Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Devastated... My kitty has gone missing

It's just too difficult to write this post. I'm at a public place and I just can't start bawling loudly and I just might. Looking at photos of him just makes it even more unbearable. I had no idea I'd be this devastated when it happened. I'm crying all the time. It's just awful.
Blues is gone and it's partly our fault. First, he doesn't have a collar and tags because I thought it would be uncomfortable for him and never got him one. Second, whenever we travel, we leave him at friends' houses. We used to leave him at a friends' apartment in New Jersey (we did that four or five times) and he was fine, then it was at another friend's row house in North Philadelphia. We left him there twice (both times for over a month) and this time too. We were aware of the risk of him escaping, but it had never happened (I mean, he'd gone out but had come back), but this time it did. He escaped last Thursday, but our friend only called us yesterday afternoon.I was driving when K called, but fortunately I had just turned to go to Target. I could barely talk on the phone with K so I hung up and just started sobbing, wailing loudly. Kelvin hugged me, dear son (he loved Blues dearly too), while Linton talked incessantly, thinking of solutions (the best one he came up with was "pray about it").

What's making me literally inconsolable is the bad timing. So "convenient" from the outside, which makes me really, really angry. You see... nine years ago we bought a house in February. Then in April we found out a kitten had been born and he joined our family in May. A tiny little thing. He was my first "son." Now, we're no longer home-owners. That part of our lives is taking an unfortunate break. It was hard to convince our landlord (and the rental company we had signed off previously too) to accept the cat. We paid a deposit. K actually wanted to give him away because the townhome is just too small (it is, he's right). And it has carpet throughout (the boys are actually allergic to cats). Now the cat will never even enter that house.

Every time we travel and Blues stays with someone, when we come back I don't feel at home until we go pick him up. He's never coming back. How am I ever going to feel at home at the new place knowing he's gone? Are we even going to get another cat because of the boys' allergy and the fact that there are no houses with hardwood floors throughout in our price range in VA? So I'm just crying on and off. Walking into the grocery store and glancing at the pet's section makes me cry again. I slept and dreamed that he came back (to our old house which we hadn't yet finished emptying even though the new owners already bought it).

So, yeah. To put things in perspective, I know, it's only a pet. I cannot imagine, it's unfathomable really, how infinite the grief must be when one loses a child like Katie Alison Granju just did. Still, the grief I feel is very real. I know other pet owners will understand.


Aamba said...

I'm so sorry for you! That is a devastating loss.

The cat that I got for my 5th birthday died when I was 18. That was ten years ago, and I still miss her.

M said...

I'm so, so sorry, Lilian!

motherissues said...

I do understand. Having a cat missing was harder in some ways than having our little cat die unexpectedly last fall. I hope you get good news and Blues finds his way home again. It's a sad, lonely, helpless time for you, though.

kate said...

Oh no, Lilian, I'm so sorry to hear this. Hugs!

Leslie M-B said...

I'm so sorry, Lilian!

Many years ago my parents boarded their cat with a trusted vet, but one of his assistants didn't properly lock his crate and the cat escaped through a windowscreen--into a different, very industrial city. It was heartbreaking to return from vacation to find the cat was gone.

I'm hoping you'll find your beautiful cat soon.

Louisette passion retriever, cat, memory Katanga said...

So sorry, Lilian for your wonderfull cat!
Best regard from Belgium, Louisette passion retriever,cat chartreux


Aliki2006 said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry...but how do you know he won't come back? You're writing as if he's gone for good...surely you can post some posters, advertise at the vet, tell neighbors and friends to keep a look out? Often cats who get out try and find their way back again...surely it's not time to give up hope?