Dissolution

I learned today that our new house was sold because the couple who used to live here got divorced... and all of a sudden I just feel so sad and sorry for them that I just can't get over it.

We met them at the closing, but we obviously didn't know that at the time -- besides, they were seated side by side which didn't arouse any suspicions. In hindsight we now understand why they were both there to collect their respective checks (it's unusual for sellers to be at closings -- at least we haven't been to any of ours or had any sellers be at one before this) and why she was pretty upset to find out that his name was on her check (their agent explained that after he signed it she could deposit it in her account). We also understand now why after our offer she accepted it right away while he was more reluctant, since we offered less than he wanted (he came with a counter offer which we accepted). They have three boys (the youngest is 11 and we met him because he came by with two friends to introduce himself) and I we learned that the father (maybe the boys live with him) bought another house nearby. He was planning to take along a shed/playhouse (photo on the right) that he had built with the boys years ago, but his ex-wife persuaded him to leave it for us -- good for our boys. He (and later his son) told us that they're probably going to build something else together.

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There haven't been any divorces in our immediate families (except for my husband's mother's cousin who got divorced over 20 years ago and K still remembers that event vividly from his childhood) so my/ours first hand encounter with a divorce was very painful.

My best girlfriend married K's best friend and roommate (both in a boarding academy during high school and in his last two years of college) exactly one year after we got married. K's friend did that against his better judgment (and K's) because he knew that her family was very problematic and nearly impossible to deal with. They had a troubled relationship even before they married (very possessive, isolated from everyone else, besides her crazy family). They had been married for only a few months when we came to the U.S. in mid-1996. In December 1997 when our 3rd and their 2nd wedding anniversaries approached we were planning our first trip to Brazil, in which we were supposed to stay at their house in São Paulo. On December 17 we received an unforgettable email from K's friend saying that we would no longer be staying at their home -- that he had no home whatsoever at this point since she had told him to leave! We were absolutely shocked. Once in Brazil we met with him and he told us the whole heartbreaking story. Since then I've only seen her once in August 1998. We email sometimes, but we aren't really in touch. We have kept close contact with K's friend (he's an only child, so he considers K as a brother), however. He remarried (we were at his wedding in January 2006) and they had a beautiful baby girl last Juny whom I consider my "niece." I don't think we ever "recovered" from the shock of those sudden news of nearly ten years ago.

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This afternoon we saw the previous owner briefly as he jogged past the house, probably looking at it longingly since this was also his childhood home which he bought from his mom 13 years ago after living away from it for some 5 years, and where he lived for most of those past 13 years (I gather that he had moved out a while back from another neighbor who had only met the ex-wife living here since he moved to the neighborhood one year ago). I imagine it must have been heartbreaking for him to sell the house his parents built 42 years ago when he was probably very young or just born. And now some things make a bit more sense to us (or at least we imagine that they do)... we keep looking at the house and wondering if they never did any significant improvements and didn't redo much of it because their marriage was falling apart. It's sad to look at the rooms and wonder if they fought in them, if they felt sad and estranged, and how those boys felt (and feel) the blow of the dissolution of their parents' marriage.

Amid these sad feelings I can only look into the future and know for sure that that won't happen to us because we're committed to making our relationship work. For as long as we both shall live. That was the promise we made nearly 13 years ago.