I apologize for sighing too much in the blog. It seems my life can be summed up in a series of sighs.
"Will I ever have a 'real' academic job?" (sigh...)
"Will I have to drive so many hours to/from work for the rest of my life?" (sigh...)
"Is there any other alternative for me work-wise out there?" (sigh...)
And these series of "sighs" are pretty much endless series of angsty posts that I write here on the blog to help me feel better -- it works! but just for me! :-( look! No readers! (nah... who cares, I've said repeatedly that I'll be the last blogger standing. I guess there'll be many of us out here, talking happily to ourselves online).
OK, rant/whining session over, on to the news at hand.
So, today the job ad was posted. The ad for the three year position that everything indicates is meant to be just an "internal hire" maneuver to keep me on board, but now with more stability and being better paid.
At least that's what I think it is and what I've been led to believe. Unless the people who did this to me last year (how I reacted, the swift conclusion) are monsters and out to get me, but I don't think that's the case. At least I hope it's not! In any case, we'll find out very, VERY soon (like, in two months, max).
I suppose that the early ad for this non T-T position should tip off people that's an internal hire, maybe? Maybe not? It's a good ad (hmmm... except for a little line in there that mentions something about teaching New Hire's specialty, which is not mine)
So, yeah, less than a month to apply. I should do it in the next week or so to get it out of the way.
I feel numb. Same old same old. Better pay. I could/should stop teaching at U#1 because I'll be making the same money I make working for both places right now.
What I really wish would happen (although that would be very mean on those people who treated me badly) is: I'd get the job, sign the contract, then apply for a TT job at U#1, get that one and then have to tell U#2 "Sorry, you have to get someone else! Why didn't you treat me better earlier?"
Is it bad to wish for such a thing to happen? Maybe it is, but a TT at my husband's institution (BTW, I heard NOTHING about the one year position I applied to last Spring, not even an email to say they'd filled it. I only heard through the grapevine that they'd hired an instructor that already worked for them. DUH)
I have a feeling this will go smoothly, no "roller-coaster" ride this time. That's good, 'cause now I'm 44, getting old, middle-aged, don't know if I can handle the ride (she says, tongue firmly in cheek, defiant look on her face).