First One Down, At a Price

Preface:
In case you're wondering (because or yesterday's post), we had a good night, considering the circumstances. Linton was falling asleep at the dinner table and went to bed before Kelvin did. He did wake up crying and with trouble to breathe at 5 a.m. We both got up, cranked up the vaporizer (it needed salt in the water) and I sat/laid in bed propped up by some pillows with him on my chest so he could fall asleep. Then, we both slept until 7:45 (he was already sleeping on a mattress on the the guest bedroom's floor).

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This afternoon, just as the post office was closing, I mailed my first application even though all three are due tomorrow.

It was a "costly" process. K stayed home in the morning to watch Linton, but had to leave for an unexpected "farewell" lunch with his soon to be former co-workers and didn't come back home until 6 pm, so working on the application materials cost:

- 2 1/2 hours of TV/DVD for Linton, who usually watches only 1h maximum everyday (remember he was also sick and more unwilling to play by himself)

One of the applications needed to be there tomorrow "to receive full consideration," so I mailed it express. Cost:

- over 16 dollars.

Problem is... it probably won't get there tomorrow!! It's guaranteed for noon in 2 days. Why do they even call it express? Why do I pay all that money? I felt like driving the 5+ hours round trip to capital city to drop it off by hand, but with gas prices this high it would be mush costlier :(
(I know I should have Fedexed it, but with two kids in tow, not knowing where the closest fedex place is -- oh, I think I know! too late, though -- I just mailed it).

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Afterword

After I announced that I'd be on the academic market again this year some of you, particularly Articulate Dad, expressed the concern that I might be doing it just out a sense of obligation to apply. He wrote:

The first question to ask (about these or any posts) is "would I want it?" If that answer is no, or not really, go no further. If yes, then you've got to answer whether you believe you've got what they need.

Yes, I think I'd want these posts and, for the most part, I've got what they need, that's why I decided to go ahead and apply. The postings were quite broad and I have some the qualifications they're looking for. I thought I'd give it a try, you know... The worse that could happen is getting a few rejection letters in the mail, but I've become used to those. A.D. also said:

But if your heart is not in it, just let go of it.

And I agree with him on this one too and although I cannot say that my heart is fully in it, I have to tell you that just working on the cover letters, updating my CV made me feel energized, like I was finally doing something useful! I felt good about my qualifications and it was gratifying to tailor each letter to match my qualifications to the job postings. All in all, I think that maybe I need a job to make my life more meaningful and purposeful (whether I feel this way after I do have the job, RocketMom, remains to be seen :). I think it would make a lot of sense to have an academic job, in spite of the fact that at times I feel so much angst about academia. Now... I don't feel that happy about the one liberal arts school in my list because I think my forte is research and not teaching, but I probably won't get far on that one (I don't have one key qualification, being able to teach Spanish, but decided to apply anyway).

All right, wish me luck. I'm excited I'm doing this, it wasn't painful to send out my stuff like it was last year. Maybe I'm slowly healing. Perhaps after I finish the dissertation I'll feel even more confident and fulfilled. That would be unbelievable for me, more than a dream come true, because I've felt so apprehensive that I'll feel annihilated when it's all said and done. Maybe there's hope. Oh, and working on the applications also makes me feel like working on the dissertation, isn't that grand? Too bad I'm here blogging instead ;)