Cranberry Flavored Fall Adventures

I've had a good time here in Massachusetts. I'm dying to tell you more about the advising meetings, which were really great, but I want to write a nice thoughtful post to include some material from my "dissertation journal" which is in our desktop at home. I drive back home tomorrow (all right, today, since it's after midnight) and although I can't say I'm actually looking forward to it, given the smooth trip up, I'm confident it's not going to be that bad to go back!

Yesterday and today I got to see two longtime friends who also have sons. I've known one of them for 16 years, we met in Brazil where we sang together in a choir, and many years later she got married to a "Brazilian American" guy and we met again here in the U.S.. Her son is 10 months older than my eldest (who's 4 1/2). I met the other friend, who happens to have the same name I do (with an extra l) here in the U.S. ten years ago. She's American, with Brazilian parents, and her son is 9 months younger than my oldest. I hadn't seen them in nearly two years and they didn't really know my youngest son, since they had only seen him as a tiny baby, so it was great! We had a lively group of four boys, aged 2, 3, 4, and 5.
We went to an apple orchard and although there were no more apples to be picked (harvest was earlier than usual this year), we went on a tractor ride and the boys had tons of fun running around the apple trees and with the pumpkins and straw.












Today I met again with one of them, my namesake (who, by the way, may be reading this post -- I'm so delighted to have another IRL reader, Lily!!), and we went to Plymouth and then we drove around a bit to Carver and I was able to realize an old dream to see a cranberry bog. The sun was setting/ had just set, so I wasn't able to take very good photos (OK, as good as I'd like... they did turn out OK :), but it was still great!! I love cranberry juice, sauce, and anything baked with cranberries and I knew that if we move next year, this may be my first and last chance to see a cranberry bog at harvest time. I thought I'd share some of the photos too!
I want to go there again tomorrow in "broad daylight" but I have to go back home! :(

Traveling Mother

I just wanted to brag about the fact that this afternoon/evening I drove for 7 hours by myself with the boys to come spend a few days with my mother-in-law in Massachusetts.

Last night my husband flew to Brazil, where he'll be for a week and my father-in-law flew to Peru for a 10 day visit. I didn't want to stay home alone, but I was a bit afraid of driving for so many hours with the boys, but I decided to brave it.

The trip is supposed to take 5-6 hours, but I was stuck in traffic for 1h30 in Connecticut. This happened because I wasn't able to leave home before 2:30 pm, so I naturally got stuck in traffic from 5:30 on.

The boys behaved well. I was very lucky because the two times my son needed to go to the bathroom (for #2 nonetheless), we were right at a service area. We stopped only those two times, within an hour (between 4-5 pm) and then we continued for 3 hours straight until the little one couldn't bear it any longer and I stopped for 10 minutes for him to nurse. Both boys slept for the last 1h30 of the trip, thankfully.

Tomorrow I meet with my advisor and with one of the committee members (the first time since May), separately this time. I'll let you know how it goes.

Plumbing Troubles

I should have seen it coming. I knew that my youngest son would be more troublesome than the eldest, but I thought it would be a while before I had to spend money to solve troubles caused by little boys.

Well, my little boy, it turns out, has an unquenchable fascination with little rocks and pebbles. We went to a fantastic playground last weekend in Maryland , but all he cared about was throwing rocks at the tiny stream from the short bridge that crossed it.

Our neighbors have a path of white rocks by their driveway and whenever he gets a chance, my two year old goes there to play with them. Last Thursday I let the boys play in the back and front yard while I mowed the lawn. When I was cleaning up I heard my 4 year old screaming at his brother and calling me. It turns out the little one had been throwing rocks at our sewage vent by the curb. The cap was broken by the neighbor's car last winter and we hadn't replaced it. I forgot to mention that he'd thrown a bamboo stick in there the day before and had been scolded for it. I said no, that he was not to throw any rocks in there and we came inside.

Lo and behold, my husband was getting ready to leave for work this morning when (fortunately) he looked into the basement and realized that there was water leaking from the sewage pipe. We had both just taken showers and there was a lot of water, so about 1/4 of the basement was already wet. I went into full damage control mode, putting buckets to pick up the water trickling from the pipe and mopping the floor, while he started calling plumbers. We ended up getting Roto-rooter because they were the only ones who could come before 3 p.m. I just didn't want to be at home with two little ones and not being able to use the water.

I promptly remembered the rocks and a check at the vent outside confirmed my fears -- the pipe was half full of water. The plumber "snaked it" and all was fine in the end. I know it could have been worse, but this was a very expensive boy "game," it cost only 250 dollars...

Hubby said that we should deduct this from his future allowances!! :) If only he weren't just 2 years old...

Six Weird Things About Me

I had planned to post this three weeks ago, but then I decided to write a 9/11 post. I guess this is a good time for this "meme" since I'm in a writing-things-about-myself phase here in the blog (not that it's not already all about me :) This post has been in the works for many months as you'll see below.

You know, it's the funniest thing -- I was absolutely sure I had been tagged by someone with the "Six weird things about me" meme but apparently I wasn't!! A looooong time ago (January or February 2006), I was tagged for a book meme by Kate at Expatmama, and a "four things" meme by Juliet at Dalian Moon. Oh, and more recently, Cloudscome from a wrung sponge tagged me for another great book meme that I really want to respond to. However, as far as I can tell, I wasn't tagged for this weird things one! :) If you did tag me and I forgot who you are, would you kindly let me know? I feel like I've completely lost my marbles right now...

Ever since this "phantom tagging" feeling took hold of me months ago I have been thinking about the weird things I'd list. Initially I had a hard time thinking of them --I guess I'm pretty "normal," even boring; but, eventually, I realized that there are a few quirky or "weird" things about me. Wanna check them out?

1. Hair Removal Issues
I can’t shave my legs, underams, bikini area, etc. (although I sometimes have to). For some reason, my body is allergic to shaving and any shaved parts itch like crazy, as if I had many bumpy mosquito bites. I need to wax them, or use an electric “depilatory” gadget (which is way too painful and I hardly ever have the courage). Problem is, I don’t have money to do professional wax in this country (in Brazil it’s very cheap as are getting a manicure, a pedicure, and a decent haircut), so sometimes I do a sugar wax at home (I can teach you how in the future if anyone is interested). Even waxing elicits a terrible reaction from my legs (or any other body part) – they become swollen and red, but this subsides in a couple of hours and – that’s key! – it doesn’t itch later and I also stay hairless much longer. I guess my body just rebels against hair removal. I should do what my SIL is doing and have them removed with laser (no money either for that, though :)

2.Leg Positions (not really weird, just quirky)
I love to have my legs (at least one of them) folded and up against my body when I'm sitting down and I can also squat for a long period of time. In addition, I sleep in a fetal position, with my legs as close as possible to my body. I can't breastfeed in a glider rocker or sofa without having a leg up supporting the baby (this helped a lot when I fell asleep nursing in the first months of my older son's life - that way he was supported and didn't fall off my lap, but I completely digress...). I thing this habit stems from my childhood history of acute asthma. I spent countless hours squatting down, since the legs against my chest made it the best position to breathe. I also slept many nights kneeling or "squating" on a pile of pillows, since it also helped me breathe. Therefore in spite of the fact that I haven't had any ashtma episodes in over 15 years, I still carry with me the habit of folding my leg(s) against my chest.

In addition to lifting my legs while seated, I also am addicted to crossing them. I know it's not good because it causes varicose veins (I am prone to them genetically too), but I just can't help it, I love to have them crossed, sometimes twice...

4. Shocking!
I hate touching things and getting shocks, but it happens quite often in cold weather when I'm getting out of the car, with the kids in the playground, and -- most annoying of all -- at the grocery store. I have learned to prevent it for the most part. My husband, the scientist, taught me how: when I get out of the car, I hold onto the metal part of the car key and touch the car with it. If I'm charged there's always a "zappy" noise, but no shock! Once I even had my older son hold a key while he played at the playground because the shocking was just awful that day (he doesn't like it either). I really hate getting shocked by simply touching my kids! Well, this dread has led to very strange behavior from my part whenm I'm getting out of the car and in the grocery store. I'm always hesitant to open the car door and the bins of refrigerated or frozen things and I usually touch it slightly, very afraid and jumpy, and then open it. I'm sure onlookers think that I'm nuts!! (Oh, one of my best friends in Brazil claims that he's the only person in the world he know who gets shocks by touching a plastic water bottle. Yikes!)

5. Phone Troubles
This is a pretty embarrasing problem and my husband always teases my about it. I didn't grow up, for the most part, with a phone in my house, so I hate to call people I don't know. I have gotten better and I generally do OK calling costumer service representatives and the phone, electric, and cable companies, for example. Once in a while, however, I just don't feel like calling and ask my husband to place the call. It's a relly strange dread.

6. "Dream Attacks"
So, this is the one really weird thing about me, something I worry about once in a while, since one of my greatest fears is the fear of serious mental health problems. The first time it happened is a post in itself, I'll try to write it soon. I was 17 and on that day I had received some disturbing letters, I was sitting in an assembly meeting with all students of my high school when all of a sudden I felt as if I were inside one of my dreams. It was a very strange feeling. I immediately felt nauseous and a burning hot sensation. I almost began to cry. My best friend left the meeting with me and I think I went home and took a nap and I felt better. It happened
several other times, always during stressful times. After a while I got used to it. I just knew it was coming and it was not so scary. It lasted just a minute or two and went away. It's very rare for me to have "dream attacks" now, but it still happens. I have no idea what they are and it's quite unsettling. I tend to remember my dreams pretty well, but sometimes what I "see" in my mind may not even be exactly a dream that I had, but it just feel like a dream. I can't even explain it, it as if all of a sudden I were living inside one of my old dreams. Yeah, creepy, isn't it?

I won't tag anyone, but if you're dying to reveal your inner weirdo, feel free to take up this meme too! :)

Answering Your Questions!

You asked, so I respond. Sorry it took me so long. I really enjoyed doing it, thanks for asking!

Alice asked:

-What's your favorite outfit? Do you prefer pants over skirts?
Ha, interesting you ask, my next post is a meme and I had written something that's almost a response to this question (I include it below).

It's hard to tell what is my favorite outfit. I wear pants all the time (except in hot weather), but I love skirts and dresses, particularly what they call "sundresses" here in the U.S.

Here's what I had written for the next post. It had actually been discarded from the post and would be just an extra, so I'm glad you asked!

Clothing Choices
I hate jeans, sneakers, button down shirts, t-shirts, and sweatshirts. Once in a while, when I can find a pair of jeans that fits right and are not too long (which is VERY difficult, given that I’m short and skinny, but have a cute Brazilian derrière – it’s hard to find petite or short legs jeans that are cool*), I buy them and wear them once in a while (in cold weather), just because they make me feel “younger,” more “in” or cooler :) But I hate t-shirts and sweat shirts because they’re “shapeless” and button down shirts because they just feel too masculine and ugly to me, even with typically “feminine” prints and colors. I hardly ever wear sneakers – I guess I’m just not sporty at all. I definitely like cute blouses or tops and tank tops too (I don’t even like the more shapely “baby” style t-shirts that are fashionable now).

*I just realized how to do it - I started looking in the girls section. I just bought a great pair of "skinny jeans" two weekends ago that fit perfectly. Size 14 (years old).

-I know you love shoes. Do you (or Brasilians in general) wear shoes inside the house as well? Or do you use house shoes, or none at all?
Well, that's an interesting question :) It depends on the house. Most houses in Brazil have hard tiled floors, which are easy to clean, so people sometimes just wear regular shoes indoors. When we lived in houses with carpeting in São Paulo, we'd remove our shoes to walk around the carpeted parts. Here in the U.S. there's generally carpet everywhere, although you know we put laminate flooring in the living/dining area, so we always wear slippers, socks or walk barefoot inside the house.

-Are you religious?
Yes, I am. My dad is actually a church pastor (now retired), as is my father-in-law and one brother-in-law. My grandpa (on my mother's side) was also a pastor. I like to say that I'm a Sabbath-keeping Christian, but if you want to know the denomination, it's the Seventh-Day Adventist church.

I thought I'd write a few more words about religion since I may not return to this subject again in this blog, who knows. I find it hard to be a Christian here in the U.S. because I do not identify at all with the political agenda of most Christians in this country. I tend to view myself as a "post-modern" Christian, or "a new kind of Christian" (to borrow Brian McLaren's book title), someone who's as accepting of other people and their beliefs as possible.

-When you were little, what did you dream you wanted to be when you grew up?
Wow, that's a deep question! When I was little little I didn't really think of this much. I thought I'd be a teacher like my mom (although she didn't really want me to because she thought it was a tough job). Then, from 13-18 I knew I wanted to be a writer. That was when I decided that I'd study literature and languages. I've always loved to study, so becoming a scholar turned out to be a natural path for me. I've already been and will most probably continue to be a teacher. Whether I'll ever be a writer remains to be seen. Unless blogging, writing academic articles, and an essay here and there counts :)

Juliet asked:

Who was your hero growing up?
That's a tough one. I think I didn't have any "heroes" per se, but I adored my cousins JC and Denise, who were like brother and sister to me and my brother. Oh, yeah, and I had a "favorite" older cousin too. She an her SIL (her brother's wife) were my heroes[heroines] because they had given birth to their children completely naturally (and in Brazil nonetheless where most people have C-sections or at least epidurals). As you knokw, I went on to do the same!! My dad has always been an inspiration for me as well. He's a very sincere and coherent (consistent) person -- his life and actions definitely reflect his beliefs.

What kind of music do you like?
Lovely question, it merits many, many posts, but I'll try to keep it short! :) We have a really large CD collection, maybe close to 400. I haven't yet entered the world of MP3, thanks to BMG. I just love to have the actual CDs, be able to read the notes (I really do read every single thing written on those, what do you call them? CD covers?). (I am using "I" throughout, but should be using "we" since my husband's musical taste and mine are identical).

I love Brazilian "popular music," what I'm referring to here are the "classic" songwriters and interpreters of what we call "MPB" (Musica Popular Brasileira), such as Chico Buarque, Caetano Veloso, Tom Jobim, Gilberto Gil, Ivan Lins, Gal Costa, Joao Gilberto, just to name the best known and most celebrated ones. One of the best known "MPB" genres here in the U.S. is Tom Jobim and Joao Gilberto's Bossa Nova. I love this peaceful, lovely, shimmering kind of music (a mixture of jazz and Brazilian rythms created in the 1950s-60s), in spite of the fact that it's mostly a poetic, apolitical kind of music. The music of Caetano Veloso and Chico Buarque, on the other hand, is much more politically engaged and intellectually stimulating. I could write many many words about Brazilian music. Actually, one of my dreams is to write a scholarly book about it. I even have the title, a theoretical approach, and a friend who'd co-write it with me. What am I wating for? Well, maybe someday.

I enjoy classical music too, but I don't have many CDs and don't listen to it on a daily basis. Aaron Copland, Chopin, Brahms, Debussy, and the contemporary Brittish composer John Rutter are some of my favorites (along with, of course, the best of Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven). I like some jazz(y) interpreters (Nat King Cole, Louis Armstrong, Bobby McFerrin, Diana Krall, Norah Jones), and Broadway tunes interpreted by famous singers (i.e. Barbra Streisand, Kenny Rogers, Carly Simon, and others) and some standard old "romatic fare" such as classics by Stevie Wonder, Sting, Phill Collins, and some Lionel Richie. I like James Taylor, and I have recently discovered the marvelous Joni Mitchell. I also own a few collections of movie soundtrack compositions by John Williams, Dave Grusin, and I think the music of the Italian movie music composer Ennio Morriconi is heavenly (Cinema Paradiso is one of my favorite movies). And I like Yo-yo Ma. One of my favorite albums of all time is David Foster's Symphony Sessions.*

I also enjoy a few select contemporary Christian music artists here in the U.S. and from Brazil as well as Christmas music in general, both "classic/ popular" and contemporary.

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of favorites, but I guess that gives you an idea of my tastes. I'd like to be more eclectic than I am, but sometimes I feel I'm too much an "easy-listening" music kind of person and I feel kind of ashamed of it ;)

Something somebody said to you that has changed [you] for life.
Another complex one. I can think of several people who said influential things to me. When I was a teenager me and my friends had a "mentor" called Jacob, he said many things that influenced my life for the better. I think what has changed my life the most were the deep conversations I had with my better-half and our friends over the years...

Cloudscome asked:

How about what is your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?
Hanging out with friends and talking for hours and hours (any other night will do as well :). I only do this now when we go to Brazil and see our "old" friends, they still remain our deepest friendships although we're so far away.

And Saturday Morning?
Well, I go to church and teach the children's class. On Sunday morning (maybe that answers your question better) I like to sleep in until noon if possible (especially if I talked with my friends until the wee hours the night before :) Too bad that's hardly possible with two little boys in the house. I can't wait until they're teenagers (just kidding, of course :)...

And do you have any pictures of Brazil to share with us?
I have TONS!! I'll post some of those in a separate post or a series of posts, what about that? You have to come over sometime to see the ones that are not digital.

Phew! It took me so many days to answer all these questions I'm almost tired now! The next post was already written, that's why I was able to post both today :).

* I wrote this about this album on November 8, 1998: This is one of the best cds that I own! This cd is energizing, calming , touching, poetic, inspiring, romantic... all at the same time. I never tire of listening to it and through the years it has been a wonderful musical background to unforgettable moments with friends, remarkable trips or only to relaxing moments ar home. I recomend it to anyone who loves to listen to instrumental music that can take you on imaginary journeys into the beauty of sounds and feelings. Give it a try and it will surely become one of your favorites, as it is one of mine!!

The Complete Organic Pregnancy: Blog Book Tour

Even though I am not pregnant nor planning to get pregnant in the near future, I was excited to read this book. I tend to believe I have a relatively healthy lifestyle and I'm definitely interested in organic foods. I also thought I knew a few things about what living and organic lifestyle meant, but it turns out I was very wrong! I was almost overwhelmed by all the aspects of our lives that we often overlook and that may present a hazard to our and our family members' health.

It's good that our deepest instincts take over when we have a baby growing inside us and we want to do everything we can to protect our child. Therefore, the desire to get pregnant or pregancy itself were what motivated the authors to research and write this book. Especially during pregnancy, the decisions that we make regarding food, the materials that enter our house -- be them furniture, chemicals found in cleaning supplies and even make-up and toiletries -- can have effects on our future offspring that we may not know about.

The Complete Organic Pregnancy is a very comprehensive book which is useful not only to pregnant women, but anyone who's interested in living a healthier, less toxic, artificial, and more organic life. I would heartily recommend this book.

Just a couple of nuggets. Did you know that:

• "The environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has found the air quality in our homes to be two to five times more toxic than the air outside." (p. 30)?

• "A water bottle in a landfill or lying around as litter will take over 1,000 years to biodegrade. " (p. 107)?

These are just two tiny examples of things we may not think about but which have an impact in our lives and that of our children (born and unborn).

Below you can read the three questions that I asked the authors and their responses. I think the wording on the first question was not precise. "Attack" was too strong a word, I probably should have used something like "displease." I still think that the disclaimer is a bit unusual, I don't remember having seen another one like it anywhere else. But perhaps in a world of ever growing litigations, it's going to become a standard practice.

Q: I found the "disclaimer" on the copyright page very interesting. Who decided to include it (authors, editors, publisher?) and why? Do you anticipate that the book is going to be "attacked" by health care professionals and/or other people?

A: We think you’re referring to this:

Any product mentioned here by name is something we genuinely love and use. We haven’t been swayed by freebies, been paid off by CSA farmers, or taken promotional fees from the migratory birds who would prefer you buy shade-grown coffee.

This book is designed to provide information only. It is not intended to be complete or exhaustive, nor is it a substitute for the advice of your physician or other health care professional. You should be under the care of a physician or other health care professional during your entire pregnancy, and should consult that person with respect to all concerns you may have. All efforts have been made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this book as of the date published. The author and the publisher expressly disclaim responsibility for any adverse effects arising from the use or application of the information contained herein.

We wrote the first paragraph sort of jokingly but also to let people know that we didn’t blindly include products just because they were organic, or because someone sent us something to test. We want our readers to know that this book is very much a labor of love, a journey we both took (are taking!) and so we take what we suggest very seriously.

The second paragraph is what you’re really asking about and for that we don’t have a personal answer. It comes from the publisher and is, we gather, a pretty standard legal disclaimer, especially for a health/pregnancy text. We don’t expect to be attacked, no. And we highly doubt HarperCollins expects to be attacked.

Q: My favorite parts of the book are the "diaries" or personal essays. They certainly take the edge off the content that may feel "intimidating" to people who are not familiar with an organic lifestyle. Why did you decide to include them and how did you select the writers? Five "diaries" from the authors were included (only one by Deirdre Dolan). I'm sure you could have shared more of your personal experiences, why didn't you?

A: We included them for the very reason you liked them – to take the edge off. There is a lot of how-to information in the book, and some of it is scary. We both found the diaries to be welcome antidotes to the regular text. We also know – as pregnant women/moms – that it is comforting/interesting/helpful to read first person accounts, to hear from other parents who have gone through what you’re going through. We wanted to include as many voices as possible. Writing a book with a co-author means a division of labor. Deirdre actually curated most of the diaries, and Lexy has always felt very comfortable writing first person essays; it is an easy medium for her to write quickly in. So she wound up writing more about her story as she went. Lexy was also pregnant while the book was being written, so it all felt very topical to write about, while Deirdre became pregnant when we were editing.

Q: This book is so comprehensive that I'm finding it hard to think of questions about it! Is there anything that looking back now that the book is being released you would like to add or maybe change? Anything new that you have learned since it was submitted to the publisher? Or maybe further things that you have since experienced in your lives that you might have shared? –

A: New stuff pops up daily! For example, while taping a segment for the Today Show (we’re going on 9/28 and are very excited about it!), in which we went through each room of a pregnant mom’s house to tell her where she could try to make things more organic, she asked us about her kitchen sponges. We hadn’t considered sponges in terms of their toxicity levels, and are researching now. Since the book was submitted to the publisher, so many things have happened. One organic baby formula we mentioned has been discontinued/folded into another company, a new study showed that organic milk has higher nutrients than non-organic milk, several American nail polish manufacturers have voluntarily agreed to remove a hormone disrupter from their polishes, fish is getting closer to being able to be certified organic in Britain, the fight against genetically modified foods continues stateside, organic crib mattresses are growing in popularity, so much so that orders are backed up. It took us both several months to get ours delivered. We could go on and on. The world of organics is so hot and fast paced right now that not a day goes by where we don’t learn something new we would have happily included in the book. We’re also learning more as we grow. Deirdre is due on Thanksgiving and has a different perspective than she did when she wasn’t this pregnant. And Lexy has a different view of things now that she is breastfeeding, and her 8 month old daughter is teething, putting everything and anything in her mouth, and eating solids. We’re keeping copious notes and hope we’ll be able to update this book in a new edition when the time comes, and to write the next book in an organic series. Meanwhile, check us out on Yahoo! Health, where we blog about organic pregnancy here.

Edited to add: I just noticed that one of the authors, Lexy Zissu, commented on Kateri's post, so I decided to add one remaining question I had so she can respond in the comments if she likes!

Q: I know that their personal "diaries" in the book begin to answer this question, but I was wondering whether Dolan and Zissu were already invested in an organic lifestyle before thinking of getting pregnant. How did the findings of this book change your lives? Have you tried to implement every single suggestion? [that sounds like a daunting task! :)]

I'm sure reading their blogs about the subject will bring lots of answers too (link above), but I thought I'd ask!

P.S. Another cool thing about this "assignment" was having in my hands a book that had not yet been released (last week it wasn't available yet at Amazon, although it is this week).

Blogroll Slightly Updated

Well, I finally added a few new blogs to my blogroll... I feel bad that I wasn't reading these blogs just because they were in my bookmarks but not on the blogroll.

I think that my blogroll is very "tiresome" (I can't think of a better word, sorry, it's too late and I need to sleep!) to look at because of my passion for categorizing things and crosslisting right and left to get everyone sorted out in the right categories... (sigh).

I guess I need to upgrade to the Beta version. I want to change the template and I've been longing for guess what? Categories or tags so I can sort out all my posts...

Now I'm off to put the finishing touches on the promised "book review" post.

Book Review/ Q&A Coming Soon!

I promise I'll soon get to answer your questions, but this week I'm participating in yet another blog book tour, sponsored by Mother Talk, Inc. Thanks for inviting me, Andi!!

So I'm delighted to announce that I am now a Mother Talk Blogger.



P.S.1. I want to put the badge on my side-bar, but I still have to figure out how to do it. I know I need some code. If you know about these things, let me know :)
Edited to add: thanks to Alice, who gave me the html to link to the Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network a long time ago, I was able to insert the badge!! I also have to blog about my columns there, but I'll have to do that later, sorry!

P.S.2. Another reason I didn't blog this weekend was that we traveled to Maryland for my oldest nephew's 2nd birthday. My in-laws were there, it was also my MIL's birthday and my youngest nephew's baby dedication in church, so we were busy.

Random Things About Me You May or May Not Know

Since I don't have much time, here's a quick one:

• I was/am a tomboy.

• I do love pink, and "girly" clothes though.

• I drive a mini-van (an "old model" 1997 Odyssey - it's a bit smaller the doors open like a regular car. That's why my hubby wanted it. My oldest son now wants one with the sliding doors, though. Oh, and a DVD player, of course.)

• I've always been a voracious reader, but graduate work and motherhood put a bit of a damper on that.
  

• I'm a lazy person, unfortunately.

• I generally prefer salty/savory to sweet foods.

• But once in a while I have chocolate cravings. I can't stand American chocolate. Love Swiss (Lindt -- hmmm). Brazilian is OK.
  

• I don't much care for ice-cream, but I eat it, particularly if it's this one or another one that I just found out from Amazon doesn't exist anymore!! (Breyers' old Cherries and Cream, which the Amazon commenters have now explained has been changed and ruined -- how sad!! I really thought it was wonderful, with big pieces of black cherries and cream. I even tried other brands and hated this flavor). I didn't find this out earlier because I tried to refrain from dairy products as much as possible this past summer.
  

• I am very impatient (and fidgety).
  

• I am basically vegetarian. I avoid dairy products, eat eggs and, once in a while, fish.

• I tend to be a perfectionist.

• I am extremely disorganized, however.

• I am short and skinny, but I guess you've figured that out from the photos.

• I'm very friendly and an extrovert, but I have a hard time speaking with new people I meet (unless I know them from the internet -- hahaha, true, though). Sometimes even with people I know already. I have a hard time asking questions.

• I am quite clumsy. I bump into things a lot.

• I pretty loud (as most Brazilians in general are). I come from a family of nervous screaming women, however (my dad, uncles and hubby hate that). Problem is: boys are becoming just like me, what a shame!

All right, I'll stop here. What else would you like to know?

Potty Time

I still have a long list of posts I want to write, but life has caught up with me. I'm busy parenting, trying to cook healthy meals for the family and... I'm getting back to dissertation work too, because I really need to finish. And dissertation work makes me a bit depressed, so I don't feel like posting. I promise, I'll try, OK?

Anyway, I thought I had already posted about the news in the potty front from my eldest son (who is 4 1/2), but I just realized I hadn't. When I went to look up for my old post on this subject, I noticed a big coincidence -- I wrote it exactly one year ago!! So, last year, I asked for help from the readers because my son kept insisting in asking for a diaper for pooping. It took almost a year for him to finally give it up (In the meantime I had even thought of writing a post titled "All Quiet on the Diaper Front," but eventually never did).

We tried to bribe him with promises of Thomas trains and other gifts, but nothing worked. Except that daddy kept telling that we couldn't go to Florida if he didn't start using the toilet, so he promised that once we got to Florida he'd do it. And you know what? It worked!! It happened on our first morning in the hotel. I wasn't allowed in the bathroom, not even later to see what was produced, so he took a few photos before flushing so I could see it. I wasn't allowed to celebrate either (I had previously been telling him that I'd jump for joy when he finaly did it and I guess he wasn't too happy with the idea), so I was very low key about it. The next day I was allowed to see it and, in spite of the lack of celebrations, he didn't forget the promise of trains (from me and my mom), so we had to go and get him the trains a week or so later when he reminded us of it.

So here comes the anecdote I wanted to share today.

This morning my son called me from the bathroom, I thought he was done or needed help, but no! He wanted me to get him a magazine to "read" from the basket full we keep in the downstairs bathroom. Well, I guess he has just discovered the joys of reading in the bathroom!

Just like the little boy in the glazed tile sign from Brazil that we have in the bathroom door (photo above) -- isn't that a cute sign? (I have one for the kitchen that says "my lab").

Tagged!

On Friday night, Aliki, from World of One Thousand Different Things tagged me for a couple of memes. I don't know if I'll be able to do the second one fully, but the first one sounds fun! Here it goes:

Meme #1

The instructions are:
-Grab the book closest to you
-Open to page 123
-Scroll down to the 5th sentence
-Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog
-Name of the book and the author
-Tag 3 people

Now I have to confess that I had two books close to me on top of my computer desk, I'll be participating of a blog book tour for one of them next week, though, so I decided to pass that one up (moreover, the subject of page 123 was very unappealing -- not to say that what I ended up with is more appealing :) . The other one is a book I recently purchased, which comes highly recommended by Mary McKinney, the Academic Coach. Here it goes:

While they might have put writing aside until things were taken care of or until an illness had passed, most of these writers resumed writing at the first practical opportunity. This pattern held in surprising cases, even where the death of someone close to a writter might have disrupted and even blocked writing; instead, these writers reported a stronger desire for activities like writing that distracted them from their losses.

All but one of the few cases of traumas associated with wrting problems might better be categorized with disillusionment or with lack of planfullness.

From Professors as Writers: A Self-Help Guide to Productive Writing by Robert Boice. This book was on my wishlist since I saw the recommendation on the Academic Coach. I ordered it together with another book I needed to get at Amazon so I could get free shipping because I thought it might be helpful since I need to finish writing the dissertation. I find it very telling that I'd get this particular quotation. It's from a chapter titled "Dealing with Relapses" and one could say I have plenty of those in my dissertation writing. Of course my relapses are not caused by Traumas, which is the subject of the quote above, but it's surprising to see that people who actually suffered traumas continued writing and I quit for much more questionable reasons or no reason at all.

Meme #2

Name your top ten favorite TV characters.

OK, I have never watched much TV and I don't care for it much. Since my sons were born, I have watched even less. I just don't have time to "waste" on it and we don't even have cable. So... I'll try, but I probably won't come up with 10...

1. Samantha from Bewitched.

2. Ally from Ally McBeal.

3. John Cage from Ally McBeal. I thought he was hilarious.

4. Larry Paul (Robert Downey Jr.) from Ally McBeal -- yeah, I thought he was cute...

5. Joe from Friends. He was the one that annoyed me the least.

6. Carrie from Sex & the City. (all I watched was the full last season during the short month when we had cable and free on demand -- I really loved that show, someday I'll watch the whole thing)

7. Kramer from Seinfeld -- funny guy.

I really can't think of any more TV characters. I'll edit this if I remember any other.

I don't think I'm going to tag anyone, but feel free to take up any of them or both memes if you want to!

P.S. I'll try to do the book meme you tagged me for, cloudscome, OK?

Reasons for not Posting as Often as I'd Like

I just wanted to do a quick post so you know what's going on around here and why I'm not posting as often as I'd like to post.

1. Two constantly fighting boys. They provoke each other all the time, especially the eldest and the youngest always screams very loudly in return. Sometimes the youngest bites the older one and extremely loud and endless crying ensues. Very annoying.

2. Trying to unpack (I finished unpacking the suitcase from our vacation trip only yesterday!)

3. Trying to clean and organize house (we haven't done that in over a year) because we have guests this weekend.

4. Finish organizing the boys' bedroom since we moved them in a hurry and all the toys were a huge mess (we're almost done). Guests are staying in their bedroom too...

5. Shopping for bins, underbed storage, curtains, and bookcase for boys' room. After several trips to Ikea and other stores, only the bookcase is lacking (out of stock at Ikea).

6. Summer clothes shopping for me, a friend, and a few things for the boys. When a family's on a more-than-tight budget like ours, we only shop for clothes in the end-of-season clearances. My eldest boy still doesn't fit on several of the summer clothes I bought for him last year, so I only bought a few good bargains for him. My wardrobe, on the other had, is sorely in need of some more updated summer clothes. In addition, every two years or so, a friend from Brazil sends me money to buy a "whole wardrobe" of clothes for her boy and girl and I have a ball spending other people's money!! Of course the clothes are all VERY cheap and my friend is very happy with both their price and quality.

I'm sure there may be more stuff, some of it just the usual, cooking, laundering, cleaning...

Maybe I'll post a few pictures of the boys' room later, if you're curious.

P.S. I thought I'd say a few words about how the boys' move to their own bedroom at night is going. The youngest woke up either very early in the morning or late at night a few times and had trouble going back to sleep. On Wednesday morning, he woke up his brother too, at 5 am... Dearest husband is the one who's dealing with them on most days. Our room has light-blocking curtains and yesterday we got some for their room, so we expect them to have better nights (and early mornings). Last night was very good, the little one came to our bed at 6, nursed and went back to sleep until 7:45, which is EXCELLENT for him (who seems to have an internal clock that wakes up up at 7 am the latest).

The Boy, the Sea, and the Sunset

I want to share with you some of my favorites photos among the over 1,000 pictures I took during our vacation to add some mid-week pizzazz to the blog. I'm quite busy to write long posts right now, in spite of the fact that post ideas abound.

You may remember my post about the Florida vacation from last July. I Googled the last place where we were going to stay (Palm Coast) and pulled a photo of the Flagler beach pier for the post. Well, I went there and there was a beautiful sunset. Check out the results.

The Boy, the Sea, and the Sunset

The boy was simply mesmerized by the sea.

He couldn't bear to turn his back to it.
The crashing waves were beckoning him to go back
every time

He was almost dancing for joy.
The boy, like his mother, expresses his feelings very physically.


Before we left, I took some photos of a lonely looking lifeguard "chair" and I personally think they turned out stunning. I apologize for the lack of modesty... :)

The next one is my absolute favorite:

I was going to post two other sunset photos, but blogger won't let me. But maybe it's best to end with my favorite one. I guess it's really a common-place photo, but the life-guard stand is something brand new to me, in spite of the fact that it's an icon of the American beaches.

P.S. Oh, and I have a question to ask my American readers about American beach towns, but that'll come later, OK?

Remembering 9/11

This is my first post about this topic. Last year I didn't think of posting about 9/11 for some reason, but this year I want to do it. I can't believe it's been 5 years already, I can remember that day as if it were yesterday.
First, let me tell you a bit about the photo above. It's not from the internet. My husband (then boyfriend) took it from the ferry as it left Ellis Island on July 15, 1993. I never imagined it would become such a meaningful image to me many years later. This photo was one of the first things that came to my mind when I learned the towers were gone.

I never saw the events live on television on that fateful morning. I slept in as usual and when I got my husband's email at around 11 am, I truly thought it was a joke. It was just one telegraphic line which said something like "Airplanes hit the Pentagon and the twin towers and and the towers have fallen to the ground." I immediately turned on the TV and images of lower Manhattan flooded the screen, but all I could see was a cloud of smoke, there were no towers. My husband actually didn't see the towers falling either because he got to the campus center place with a large TV after the first one had fallen and the second one fell while he was emailing me.

When I realized what had happened, I was filled with despair. I had found out I was pregnant with our first child only four days earlier and I thought it was "the end of the world" in a sense, I felt was despair that I was pregnant in such a terible time. At the same time I felt it was awful to feel such despair because it migh hurt the baby growing inside me. I was getting frantic and I needed to see somebody. Anybody. I rushed upstairs (our TV was in the basement) and out the door of our condo/towhouse. The neighbor's door was open and I called her. I was in tears by then and she gave me a hug. I told her I needed to see someone, and that the hug made me feel better. I also mumbled something about not believing in what was happening and that I had missed seeing everything... I couldn't believe that either.

I loved those towers, as I love any tall buildings, towers, and structures. I love to be able to go as high as I can and see the world from up there and I do it in any city we visit. I had been up there in the World Trade Center twice, in 1993 and 1996. You can see a photo of me with lower Manhattan in the background also taken on July 15, 1993.
The Sbarro restaurant in the lower level of the WTC was dear to me because we had had a meal there with my husband's family when we first came to the U.S. in 1993 and subsequently with my parents in 1997. The Borders bookstore in the street level was a place I enjoyed as well and we had been in there literally for hours as we waited my parents go up the towers in 1997. I thought of all those books having become dust, of us never eating again in that restaurant, or taking the trains to our friends house in New Jersey there. I remembered the WTC subway station very clearly. I also thought the number of deaths would be much higher than it actually was in the end.

Another photo taken by my husband on July 15, 1993.

That December, when I was 7 months pregnant, my three brothers-in-law, my SIL, and one of my younger BIL's girlfriend came from Texas to spend Christmas and New Year's with us. We went to NYC on Dec. 30 and 31st and on the 31st we decided to stay in line to see Ground zero. It was incredibly cold and my sister-in-law and I tried avoid the cold to stay indoors at a nearbyCatholic church (which was very cold too) and a coffee-shop while the men stayed in line in the freezing cold for almost 4 hours. When the time came for us to walk up the long wooden ramp to see the site, Rudy Giuliani appeared! It was probably one of the last things he did in his last day as mayor of NYC. We even took a picture!
We were a very numb because of the cold, but it was quite moving to see ground zero only three months after 9/11.
I have been back there several times since then, but none of them can compare to that first visit, when everything was still so raw, all buildings around ground zero were still severely damaged, the Hilton hotel accross the street, closed. The church that served as a memorial place (I can't remember the name) was loaded with posters, photos, mementos. The line and the entrance to the ramp to view the site were actually right by that church.

I still have a hard time to think about this event, process it, and accept that something like this ever happened. It just seems so unthinkable... but the unthinkable happened.

Edited to add: Professing Mama wrote an excellent post criticizing the ways the 9/11 events are used and politicized. For another moving personal account check out this post by World of One Thousand Different Things.

Noise

Every time I come back home from a trip I have certain feelings and impressions that I always want to write about. I usually am not able to do it, though, because things are quite hectic after we travel, particularly when we come back from Brazil where we have stayed for two months, for instance. I'm glad that now I have decided to post more often (and also worry less about proofreading and writing "good" posts), so I don't loose these fleeting thoughts, since they go away pretty quickly.

This time, after two weeks in Florida, I found that the place we live is just too noisy! Two weeks away made me realize that living in a city is quite noisy. I lived in Sao Paulo, one of the largest cities in the world, for 11 years, so I should know that, but 7 years in a rural area here in the U.S. have made me enjoy quiet places more. Of course we've lived here for two years now (we moved to the Philly area on July 29, 2004) and although the firehouse siren (it's only 1 block away) and the freight train whistle at all times of day and night are annoying, we're used to them now.

I guess part of the shock has to do with the fact that we spent most of the summer with the AC on and all windows closed; however, I have left the windows open these last days, so we hear all outside noises much louder. It also seems like the neighbors are trying to enjoy the last days of summer and there are lots of people outside talking loudly, kids screaming, etc. Of course this neighborhood is not the one we would have chosen had we been able to afford a house anywhere else and that doesn't help too much, but this another subject I don't want to get into right now.

I know I have to enjoy this "open window" time as much as I can, because the noises soon will be dampened again by closed windows. The thought of winter makes me very sad, particularly because I probably won't go to Brazil again this winter as I have in the past two years. I have learned to enjoy the seasons, but having grown up in a tropical, year-round green and lush country, I feel always depressed in the winter months. So, I should welcome the noise, really, because the eerie silence of snow falling is beautiful, fascinating, but also a bit sad.

Goodbye Family Bed

Attachment parenting issues have been addressed lately by Kateri (at Wet Feet), and coincidentaly, I have something related to share here (although our story is different and the focus is sleep, not breastfeeding).

After I finally got around to writing my sleep problems post last July, things got better quickly. Linton has really been sleeping through the night since then. After my parents left in August, we decided we'd take the next step and move the boys to their own room, in spite of the fact that Kelvin (who's 4 1/2 now) has been "finishing the night" in our bed almost every day and Linton has been sleeping in the crib (with one side down) next to me since he was born (27 months ago).

During the last week of our vacation, we stayed in the four bedroom house of two friends of ours who are still childless (they have been trying to conceive for 3 years and apparently all is "normal" with them -- same thing with two other friends here in Philly, their experiences make me feel so sad!), so we were able to have a room for ourselves and put the boys in another room with two beds. This worked perfectly well and they generally only came to our room in the morning when they woke up (I guess it helped that they were tired from going to the beach several days :).

Anyway, yesterday, in spite of the incredibly messy house, empty fridge, and all the unpacking that needed to be done, I moved two chests of drawers from the boys' "playroom"/ guest-room (it has a futon) and moved the crib (with a protective railing more or less like this) and the toddler bed there. The night wasn't completely uneventful, given that Linton came to our bed between 5-6 am and there, after nursing, he slept again until 7 and Kelvin got up too, but my husband went back to his room with him and got him to fall asleep again.

The funny thing is that my husband is the only one who's kind of sad to see them go. He truly enjoyed sleeping snuggled next to Kelvin every morning. I guess this is one of the key elements for the "Family Bed" to work -- the willingness of both parents. Both of us enjoyed spending the nights next to our boys, but I guess now it's time to claim our own space again, I'm really ready for that and hopefully the boys are too!

Get Ready to See More of Me

I have decided it's high time I start posting more often here. The number of posts I have started or have thought about writing is getting higher and higher and I think that instead of spending the bulk of my "blogging" time reading and commenting on other blogs, I should just write more. Particularly considering that many of the bloggers I read and diligently comment on (because I truly enjoy the content and the writers) don't read this blog.

Blogging is not easy for me sometimes because I feel I'm just a "nobody" out there. Besides, I feel I'm too "eclectic" and end up not fitting well into any "clique" or category. I'm a blogging mama (I don't like the "mommy blogger" label too much) who doesn't write often enough about her sons -- one reason is that I'd need to translated all the cute things they say and that would make them much less funny (I have been planning a post about things they say for two years now, though :). I'm an dissertating/ABD/ academic blogger who doesn't blog about academia too much -- my conflicted feelings about academia and being an academic are a big reason. Finally, I'm an expatriate who should write about her country and her feelings about the new country more often, since these things are part of every single day of my life (all right, sometimes I do write about this - probably not lately, but I have written about it several times).

Well, I'm really tired from the trip, the house is still a mess and I know that tomorrow is going to be a really loooong day, so I'll stop for now, but I should be back soon. I even have some interesting news regarding the boys (hints, sleep, potty, etc... all those fun parenting subjects!).

Oh, and I have one more reason to go on a "posting jag" -- soon I'll have to take a break to go back to dissertation work in earnest. This is my last year. Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that, but it is, no matter what!!

I'm Back!

We got back from Florida this afternoon and although I'm dying to post and catch up with other people's blogs I really can't because this house is a big mess!! I hope to come back as soon as possible and share with you lots of beautiful photos from our trip. We didn't have internet access for the past week, we only checked email at our friends' office, or I would have posted earlier.

Our trip was wonderful and I didn't miss home at all (I never do, though, I love to travel). The boys enjoyed it too, but I guess they are happy to come back to their toys (not for long, unfortunately :)

Well, I'll see you soon!

On the Go

I’m writing from a Barnes and Noble in Orlando (my first time posting in a public place). We came here for two reasons, first, we needed to buy some children’s books as presents to our friend’s boys; second, it was raining really hard and we probably won’t go to the second park we were planning to go to today. I’ll write more about the trip later, but so you know we’re only visiting 2 places, none of them Disney or other major studio related, with 7 day passes for each so we can stay for short periods, which is all the boys can handle.

Tonight we’re going to a friend’s house here in Orlando, and tomorrow afternoon to another friend’s house. She is my husband’s high-school friend and the last time we saw her was exactly 10 years ago at her wedding in Washington D.C. Now she has two little boys, 4 and 1, and we hope our boys will have fun playing together!

Next week we go to another coastal town (my husband’s friend also lives by the coast) where we’ll stay with very good friends who used to live in Massachusetts and whom we haven’t seen in over a year. We’ll also see lots of other friends we haven’t seen in years, since they moved from MA to Florida. Hopefully we’ll have internet access there! In these short two hours I was barely able to read my email, so I wasn’t able to check on hardly anybody’s blogs… I hope I can do it soon :)

Always at the Last Minute...

I really wish I could be a neat, organized, planning ahead kind of person, but I'm not. I'm the queen of procrastination and when it comes to packing before travel, another one of my long list of defects makes my progress even worse: I have a terrible problem with having to make decisions (I "inherited" that from my dad), I guess I could say I'm a chronic "undecided." Simply having to decide which clothes to take or not to take seems to consume an amount of energy that I don't have, so I keep postponing the task, or merely accumulating loads of things I want to bring, without deciding which won't ultimately go.

As many procrastinators, I do a lot of things related to traveling and packing beforehand. I do separate the clothes I'm sure I'm taking several days before, I do a load of laundry with some other clothes I want to bring. I do my best not to buy more food and to empty the fridge, but... I still leave most essential things for the last minute and I generally don't sleep on the night before a trip. (Deep sigh...)

So, now I have to go finish packing and cleaning the kitchen, and we do have a mid-morning flight, so wish us luck! I'll try to blog and read blogs while we're away, but I don't know how our internet access will be, so if you don't see me during the next two weeks, I'll be back later and I'll be sure to share some pictures!

P.S. Hubby had a great trip (his favorite part was actually the short length of it - I just can't believe that!). I picked him up this morning at JFK (I spent the night at a friend's house). It's amazing to me that yesterday (OK, two days ago, it's Tuesday already) he had lunch with some of our best friends in Brazil and their kids, who are the same age as ours. I was looking at the photos a few hours ago and I was moved to tears at how much I miss all of them. It's hard to think that we may never live there anymore and share more than a few hours every year or so with them, that's unbearably sad, but may be true. Sorry to end on a sad note like this... (I'm actually quite excited about the trip, though :)

Lovely "Bloggy" Meet Ups!

Yesterday and today have been two good days... in spite of the fact that my husband is traveling (he went to Brazil for the weekend - I'm so jealous, except I would have hated to have gone only for three days - I can't stay less than a month there and even then I never do all I want to do :)

I went to the LLL meeting yesterday and we ended up having an informal conversation between mothers, which was great, because I got to talk a bit more with Jo, who's a brilliant blogger and a really cool and lovely person -- she even mentioned me and my boys in her latest post, I'm so delighted!! We love you too! Her daughter Sophia has the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen and the cutest smile :)

Today I met another blogger in person, in addition to Jo, Kateri, Marta, and Andi Buchanan, I now know Cloudscome (from a wrung sponge) and her lovely boys. I think this could officially classify as our first "play-date" ever -- have I been completely out of the American "mother's culture" or what? Yeah, it's not easy to be an expatriate mom, that's why I love blogging so much, it filled a void in my life in more ways that I could have ever imagined! As Cloudscome said, it is definitely cool to meet someone who blogs too, so we can talk about blogs we read and blogging, since she says all her other friends know nothing about it.

I'm so glad blogging has given me the opportunity of not only learning from other people's life experience and knowing people "virtually," but getting to meet some of these awesome people "in real life"!

New Blogger Beta Version

Well, I wanted to let you know that I'm considering switching to the new Beta version of blogger. It has many features that I've always wanted my blog to have, such as labels for categorizing the posts, more flexibility and an easier way to edit the template (with the ability to change the position of things, choose colors and fonts, etc), "dynamic" publishing (no need to wait for the 100% publish, and no need to hit a publishing button, any changes are automatically saved), and some other new features. You can take a tour here.

It still has quite a few glitches and issues. The one I like the least is that other blogger users that haven't switched to the Beta version yet won't be able to comment with their blogger "identities" and will have to comment under "Other" - and I'm sure that will annoy some of you. Is anyone else considering switching? Beta versions are a bit scary because they sound "tentative" to me...

What do you think? I'll probably switch anyway at some point in the near future, but I'll warn you about it ahead of time.

And I Didn't Even Mention the Main Reason

After I wrote the previous post, I started thinking that I had not even touched upon the main reason(s) not to have another baby.

The main reason, with a twofold motivation, is work. I do want to put my Ph.D. (which I should get next summer) to good use by working again. If I have another baby, work will have to be postponed a few more years or at least interrupted for a while, since I'll want to care for the baby most of the time, and breastfeed for several years as I have been doing with his/her brothers. Of course it won't be easy for me to start to work with a 3 year old, but at least he'll be old enough for pre-school.

Apart from personal fulfillment, one big reason for me to work is an economic one. If my husband gets an academic job, I will probably need to work to supplement his income. The only situation in which we would consider having a third child would be if he got a high paying industry job, which we know is very hard to get. It's next to impossible to be hired by an industry without inside contacts and recommendations and no previous industry experience. So... I really don't want to do anything to jeopardize my family's comfort and the future child's well being. In a year's time we hope to be able to make a decision about this.

The Question That Doesn't Go Away

I think about it every single day. Sometimes several times a day. And I still don't have the answer. Almost exactly a year ago it was an emphatic NO!, and most days it is definitely no, even right now, it's "no, no way."

But, but, but... My heart, that heart that one of my favorite mama writers, Catherine Newman,* once described as "seating on the curb with its head between its knees" at the very moment when she was very relieved to find out she had not gotten accidentaly pregnant with a third child -- my heart doesn't want to hear that no.

I have no idea why I am writing about this today. I haven't been feeling any particular urges to have a baby lately, but every. single. day I start a blog post in my head. A post in which I weight the pros and the cons of having another baby.

I generally dismiss the pros as being utterly selfish (the strong desire to have a home birth, baby-wearing, maybe, just maybe... having a girl?) and the cons are so much stronger -- although many of them are equally "selfish" as well! I mean, not getting even more stretch marks, getting to buy and wear any clothes I want, not just maternity and breastfeeding friendly outfits -- yeah, these have been five long years! What else, did I mention that sleeping through the night again feels great, even because it took so long (2 years!) to happen? What about looking after 2 restless boys under 5 or 6 and a newborn baby?

Nah... why am I even entertaining these thoughts? Particularly because my husband will have none of this, he doesn't even want to talk about it!

I DON'T KNOW! I can't control my own deranged mind!

So, after I transferred my sleeping "baby" from the carseat to his bed and he miraculously didn't even wake up, I just sat there, looking at him and thinking that he has to be my last baby, that it would be too hard to do it all over again, but then I had to come here and write this post. Just because knowing in my mind that I should accept something and decide that's how it is going to be done just because it's best for all of us, it's best for me, doesn't keep me from wanting another one.

*She's going to stop writing her column, by the way, I can't believe it!! I'm so sad just want to cry! After four wonderful years... it seems like I started reading her just the other day. If you don't know her , you should go check the weekly columns up, or go read her book.

More Breastf*eeding Photos!

Well, thanks to my talented 4 year old son who has become a budding photographer in the past year, I have some more breastf*eeding photos to share with you! I know I posted way too many here already, but I just couldn't resist :) I'm just that fanatic for photos...

I thought no-one would ever see these because they do show a bit of (pale) skin. I had a bit of a tan in the rest of my body because I had just returned from Brazil. I wasn't much tanned because I don't ever get a real tan anyway and I use lots of sunscreen. I had completely forgotten about these pictures, which were taken last February, but I found them when I was burning a CD for my mom with the best photos of the last six months on Monday night. Do you recognize what's in the computer screen? Blogging is truly my addiction. Oh, and you can also see the messy table where I work on the dissertation and that I'm wearing a pajama top, as I usually do at home during the winter. The baby's gesticulating wildly in this last one, maybe trying to wave to the camera :)

Back to Real Life

My parents returned to Brazil this morning. They're flying there (to São Paulo) from Miami as I write this. They provided me with much needed help in the past year (August-September 05, Feb-Aug 06) so I could do the final push to finish the first draft of the dissertation and now I'm on my own to do the revisions and prepare for the defense. Wish me luck (and lots of stamina), because it's not going to be easy, with the two boys, the everyday chores, and husband and I applying for jobs (this takes time and energy as well, I know -- any advice on this is appreciated).

I'm thankful for their help and I'm aware that I'm very blessed to have had them here to help me. However, now I need to finish this Ph.D. on my own and I hope the exertion brings me confidence and strength for the years to come. We've been relying on my parents' yearly help since our first son was born back in 2002 and while they enjoy spending all this time with us (particularly with the boys), they also need to be able to travel and take advantage of their retirement years while they're still in good health. From now on I hope that their visits here are merely for pleasure, for us to travel together and enjoy each other's company.

I worried about their health and well-being while they were here, but thankfully they were fine and didn't have to use their health insurance even once. My mom is going to have thyroid surgery in the next few months and I hope she recovers nicely - she has an abnormal growth (benign) which needs to be removed and she'll have to take hormones for the rest of her life.

Well, that's it for now, I'll come back later with two memes that I was tagged for over a year ago, I think!! :)

Peaches and Jumps

I Just wanted to share some photos with you and I didn't want to write two posts, so you get two posts in one, OK? (I started it on Friday and saved it, but then it disappeared from the posts to edit. Thankfully I found it today, though!)

Peachy
First, the yummy peaches from my uncle's peach tree. We visited him last weekend (two weekends ago, since now it's Monday) and we got to bring home most of the peaches that were still on the tree. They were so ripe that we brought most of them peeled, chopped and frozen already, or else they would have spoiled. I haven't yet prepared anything with them, but I'm planning to bake peach cobbler, make peach juice, and peach mousse soon. I'll try to take pictures.
Jumping Boys...
On July 22 we had a thunderstorm and since it was a bit cooler after it (it's been terribly hot around here as pretty much everywhere else in the U.S.), I went outside with the boys. Kelvin started jumping on the rain puddles and I took these pictures. Soon Linton joined, although he cannot jump as high yet.

(1) One jumping, one watching.

(2) When Linton gave it a try and saw the splashing he didn't want to stop!

(The 2nd photo is fuzzy, clearly below my standards, but the splashing was too good to pass it up :)

Two Jumping

Puddles are fun!

Calling All Academic Mothers!! Mama Ph.D. Book

I know most people may have already heard of this and since my readership is quite limited, I may not help much, but I wanted to get the word out, because this proposed book is literally the materialization of some of my greatest wishes!!!

Since I started blogging I have found solace, inspiration, motivation, and companioship by reading the experience of other academic mothers -- this has been vital for me, knowing that I am not alone, that other people have been there and succeeded. I also enjoy reading about all issues that face mothers who are or want to become academics. I know many of you blog anonimously, so you might not want to submit an essay in a book. It is a sensitive topic after all, and the two editors are not working in academia, although they hold Ph.D.s. I am so thrilled about this book, though, that I hope it comes to existence and I'm working on my submission as I write this.

So, here's the site with the information about the book, an anthology titled Mama Ph.D.: Women Write about Motherhood and the Academy. The call for papers can be dowloaded here. The editors are Caroline Grant (her blog has actually moved here) who's one of the editors and columnist of Literary Mama, and Elrena Evans. If you are an academic mother and you're reading this, please, please, please consider submitting something!

That's What Breasts Are For!!!

**Updated** I found 3 more photos!!

Last Friday my lovely husband emailed me the link to this CNN news story and I wish we didn't have to drive to Maryland in the afternoon so I could have blogged about it earlier. My friend Kateri, a fellow lactivist and also a La Leche League Leader wrote an awesome and timely post last Friday. She has updated it with links to other bloggers who went ahead and posted pictures of their breastfeeding babies (or, in AfrIndieMum's case, pumping milk). She ended her post with these words:

Want to make a statement? Leave this indecency where your children might see it. Want to be a real rebel? Post your own indiscreet nursing picture.

I am "a real rebel" so I am gleefully joining her and these other great mothers here by posting some pictures of my sons breast-feeding. I wish I had more, but I don't. In my case, however, "little" is usually quite a bit, so you get four (three are variations on the same pose)! :)

My dad took this photo back in 2002 (I had to scan it - hence the slightly strong colors) a few days after my older son had finally learned to latch on and effectively breastfeed at 1 month and 2 days - this statement is a summarized version of the outcome to our breastfeeding troubles that I have posted about in detail here. We were absolutely thrilled that I could stop pumping and using an SNS (supplemental nursing system) to feed him and my mom and dad marvelled at how perfect and beautiful his latch was and my dad couldn't resist taking a picture. I'm so glad he did!! I was wearing a very discreet nursing bra (from Brazil), but I hardly ever used that particular one again, since it was cumbersome.

When my second son was born in 2004, things were much easier. I nursed my older son throughout the pregnancy, so I hadn't fully stopped producing milk. As a result, my son passed his birth weight when he was only 5 days old. I took these pictures myself when my son was 1 month old and he seemed to enjoy them:

1) Looking at me 2) Looking at the camera!

Maybe the more prudish would prefer the one below because you see less of me (probably not, given the current uproar!). If I cropped the photo, it would actually look pretty similar to that in the magazine cover (except for the smaller boob and tiny bit of nipple :)
So here I register my protest against the negative reactions to the LOVELY photo in the cover of Baby Talk Magazine (which I received for over a year when I had my first baby).

**** more photos!!***

These were taken in December 03 when I was nursing my 21 month old son while pregnant. They are pretty dark because they were taken without a flash - my husband was experimenting. I like the first shot in the mirror - it's pretty creative!












The crib in the background, in case you're wondering, doesn't have one of the sides and was right against our bed (still is). Oh, and you can see that we have a very worn out copy of Dr. Sears' The Baby Book (we bought it new, but we really used it a lot)- it actually broke in two later...