Too Much to Say (or Not)

These past two weeks were intense. The main reason I haven't blogged about the horrible terrorist attack and hate crime that took place a week an a half ago in North Carolina is that it's very hard for me to know what to say and how to say it. I want to be an outspoken ally of the African American community and to condemn racism, but I need to be keenly aware of my white privilege at all times.

I am grateful for all the writing that my online friend LaToya (Dr. Mama Esquire) has been doing on Twitter and in her blog. Hearing her voice and her perspective is very important to me and one of the reasons why I stayed silent even though another online friend whose opinion I value, Susan, was upset at those of us who didn't speak up.

So many things are so complicated -- I know this is a cliche, but it's so true of my life. Things are even more complicated when you are an immigrant, living in several conflicting worlds and cultures. In addition to that "condition" I also am part of a faith community about which I have extremely complex and mixed feelings. Ditto for academia. Sometimes my brain and my heart hurt at the same time because there are so many forces pulling me in so many directions. I can't even articulate my thoughts and feelings.

I just happened to come across something critical about NPR's coverage of Israel and I was reminded once more that in a few weeks I'm going to visit a country I have very mixed feelings about as well, because of the Palestinians.

Then there's the daily reality of our lives. My husband is scrambling to finish writing a grant proposal and academic articles, so he spends 15-17 hours away from home working in his office at the university every single day except Friday night & Saturday (and, Sat. night lately). He leaves between 9-11 am and comes back between 2-4 am.

Most nights I've been awake until he gets home, but it's mostly been coincidental. Sometimes it's because I took some short catnaps and have just been able to stay up, sometimes I'm just naturally awake. I'm going to bed now, but maybe he won't even come back home -- because he needs/wants to finish writing the grant tonight.

Obviously, I still have TONS of things I want to blog about and end up not doing it. I will try. Today I prepared food for a bridal shower at church and I want to share photos of that! And some other things.

Gotta go to bed now, though!