A Metaphoric (If Clichéd) Look at the Latest Events

This will be a recurrent theme in the blog from now on... sorry about that, but I need a space to grieve and to figure out what we're going to do. Thanks for listening.
(tomorrow there'll be only photos to cheer us up, OK?)

K loosing his job and the likelihood of not living here, being forced to sell this house, and not knowing what to do next with our lives feels like, or is...

... a slap in the face, several ones, in fact

... a cold water bucket thrown over our heads (as we'd say in Brazil) -- only it's ice water, almost at freezing temperature

... a kick in the gut (or several)

... a rug suddenly being pulled from under our feet making us loose our balance and fall

... someone purposely made us trip and fall

... being unexpectedly stabbed in the back

... becoming the butt of a cruel, malevolent joke

I'm still a bit numb from the shock, the "cold water" and I still feel pain. I'm trying to figure out how to get up again and it's difficult to do so when you know "people" may be laughing at your expense.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Throughout the house hunting process I compared our "relationship" to the prospective houses to the courtship and getting married. I guess that the image now would be that we're being forced by external circumstances to a premature, unwanted divorce. There are some alleviating details such as the fact that we were still trying to adapt and warm up to the house, but it's sad to realize that even though we just started to "get to know it" we were already feeling very happy here. The saddest thing is letting go of what we had envisioned for the future -- gardening, inviting friends over for picnics and ball playing, etc.

Some things I'm feeling right now:

- Anger because I have to just pause and perhaps "rewind" any feelings I have/had about the house, any expectations about our future.

- Disappointment (very acute) because we thought we'd finally settle down.

- Discouragement, complete lack of energy to go on with renovations we won't be able to enjoy.

- Sadness that we'll have to move on and leave these almost fulfilled dreams behind.

However, I also feel hopeful and confident that everything will turn out fine, but it's hard to think positively.

For the third time only (remind me to tell about the other two times -- maybe in the comments later) I'm shedding some tears this evening, as I think through this post and look at photos we took in the past months. It's painful to look at those pictures and it makes me want to stop taking them altogether. I won't though. I want to record our brief moments in this house so we can look back at these few months and remember we had it... We were so close to realizing some dreams, but maybe they weren't meant to be, maybe there are better ones waiting around the corner. Only time will tell. Meanwhile, I look at this picture of the grass I took at a picnic we had in the backyard some weeks ago, and I let the tears run down my face. I know it won't be the last time I cry and that realization is not easy to accept.
I've been asking "Why?" a lot, but I know it'll take a long time to know the answer.