Sunday, May 17, 2015

Fiercely Missing Brazil


The worst part was finding out that tickets to fly there now are the cheapest they've been in many years, maybe 10 years. And even cheaper for flying from there to here (good for my brother-in-law who is moving to the Middle East with his family this summer via the U.S. -- he's been flying several times here to bring suitcases full of their personal belongings).

I wish I could go, but I can't. We simply cannot afford it. Sometimes I ALWAYS get mad at this whole "not being able to afford anything" thing. I'm tired of it and, at the same time, I don't think it will ever change. I cannot fathom how it could.

The culprit right now is a very good thing -- the upcoming "big trip" -- and, of course, last week we just went ahead and bought a car (even though we still have credit card debt from buying the Prius -- or would it be the trip's tickets? Gah, either one!). But I'll try to come back to blog about this later.

Every year, or several times a year sometimes, it just hits me... a never-ending, bottomless saudade (can be roughly translated as homesickness) that fills me with longing and sadness and a desire to just be there. In the country where I grew up. Looking at that familiar sky (I miss the Southern Cross! A LOT!), spending time with my parents, seeing friends and family and their new babies (one of our friends' precious baby girl just turned one a few days ago), eating yummy Brazilian food, etc.

I'm glad these feelings generally don't last too long and I just realized that they must come in May and during the summer when I'm stuck at home, without work, feeling (and truly being) poor and aimless. No wonder I want to go to Brazil. No wonder I generally GO when I can! It give these long, excessively hot, summers purpose and joy. I am so looking forward to going next year! I hope it'll be everything I'm hoping for. I'm already making a super-long to-do list!

Meanwhile, I have to try and work on the translation and try to work on the house and yard (VERY depressing post about the weeds coming up) and... I'm getting worried that the job application will come to nothing!

Sorry! I can't focus! This post was supposed to be about missing Brasil and instead I'm all over the place. Sigh...

all right, let's see if I can accomplish a few things today, right?


What Now? said...

Is moving back to Brazil not an option? Or ultimately not desirable somehow? Sorry you're feeling homesick!

Heidi said...

When you said "long, excessively hot summers"? I smiled. That's what I used to think about summers where you live too. Now those summers would seem like welcome relief! In all seriousness, I think homesickness always strikes worst when there's nothing we can do about it. That's what makes it so strong, the knowing we have to delay gratification, but wishing we could change that for just a moment or a week.