In the beginning of every new year, for most of the past 7-8 years, I renewed my student membership in various professional associations. The MLA, ChLA, BRASA (since 2006), and the national association of my discipline. Last year I also joined the international and the Brazilian branches of my discipline because I attended congresses of both of them in Brazil.
This year I'm not renewing any of the memberships, mostly because I'm almost positive I won't be "in the market" at the end of the year and, most importantly, I don't really want to be because I think it's a waste of time. Applying turns me into a nervous wreck and is generally for nothing. Really. And I don't know if my husband will still have his job at the end of the year, so even applying to jobs in or around Philadelphia may not be an option. (Take a look at my friend Articulate Dad's "small sample" of rejection letters, people... consider how hard academic jobs are to come by for interdisciplinary people like him and myself. Go look. It's just a sample.)
The saddest thing of all, though, is knowing that from now on, if present at conferences, I won't have any affiliation. That's why I wanted to become an adjunct/ instructor/ high-school teacher (I know, sis', but I just may have to) soon so I could at least have am institution to put under my name. Not that I'm going to any conferences this year. The one in Brazil doesn't have any interesting seminars, and the other ones are much too far away. Wait, I don't know where the next MLA will be! PHEW! What a relief, it's in San Francisco, much far for me to go, so I'm good... (for a minute there I panicked thinking that I'd waste the chance to go, even though there are only 3 days before the FINAL deadline for abstract submissions).
(The only conferences I went to after I left campus and couldn't really apply for funding because it was a hassle to be pestering my department for money over email -- I know, I did go to many conferences in the past two years, I even presented at the MLA and didn't get ANY FUNDING WHATSOEVER! -- were conferences at driving distance from home or in places where I could stay at friends houses: Princeton, Philly, Virginia, Brazil - São Paulo and Rio de Janeiro.)
This "letting go" of the affiliations stands as a symbol, a metaphor of sorts for the fact that my career as an academic may be ending before it's even begun in earnest. I am aware that this dissertation may be the beginning of the end, and not the beginning, the "entrance ticket into Academia" that it's supposed to be.
I'm shedding them now like my friend AD is shredding the rejection letters that he has kept. And I'm not really looking back. At least not yet.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I think I get this, Lilian. I may well be in your same spot this time next year. I'll be gearing up to defend with little hope of actually getting a job. It will be strange to let go of those affiliations but don't define you, I promise!
What's up with K's job? Did I miss something?
Prisca, his re-admittance to his job is temporary. His new group will undergo two reviews (July and November) and he might loose his job again in the near future (I did mention this in previous posts, but you may have missed it). Thankfully, we'll have the gr33n cards in hand if this happens, so we can look for jobs and don't have to return to Brazil. So our situation is very uncertain. There is even the possibility that *he* might be in the academic job market again at the end of the year. And a double search is very unappealing...
I shed the professional affiliations, too, even though I don't have a dissertation in-hand and I'm teaching full-time. I am a member of my field's honor society, but I gave up the other affiliations. I know many, many academics who have let their affiliations expire, too, both during and after the job search. So I wouldn't feel too negatively like this is symbolic of the end, although I completely understand how it may feel that way--I do.
Hugs to you...keep plugging away--you're amazing!
Post a Comment