Letting Go

I'm just so paralyzed right now, so afraid of something that may not even happen that I cannot act.

I'm ready to burst into tears at any moment.

I really don't like this about me, this "suffering in anticipation" (sofrer por antecipação) that sometimes plagues my life.

The thing is simple, or so it seems. Very straightforward.

I have to write an email to my committee members proposing a set of options of dates for my defense to be scheduled.

I am terrified that some of them may not agree to this.

I have to present a timetable and this timetable gives me ONE MONTH to have a completed dissertation to hand in to them. IF they accept that I turn it in only FOUR WEEKS (and not the more usual SIX) before the defense date.

I know I'll depend on the willingness of my former and current advisors to revise my work in a timely manner and that is my biggest worry.

I trust that I can do the work, but knowing that I need to depend on other people is what stops me cold in my tracks.

How can I give the committee a timetable when I'm not confident the key people who need to help me will comply in time?

I know I just have let go of my fears, go ahead and do it. I've been postponing this since Thursday, 2/07 and everyday that goes by leaves me with less and less time to finish.

Please send your prayers and positive thoughts my way. I want to send this email NOW. I'll get back to you later about this.

Thanks for "listening."