In a nutshell, that's how I feel about the dissertation and finishing my Ph.D.
I could write thousands of words on this subject, but I'll be brief, just because I want to finish this post. I still want to get to it into more detail here in the blog (I have drafts of posts already), but I guess it's a good start to think about it this way: how close I am and yet how infinitely far I feel from it.
I have drafts of all chapters and only one (of six) is relatively rough, all the others have over 35 pages or more. I have written hundreds of pages -- I can give you the complete numbers in another post if you're interested. I finished the analysis of the data last July and have dozens of graphs and charts ready. I know what remains to be done and how it can be done, but I just feel paralyzed. There are many many reasons for that, first and foremost, the fact that I care for my two boys full time, but still I know that I could have done something about it but haven't. I have just used my spare time to read blogs and blog. See? That's what I'm doing right now.
Of course blogging has become really important in my life, but maybe it's just too important and not really helpful at this point. And there are many other things. I started a blog post in my mind (I do that all day long, of course) in which I list all the reasons why I haven't been working and categorize them. I will try to do that...
So, here you go, the beginning of the dissertation conversations. I'm just so blocked that I can't even write this word without cringing and feeling an urge to cry. But more on that later.
In search of my squasher-downer
4 hours ago