Accepted! Done!

The dissertation was accepted.

I know it's not "perfect" -- my husband was just telling me last week "there is no such thing as a finished dissertation" and he's absolutely right, there were countless things that could be improved on, but at some point one just had to be done! -- but it's DONE!!

What a relief. I didn't know if the answer would come today or not, but, after uploading it last night, I already woke up with a completely different energy today. I worked around the house, I went looking for pictures to hang on the walls, I put away empty boxes in the "garage attic," I was able to finally "be more present" and "in the moment" when interacting with my sons, my parents.

My mom is saying that it'll be a while until I feel completely done, until the sense of urgency, the feeling that there's an incomplete task that I need to work on leaves me, but I'm already feeling much better, much more alive. I think that the ups and downs, and how long it took to finally end has helped ease the transition between "dissertator" and Ph.D. holder.

Well, four years as an ABD, waiting and waiting to get done, as well as 10 years as a student must make some lasting "damage" to one's psyche. But that's what I'm going to find out in the days, months, and years that will follow. Perhaps the "damage" will be a "good" kind of damage.

I've always thought that relief (especially from nausea and from pain) was one of the best feelings and although I'm not quite sure about that, it does feel good right now. Yeah!