Sometimes I wish I had heard of the pompously named "Elimination Communication" method before the boys (or at least Linton) were/was born. But then again it might have driven me nuts too, instead of helping. (I just read a great personal essay about EC in the latest issue of Brain, Child [online since I'm not a subscriber yet -- topic for yet another post]). I could also have used cloth diapers. Besides being better for the environment, people suggest that cloth helps them to be trained earlier because they can feel they're wet more acutely. The wet stuff is not the problem in this family, though... my boys never seemed to be bothered by soiled diapers. Poop is the problem here.
Long time readers of this blog may remember the "poop problem" we had with Kelvin back in 2005. He was partly potty trained in April 05 (at 3 years old) and by September of that year didn't need diapers at night anymore (3.5 -- same age as Linton now, but no progress on this front with Linton); however, he kept asking for a diaper to poop. We tried a number of things and then gave up and put up with it for a whole year (using Linton's discarded diapers, never new ones). Kelvin only started using the potty during our trip to Florida in Sept. 06, when he was already 4.5!
Well, more recently, you may recall that Linton has had many "poop problems..." He's been constipated* and went through a phase during which he withheld his stool for as long as possible. He literally kicked, screamed, and "danced" when having a bowel movement (BM). Thankfully, using MiraLax for a while helped with that and he doesn't suffer anymore to have BMs. You already know that back in June I potty trained him fairly quickly for pee, but potty training for poop has been, well... awful, erratic, unreliable, nearly impossible!
I guess it was such a relief when he stopped crying when having BMs -- a fact that made it impossible to even talk about going on the potty or toilet -- that we just let him do whatever in that department. So now, he doesn't suffer to have a BMs anymore (only occasionally when he didn't eat enough fiber he'll say it hurts), but they're still irregular. Oftentimes he has a BM only twice or three times a week, sometimes a couple of days in a row. He's getting very sneaky, though and we generally cannot tell when he needs to go. Once in a very long while he'll do his typical act of jumping up and down. Those are the only and rare occasions when we have the possibility of quickly grabbing him, taking him to the toilet so he can poop there.
His BMs are so unpredictable that we cannot keep up with him. I mean, I never wanted to go the pull-ups route since they're expensive and feel like such a waste when he only has a BM a few times a week. I may just have to let it go and have him wear them all the time since I'm tired of him pooping on his underwear, his pajamas (some mornings we remove his night diapers and he stays on his PJs for a while before we get him dressed), and... DISGUSTING! ... on his bath! (he did it this week when daddy was giving him a bath). What infuriates me though is that once in a while (that happened a few times some months ago) even the training we've already attained for pee goes out the window and he'll just pee on his clothes too!
Oh, yeah, I didn't tell you what happened on our last day at the hot springs town in Brazil, did I? We were all (my parents, uncle, the boys and I) enjoying this almost empty pool while it filled with very hot water (click on photo to enlarge). I had been successful in getting Linton to the bathroom to pee (and I guess he mostly pooped in the apartment) even as we spent our days in swim wear. This late afternoon, though, on the very day I had forgotten to put on his "speedo" swimsuit underneath his shorts (we buy those for the boys in Brazil since this used to be the common swimwear for men there in the past, but now they wear longer shorts like here -- the boys actually got several as baby gifts since the grandparents thought they would look cute on "speedos"), he wandered away a bit and when he started screaming for me I realized that he'd just had a BM at the pool!! Since he wasn't wearing his "speedo" it got out and floated by his side making him very distressed. Thankfully he had a small pail in his hand and there was nobody (but the family) around, so I quickly fished the small turd, took it to the bathroom to flush, and cleaned him up a bit (he wasn't really dirty, being in the water and all). Yikes! Yuck!I'm getting tired of soiled clothes... tired of having to spend money on pricey pull-ups, and, most of all, I wish there was an effective way we could deal with this problem, but I know there isn't one really. We have scolded him (I guess that's why he got sneaky with the poop), pleaded, promised rewards,** begged, explained, threatened to punish, and nothing. Now the main indication that he's had a BM is the fact that he gets really quiet all of a sudden and either disappears somewhere or doesn't move from where he is for a long time. Incredibly, one of the most common positions in which he relieves himself these days is lying belly down on the floor (?! ) -- I don't know how he does it.*** At other times he comes up to me with this strange look on his face, or he comes, looks at me, and says apologetically: "I'm sorry, mama" and I know he has pooped. He never asks in any straightforward manner like his brother used to do -- "I pooped, come change me!" If he does ask he mumbles. Yeah... I guess it's become an issue for him and everyone involved.
Well, sorry for the loooong boring post on this subject that only parents may bear to read about (I bet that if you read this far is because you're one ;-). At this point I only wish that he could at least tell me when he needs to go so I could put a diaper on him like his brother used to do... that would save us many diapers. Am I asking too much? Oh well... Why does potty training have to be a such a nightmare for our family? With both boys? I guess I'll never know.
* His stools have been irregular and sometimes only a few, even one, per week since he was a baby only on breast milk. I don't have constipation, quite the contrary, and my diet was varied and rich in fiber, so I'm sure it wasn't my milk.
** One week when Kelvin demanded a reward because he finally started to wipe himself (YAY toddler wipes!) and poop at school we succeed in getting L to the potty one day and he demanded a present too -- that was the day of the forgotten wallet fiasco when I needed to buy them trains as their rewards for progress in the poop department -- L hasn't gone in the toilet since then -- late November.
*** The hilarious part is that the first time he did this (we found out by the smell and his strange immobility), his "work" was visible underneath his clothes. It was at the same time extremely funny and disgusting.
This is so stressful, isn't it? I hope it passes quickly for you (no pun intended).
ReplyDeleteYou might consider buying a few cloth training pants for Linton. I had some from Motherease I really liked when Nathan was night training, and they worked like a charm. At least you wouldn't be spending so much on diapers. Just an idea!
OK, that was a scary story. My son is turning two in a week and I already think poop is the most disgusting part of being a parent. At least in diapers it is contained, but I don't know what I'm going to do when that time comes. He seems to be almost ready to start, but that's just another stressor I just don't need right now...
ReplyDeleteOh I can't wait.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. Sorry to hear it.
ReplyDeleteWe are dealing with our own poop problem around here. Elías had been using the potty fairly well, with some accidents, for awhile, but a couple of months ago he started pooping in his pants again. It seems pretty deliberate, so I think it is probably related to the impending arrival of the new baby, but boy is it annoying. And he will often go more than once a day! Talk about disgusting...
The other day I asked him if he had pooped at school that day and he said yes, in the potty, so I know he can do it. I think part of it may be that sometimes he's so engrossed in playing that he doesn't pay attention to his body signals, but some of it is probably just a bad habit, and then the baby thing.
Santi thinks we should start to punish him when he does it, but I'm leaning more toward a simple reward system when he uses the potty. Though that hasn't happened in weeks (aside from school, which I was not a witness to), so who knows...
Sorry to go on so long-- just know that you're not alone!
Ouch. Trust me, we feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteThe Painter, at 5.5 years still holds his poop until the last possible second before running to the toilet and becomes very obnoxious before doing so. Everyone around him KNOWS he needs to go, but it does absolutely no good to say anything, as that only causes him to dig in his heels even more. Does the same with pee, but if we catch him at just the right moment, he might go if we ask him to.
Now the inventor, who just turned 3, had some small successes with potty in late August, and then apparently decided he didn't like it. We have tried occasionally since then putting him in pullups (which he uses just like diapers, so might as well use the cheaper ordinary diapers) and cloth training pants (which he also ignores and just makes a big mess in his clothes and somewhere in the house for us to clean up). Thing is he resists sitting on the potty and does not even acknowledge when he goes (#1 or #2) in his training pants so ... I was thinking of getting some of the nicer training pants that hold it in, but then he would just end up with diaper rash from sitting in it for an hour before we insist on changing him.
Ok, well, that could have been a whole post on its own, so I'll end there ... but the frustrations are shared. Hang in there.
p.s. for those looking forward to the fun, I think part of our problems with #2 son were propagated from #1 son ... I think the best tactic is to get used to poop & pee, and try not to get upset when it ends up where it's not supposed to - just clean it up. That said, with #3 son due in less than a month, I don't have the energy to convince the Inventor to get on the potty as often as he should and to clean up every time he doesn't ... so we've gone low key again ... I'm hoping that things will settle down after the baby comes.
ReplyDeleteLilian, I think your post has had the effect that few things ever have on me--curing me temporarily of my baby-longing!!!
ReplyDeleteOK so I am getting way too late to read this post but I guess better late than never? ;)
ReplyDeleteA close friend of mine is having similar issues with her son. Exactly the same stuff!!! She's gone to the doctor and he prescribed laxatives and what not, but none of it worked. She gave him lots of fibers, prune juices etc - but he just refused to poop (if he goes one time a week she is the happiest mommy on the block).
With them it was clear that it was a power fight, and even my friend realized that this was probably the root of their problem and she admitted that she was way too fixated on the whole problem which exacerbated everything. (She also used to scold him a lot etcetc and just blow it up into a huge issue everytime. Of course this didn't help much at all) It was his way of getting her attention (he has 3 more siblings and he has to fight for attention all the time) plus the clever little fellow figured out that witholding poop is an effective way of rebelling against her (the boy has a really strong, stubborn personality but my friend as well).
Anyway, they now solved the problem ... and I don't think she did anything major other than just let it glide!!! But that did the trick, apparently. She also took the diapers away and gave him underwear, which he liked, and suddenly, quite suddenly, he got interested in using the toilet for number 2 as well, and (I guess) realized that he got a lot more positive attention when he did so, so it worked. Goodness knows what goes on in the minds of little ones!!!
But from having observed the drama with my friend, the only advice I can give you, Lilian, is to just try to let it glide, like my friend did ... easier said than done, I know...;)
Now, we are having the opposite problem as Niki poops waaayyy too much (into the diaper), but that is probably because he's allergic to lots of things. My main concern is now that he is so NOT INTERESTED in using the potty at all, and he is just positively in love with his diapers and refuses to let go ... in short: my child refuses to be toilet trained. He's the oldest kid in his playgroup and still in diapers, all the younger ones are potty trained already!! Waaah!! I see my child go to high school in diapers, LOL ... ;)
Sorry for the long comment. Just meant to tell you that I am co-suffering with this whole poop/potty business.
So much for our poop story, then. :)
I used to joke about being a bad mom because my kids weren't fully potty trained, neither did they sleep through the night.
ReplyDeleteI also had similar problems with my second son, and I feel like it was more his personality. I posted it about it at: http://nurturingnotes.blogspot.com/2008/05/oh-no-one-of-those-potty-posts.html
Anyway, I didn't mention it on the blog post, but we decided to sit him on the potty for 20 minutes (at least after lunch) until he started pooping in it. 20 minutes seemed too much to me, and I always wanted to let him off after 5 minutes, but my husband took over and read to him, encouraged him, etc. Most of all, he was consistent with him. One day he pooped on the potty, and soon after that he started telling us when he needed to go. Now he goes and then calls out to us to say he has popped (spelling intentional). This happened about 4 months ago, and he just turned 4.
Now my 2 year old daughter is very much like your son that she has had bowel issues, even when exclusively breastfed. It has eased up some, but she is following the example of her brother, going off somewhere to poop. I got her on the potty once and she totally hated the experience. Not even the full sheet of stickers was enough of a reward to see if she would try again. She pees on the potty now, even while we are out and about -- and I had nothing to do with this. This is all her, although I guess I played the role of going along with it.
The irony is that my 5.5 year old still wets himself at night, but my younger two (yes, even the 2 year old) are waking up dry. Go figure.