To Dream, Perchance... to Sleep

After months and months of thinking about my (probably neither new nor creative) twist-on- Shakespeare-for-a-title I thought I'd never write this post. Shortly after I started writing it , more or less two months ago, I stopped because I thought that I could finally triumphantly say that my youngest son (who's 2) was sleeping through the night!! Little did I know that things would change and take a turn for the worse again. So here I am, after a night from hell -- precisely because today I needed to sleep well to work on and submit one more chapter to my advisor -- writing this post after all.

Please allow me start at the very beginning, and I'll do my very best to be brief, though it's not my forte, to put it very mildly :)

I nursed my oldest son to sleep every naptime and night for well over a year. He also slept with us most part of the night. When he was 18 months I got pregnant and right around that time we figured out that we could get him to sleep -- at night, in a darkened room -- by just talking to him about his day or telling him stories. He'd pay close attention, perhaps talk a bit, and then fall asleep. That was an amazing discovery and soon daddy was putting him to bed every night - what a relief! Night-weaning was not that easy, but after several nights (more like a few weeks) of crying and lots of hugging and rocking him on our chest, we suceeded! Naptime was harder, he only slept in the car or nursing, but since it was very tiring for me (now pregnant), he only took a nap if managed to get him to fall asleep in the car (sometimes he resisted over half an hour of slowly driving on country roads). But that was it for my older son. He's 4 now and sleeps quite well, although he wakes up and comes to our bed every. single. night.

All right, the youngest was born and although from the very beginning he slept on his crib with one side removed and placed right against my side of the bed and I could nurse him all night while I slept, we soon noticed that he didn't like to fall asleep very much. At around 1 month, we were compelled to give him a pacifier, because he was pretty fussy and I couldn't bear to be a human pacifier any longer. How did I get him to sleep? He'd hardly ever fall asleep at the breast, I had to give him the pacifier, hold him in my arms, against my body and bounce him - really hard. While he was little and not too heavy, I'd sit on the bed and I'd bounce him, or his daddy would walk up and down the stairs with him. When he got heavier and heavier, I devised a n easier way - I'd lie down on the bed with him draped on my chest and (with legs bent and feet against the bed) bounce until he fell asleep -- this is how I still do it! We used the pacifier strictly for nap and bed times and it worked well - I thought it worked even better than with my older son, because he fell asleep faster than his brother did at the breast.

My youngest was a compulsive nurser. Until 5-6 months, he nursed every 2 hours (on the dot) around the clock, 24/7. I was always exhausted. It got a little better, but at 12 months he was still nursing more or less every 3-4 hours during the night. I wanted to start night weaning him when he was 18 months like we did with his brother but I couldn't because now my parents were living with us (still are) and I didn't want to disturb their sleep with his cries for several days and weeks, so I just let it go. Around the time he turned two in May, he was basically sleeping through the night, waking up to nurse once in a while around midnight (before I went to bed on most nights), but sometimes simply giving him the pacifier would work and he'd sleep until morning. 3-4 months ago, my husband started putting both boys to bed. The youngest wasn't too happy, but soon got used to it, so I got a break every night -- that's when I was finally able to go to Mother Talk. I still put him down for his nap every single day, though -- he rarely goes to sleep with anyone else, since I'm home working on the dissertation anyway.

Now, why did his sleep patterns get so bad all of a sudden? As you may recall, my parents took a 10 day vacation last May and guess what my husband suggested? "Great," he said "let's wean him from the pacifier while they're away." And I went along. It was a tough week, but, you know, in the end it worked - but, on some nights, like last night, he decides he cannot sleep without nursing. Why? Because now, for naptime, he generally nurses in bed and -- if he's really tired -- falls asleep, so he's associating breastfeeding with sleep. Most nights in the past two weeks were OK, but last night was really bad, and to top it off, I had been working late on the dissertation and was very tired. I know I have to try to go to bed earlier, but I'm a night person...

Anyway, I'm glad we got rid of the pacifier, truly glad. In the beginning he asked for it, but now he completely forgot. I just hope he begins to sleep through the night again and doesn't insist on night nursing. Fortunately it's not happening every night, only once in a while.

One thing I long for, dream about, even, is the day when they'll let me sleep in, because right now, my youngest wakes up way too early, 6:30, 6:45, or 7 a.m. at the latest. But I need to confess that in this respect I've been spoiled rotten by my parents because they're usually up already and they take care of the boys in the early morning while I sleep a little more... that'll be over in 3 weeks. I need to convince myself that I have to go to bed earlier.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, I did get to send the chapter to the advisor today, it was not as finished as I'd like it to be, but at least I made the deadline! Well, good night, it's almost midnight, I have to go!