know I should write more about Brazil, but I don't.

Well... maybe I should challenge myself to write at least, let's see... 7 (my favorite number) posts about Brazil during NaBloPoMo -- what about that? If you have any questions (not only about Brazil, anything), please send them my way!! Because I'm pledging to write at least 30 posts in the next 30 days, as I've been doing for the past few years...

P.S. I am a bit excited that Brazil has a woman president, but I think I would have liked the other candidate, Marina Silva better. Do I think it was this huge breakthrough or something? Not really, and I would be hard-pressed to explain why. Brazil is, after all a very "machista" country, that's for sure! Well, I can try to write more about that later. Maybe it's because I'm "out of it" -- 14 years living here.

3 days late to the "Marty McFly Day" Party

I don't really read the news (only a weekly newsmagazine), so I missed linking on the correct day to the the fun posts about the 25th Anniversary of the day Marty McFly went back to 1955 in Back to the Future. It was very interesting to see the photo of the main actors in that first post.

I join K and his three brothers in their appreciation for the Back to the Future Trilogy,. I am curious to see which of the brothers will be the first to give away or sell his boxed set to get the new 25th Anniversary Trilogy (they even have it in Blu-ray)! We're already thinking to whom we could give ours. ;-)

We've watched these movies over and over again and my favorite remains the first one, though the second one is lots of fun! Are you a fan? I'd love to know!

My Mama Left on Her Birthday

Today is my mom's birthday. And not only any birthday, but her 70th.

Two years ago I wrote this post with several cute photos of "mami" and I wish I had time to make a slide show of some photos of grandma and her grandsons to celebrate today, but I'll have to do that some other time. (this just gave me an idea for an awesome present for her, hmmm...)

My parents flew back to Brazil last night and arrived there safely. They got to their house 29 hours after leaving mine for the airport, poor things, but they were happy to be home. Too bad their house was so dusty that when I called them this evening my mom was mopping their bedroom floor so they could sleep in a relatively dust free environment.

My brother is still in Brazil because of his business trip, so my parents will be able to spend the weekend with him -- that's so delightful! I'm glad they were able to change their ticket (they were only supposed to fly back on Nov. 15).

It was her birthday present, mom said.

Here's a recent (and rare, remember the 2 year rule regarding my brother) family photo:

Happy Birthday Mami! We love you!

"The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost

This is the perfect poem for right now. I showed it to K this morning and he really liked it. Years from now, I want to be able say those last lines with great conviction.

The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost (1874–1963).  Mountain Interval.  1920

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I got the poem here.

The Saddest, Most Open "Closure" Ever

this will be long. please bear with me if you're so inclined. (oh, and if you want to read with a lovely song in the background, scroll down and hit play :)

All I/we want(ed) was closure, this has been dragging on since that fateful Friday, April 29th.* Bringing conflicted feelings and not letting us enjoy all the new experiences that come with moving to a new place. A nice, beautiful place at that. Starting brand new jobs (OK, I don't have a real job, but it's something). Going to interviews on the first weeks on the job not once, but twice -- K in the summer and both of us in September.
* Day when K first read the email that brought us to today I didn't blog it until a few days later.

The easiest thing to do would be to just move on, but it's so sad and difficult after K had the most surreal academic job offer refusal conversation ever this afternoon.

Sigh. Gulp.

They truly desperately want(ed) him. And still do. Left all doors open. For those who have experience with academic jobs, this doesn't happen very often, unless they really want you. (It happened with our friend P back in 2007 when he had 5 offers, including one from the place where K got his current/past offer from.) Sometimes, when someone rejects an offer, this person is almost "blacklisted," but this was clearly the opposite of that.

The truth is that the department is in a dire situation right now, two people didn't get tenure and left, they're struggling to hire more people. It's a department with some faults and tons of potential, but budgetary problems at the university level present some constraints (e.g. the low salary for K which makes it more desirable for us to stay here even with my low part-time salary and it was because of the budget problems that there was nothing for me -- I have an insider friend who assured me of that).

And then, there's my current "job" which was one of the main reasons for the decision (there are others, including a conviction that here might be a better place for the boys to grow up) -- I'm enjoying the teaching, but it was positively lovely to think up some potential classes and syllabi.

I know it's a cliché to say this, but it's the best way to describe it. This whole experience felt like an alluring dream that we were going to wake up from at any minute, but that we willingly kept dreaming just to see where it would lead. I often wondered out loud to K if it wouldn't have been better to just to have let it go back in late April/ May when the first email came. The problem is that saying that he was not interested in pursuing this (our #2 option, remember?) would have been a lie.

Here we are today, though. We can decide to wake up from the dream and live on, just recalling what it felt like to walk on that lovely campus, wondering if we would be coming to work there or not. I can go on teaching my classes, but I know that deep down I'll always remember the "dangerous exercise in dreaming" that was designing those syllabi.

You know, I don't even mind anymore that as we get older life only gets more and more complicated. And beautiful. Because if everything were simple and straightforward, I think it would be boring. Over the past 14 years as an expatriate I have learned to let go of so many things... and I think this makes the decision on where to settle down so much harder and fraught with conflicting emotions. It feels easier to just keep going, moving on and on.

Like my dear poet/entrepreneur friend Articulate Dad said, I want to enjoy the canyon and ride the burro, but I wonder what the other path would look like. Especially because the door of the limousine has been left open like that...

yeah, I thought I'd be writing a different post tonight, but this is what I have. And when K told me about the phone call he said he knew I wouldn't like the outcome. I've been shedding a few tears in the past two days as the burden of this momentous decision felt so heavy and I thought that it would all be over after today, but probably not. I'm a little sad right now, and I don't know where to put this sadness because it doesn't fit anywhere...

This is the song I wanted to have included in that post, I hope it works this time. Listening to it soothes me right now...

well, I'll have plenty of time to reflect in the daily posting month that is coming... And I hope the bubble/dream will not burst, but live on.

. . .

They have nothing for me.

Now we need to decide. I'm speaking to my current dept. chair first thing on Monday to talk about future prospects of more permanent employment.

We'll make a final decision by Monday. It's a really, really tough one. We'll see, but maybe we're not going. More later.

And the final answer is...

... I won't know until later today when K receives a phone call with their "final point" in the offer process.

I can hardly breathe right now and I'm shivering, so I had to share the suspense with the internets. I'll let you know as soon as I find out.

Today may be the day in which the rest of our lives will be decided. Well, at least where we'll live in the next 6.5 years or... for a long time.

Maybe we'll get to stay (which is good -- we go see and can put an offer on the house we liked! we get to live in a nice peaceful place), maybe we'll get to go (which is better -- challenging intellectual, more academic work and other things).

So, yeah... I'm on pins and needles. Sigh.

Flower & Song...

Flower...
I want a garden again someday. I want to try and plant poppies, like these I photographed at Longwood last April:

Song...
And listen to this tender song "Estrela, Estrela" composed by Vitor Ramil, a singer/songwriter from the South of Brazil, and interpreted by Maria Rita. This song is only available for download after one buys her cd: Maria Rita. I think I will do it, not only because I want "Estrela, Estrela," but because her voice is just so beautiful  and the song list is good.

No wonder her voice is so good, because she's the daughter of Elis Regina, one of the most amazing Brazilian singers (who died of an overdose in 1982 when Maria Rita was only five years old). A young person in Brazil provided an "amateur English translation" to the song. It's just a piano and her voice, just like the title of her father and brother's CD Piano & Voz (beautiful album too).

Unfortunately, "Estrela Estrela" cannot be embedded here :-( so you'll have to click and listen to it on YouTube. I highly recommend that you do so.

P.S. I thought you'd enjoy more a flower photo & a song than a pathetic email about my insecurities as a teacher. I may still write it some other evening...

A Modern U.S. President (musical spoof)

OK, this is the second video-link post in a day (and not the one I've been writing since mid-afternoon), but this is just too funny not to share. Thanks to Laura (Apt11D) who also embedded the original song. And thanks to Phil Vischer (from the Veggie Tales), I know the original really well. ;-)

The Bronte Sisters Action Dolls!

This fake commercial is just so fun, I had to share it. I really like the Brontë sisters and Wuthering Heights is one of my favorite books (there's also the Norton Critical Edition ;-). So much so that my youngest son's name was taken from that book (the oldest's name has a relationship to my husband's discipline, but I won't blog about that).

Enjoy:

It was a little harder to explain to my boys what this "commercial" was all about (especially after I said all excited that one of their names had come from one of their books ;-). Someday they'll understand...

Sent. and... Found (question abt sending student evals in job applications too)

Tuesday was a stressful day because I had to fulfill one of the requests made by "my possible future employers in whom lie all the hope of my husband's future employers to have him accept the job:" send them some student evaluations.

Last week I wrote some syllabi and that was loads of fun, very intellectually stimulating. While I looked for materials for the syllabi, I also looked (half-heartedly because I just hate them so much) for my student evaluations, opening at least four boxes in the garage. After I sent the syllabi on Thursday, I forgot about the evaluations and this whole weird "being 'pitched' for a job that doesn't really exist" thing over the weekend (someone has to take a break from negative things sometimes, right?), but of course K had to remind me of it on Tuesday morning :-(.

It turns out that the evaluations were in an easy place to find -- in our filing cabinet, behind my dissertation stuff. I don't have my "regular semester" class evaluations, but I have those for the six classes I taught for continuing ed (mostly in the summer and in winter sections) and so I had to read them all and select a sample to send. That was a rough trip down memory lane. Some of my thoughts:

"How can they have sad that? Sure, it's true that I'm scattered and stuff, but didn't they realize I had a four month old baby and was teaching that difficult 200 level class for the very first time on my own?"

"Oh, that was that class I taught in the winter, when I was almost 8 months pregnant."

"Phew! I'm glad those students didn't think I was that bad -- that was my very first semester teaching on my own. One of them even thought I was cool, great! I was newly pregnant on that class too..."

"Why oh why did this one student have to blame my 'scatteredness' -- probably due to some level of ADD -- on me being a speaker of English as a second language? I was OUTRAGED when my useless advisor pulled that same "BS" [and I don't ever swear!] on me when I was working on my dissertation prospectus -- BLAH!!!"

For some classes, most evaluations were negative and I decided not to include totally negative ones -- that would be suicide, no? I did include some "balanced" ones (including the English as second language one -- as far as criticism goes, this may be annoying, but not very negative). In the end, I scanned and sent (one PDF file for each class) the overall quantitative results page for each of the six classes plus two to four evaluations.  Is that something that is done?

Question: those of you who send student evaluations as part of job applications, how do you do it? Do you send the whole packet for one class or do you do a selection? How is this supposed to work? I'm clueless, really.

This is the second time I've had to do this. The first time was back in 2006 and I went to my department in Massachusetts, looked at all of them, and copied a sample (and STUPIDLY, sent the original copies, never copied them for my record -- at least I couldn't find them anywhere, but I'm pretty sure I sent the only ones I had). In order to have evaluations for my "regular" classes I have to go to MA again and copy them out of the department's secretary cabinet files. I hope I don't have to do that again someday. I'd love the excuse to go and visit, though!! :-)

-------------------------

OK, now to the "Foud" part of the title. If I were a good writer, ok, good at editing, this material would have made for a nice, moving post, but no, this is what you get. :-(

Looking at those evals (I don't like reading them, it's another of the myriad of things that I should talk about in therapy if I ever get to afford have some therapy) made me get into a weird funk for the rest of the day. I was feeling better and then last night I found something that was quite amazing!

I was selecting papers from the trash for recycling -- I had found and discarded old student exams, papers, etc, useless things that moved THREE TIMES* with us since 2004 because we never had the time to tackle them in our moves. While pulling papers out of the bin I came across this thick, handmade paper envelope (I've always loved handmade paper, I actually want to make some with my boys). When it opened, it contained the most beautiful note from a student I've ever read or received. And it was from the very last term I taught a Cont. Ed. class (Summer of 2003) and whose evaluations I had read two days before.

The student (whose name I couldn't really make up) was very sweet and wrote things such as:

This was one of the best classes I've ever attended at the university. It was harder than I expected, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It was really, really good. Thank you for your time with us and your understanding.

That was nice, but look at this!

As for you, a student, a mother, a wife and a teacher -- you're pulling it off splendidly. You're going to make both the university and the people in your life very proud.

And in the end:

You're going to go far, I'm proud of all you've accomplished. It may get hard but hang in there. You're going places**. :-)  

This was just so amazing to find and encouraging to read! And such a contrast to some of the evaluations I'd read on Tuesday. Truly soul comforting. It's moments like these that make all the effort we put into teaching worth-while. When K saw it he said something like: "See? You deserve this, you don't need to be upset with the negative evaluations." True. Still hard, though. Hopefully over the years my skin will get thicker and thicker. Meanwhile, I'll be hoping for more positive feedback like this lovely note I found.

*2004: I had a newborn, my parents packed our house in MA with K.

2007: we packed everything with the help of some friends and in a hurry into "Flex boxes."

2010: friends helped load furniture and some previously packed boxes, but everything else was packed by yours truly and her husband and carried into the trailer.

The worst part of thinking about moving again? I already know ahead of time they pay only 4K and that's not enough, I'm pretty sure, to pay for someone to pack our stuff. We'll have to do all the packing again (movers will just load the truck and unload -- they'll only deal with big furniture and previously packed boxes). And we had SWORN never to do it again and not to move if the moving expenses were not completely covered for a DECENT move in which movers packed our stuff (books, kitchen stuff, clothes).

**It was as Children's Literature class.

I cannot write short posts, will you still read me?

I'm almost done with a post, but it's just so long, I almost feel embarrassed for it. Parenthetical remarks, footnotes, the works. You know if you've been reading for a while. And you also know I've written a 511 page long dissertation.

I feel bad all over again when I read things like a recent post of Dawn's emphasizing that we all need editors. Sure, we totally do! I should know (see? my comment is the size of a shortish blog post!). I wish I liked being edited more (I do think it's necessary, see comment above), but the truth is that I really enjoy the freedom of unedited writing here in the blog. Sigh. I shouldn't. I should strive for better quality and not quantity.

OK, there is one thing that I can say quickly now and get done before I go finish my long unedited post. In  two days (roughly 36 hours) I will see my sons for only a half hour tomorrow morning. Good thing they'll spend a lot of time with daddy and other family, but I'll miss them.

Today daddy will drive them 2h30 hours to go to their beloved cousin's birthday party in Maryland (I have meetings in the afternoon and a class to teach at 5 pm, so I can't go). The boys will be asleep when they come back and tomorrow I have meetings all day and a dinner in the evening and will only see them briefly in the morning while getting ready for school. I hope we get to spend a lot of time together during the weekend! More about it later. :-)

Gorgeous, Artistic Videos, Beautiful Music - Sigur Rós

Several months ago I began to follow these "kids" (10, 15 years or more younger than me), distant cousins of my husband (children of my mother-in-law's cousins) on twitter and blogger and I've really been enjoying what they have to share. Particularly because they are very artistic (musicians, singers, and budding composers/lyricists) who have recorded one or more music albums in Brazil (Leo just released his third CD through Sony Music's Christian/gospel music division in Brazil, it's fully in Hebrew, I can't wait to listen to it).

Dani, Leo's wife, whom I haven't met in person yet, :-( has been writing about Sigur Rós in her two blogs for a while now and I just couldn't resist sharing a few of their music videos in the blog. Maybe you know all about them, but I didn't. They're a group from Iceland.

This and the next are my favorite video-clips of their music so far. I really loved seeing these "older kids" having fun. Oh, no! I can't embed it, the music is gorgeous and the video with these "rebellious" old folks is worth watching.  Hoppipolla is the title of the song. 


Glósóli: This one has actual children and stunning visuals. I think it's amazing:


This next one was a bit too sad for me, but the music is beautiful. (It reminded me of this film that my brother, cousin and I enjoyed in the 80s: Le Grand Bleu/ The Big Blue (beautifully titled Imensidão Azul in Brazil -- in the U.S. the soundtrack was destroyed, so you probably don't really know about it, the original music is one of the great things in this eerie film):


This last one is the fourth part (in YouTube) of their amazing documentary/ live shows DVD, Heima:


Let me know what you think! I

It's insane, but he asked it

First, though, he kind of had to say "yes" to the offer.

The phone call I mentioned at the end of my previous post didn't happen until Friday evening. When they talked yesterday K made it clear to his prospective department chair that it would be a step back for us to move there if I didn't have a job, since my adjuncting gig here is guaranteed to continue, probably for years to come. We know it does sound insane to make such a request to a prospective academic employer, but as we say in Brazil, "the ball is on our side or court" now, so we have to take advantage of the situation. We don't have anything to lose at this point.

We are at peace with this because staying here wouldn't be bad, although several things have been happening -- including the way I felt writing those syllabi and some negative things going on in K's current department -- that make us realize that going there would be pretty good, too, even better in some areas.

Let's see what's going to happen. Right now, I think I'm getting excited about the possibility of going, but I can totally live with staying too.

Oh, yeah, and about the whole saying yes thing. At the end of the call, K was asked point black whether he'd accept the offer if they had work for me too. He answered that there would be a very high probability that he would. ;-)

And now I'm going to change the subject ASAP.

I did my part...

... in two days I created a full syllabus, the outline of another and a few more reading lists that can become future syllabi.

These were some of the classes that I'd always dreamed of designing.

Whether I will ever get to teach them someday is a whole different matter.

Right now I'm just hoping that I look good on paper (as I usually do, thankfully, except for my measly publication list). I do know that I can pull these classes off, yes I can! If given the chance. And I'm hoping that doing my best will help decide our case (because they obviously want K already). I didn't want to be the deciding factor, but I think I don't mind anymore. 'Cause I do deserve something too.

It was a dangerous exercise in dreaming, this was. On Monday, when the request for syllabi came I freaked out and felt like a farce, like I just wanted to pretend I could do this, but really wouldn't be able to. Then I got down to work and it dawned on me that not only could I do this, but probably do this well, and enjoy doing it it, for the rest of my  life... Teaching things that matter to me, that I think will contribute to furthering the knowledge about my country, its culture, its literature.

Yeah... dangerous because what I am actually working on right now is fun and easy, but it's not why I spent 10 years doing a PhD for. I want to be challenged, I want to push myself and my students. I want to learn from the material and from them, I want to grow!

And K does too. That's the main difference between here and there.

So, yeah... I sent my stuff a bit over an hour ago and while I was writing this post, K was probably on the phone with his dept. chair -- the one who is trying to get me placed too. I wonder what they talked about. I wonder, with bated breath, what's going to happen.

No fear, I'll keep you updated.

I was too tired to write another post...

... last Friday, when I wrote the previous post.

And today I'm too tired to write much as well. Not to mention that we forgot the laptop's AC adapter & plug at my brother-in-law's house today and I can't use the laptop for too long because K (whose work laptop is the same brand & compatible with this one) is working on the computer.

We had a WONDERFUL day yesterday because my aunt and uncle (she's dad's youngest sister, my dearest paternal aunt) were driving down from PA to TX on their truck and stopped by to have lunch with us and to see my brother whom they hadn't seen for about 10 years. This was the first time they were able to meet with us mid-trip in the 10+ years they've been truck drivers and driven by wherever we lived. I hope it can happens more often from now on!

Later when we were on our way to the airport to drop off my brother (who forgot his cell phone, laptop AC adapter & jacket here!) my aunt called to say we had had that lunch to celebrate their dad's birthday -- exactly on October 2nd.

My grandpa died back in 1979 (I remember it pretty well, in spite of the fact I was only eight. My mom took me to the viewing and it freaked me out a little bit to see his body). He died not too long after his birthday. I remember my mom had me practice "Happy Birthday" on the recorder and when the day came (it was a Friday) we drove to their house with a cake and I played the song.

He's the grandparent I knew the least and the one who died first. My grandma survived him for nearly 30 years. And yet, what little I knew of him has stayed with me. There's this picture book that I have to try and write about my grandpa. I hope I can do it someday.

But now, I have to go to bed. ;-)

On Fridays the Blogosphere is a Wasteland

And I feel lonely because of that.

I've been struggling with so much stuff regarding blogging lately. I have this feeling that maybe I'm overdoing it and that's it's not good for me and that I need to spend more time doing "real life" things instead of investing so much on a "virtual life." (this, BTW is what everyone in my family, not husband, perhaps, but certainly parents and K's family -- not all of them -- think).

It's just that I've always been that way. Before the internet, it was reading constantly, all the time, even while walking (I hardly ever do that nowadays, I know, sad) and writing in my journals. And reading and re-reading the journals and writing some more.

And in addition to that, from 7th-12th grade, I had one best friend and two other super-close friends who have now become the best friends. Although, well, it is a complicated thing to analyze. I'm too complicated for my own good. I don't even know how/why some of you are still reading me.

What I mean to say is that this blogging person here, that's not a "new me." I've been like this all along, it's just that now I found the right medium, a wonderful outlet (even if it doesn't bring me much more than a handful of friends, no money, no fame, nothing tangible -- except in the way of "wasted time" that could have been used doing other stuff).

OK, never mind. I have resolved not to care. And I'll post more, for myself, even if people won't listen/read. It's still good for me.

& now I'll put out a quick post about Narnia. I love Narnia.

He's Here

For a little more than three days, but I'll gladly take what I get. Remember, the rule is that I see him every two years from two days to two weeks.

It's pretty amazing to see the changes that two years can do to the "little brother" I used to fight play with. After all, he's in his mid-thirties now, no longer a "boy." It's incredible to think that he's the person on earth that probably has the closest DNA to mine (well, except for my sons, I guess -- I'm no biologist, those of you out there who know more than I do, please correct me if I'm wrong), but we couldn't be more different.

If we weren't siblings, we probably wouldn't get along at all. And that's sad. I wish we were more alike. We do have a good relationship, but we're not as close as I wish we could be. Family relations are tough. We choose friends and spouses, but don't get to choose family members (or in-laws, for that matter -- I totally lucked out on that department, picking a spouse with a great family, not that I sometimes don't have my, hmmm... slight reservations about some of them -- never you, my blogging SIL, rest assured). ;-)

In any case, I'm glad. For the sake of my sons I wish we could see him (and his wife, who is not here) more often. The last time we saw him Linton was only four and I think he barely remember spending time with his only maternal uncle then.

OK, gotta go now, it's getting late.

P.S. We found a house today that we liked A LOT. We were just driving aimlessly and decided to go to a completely enclosed street (between two cul-de-sacs -- I love how Linton says this word so nicely, he likes it) in one of the developments we'd been looking into buying before our search was interrupted by the "new development." And then we saw it. It has all the features we wanted -- garage, finished walkout basement. Nice lot. It even has trees in one side (no other houses in the development have trees yet). Why, oh why did we have to see it? It makes me want to the offer for K (and I) to go wrong so we can stay here and buy it. It's tough. OK.

Testing, Assessing, Evaluating

My students, that is...

I have already given the first quiz for each class and the first test to one of my classes. Right now, I'm working on elaborating the test for my second (intermediate level) class.

I'm enjoying preparing the tests although I did freak out just a tiny bit when I saw that one of my beginner students failed pretty spectacular in her first test (most students did great). What do I do? I mean, language teaching is pretty straightforward, you either learn or you don't. Tough, right? Any thoughts on this are appreciated. I'm planning to have the student come to my office hours and go over the materials. I want to make sure she's getting something out of our classes.

Anyway, I've always enjoyed elaborating paper topics. Ah! I was always so creative with those! My papers were nearly impossible for the students to plagiarize because I made the topics very specific and always comparative in nature.* It was fun to come up with paper topics! I also had quizzes, but I think this is the first time since my teaching years in Brazil when I have to create actual tests. I am using the templates provided by the book publisher, but today I created several review questions from scratch. It's funny that I'm totally thinking of the test as one more learning tool for the students. I have even included several "teaching moments" within it.

I am enjoying the grading too, since there's not so much of it (nothing, compared to the two semesters that I had to grade SIX HUNDRED papers -- 6 short journal and 4 longer autobiographical papers per students X 60 -- I got "incompletes" both times in the classes I was taking). It's interesting to see that they're really (for the most part) learning! What I'm doing is useful!

Teaching is fun and rewarding, that's for sure. And this kind of "real" teaching is a joy, compared to the utter awfulness (weak words) that was my experience being a "facilitator" for the biggest for-profit distance learning "provider" in the country. That is not real teaching, and I wonder if it's really any worthy kind of education.

I digress, tough. I hope that the results of these evaluations can prove that I'm doing my part and helping the students to learn! But now, I have to go to bed... ;-)

P.S. My parents are back. I went to pick them up in Maryland today. My uncle is improving lots and that's great! More later.

*After all, that's part of the name of my discipline, for those who don't already know, I try to be slightly fuzzy about that too here in the blog.

A Bit of a Defensive Pessimist

I love to listen to NPR (although I do it only while driving, hardly ever at home, for some weird reason) and Fresh Air is one of my favorite programs. Terry Gross's book All I Did Was Ask: Conversations with Writers, Actors, Musicians, and Artists has in my "to-read" list since it was published.

tangent:
I can't really afford to buy books and although this website is a little "nothing," I've joined Amazon's affiliate program. Now when I write about books, as I often do, I can have my links help me out if anyone ever buys the book. I know Kate bought at least one book after I reviewed it -- too bad I wasn't an affiliate back then! //end tangent

Today I listened to half of Terry Gross's interview with David Rakoff, who recently published Half Empty. As usual, I learned a lot about him in the interview and Terry asked lots of good questions. The most fascinating discussion for me took place when Rakoff explained that he is a "defensive pessimist." When he explained what that was (and I remember clearly that I was entering the highway right at that moment), I realized that this is what I do -- I imagine worst case scenarios to help control my anxiety and it actually works! And it even has a name, this interesting (if annoying to other people) strategy.

Rakoff's take on life, epitomized by the title of his book, is related to the fact that he's currently experiencing his second bout of cancer (the first was when he was 22 and the radiation that treated his lymphoma actually caused the sarcoma that he has now -- crazy, huh?). The interview is cool, you should check it out.

Now... I don't think my "defensive pessimist" side shows much in the blog, does it? It's a little harder for those around me, though.

Hmmm... // 75% Success Rate

The decision is still very much up in the air.

The phone conversation today was disappointing. The salary is fairly low. Pretty standard, but low. Not too much more than what K gets here. And summer salary is not a certainty (here K is getting it for three years). The expectations there, however, are sky high, whereas here, they're pretty down to earth & tenure is all but certain.

We were very surprised that three years ago, when K's friend P had a FANTASTIC job search season (with five job offers, including Duke, UC Boulder & NC) the same place K's getting a job offer from now offered P only 1K less than it's offering K now. I guess the annoying explanation that everyone is giving for everything nowadays ("It's the economy, stupid!") may be the culprit, but still... no wonder their original search fell through earlier this year! And it might just be falling through again.

And with this kind of offer, we're definitely not going if I don't have a job with some security. I think it could be an adjunct position only if they could assure me that they wouldn't dump me in the next semester -- because here I can foresee that I have a chance to be employed long-term. Without two incomes (however small for me) we wouldn't be able to make it there because the cost of living is significantly higher (e.g. the boys' school will be over 30% pricier and I'm sure rent there won't be what we're paying here).

So, yeah... the jury's still out on this one. Let's keep the roller coaster going for a while longer, shall we? Enjoy the ride!

~ ~~~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~~~
Meanwhile, K is positively gloating over his job search success. 75% success rate!
4 interviews, 3 offers. It doesn't get any better than that. And he didn't care for the Ivy-league place anyway ;-). Really. They even gave him trouble when reimbursing his expenses (they claimed he had traveled to another interview after that one when that was NOT the case and wanted to reimburse only half of his cost).

So, yeah. Thank you so much for all your encouraging comments. And I want to change the subject very quickly over here, it doesn't feel so good to keep talking about this subject. And, BTW, I don't think I'm dumping the semi-anonymity any time soon because it's important to K that he remains "untraceable" through my blog. It's just fair, right? I talk too much about him as it is.

Unanimously

The department unanimously decided to offer K the job. They're working on the details (he has a phone conversation scheduled for tomorrow) before they put it in writing.

I have a feeling K is not going to refuse this offer & I'm already thinking about moving (I'm excited about it, actually), but, we could change our minds, so, let's see.

I don't feel so torn anymore. And, you know, the whole thing is NOT about a "right" and a "wrong" decision (there's no right or wrong, I think), it's just about what would be best for him and for our family.

I'll keep you posted.

And the hard part will be telling folks at the university here & dealing with that. But, as the saying goes, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

LOVE Cats + Like IKEA = Perfect Ad!

My friend Zee linked to this lovely new ad for IKEA in the U.K. and I just had to blog it.

Here's the ad:

And here's the making off:

Thanks, Zee, I love it!

(Semi Academic) Blogging, Facebook, and Thinking About Changes

In a couple of months I'll be blogging for six long years. I never intended to get famous or to make money (though I have made a little bit, under 1K until now & I'm thankful for whatever I get) although I hoped to be a tiny bit more well-known in the "blogosphere" or blogland (as I sometimes like to call it). And I never anticipated how addictive (hopefully in a good way) and how central to my life blogging would become.

Blogging has changed my life* in many ways. The most significant one was that it has given me a sense of community and allowed me to make many wonderful friends (and I can say with the certainty of one who has experienced many "blogger meet ups" [12 posts in that category] that these friendships are very real and "translate" wonderfully well to face-to-face interactions).

Most importantly, though, blogging has allowed me to express myself -- even if most of the time it feels as if I'm talking only to myself, it's still useful (that's why I've written on journals for over 25 years now and I continue to do so). It began as a profound need of an expatriate mother (of a toddler and infant) who had just moved to a new city to connect to other people, then quickly morphed into the desperate mother-graduate student trying to finish a dissertation and get the Ph.D. and looking for other grad. student mothers. I found them all right and it was amazing to read about their struggles.

Anyway... blogging became something central to my life.

Then came other social media. Orkut, first -- because I'm Brazilian and for years before facebook was the rage (well, I think MySpace was already big then) most Brazilians embraced orkut (now owned by Google) and I was able to reconnect to long lost friends from 30 years ago (25 years at the time! ;-). I'm still there, but I hardly ever check anything or anybody. Then came facebook. I joined and the strangest thing happened. First, I connected to family and friends -- including people from graduate school, and I also got connected with all of my closest blogging friends (if I'm not fb friends with you yet and you'd like to be, just send my an email, I'll give you my "real name" :-D).

That was strange. Two parts of my life that hardly ever touched now were there all together -- the friends from Brazil, from church, from the university and... "from the internets." And what happened since I joined facebook is that I've always felt WAY more comfortable blogging than posting updates there. (I blogged about this a few times).

Now, I was just reading a recent post by Laura (Apt. 11D) in which she commented on her disappointment with the New Yorker's profile of facebook's founder. In the end of her post, she writes:

In a side note, I have to marvel at the power of Facebook. Facebook is now my biggest referral. More people show up here via a link on Facebook than show up from a link from a blogger. Those links bring in new readers. It has changed the way I blog. I now think about how I can package up an idea, so it's appealing on a Facebook page.

And I commented back:

Well, your comment about Facebook bringing in traffic/new readers to your blog made me conclude that my already tiny blog is hopeless because I refuse to acknowledge its existence in fb.

Mostly because I have a bunch (maybe 10-15) graduate school friends I'm in touch with in there. Even my advisor is my fb friend. And I've blogged extensively about graduate school.** I wonder if anyone would go and read the archives, though (I do that, I've read part of yours e.g.). So... yeah, I'd rather continue my semi-anonymous blogging for a while longer while I sort out this semi-anonymity thing.

I'm thinking that if we move to [GA] I may decide to disclose my location fully & allow readers to find out my real name more easily if they so desire. Then, maybe I will lose my inhibitions about talking about the blog in facebook. OK, I'll stop here, there's more I want to say about this, so I'll probably should go write a blog post.

The blog post is already here. I'm not promising anything, but I have this feeling that I want to "integrate" my life more from now on. Part of a new beginning, if you will. I have no plans to edit this blog's archives, what I wrote is what I've lived and I stand by it. I think I will feel better and more "whole" once I can openly "own" my blog in a forum like facebook. Not having been published in Mama PhD gave me a chance to remain semi-anonymous for a couple more years, but I think the time will come when I will feel confident enough not to think that this blog can pose any threats to my "academic career" -- if there ever is one ;-). And I can't wait to "take the final plunge."

Oh, and last, but not least? Facebook, Twitter, and other social media seem to be so big that people are already talking about them totally replacing blogging. Too bad. I still feel that blogging is a very effective medium that allows serious reflection in addition to superficial musings. Only the latter can be done in the more popular social media. What to do you think? I hope that blogging doesn't go away anytime soon and, like Laura said, I hope to be able to use Facebook & Twitter to my blog's advantage.

* I can't believe I wrote the "How Blogging Changed My Life" post only two years into blogging, wow.

** Long time readers will know that I've shared lots of my struggles with my advisor, committee members and my doubts about academia in the blog. My unpublished essay (which I had submitted for the anthology Mama, PhD), in particular, deals with sensitive topics that have to do with my department.

The First Pay Check

It feels great to have received my first paycheck today. I was going to put the laptop away when I remembered to check our bank account and see it. This is my first reasonably decent paycheck since I had to stop being a graduate student instructor when we moved from MA to PA six years ago. It's more than what I made as a grad. student and that's good too.

Yesterday I had a full day and I was thinking that working (outside the house) feels good. I miss the boys a lot, particularly on Tuesdays & Thurdays when I teach from 5-6:15 pm. For six years I spent most days with Linton close by and Kelvin was in school for only one year without me (the next year I worked at the school three days a week). I love it that I was able to be with them for so many years, but I'm thrilled to be back at work too.

The transition is not being so easy on Linton, though. After all, six years at home and being able to play a whole lot (even with the cyber-schooling last year) make for a tough transition to being in school for so many hours a day. The many changes are taking his toll on my "baby" and this week was hard for him. I'll try to come back and blog about that later. Now I have to go and pick them up at school (we have early pick up on Fridays).

Torn

The trip went well, particularly at the end of the day yesterday (Tuesday) when we talked with an awesome and helpful professor whose research is mostly about Brazil (he was meeting with me, but told K to come too, which was great because he had specific advice for him).

We're torn, though, really torn. I won't be able to go into lots of details without revealing way too much about either here or there, so I won't blog this whole thing as much as I wish I could. It's hard to feel torn -- we like it here and we like it there and we have to make the hardest decision of our lives.

Sometimes I feel that I didn't want work for me to be the deal-breaker because so much is at stake for K. We haven't decided on that yet.

We're almost certain that an offer is coming, though. They went well beyond any expectations and out of their way (incredibly so) to make K feel that they want him there. So... yeah.

The whole thing kind of feels like a dream right now. I just hope it doesn't turn into a nightmare (moving again DOES sound like one :-( and I think they only pay 4K for moving, not very good).

P.S. Thanks to blogging & bloggy friends, I didn't spend all day Monday doing nothing & by myself. Thanks for letting me stay at your office, Scriv & for joining me to commiserate about academia. "We are all in this together."

Leaving for a Couple of Days

For the second interview (for K -- he's got to meet the people he didn't see back in July). My dad's here to be with the boys. I'm not that nervous. People in my own discipline don't want to see me, so I guess they're not interested in me. I will see only two dept. chairs, one in an area that is not even related to what I do, only tangentially connected to one of the writers I wrote about in my dissertation. Kind of strange.

Work for me there is kind of a deal-breaker for us. Even though I'm only an adjunct here, we feel there may a future for me because my language has only been taught offered for 2 years and now it's officially "on the books" (course catalog). If K gets an offer, I'll go to my current dept. chair and will ask her if she thinks my possibilities are real here or not (of eventually becoming a lecturer or something).

OK, gotta go pack. I'm not that excited about this trip. We'll see how it goes. Sigh. We really like it here and we're generally happy with the work, but for K working there would be more advantageous (even if tenure is easier here).

And Then... He Prayed

When I wrote that post earlier today, I had no idea that I would be thinking much more about the subject as the day went on. (and thankfully it seems that the man is calling off the Koran burning. wow. Who does he think he is? with all his "bargaining power." Blah.)

Today I worked for over three hours in the shared part-timers' office and I had a chance to talk some more with one of my colleagues. I found out that he is also from Iraq, but unlike the woman colleague, he has only been in the United States for two years. When he said that I was speechless for a few moments, pretty startled and sad too... That means that he lived through the invasion, not only that, but his hometown happens to be Basra -- the place where much of the trouble was in the later phase of the war.

He has two sons, one is only 2 (the other is five), which means he must have had a newborn when they came or maybe the son was born here shortly after, I don't know. Before I found out more details about his life we had actually been talking about how to keep our children speaking our mother language. His parents are in Syria right now (they all fled at the same time) and he is trying to bring them to the U.S. I didn't know what to say, really, or what to ask, although I do want to know more about his experience.

We were both working on our computers when he stopped, took his shoes off, found the correct direction and prayed. I was moved, and I hoped that I wasn't bothering him. Very quietly, I began to email a link to the previous post to my dear friend, telling her about the man I had just talked to -- who happens to have the same name as her eldest son. She recently wrote in facebook that she enjoyed the moments of prayer during Ramadan and I thought that she would like to know that my colleague was there praying too. Synchronicity, that's what I felt about the events of this day.

After the prayer, he went away quietly. I didn't say anything either. I just thought that he didn't know it, but it had been moment full of meaning for me. Maybe later I'll share here another story about the first time I saw a group of muslims praying. Today, I'll let his prayer stand.

And today another group of people celebrated the New Year. If only there could not be so much religious intolerance in the world!

They Are American Too...

This morning when driving the boys to school I was listening to the news on NPR and I was just thinking -- why, oh why, do they have to publicize so much this one guy's decision to burn the Koran? When I got home and checked my blogroll I saw that Laura (Apt. 11D) has been thinking on the same lines and forcefully wrote about it in latests post, aptly titled The Media is Feeding the Flames of the Koran Burner. I've also been thinking a lot about the issues surrounding the Mosque in NYC.

I think my first close contact with the Muslim faith came in 8th grade (in Brazil), when this bright and young new student came to join our class. She was two years younger than us and what they'd call here in the U.S. a "gifted student." She sat right next to me and we became good friends in that year and the next two years she remained our classmate. During Ramadan she would not participate in the physical education activities because she was fasting. I thought that was very interesting and asked her more about it. In the middle of 11th grade she decided to go to Lebanon to learn the language and live with her grandmother (her dad was Lebanese, her mom Brazilian) and she ended up staying for a year, so she graduated two years later than our class, after she came back.

I'd last seen her back in 1997, at a mutual friend's wedding, but a few weeks ago she found me on facebook! I was elated to get back in touch with her. She married a Palestinian-Brazilian and has two boys, just like I do (only younger). She has been posting on fb about how she loves Ramadan and I am just so glad that she's back in my life.

It was also on facebook that I first saw this recent and powerful video, and I wanted to share it with you today.

The first thing I thought when I saw it was that it seems unfair to me that people who were born here and, in some cases have been Americans for generations, are discriminated against. (I kn0w that this happens with Asian Americans a lot too, people just assume, because they look different, that they are immigrants. Whereas I -- who am an actual immigrant -- am rarely asked upfront where I come from because I blend in well).

Right now I'm sharing an office with three Arabic instructors. One of them is a woman who left Iraq 11 years ago. I want to take some time to ask them about their heritage and whether they've suffered discrimination. I imagine it must have been tough for them after 9/11/02, if they were already in the country (she was). It was hard even for me, since I was on a student visa (until 2008, actually!) and it became harder to renew the visa, etc.

It is very sad that a group of people have to be singled out like that. I don't even know what to say. Except that as an immigrant minority, these things are always unsettling for me.

First Day of 1st and 3rd Grade (two weeks ago)

So, today everyone was writing on facebook about how their kid(s)' first day of school went, etc... I'm taking this as my cue to belatedly post the pictures of my boys' first day and Linton's first day of school ever (8/18/10).

Of course, as good Brazilians, we were late for the first day of school. Yeah... I felt sorry for the boys, :-( but not great harm was done (they weren't really stressed out or anything. Linton had visited his class two days before, so it was OK).

There is an explanation: we had spent all of the previous day at a water park, saying good-bye to the summer vacation and we were obviously exhausted the next morning.

As a result, the only photos I was able to take of my "baby's" first day of school & his brother's third year were these:

At the end of the day, after missing them, I was able take a few more, relieved that they'd given my hungriest boy a snack (I was worried he was going to be hungry):

He was so happy and goofy! He'd certainly had a great day.

I'm thrilled that the boys have a healthy (vegetarian!) hot lunch at their school every day (they did take a lunch on the first 4 days). Life is much less stressful when I don't have to worry about preparing lunch for everybody (just for K & I now).

Oh, and today was the event that started my "teaching career" with a bang. It went really well! I'll try to talk about the film we saw later.

P.S. My internet is really slow (& it was like that in PA too). I wish I had fiber optics (though it's from evil Verizon, whom I'd vowed never to work with again & now they're our wireless providers). I love to write posts with photos & I don't blog more because of how long it takes to upload the pics. :-(

I'm Lovin' It!

I'm still doing some hard thinking about the whole adjuncting thing, but meanwhile, after teaching three classes, I can say that I'm really enjoying teaching language.

It takes a lot of preparation time and I know a lot of the students won't learn as much as they could (learning a language is way more the responsibility of the student than the teacher, I know that from experience), but it's fun!

And it's easy! I don't feel insecure at all about my grasp on the subject, after all, besides teaching my mother language, I have a BA and a teaching licensure in it.

One of the hardest things for me when I was a graduate student instructor was that I often felt like an impostor -- that I was barely ahead of the students in a lot of the material. I did teach several books I analyzed in my dissertation and I was wholly prepared to teach those. However, many others were not really my choice, they were books often taught in those classes (standards that I felt I had to include).

I always longed to teach a class wholly designed by me (and I still do), but I often thought of language teaching as something I wouldn't really enjoy. Good thing I was WRONG! I won't bore you to death with details now, but I expect I'll be blogging about some of my experiences teaching. And I do enjoy being back to work (and having the boys in a school they love), but that's the subject of another post.