Monday, February 11, 2008

Letting Go

I'm just so paralyzed right now, so afraid of something that may not even happen that I cannot act.

I'm ready to burst into tears at any moment.

I really don't like this about me, this "suffering in anticipation" (sofrer por antecipação) that sometimes plagues my life.

The thing is simple, or so it seems. Very straightforward.

I have to write an email to my committee members proposing a set of options of dates for my defense to be scheduled.

I am terrified that some of them may not agree to this.

I have to present a timetable and this timetable gives me ONE MONTH to have a completed dissertation to hand in to them. IF they accept that I turn it in only FOUR WEEKS (and not the more usual SIX) before the defense date.

I know I'll depend on the willingness of my former and current advisors to revise my work in a timely manner and that is my biggest worry.

I trust that I can do the work, but knowing that I need to depend on other people is what stops me cold in my tracks.

How can I give the committee a timetable when I'm not confident the key people who need to help me will comply in time?

I know I just have let go of my fears, go ahead and do it. I've been postponing this since Thursday, 2/07 and everyday that goes by leaves me with less and less time to finish.

Please send your prayers and positive thoughts my way. I want to send this email NOW. I'll get back to you later about this.

Thanks for "listening."


lucy said...

praying and thinking about you... you can do it... I'm thinking thesis right now too... I'm here to lend an ear if you need... go ahead and send that email. What's the worse thing that could happen?
It will be ok.

Rene said...

You're so close! Keep ploughing through and think about how great it will feel to be done.

Tracy said...

You have to just DO THIS, Lilian.

Resolve to send that email before tomorrow at noon (or some other deadline). You are on the path that leads to the Ph.D. and this is just a fairly minor administrative obstacle; you've already nearly completed the biggest obstacle (getting the thing written!).

Do this. Report back.

Keiko said...

Ai Lilian, força amiga, vai dar tudo certo!!! Orando por aqui...


Anjali said...

Almost there, Lilian. Remember soon you'll taste victory and success