Sent (Application/ Tenure Package)

I'm still stressed out about some of the other items in my endless to-do list, but submitting the application is no longer one of them.

Sigh...

I'm feeling at peace about it. Today New Hire even called me into hir office to ask me (in a somewhat anxious voice) whether I was applying for the position or not -- and I said I'd to it tonight, that things were crazy at home with K submitting his tenure package.

Sigh...

He spent the night from Sunday to Monday working on it and came home only at 4:30 am. I'm glad that he's done, though. He's even telling a silly joke about it which I got his permission to share in another post.

I'm cold and nervous right now because I just spent some time reading (for the first time in THREE YEARS) student evaluations.

I hate doing that. But I braved it tonight. And included only one class in my application packet. One of the most glowing ones.

I still can't believe one of my student wrote (a year or two ago) that "my attire is not appropriate" -- whaaaa? I cannot wear colorful cute clothes to work? I need to wear dark pantsuits? Or serious little black dresses. Really? Who says that?


I also drove my husband crazy editing the teaching statement. You know, I don't think I'm cut out for this after all. I don't have the thick skin, I don't have the desire to please anyone, much less other scholars. I'm too scatterbrained to do anything right.

Some students picked on my disorganization or "scatter-brainess" but, thankfully, most really "got" me and my enthusiasm, my compassion, my flexibility and my deep desire that they learn.

I know I should be reading these faithfully every semester and improving. I know. I'm BAD. I'm lazy and extremely ridiculously sensitive.

I need a new therapist, that's for sure, and I hope I can find one soon.

I'll write more about this later, but I realized something VERY depressing about blogging today. There are exceptions to the rule, but most of the people whose posts I really loved to read quit blogging because they wanted to be writers. And they went for it. Some actually did get published.

Who did not? Who is still blogging?

yeah... very very very depressing and very bad for one's self esteem. If I'm still writing here (with no audience whatsoever) it means I'm really, really bad.

Long gone is the day when blogging changed my life for the better. I wish it could still do me good.

Sigh...

Best (Relatively Useless) News Ever!

In our family we are all addicted to the internet. OK, someone of us actually uses it mostly for work and the others use it mostly for fun and a bit for work (maybe a lot for both in my case).

Problem is, for the past four and a half years, since we moved to this house, we've had really, really bad Internet connection -- DSL.

Yesterday we got a letter in the mail that told us that now we'll be able to have real high speed internet at our house!!!! For REALZ!!!

The bad part is that we have no idea how much it will cost, and we're wondering if it'll be an arm and a leg. Sigh... But we'll gladly pay it. I mean, those of us who use it mostly for leisure are happy to pay for it. :-P

We are truly happy for this, though. Especially my son the YouTuber. I will tell you more about his channel soon. Shameless son-promotion. Maybe he'll earn some money!

Overscheduling

Continuing in the spirit of the previous middle-of-the-night post, other things are bugging me as well. 

The main one is the fact that on November 8 we are ridiculously over scheduled! First, at the request of my colleague, I scheduled the dinner that I prepare for about 50 to 70 students at University number two.  

Then, I realized that this day is also the boys' piano recital day! But I thought it might work to have them play at the 1 PM recital and then I can head off to prepare for my dinner.

However, I had not realized that this is also the very last day of soccer games! And it turns out that our 13-year-old son cannot miss any games because his team does not have any extra players! So we're  thinking we can make it to the 3 PM game, but it's going to be crazy! And I obviously won't be there because I will be headed in another direction.

So, there you go, a sample of our crazy overscheduled lives! :-(

Tired and Stressed out/ Dreaded (but VERY IMPORTANT) To-Do List

I should be grading, or sleeping, but I'm blogging instead...

After all, I haven't blogged in three weeks, and it's not for a lack of things to say (as usual!!), it's mostly because I'm a bit overwhelmed by my list of "VERY IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO" and that makes me feel a bit sad and restless.

I haven't finished the translation completely yet, so I haven't billed them and we're thousands of dollars poorer (and still in debt) because of that. There isn't much remaining, but I can't find the time to force myself to sit down and do it. Especially because...

... I have to submit the job application ASAP and I haven't done that yet because stuff keeps popping up, random stuff (such as the free photo book offer that I needed wanted to take advantage of and which consumed for five days last week) and planned things: my in-laws' lovely five day visit (the longest in forever!).

Meanwhile, work keeps piling up relentlessly -- right now there are many compositions to correct and grade. That's why I should be grading, not blogging. But I should soon head to bed because I'm also exhausted from many days of going late to bed and getting up early to work (I have NOT written my planned blog post about having an 8 am class -- my LEAST favorite thing in the world is not having any weekdays to sleep in. :-( BOOOO!)

So, yeah. And there are other items in this super-very-important list:

I wasted over 45 minutes between writing the above sentence and the rest of the post because I went to check my email for a "to-do list" email I'd sent myself yesterday and then found couple of weird notification emails from facebook (I did NOT sign up for notifications from those two people, I'm 100% sure!). Those sent me down the stupid facebook rabbit hole. Sigh...

But here are the other items:

- apply for citizenship ASAP because #1(most important): we'll travel to Brazil next year and can't go out of the country before process is over and #2: I want to vote for president!

- book our award travel tickets (with our plentiful miles) for next summer to go to Brazil. We're already LATE because these go fast and dates are blocked out quickly a year in advance. We may be in trouble! :-(

So, yeah... it's impossible not feel stressed with all these really important things pending! And there are other smaller ones (e.g. sending conference paper or panel proposals).

OK, it's nearly 1:30 am. I shouldn't have napped in the afternoon. It will only make me more exhausted tomorrow.

Big News? A More Stable "Work in the Margins" Job?

Sigh...

I apologize for sighing too much in the blog. It seems my life can be summed up in a series of sighs.

"Will I ever have a 'real' academic job?" (sigh...)

"Will I have to drive so many hours to/from work for the rest of my life?" (sigh...)

"Is there any other alternative for me work-wise out there?" (sigh...)

And these series of "sighs" are pretty much endless series of angsty posts that I write here on the blog to help me feel better -- it works! but just for me! :-( look! No readers! (nah... who cares, I've said repeatedly that I'll be the last blogger standing. I guess there'll be many of us out here, talking happily to ourselves online).

OK, rant/whining session over, on to the news at hand.

So, today the job ad was posted. The ad for the three year position that everything indicates is meant to be just an "internal hire" maneuver to keep me on board, but now with more stability and being better paid.

At least that's what I think it is and what I've been led to believe. Unless the people who did this to me last year (how I reacted, the swift conclusion) are monsters and out to get me, but I don't think that's the case. At least I hope it's not! In any case, we'll find out very, VERY soon (like, in two months, max).

I suppose that the early ad for this non T-T position should tip off people that's an internal hire, maybe? Maybe not? It's a good ad (hmmm... except for a little line in there that mentions something about teaching New Hire's specialty, which is not mine)

So, yeah, less than a month to apply. I should do it in the next week or so to get it out of the way.

I feel numb. Same old same old. Better pay. I could/should stop teaching at U#1 because I'll be making the same money I make working for both places right now.

What I really wish would happen (although that would be very mean on those people who treated me badly) is: I'd get the job, sign the contract, then apply for a TT job at U#1, get that one and then have to tell U#2 "Sorry, you have to get someone else! Why didn't you treat me better earlier?"

Is it bad to wish for such a thing to happen? Maybe it is, but a TT at my husband's institution (BTW, I heard NOTHING about the one year position I applied to last Spring, not even an email to say they'd filled it. I only heard through the grapevine that they'd hired an instructor that already worked for them. DUH)

I have a feeling this will go smoothly, no "roller-coaster" ride this time. That's good, 'cause now I'm 44, getting old, middle-aged, don't know if I can handle the ride (she says, tongue firmly in cheek, defiant look on her face).

Last and First

Today was definitely the last time I purchased something for my 13 year old at Crazy 8. :-(  Their largest size is 14 and he'll soon outgrow that. Hard to believe because C8 clothes were always WAY too big for my boys and they always wore one or two sizes below their actual age. Not anymore for Kelvin!

On the other hand, today was my very first shoe purchase in adult sizes for him! It's hars to find size 7, but Target helped us out! And it was on clearance too! I know he'll outgrow this pair in no time -- he's been through 3 shoe sizes this year already, sigh... But I'm happy he's growing! 

This summer he passed me in height and is now about half an inch taller than mama. He's so proud of himself! :-) I am too!

Blue, I'd Missed You!

UH! Merica (Regina Spektor)

Maybe it's a fitting day to share this song by super genius Regina Spektor.
:-(

(Note for years from now: another shooting today)

First Day

My first day went well, it's just hard to get used to the "mega commute" all over again! :-(

Good thing that last Monday and this Friday I was & will be car pooling with a friend (not next week, though)
:-(

I can't write much because I need to go to bed, it was a looong day...

Last Day... (and Memories of First Days Past)

... technically I have one more free day, Thursday, but today is the last day before I enter the classroom and begin teaching again for 15 weeks.

So many mixed feelings. It's hard to deal with all that goes through my head as I walk through campus...

... first, a strong recollection of those pretty magical, once in a lifetime days of March 1990, my first days in college. Huge university in Brazil (over 50K students, extremely large campus). Taking a super crowded bus by myself to the other side of the city, trying to find elective classes to fill up my partly empty schedule. Navigating a strange building, classroom locations, how to order course packets and buy copies of texts (long boring lines at the copy center in the basement of the building).

Meeting new people, outside of my own little private school, religious college campus (where my parents worked), marveling at how nice everyone was (topic of the very first conversation I had with my future husband a few weeks later).

Now I'm much older and I'm in another country at a completely different university, but the excitement I see in the incoming students is the same I felt. The energy is the same and I know I'm in the right place, I belong here. Sort of.

... I have much dimmer recollections of my first weeks each Fall in graduate school. Nothing really magical anymore, and it didn't cross my mind yesterday, but my first few weeks back in that campus in 2012 were pretty magical, but all that magic has gone away.

... Now I wonder -- will I have a contract for next year again? Will they ever give me a three year contract? I go to the welcome reception and see those fresh faced incoming graduate students and I feel despondent. Do they know they're destined to adjunct life? Have they really drank the Koolaid and thing they'll get a "real job" someday?

It's more bitter than sweet now. My colleague, that I have learned not to dread anymore, full of hir empty rhetoric, so not really integrated with the other faculty, at least apparently not with lecturers. Talking of the need s/he has to publish not to be outdated (spoken by someone who finished the degree in 2012. How am I, from 2008, but hopelessly out of the game, out of everything?)

Yeah, it's tough. So I try to enjoy my last day. I printed and copied the syllabi (though not the calendar for two of the sections) and I'm preparing the name tags that I use every semester. I'm thinking of what to say and hoping that the drive goes well.

Alphabet Browser Search Fun

Wow, memes are so last decade, but I still wanted to do this one, inspired by Geeky Mom. It's a fun time killer that you get by typing each letter of the alphabet into the browser address bar. I used both Chrome & Firefox. Would have loved to have done Safari too, but I'm on my pc desktop right now. Chrome is lame having nothing for a bunch of letters...

Chrome  /  Firefox

A: Amazon.com   /  American Express (with Amazon cart second)
B: blogger    (both)
C: catalog (university #1 library)   /    c_ _ _  : teaching platform at U#2
D: drmamaesq.com   /   dooce.com
E: exchange [outlook email from U#1]    for both
F: facebook.com  for both
G: gmail.com   for both
H: htttps://facebook.com --> That's not right!   /   heatherarmstrong.com
I:  imdb.com   /   impeafro.org.br
J: (nothing -- google search)   /  johnclarkmatthews.com/*
K: knie.ch (because of my last post)   /   kris.shaffermusic.com/  (got this link from my friend Jeannette a while back)
L: learnsecurity (training security site of U#1)   /   live.ccmunited.com/  (oh boy! a live music show I watched a few months ago)
M: mail (from universtiy #2)   /    mamaintranslation.blogspot.com/  :-)
N: nytimes.com  (!)   /   newsadventist.org   (my church's official news site)
O: (nothing -- google search)   /   office.microsoft.com
P: plus.google.com (not surprising! I never go there!)   /   pc-sda.client.renweb.com (kids' school grades site)
Q: (nothing -- google search)   /   quinntopia.blogspot.com/ (model train site my kids used to visit a lot)
R:  (nothing -- google search)   /   renweb.com (kids grades, this is getting boring!)
S: significados.com.br (great dictionary site, for teaching Portuguese!)   /    sites (university #1)
T: twitter.com   / tripadvisor.com
U: (nothing -- google search)   /   united.com
V: vimeo.com   / can't say
W: www.facebook.com   / weather.com
X: (nothing -- google search)   /   xs.gy -- what is that? (afraid to click)
Y: youtube.com    for both
Z: (nothing -- google search)   /   nothing

*wow, that was random! This guy made some hilarious stop motion animation adaptation of children's books that I once bought for my kids -- including Curious George goes to the Hospital. Mouse Soup and others -- and I googled him once a while back.

Brazilian Movie to be Released in 2016 - O Grande Circo Místico

(this post is a note to myself more than anything)

O Grande Circo Místico movie is based on a ballet and its music (with lyrics, so it's more like a musical) which is, in turn, based on a really strange poem by Jorge de Lima inspired by the origin of the Knie circus in Switzerland (I saw signs while I was there!!!) (Wikipedia entry). The musical contains my "most favorite" song, Beatriz, which is the song that plays in the first part of the trailer. I think it'll be a beautiful movie:

O GRANDE CIRCO MÍSTICO, um filme de Cacá Diegues from Fado Filmes on Vimeo.

First & Last!

This was our first "stone fruit" purchase of the season from our local farm and also the last, since today was their last day open.

At least we made it before it was two late! (No such luck the past two years). As a result, I will spend a lot of time peeling and cutting this yummy fruit for freezing! 

Blurry Back to School

The past eight years are a blur...

I can hardly believe I have an 8th grader and a 6th grader. I'm certainly not celebrating it. They do grow too fast. 

To my husband's chagrin (poor man, he knows I have too much to do and he tries to help keep me on track), I stayed at the school a full 2 hours after dropping off the boys. Talking to people. Because that's who I am. And because it's the first day of my elsdest's last year at this lovely elementary school. (And I'm going back to drop off their lunch and then drive them to the town pool -- a first day of school tradition).

My favorite moment of the morning, was when three high school freshman, former classmates of my son when he was in 7th and them in 8th last year (plus 3-4 & 5/6), walked into the school. One of them paused to look at his graduating class photo on the wall and that just warmed my heart and broke it a little -- grieving in advance for my son next year. I'm getting ready to cry BUCKETS on 8th grade graduation. Sigh...

Ok, now I have to finish cooking/preparing their lunch!

P.S. they were very mad at me for wanting to take photos. :-(

Back to Real Life

I realized in the past few days that one of the big reasons why I love traveling and extensive travels suit me really well is that I'm quite good at "doing nothing" at home. And when you travel you see a whole lot of amazing stuff while "doing nothing." ;-P

I know I'm terrible that way and the worst  thing is that I'm not ashamed of myself. I work because it's best to keep busy in real life and I enjoy it, I truly do, but that's it. That's why maybe I should just be a full time non tenure faculty for the red of my life. and keep doing the minimum, not the maximum I can possibly achieve (as far as sometimes useless academic research is concerned).

Ok, I got to my office, then went to a meeting and now I have to drive my 76+ miles back home & stop at multiethnic grocery stores. More later!

Alpine dream come true

We didn't know if we were really going to be able to see the famous trio of mountains Jungfrau, Munch & Eiger, but we did! Here are some of the photos I took with my phone:

The idyllic Grindelwald:

Jungfrau:

Eiger & Munch:

Another one (with me!):

Looking at the Eiger and imagining how people climbed that rock wall!

Going back down on the train:

What an amazing day!

P.S. And we also had the privilege of seeing edelweiss planted by a small restaurant (the one portrayed above) 

The Eve of Going Home...

... the European leg of our "Epic Family Trip" was perfect. Seriously. It only rained twice, which didn't interfere too much with our sightseeing (we were in cities on those days).

Yesterday we went to one of the most famous spots in the Swiss Alps to see three mountains: the Jungfrau ("Young Lady"), Münch (Monk) & Eiger (man's name). This time we took the cheapest train ride, from Grindelwald (actually the Grund station, even cheaper) to Kleine Scheidegg. Someday I want to go to the "Top of Europe" (Jungfraujoch) and to James Bond famous Schilthorn.

It was amazing, particularly because the weather forecast had been iffy for the past five days. This short trip provided the perfect ending, the 'cherry on top' for our vacation with my parents. We drove them to the airport this morning -- they will spend the next 13 days in Madrid and then in Portugal visiting friends before they return to Brazil on the 25th.

The trip had a few challenging moments and we're really exhausted -- especially the boys who haven't been getting as much sleep as they'd like or need -- and this makes it easier to go back home.

I miss my cats, but other than that, I think I could spend most of my life traveling. ;-) Not really, obviously! I will now share some gorgeous photos from my cell phone, if its battery doesn't die on me!

Lovely

(this is a sequel to the previous post)
Hotel ("Motel")

And breakfast

One more week 'till we get home

The reality that our epic family trip is almost over is beginning to sink in. I'm getting emails that require me to respond to schedule meetings and emails from students that want to get into my class. I've had to make a late payment on a card and email them to try to waive the late fee.

I suppose I would love to travel on and on forever, but it's kind of comforting to think of going back home and living our routine lives again before our next trip comes up! (but only because there will be a next trip, sigh... I live for trips ;-)

We've been having a marvelous time here in Europe and I can't wait to post more photos, but until tonight, I had had very spotty internet access. Three different hotels we stayed at in Switzerland and Germany required we get a code via text (SMS) message in order to get online, but we CANNOT get text messages at all in our phones here. (note to self: never ever travel again without having a prepaid cell phone or plan in another country!!!)

Since I last posted we spent time in Geneva at a friend's house (where I was born, first time my parents came back in 43 years, very meaningful, special, emotional and thrilling), then visiting a friend in Frankfurt, visiting the Rhine (Rhein) River, my sons' dream: Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg, Berlin (an exhausting whirlwind, but GREAT, one day visit), Luther sites and tomorrow, Rothenburg ob der Tauber. Then we'll stay for six days at an aunt's house in Switzerland and do day trips with her. 

I have to go have breakfast now (first an only hotel with breakfast in this week of hotels)! But we'll have internet until we get home now. yay!

Up in the Alps: the 400 versus the 200 View

In the past two days we spent nearly the equivalent of what it would cost to go to two theme parks for a day (or a couple of days in one park) with our family, but it was worth every penny! (if I could I would always spend money to go to natural sights instead of man-made "wonders.")

First place (and more expensive): Zermatt, to see the Matterhonr (taking yhe train to Gonengrat). Initially there were some clouds, but then it got clear & cloudy again later. K did a fantastic time lapse video of the clouds (not shared here).

Second: Chamonix, to see the Mont Blanc from the "Aiguillle du Midi". It was a lovely day with some clouds later. I took fewer photos with the cell phone because most of the memory is used up, sorry!

I can't decide which one I like best. It was my second time (and K's third!) seeing the Mont Blanc and I still think/feel it's one of the most incredible places I've always been to (and ever will). Seeing the Matterhorn was a cherished dream & bucket list item and it was breathtaking. Kelvin (our 13 year old) liked it better than the Mont Blanc.

Which one do you like best, the 400 or the 200 view? ;-)