This Post is 1 Month Old (from Brazil)

On January 7, I wrote this in my laptop computer while we were at some of our best friends' house for the weekend. It was a Saturday morning and I felt I needed to write this (and much more, which didn't get written). Even though it's half-finished, and unpolished, I want to post it anyway. I hope to have time to go back to this later (I have actually already blogged about some of the things in this "old" post)...

07/01/06

I have to write in English, mostly because of the blog. First I’ll write thoughts for a blog post, then, maybe I’ll go into Portuguese if there’s time. [there wasn't]

It’s not even 7:30 am and Linton’s been awake for half an hour or so, which is absolutely normal. Problem is, we went to bed at 4 am…

These days I’m not blogging because I’m finally “living” instead of just pretending I have a life, which I is the case most of the time when I’m not in Brazil, particularly because I when I’m in the US I feel the need to be online a lot, it’s the only semblance to “having a life” that I can find in our lives there, my only way to interact with like-minded people, to meet new friends, etc. Depressing, isn’t it? I wanted go online but I couldn’t possibly exchange real moments with dear friends for “the internets” as Jo (Leery Polyp) or some other people would say…

I finally don’t feel jealous of Jo(e), who’s one of my favorite bloggers, particularly because of her wonderful, moving posts about her family and her rich, fulfilling life experiences. And I feel like I can finally identify with many moments described by one of my favorite mama writers, Catharine Newman (e.g. I can’t even begin to describe here Kelvin’s budding relationship to our best friends’ daughter Beatriz, I can finally appreciate fully when Catharine writes about Ben and Ava. Too bad we’re going away in just 2 weeks).

OK, and I know what all of you are probably thinking. It’s clear to me and probably to you that our place is probably here in Brazil, why don’t we just move back here right now?

Oh, how I wish life was simple like that! There are so many factors involved, the main one is my husband having a job that he enjoys, and that fulfills his expectations, since he’s spent so much effort to get the Ph.D. and working on the postdoc. This is a very complex thing, given that we only want to live in a specific area, the state of São Paulo, which is where our friends and my parents live and also one of the most developed parts of the country. In addition, it would only be fulfilling for him to work at a handful of institutions here (also some of the best in the country). Apart from the tight competition to enter one of these universities, there are some complicating factors, e.g. the fact that his specific area of specialization does not exist here in Brazil (only in theoretical physics, not experimental) and he’s applying for positions in related areas, which does not help much. The hiring process is also extremely different from the U.S., super bureaucratic, and involving an actual exam that one must pass with the minimum required grade! This is why we need to keep all of our options open, we’re not ruling out jobs in the U.S., and DH will probably enter the job market in earnest in the fall, in addition to participating of three concursos (competition for a job opening) here in Brazil (which will involve at least two trips to Brazil that we’ll have to pay for ourselves).

We’re both tired of having our lives “on hold” for so long… It’s even more unerving to know that getting out of “limbo” won’t depend as much on our decisions about in which country to live, which kind of schools we’d like to work for, as on how the opportunities and openings present themselves to us. We’re aware that we may even have a situation in which DH gets may get a job offer in the U.S. without knowing whether he passed one of the concursos or not!

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I hate to leave this hanging, but I need to go to bed. DH always complains about me going to bed too late :) Oh, yes, he's feeling better, he's even back upstairs tonight. He stopped taking the pain-killer (except for Tylenol) because he vomited last night and didn't want it to happen again. The arm only hurts if/when he moves it, so I guess it's not too bad.