Random Things About Me You May or May Not Know

Since I don't have much time, here's a quick one:

• I was/am a tomboy.

• I do love pink, and "girly" clothes though.

• I drive a mini-van (an "old model" 1997 Odyssey - it's a bit smaller the doors open like a regular car. That's why my hubby wanted it. My oldest son now wants one with the sliding doors, though. Oh, and a DVD player, of course.)

• I've always been a voracious reader, but graduate work and motherhood put a bit of a damper on that.
  

• I'm a lazy person, unfortunately.

• I generally prefer salty/savory to sweet foods.

• But once in a while I have chocolate cravings. I can't stand American chocolate. Love Swiss (Lindt -- hmmm). Brazilian is OK.
  

• I don't much care for ice-cream, but I eat it, particularly if it's this one or another one that I just found out from Amazon doesn't exist anymore!! (Breyers' old Cherries and Cream, which the Amazon commenters have now explained has been changed and ruined -- how sad!! I really thought it was wonderful, with big pieces of black cherries and cream. I even tried other brands and hated this flavor). I didn't find this out earlier because I tried to refrain from dairy products as much as possible this past summer.
  

• I am very impatient (and fidgety).
  

• I am basically vegetarian. I avoid dairy products, eat eggs and, once in a while, fish.

• I tend to be a perfectionist.

• I am extremely disorganized, however.

• I am short and skinny, but I guess you've figured that out from the photos.

• I'm very friendly and an extrovert, but I have a hard time speaking with new people I meet (unless I know them from the internet -- hahaha, true, though). Sometimes even with people I know already. I have a hard time asking questions.

• I am quite clumsy. I bump into things a lot.

• I pretty loud (as most Brazilians in general are). I come from a family of nervous screaming women, however (my dad, uncles and hubby hate that). Problem is: boys are becoming just like me, what a shame!

All right, I'll stop here. What else would you like to know?

Potty Time

I still have a long list of posts I want to write, but life has caught up with me. I'm busy parenting, trying to cook healthy meals for the family and... I'm getting back to dissertation work too, because I really need to finish. And dissertation work makes me a bit depressed, so I don't feel like posting. I promise, I'll try, OK?

Anyway, I thought I had already posted about the news in the potty front from my eldest son (who is 4 1/2), but I just realized I hadn't. When I went to look up for my old post on this subject, I noticed a big coincidence -- I wrote it exactly one year ago!! So, last year, I asked for help from the readers because my son kept insisting in asking for a diaper for pooping. It took almost a year for him to finally give it up (In the meantime I had even thought of writing a post titled "All Quiet on the Diaper Front," but eventually never did).

We tried to bribe him with promises of Thomas trains and other gifts, but nothing worked. Except that daddy kept telling that we couldn't go to Florida if he didn't start using the toilet, so he promised that once we got to Florida he'd do it. And you know what? It worked!! It happened on our first morning in the hotel. I wasn't allowed in the bathroom, not even later to see what was produced, so he took a few photos before flushing so I could see it. I wasn't allowed to celebrate either (I had previously been telling him that I'd jump for joy when he finaly did it and I guess he wasn't too happy with the idea), so I was very low key about it. The next day I was allowed to see it and, in spite of the lack of celebrations, he didn't forget the promise of trains (from me and my mom), so we had to go and get him the trains a week or so later when he reminded us of it.

So here comes the anecdote I wanted to share today.

This morning my son called me from the bathroom, I thought he was done or needed help, but no! He wanted me to get him a magazine to "read" from the basket full we keep in the downstairs bathroom. Well, I guess he has just discovered the joys of reading in the bathroom!

Just like the little boy in the glazed tile sign from Brazil that we have in the bathroom door (photo above) -- isn't that a cute sign? (I have one for the kitchen that says "my lab").

Tagged!

On Friday night, Aliki, from World of One Thousand Different Things tagged me for a couple of memes. I don't know if I'll be able to do the second one fully, but the first one sounds fun! Here it goes:

Meme #1

The instructions are:
-Grab the book closest to you
-Open to page 123
-Scroll down to the 5th sentence
-Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog
-Name of the book and the author
-Tag 3 people

Now I have to confess that I had two books close to me on top of my computer desk, I'll be participating of a blog book tour for one of them next week, though, so I decided to pass that one up (moreover, the subject of page 123 was very unappealing -- not to say that what I ended up with is more appealing :) . The other one is a book I recently purchased, which comes highly recommended by Mary McKinney, the Academic Coach. Here it goes:

While they might have put writing aside until things were taken care of or until an illness had passed, most of these writers resumed writing at the first practical opportunity. This pattern held in surprising cases, even where the death of someone close to a writter might have disrupted and even blocked writing; instead, these writers reported a stronger desire for activities like writing that distracted them from their losses.

All but one of the few cases of traumas associated with wrting problems might better be categorized with disillusionment or with lack of planfullness.

From Professors as Writers: A Self-Help Guide to Productive Writing by Robert Boice. This book was on my wishlist since I saw the recommendation on the Academic Coach. I ordered it together with another book I needed to get at Amazon so I could get free shipping because I thought it might be helpful since I need to finish writing the dissertation. I find it very telling that I'd get this particular quotation. It's from a chapter titled "Dealing with Relapses" and one could say I have plenty of those in my dissertation writing. Of course my relapses are not caused by Traumas, which is the subject of the quote above, but it's surprising to see that people who actually suffered traumas continued writing and I quit for much more questionable reasons or no reason at all.

Meme #2

Name your top ten favorite TV characters.

OK, I have never watched much TV and I don't care for it much. Since my sons were born, I have watched even less. I just don't have time to "waste" on it and we don't even have cable. So... I'll try, but I probably won't come up with 10...

1. Samantha from Bewitched.

2. Ally from Ally McBeal.

3. John Cage from Ally McBeal. I thought he was hilarious.

4. Larry Paul (Robert Downey Jr.) from Ally McBeal -- yeah, I thought he was cute...

5. Joe from Friends. He was the one that annoyed me the least.

6. Carrie from Sex & the City. (all I watched was the full last season during the short month when we had cable and free on demand -- I really loved that show, someday I'll watch the whole thing)

7. Kramer from Seinfeld -- funny guy.

I really can't think of any more TV characters. I'll edit this if I remember any other.

I don't think I'm going to tag anyone, but feel free to take up any of them or both memes if you want to!

P.S. I'll try to do the book meme you tagged me for, cloudscome, OK?

Reasons for not Posting as Often as I'd Like

I just wanted to do a quick post so you know what's going on around here and why I'm not posting as often as I'd like to post.

1. Two constantly fighting boys. They provoke each other all the time, especially the eldest and the youngest always screams very loudly in return. Sometimes the youngest bites the older one and extremely loud and endless crying ensues. Very annoying.

2. Trying to unpack (I finished unpacking the suitcase from our vacation trip only yesterday!)

3. Trying to clean and organize house (we haven't done that in over a year) because we have guests this weekend.

4. Finish organizing the boys' bedroom since we moved them in a hurry and all the toys were a huge mess (we're almost done). Guests are staying in their bedroom too...

5. Shopping for bins, underbed storage, curtains, and bookcase for boys' room. After several trips to Ikea and other stores, only the bookcase is lacking (out of stock at Ikea).

6. Summer clothes shopping for me, a friend, and a few things for the boys. When a family's on a more-than-tight budget like ours, we only shop for clothes in the end-of-season clearances. My eldest boy still doesn't fit on several of the summer clothes I bought for him last year, so I only bought a few good bargains for him. My wardrobe, on the other had, is sorely in need of some more updated summer clothes. In addition, every two years or so, a friend from Brazil sends me money to buy a "whole wardrobe" of clothes for her boy and girl and I have a ball spending other people's money!! Of course the clothes are all VERY cheap and my friend is very happy with both their price and quality.

I'm sure there may be more stuff, some of it just the usual, cooking, laundering, cleaning...

Maybe I'll post a few pictures of the boys' room later, if you're curious.

P.S. I thought I'd say a few words about how the boys' move to their own bedroom at night is going. The youngest woke up either very early in the morning or late at night a few times and had trouble going back to sleep. On Wednesday morning, he woke up his brother too, at 5 am... Dearest husband is the one who's dealing with them on most days. Our room has light-blocking curtains and yesterday we got some for their room, so we expect them to have better nights (and early mornings). Last night was very good, the little one came to our bed at 6, nursed and went back to sleep until 7:45, which is EXCELLENT for him (who seems to have an internal clock that wakes up up at 7 am the latest).

The Boy, the Sea, and the Sunset

I want to share with you some of my favorites photos among the over 1,000 pictures I took during our vacation to add some mid-week pizzazz to the blog. I'm quite busy to write long posts right now, in spite of the fact that post ideas abound.

You may remember my post about the Florida vacation from last July. I Googled the last place where we were going to stay (Palm Coast) and pulled a photo of the Flagler beach pier for the post. Well, I went there and there was a beautiful sunset. Check out the results.

The Boy, the Sea, and the Sunset

The boy was simply mesmerized by the sea.

He couldn't bear to turn his back to it.
The crashing waves were beckoning him to go back
every time

He was almost dancing for joy.
The boy, like his mother, expresses his feelings very physically.


Before we left, I took some photos of a lonely looking lifeguard "chair" and I personally think they turned out stunning. I apologize for the lack of modesty... :)

The next one is my absolute favorite:

I was going to post two other sunset photos, but blogger won't let me. But maybe it's best to end with my favorite one. I guess it's really a common-place photo, but the life-guard stand is something brand new to me, in spite of the fact that it's an icon of the American beaches.

P.S. Oh, and I have a question to ask my American readers about American beach towns, but that'll come later, OK?

Remembering 9/11

This is my first post about this topic. Last year I didn't think of posting about 9/11 for some reason, but this year I want to do it. I can't believe it's been 5 years already, I can remember that day as if it were yesterday.
First, let me tell you a bit about the photo above. It's not from the internet. My husband (then boyfriend) took it from the ferry as it left Ellis Island on July 15, 1993. I never imagined it would become such a meaningful image to me many years later. This photo was one of the first things that came to my mind when I learned the towers were gone.

I never saw the events live on television on that fateful morning. I slept in as usual and when I got my husband's email at around 11 am, I truly thought it was a joke. It was just one telegraphic line which said something like "Airplanes hit the Pentagon and the twin towers and and the towers have fallen to the ground." I immediately turned on the TV and images of lower Manhattan flooded the screen, but all I could see was a cloud of smoke, there were no towers. My husband actually didn't see the towers falling either because he got to the campus center place with a large TV after the first one had fallen and the second one fell while he was emailing me.

When I realized what had happened, I was filled with despair. I had found out I was pregnant with our first child only four days earlier and I thought it was "the end of the world" in a sense, I felt was despair that I was pregnant in such a terible time. At the same time I felt it was awful to feel such despair because it migh hurt the baby growing inside me. I was getting frantic and I needed to see somebody. Anybody. I rushed upstairs (our TV was in the basement) and out the door of our condo/towhouse. The neighbor's door was open and I called her. I was in tears by then and she gave me a hug. I told her I needed to see someone, and that the hug made me feel better. I also mumbled something about not believing in what was happening and that I had missed seeing everything... I couldn't believe that either.

I loved those towers, as I love any tall buildings, towers, and structures. I love to be able to go as high as I can and see the world from up there and I do it in any city we visit. I had been up there in the World Trade Center twice, in 1993 and 1996. You can see a photo of me with lower Manhattan in the background also taken on July 15, 1993.
The Sbarro restaurant in the lower level of the WTC was dear to me because we had had a meal there with my husband's family when we first came to the U.S. in 1993 and subsequently with my parents in 1997. The Borders bookstore in the street level was a place I enjoyed as well and we had been in there literally for hours as we waited my parents go up the towers in 1997. I thought of all those books having become dust, of us never eating again in that restaurant, or taking the trains to our friends house in New Jersey there. I remembered the WTC subway station very clearly. I also thought the number of deaths would be much higher than it actually was in the end.

Another photo taken by my husband on July 15, 1993.

That December, when I was 7 months pregnant, my three brothers-in-law, my SIL, and one of my younger BIL's girlfriend came from Texas to spend Christmas and New Year's with us. We went to NYC on Dec. 30 and 31st and on the 31st we decided to stay in line to see Ground zero. It was incredibly cold and my sister-in-law and I tried avoid the cold to stay indoors at a nearbyCatholic church (which was very cold too) and a coffee-shop while the men stayed in line in the freezing cold for almost 4 hours. When the time came for us to walk up the long wooden ramp to see the site, Rudy Giuliani appeared! It was probably one of the last things he did in his last day as mayor of NYC. We even took a picture!
We were a very numb because of the cold, but it was quite moving to see ground zero only three months after 9/11.
I have been back there several times since then, but none of them can compare to that first visit, when everything was still so raw, all buildings around ground zero were still severely damaged, the Hilton hotel accross the street, closed. The church that served as a memorial place (I can't remember the name) was loaded with posters, photos, mementos. The line and the entrance to the ramp to view the site were actually right by that church.

I still have a hard time to think about this event, process it, and accept that something like this ever happened. It just seems so unthinkable... but the unthinkable happened.

Edited to add: Professing Mama wrote an excellent post criticizing the ways the 9/11 events are used and politicized. For another moving personal account check out this post by World of One Thousand Different Things.

Noise

Every time I come back home from a trip I have certain feelings and impressions that I always want to write about. I usually am not able to do it, though, because things are quite hectic after we travel, particularly when we come back from Brazil where we have stayed for two months, for instance. I'm glad that now I have decided to post more often (and also worry less about proofreading and writing "good" posts), so I don't loose these fleeting thoughts, since they go away pretty quickly.

This time, after two weeks in Florida, I found that the place we live is just too noisy! Two weeks away made me realize that living in a city is quite noisy. I lived in Sao Paulo, one of the largest cities in the world, for 11 years, so I should know that, but 7 years in a rural area here in the U.S. have made me enjoy quiet places more. Of course we've lived here for two years now (we moved to the Philly area on July 29, 2004) and although the firehouse siren (it's only 1 block away) and the freight train whistle at all times of day and night are annoying, we're used to them now.

I guess part of the shock has to do with the fact that we spent most of the summer with the AC on and all windows closed; however, I have left the windows open these last days, so we hear all outside noises much louder. It also seems like the neighbors are trying to enjoy the last days of summer and there are lots of people outside talking loudly, kids screaming, etc. Of course this neighborhood is not the one we would have chosen had we been able to afford a house anywhere else and that doesn't help too much, but this another subject I don't want to get into right now.

I know I have to enjoy this "open window" time as much as I can, because the noises soon will be dampened again by closed windows. The thought of winter makes me very sad, particularly because I probably won't go to Brazil again this winter as I have in the past two years. I have learned to enjoy the seasons, but having grown up in a tropical, year-round green and lush country, I feel always depressed in the winter months. So, I should welcome the noise, really, because the eerie silence of snow falling is beautiful, fascinating, but also a bit sad.

Goodbye Family Bed

Attachment parenting issues have been addressed lately by Kateri (at Wet Feet), and coincidentaly, I have something related to share here (although our story is different and the focus is sleep, not breastfeeding).

After I finally got around to writing my sleep problems post last July, things got better quickly. Linton has really been sleeping through the night since then. After my parents left in August, we decided we'd take the next step and move the boys to their own room, in spite of the fact that Kelvin (who's 4 1/2 now) has been "finishing the night" in our bed almost every day and Linton has been sleeping in the crib (with one side down) next to me since he was born (27 months ago).

During the last week of our vacation, we stayed in the four bedroom house of two friends of ours who are still childless (they have been trying to conceive for 3 years and apparently all is "normal" with them -- same thing with two other friends here in Philly, their experiences make me feel so sad!), so we were able to have a room for ourselves and put the boys in another room with two beds. This worked perfectly well and they generally only came to our room in the morning when they woke up (I guess it helped that they were tired from going to the beach several days :).

Anyway, yesterday, in spite of the incredibly messy house, empty fridge, and all the unpacking that needed to be done, I moved two chests of drawers from the boys' "playroom"/ guest-room (it has a futon) and moved the crib (with a protective railing more or less like this) and the toddler bed there. The night wasn't completely uneventful, given that Linton came to our bed between 5-6 am and there, after nursing, he slept again until 7 and Kelvin got up too, but my husband went back to his room with him and got him to fall asleep again.

The funny thing is that my husband is the only one who's kind of sad to see them go. He truly enjoyed sleeping snuggled next to Kelvin every morning. I guess this is one of the key elements for the "Family Bed" to work -- the willingness of both parents. Both of us enjoyed spending the nights next to our boys, but I guess now it's time to claim our own space again, I'm really ready for that and hopefully the boys are too!

Get Ready to See More of Me

I have decided it's high time I start posting more often here. The number of posts I have started or have thought about writing is getting higher and higher and I think that instead of spending the bulk of my "blogging" time reading and commenting on other blogs, I should just write more. Particularly considering that many of the bloggers I read and diligently comment on (because I truly enjoy the content and the writers) don't read this blog.

Blogging is not easy for me sometimes because I feel I'm just a "nobody" out there. Besides, I feel I'm too "eclectic" and end up not fitting well into any "clique" or category. I'm a blogging mama (I don't like the "mommy blogger" label too much) who doesn't write often enough about her sons -- one reason is that I'd need to translated all the cute things they say and that would make them much less funny (I have been planning a post about things they say for two years now, though :). I'm an dissertating/ABD/ academic blogger who doesn't blog about academia too much -- my conflicted feelings about academia and being an academic are a big reason. Finally, I'm an expatriate who should write about her country and her feelings about the new country more often, since these things are part of every single day of my life (all right, sometimes I do write about this - probably not lately, but I have written about it several times).

Well, I'm really tired from the trip, the house is still a mess and I know that tomorrow is going to be a really loooong day, so I'll stop for now, but I should be back soon. I even have some interesting news regarding the boys (hints, sleep, potty, etc... all those fun parenting subjects!).

Oh, and I have one more reason to go on a "posting jag" -- soon I'll have to take a break to go back to dissertation work in earnest. This is my last year. Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that, but it is, no matter what!!

I'm Back!

We got back from Florida this afternoon and although I'm dying to post and catch up with other people's blogs I really can't because this house is a big mess!! I hope to come back as soon as possible and share with you lots of beautiful photos from our trip. We didn't have internet access for the past week, we only checked email at our friends' office, or I would have posted earlier.

Our trip was wonderful and I didn't miss home at all (I never do, though, I love to travel). The boys enjoyed it too, but I guess they are happy to come back to their toys (not for long, unfortunately :)

Well, I'll see you soon!

On the Go

I’m writing from a Barnes and Noble in Orlando (my first time posting in a public place). We came here for two reasons, first, we needed to buy some children’s books as presents to our friend’s boys; second, it was raining really hard and we probably won’t go to the second park we were planning to go to today. I’ll write more about the trip later, but so you know we’re only visiting 2 places, none of them Disney or other major studio related, with 7 day passes for each so we can stay for short periods, which is all the boys can handle.

Tonight we’re going to a friend’s house here in Orlando, and tomorrow afternoon to another friend’s house. She is my husband’s high-school friend and the last time we saw her was exactly 10 years ago at her wedding in Washington D.C. Now she has two little boys, 4 and 1, and we hope our boys will have fun playing together!

Next week we go to another coastal town (my husband’s friend also lives by the coast) where we’ll stay with very good friends who used to live in Massachusetts and whom we haven’t seen in over a year. We’ll also see lots of other friends we haven’t seen in years, since they moved from MA to Florida. Hopefully we’ll have internet access there! In these short two hours I was barely able to read my email, so I wasn’t able to check on hardly anybody’s blogs… I hope I can do it soon :)

Always at the Last Minute...

I really wish I could be a neat, organized, planning ahead kind of person, but I'm not. I'm the queen of procrastination and when it comes to packing before travel, another one of my long list of defects makes my progress even worse: I have a terrible problem with having to make decisions (I "inherited" that from my dad), I guess I could say I'm a chronic "undecided." Simply having to decide which clothes to take or not to take seems to consume an amount of energy that I don't have, so I keep postponing the task, or merely accumulating loads of things I want to bring, without deciding which won't ultimately go.

As many procrastinators, I do a lot of things related to traveling and packing beforehand. I do separate the clothes I'm sure I'm taking several days before, I do a load of laundry with some other clothes I want to bring. I do my best not to buy more food and to empty the fridge, but... I still leave most essential things for the last minute and I generally don't sleep on the night before a trip. (Deep sigh...)

So, now I have to go finish packing and cleaning the kitchen, and we do have a mid-morning flight, so wish us luck! I'll try to blog and read blogs while we're away, but I don't know how our internet access will be, so if you don't see me during the next two weeks, I'll be back later and I'll be sure to share some pictures!

P.S. Hubby had a great trip (his favorite part was actually the short length of it - I just can't believe that!). I picked him up this morning at JFK (I spent the night at a friend's house). It's amazing to me that yesterday (OK, two days ago, it's Tuesday already) he had lunch with some of our best friends in Brazil and their kids, who are the same age as ours. I was looking at the photos a few hours ago and I was moved to tears at how much I miss all of them. It's hard to think that we may never live there anymore and share more than a few hours every year or so with them, that's unbearably sad, but may be true. Sorry to end on a sad note like this... (I'm actually quite excited about the trip, though :)

Lovely "Bloggy" Meet Ups!

Yesterday and today have been two good days... in spite of the fact that my husband is traveling (he went to Brazil for the weekend - I'm so jealous, except I would have hated to have gone only for three days - I can't stay less than a month there and even then I never do all I want to do :)

I went to the LLL meeting yesterday and we ended up having an informal conversation between mothers, which was great, because I got to talk a bit more with Jo, who's a brilliant blogger and a really cool and lovely person -- she even mentioned me and my boys in her latest post, I'm so delighted!! We love you too! Her daughter Sophia has the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen and the cutest smile :)

Today I met another blogger in person, in addition to Jo, Kateri, Marta, and Andi Buchanan, I now know Cloudscome (from a wrung sponge) and her lovely boys. I think this could officially classify as our first "play-date" ever -- have I been completely out of the American "mother's culture" or what? Yeah, it's not easy to be an expatriate mom, that's why I love blogging so much, it filled a void in my life in more ways that I could have ever imagined! As Cloudscome said, it is definitely cool to meet someone who blogs too, so we can talk about blogs we read and blogging, since she says all her other friends know nothing about it.

I'm so glad blogging has given me the opportunity of not only learning from other people's life experience and knowing people "virtually," but getting to meet some of these awesome people "in real life"!

New Blogger Beta Version

Well, I wanted to let you know that I'm considering switching to the new Beta version of blogger. It has many features that I've always wanted my blog to have, such as labels for categorizing the posts, more flexibility and an easier way to edit the template (with the ability to change the position of things, choose colors and fonts, etc), "dynamic" publishing (no need to wait for the 100% publish, and no need to hit a publishing button, any changes are automatically saved), and some other new features. You can take a tour here.

It still has quite a few glitches and issues. The one I like the least is that other blogger users that haven't switched to the Beta version yet won't be able to comment with their blogger "identities" and will have to comment under "Other" - and I'm sure that will annoy some of you. Is anyone else considering switching? Beta versions are a bit scary because they sound "tentative" to me...

What do you think? I'll probably switch anyway at some point in the near future, but I'll warn you about it ahead of time.

And I Didn't Even Mention the Main Reason

After I wrote the previous post, I started thinking that I had not even touched upon the main reason(s) not to have another baby.

The main reason, with a twofold motivation, is work. I do want to put my Ph.D. (which I should get next summer) to good use by working again. If I have another baby, work will have to be postponed a few more years or at least interrupted for a while, since I'll want to care for the baby most of the time, and breastfeed for several years as I have been doing with his/her brothers. Of course it won't be easy for me to start to work with a 3 year old, but at least he'll be old enough for pre-school.

Apart from personal fulfillment, one big reason for me to work is an economic one. If my husband gets an academic job, I will probably need to work to supplement his income. The only situation in which we would consider having a third child would be if he got a high paying industry job, which we know is very hard to get. It's next to impossible to be hired by an industry without inside contacts and recommendations and no previous industry experience. So... I really don't want to do anything to jeopardize my family's comfort and the future child's well being. In a year's time we hope to be able to make a decision about this.

The Question That Doesn't Go Away

I think about it every single day. Sometimes several times a day. And I still don't have the answer. Almost exactly a year ago it was an emphatic NO!, and most days it is definitely no, even right now, it's "no, no way."

But, but, but... My heart, that heart that one of my favorite mama writers, Catherine Newman,* once described as "seating on the curb with its head between its knees" at the very moment when she was very relieved to find out she had not gotten accidentaly pregnant with a third child -- my heart doesn't want to hear that no.

I have no idea why I am writing about this today. I haven't been feeling any particular urges to have a baby lately, but every. single. day I start a blog post in my head. A post in which I weight the pros and the cons of having another baby.

I generally dismiss the pros as being utterly selfish (the strong desire to have a home birth, baby-wearing, maybe, just maybe... having a girl?) and the cons are so much stronger -- although many of them are equally "selfish" as well! I mean, not getting even more stretch marks, getting to buy and wear any clothes I want, not just maternity and breastfeeding friendly outfits -- yeah, these have been five long years! What else, did I mention that sleeping through the night again feels great, even because it took so long (2 years!) to happen? What about looking after 2 restless boys under 5 or 6 and a newborn baby?

Nah... why am I even entertaining these thoughts? Particularly because my husband will have none of this, he doesn't even want to talk about it!

I DON'T KNOW! I can't control my own deranged mind!

So, after I transferred my sleeping "baby" from the carseat to his bed and he miraculously didn't even wake up, I just sat there, looking at him and thinking that he has to be my last baby, that it would be too hard to do it all over again, but then I had to come here and write this post. Just because knowing in my mind that I should accept something and decide that's how it is going to be done just because it's best for all of us, it's best for me, doesn't keep me from wanting another one.

*She's going to stop writing her column, by the way, I can't believe it!! I'm so sad just want to cry! After four wonderful years... it seems like I started reading her just the other day. If you don't know her , you should go check the weekly columns up, or go read her book.

More Breastf*eeding Photos!

Well, thanks to my talented 4 year old son who has become a budding photographer in the past year, I have some more breastf*eeding photos to share with you! I know I posted way too many here already, but I just couldn't resist :) I'm just that fanatic for photos...

I thought no-one would ever see these because they do show a bit of (pale) skin. I had a bit of a tan in the rest of my body because I had just returned from Brazil. I wasn't much tanned because I don't ever get a real tan anyway and I use lots of sunscreen. I had completely forgotten about these pictures, which were taken last February, but I found them when I was burning a CD for my mom with the best photos of the last six months on Monday night. Do you recognize what's in the computer screen? Blogging is truly my addiction. Oh, and you can also see the messy table where I work on the dissertation and that I'm wearing a pajama top, as I usually do at home during the winter. The baby's gesticulating wildly in this last one, maybe trying to wave to the camera :)

Back to Real Life

My parents returned to Brazil this morning. They're flying there (to São Paulo) from Miami as I write this. They provided me with much needed help in the past year (August-September 05, Feb-Aug 06) so I could do the final push to finish the first draft of the dissertation and now I'm on my own to do the revisions and prepare for the defense. Wish me luck (and lots of stamina), because it's not going to be easy, with the two boys, the everyday chores, and husband and I applying for jobs (this takes time and energy as well, I know -- any advice on this is appreciated).

I'm thankful for their help and I'm aware that I'm very blessed to have had them here to help me. However, now I need to finish this Ph.D. on my own and I hope the exertion brings me confidence and strength for the years to come. We've been relying on my parents' yearly help since our first son was born back in 2002 and while they enjoy spending all this time with us (particularly with the boys), they also need to be able to travel and take advantage of their retirement years while they're still in good health. From now on I hope that their visits here are merely for pleasure, for us to travel together and enjoy each other's company.

I worried about their health and well-being while they were here, but thankfully they were fine and didn't have to use their health insurance even once. My mom is going to have thyroid surgery in the next few months and I hope she recovers nicely - she has an abnormal growth (benign) which needs to be removed and she'll have to take hormones for the rest of her life.

Well, that's it for now, I'll come back later with two memes that I was tagged for over a year ago, I think!! :)

Peaches and Jumps

I Just wanted to share some photos with you and I didn't want to write two posts, so you get two posts in one, OK? (I started it on Friday and saved it, but then it disappeared from the posts to edit. Thankfully I found it today, though!)

Peachy
First, the yummy peaches from my uncle's peach tree. We visited him last weekend (two weekends ago, since now it's Monday) and we got to bring home most of the peaches that were still on the tree. They were so ripe that we brought most of them peeled, chopped and frozen already, or else they would have spoiled. I haven't yet prepared anything with them, but I'm planning to bake peach cobbler, make peach juice, and peach mousse soon. I'll try to take pictures.
Jumping Boys...
On July 22 we had a thunderstorm and since it was a bit cooler after it (it's been terribly hot around here as pretty much everywhere else in the U.S.), I went outside with the boys. Kelvin started jumping on the rain puddles and I took these pictures. Soon Linton joined, although he cannot jump as high yet.

(1) One jumping, one watching.

(2) When Linton gave it a try and saw the splashing he didn't want to stop!

(The 2nd photo is fuzzy, clearly below my standards, but the splashing was too good to pass it up :)

Two Jumping

Puddles are fun!

Calling All Academic Mothers!! Mama Ph.D. Book

I know most people may have already heard of this and since my readership is quite limited, I may not help much, but I wanted to get the word out, because this proposed book is literally the materialization of some of my greatest wishes!!!

Since I started blogging I have found solace, inspiration, motivation, and companioship by reading the experience of other academic mothers -- this has been vital for me, knowing that I am not alone, that other people have been there and succeeded. I also enjoy reading about all issues that face mothers who are or want to become academics. I know many of you blog anonimously, so you might not want to submit an essay in a book. It is a sensitive topic after all, and the two editors are not working in academia, although they hold Ph.D.s. I am so thrilled about this book, though, that I hope it comes to existence and I'm working on my submission as I write this.

So, here's the site with the information about the book, an anthology titled Mama Ph.D.: Women Write about Motherhood and the Academy. The call for papers can be dowloaded here. The editors are Caroline Grant (her blog has actually moved here) who's one of the editors and columnist of Literary Mama, and Elrena Evans. If you are an academic mother and you're reading this, please, please, please consider submitting something!