Thursday, March 27, 2008

He Said :-) He Said :-(

Well over a month ago, before my parents got here, I was preparing something for us to eat in the evening and then Kelvin, who was seated at the table, asked daddy (we actually call daddy papa here since daddy in Portuguese is papai):

"Why is it that only mama cooks?"

I almost ran to him and high-fived him for his question and I knowingly looked at K and said -- "See what I've been telling you? You've got to be a role model to them."

The back-story is the following...
K does a lot around the house, and in his defense I have to say that it's really a lot because he picks up my slack and does most of the straightening out and cleaning, BUT he has never liked to cook (and, of course shop). So we do it like this: I do the grocery (and clothes most of the time) shopping, the cooking, and the laundry -- tasks that I enjoy, and he does the other tasks that I don't like too much and he prefers. However, years ago when I learned that we were having a son, and then another son I had him promise me that he'd begin to cook because I wanted the boys to have a good role-model and learn to cook too. Well... six years have elapsed, and we're yet to see daddy cook.
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A couple of days later, I was sitting at the table with Linton when he looked at my forehead and said:

"Mama, your forehead looks like a train track, only it's not a train track."

Oh-oh... time to purchase expensive wrinkle creams! (I have to write about my non-usage of cosmetics/ make up sometime... I really wish I could consistently take care of my face and hair, but I don't really value my appearance too much, I'm much too brainy to worry about this stuff, and besides, I haven't had role models for that either because my mom never used expensive creams, make up or anything. Lately I've been carrying some lipstick/gloss in my purse because I know I look much better with it).
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OK, so last week on Wednesday, the day before we drove to Nashville, Kelvin, who was worried about daddy staying home alone asked:

"Who's going to cook for you?"

"I will," daddy answered.

"But it's girls who make food"

[You can see me growling at K now]

"No, boys can cook too"

"OK" daddy continues, "So let's make a deal. When you come back, I'm going to cook a meal for us, OK?"

Let's see when that will happen ;-).

Now I don't know how we're going to "undo" the stereotyping that has already taken place if daddy doesn't step up to the plate (another kind of plate this time)? I understand that cooking is something that some people just don't enjoy, regardless of gender, but still, the stereotypes and the modeling that our parents do (e.g. men hardly even cook in Brazil) influence children's attitudes towards cooking and I really want the boys to learn and enjoy it. I guess I'll have to make an extra effort to make cooking fun and also plan include the whole family in the preparation of food from now on.

3 comments:

Keiko said...

Ah Lilian, vc conhece a história com a cozinha aqui, né? Então já viu...a batalha continua :-)

bjin,
Keiko

Anonymous said...

Pelo menos seus filhos vão arrumar a casa...

Lá na casa dos pais do meu esposo a regra é 'para os homens tudo, para as mulheres a escravidão!' =D. Exageros a parte, meu sogro não sabe em que gaveta ficam os talheres e não coloca nem água no copo dele! Eu sou revoltada com isso! E meu cunhado é uma versão mais light dele, só que ele tem dois filhos, aí já viu, né?
Dia desses meu esposo (que graças a Deus é a favor da idéia que todo mundo em casa tem que trabalhar, mas também se não fosse eu colocava nos eixos...) estava lavando a louça na casa da minha sogra. O sobrinho mais velho (9 anos) ficou horrorizado, como se tivesse pego ele roubando tamanha a decepção, enquanto o mais novo (5 anos), saiu correndo e gritando pela casa: 'titio é gay, titio é gay!' Vê se pode!

M said...

I wonder what Wild Man will say about our gender roles. Unlike K, C does cook, but he invariably has to ask me about 15 questions while he is cooking. . .