Trying to Cope...

The mental upheaval that comes with making a decision that could change the future in a significant manner (or not) is hard to cope with. At least for me!

I'm a bit surprised & taken aback at how much soul-searching happens when one applies for a job when one already has a job (however bad as is my case). I shouldn't be surprised because I've gone through this before (unlike my blog friend What Now? who wrote a few months back that this was a new experience to her), but every time is different.

What I'm beginning to fear now is the sheer disappointment I imagine I'll feel if I do NOT get the position I'm applying for and thinking so much about (it was tough for What Now? too). All those feelings mixed up with grieving and having to go through what could be my very last weeks at U#2.

So... I'm trying to cope and, in the meanwhile, things are extremely hectic.

Yesterday I drove back from U#2, did some quick grocery shopping and cooked dinner for six of my students. Today, I had to cook at my kids' school in place of my dear friend who had major surgery last week (a hysterectomy, though ovaries were left intact) -- I will also cook next week, the day before I volunteer to cook spaghetti as a fundraiser for my son's class.

If that weren't enough, next Sunday I'll cook for my students (30 + people and maybe 10+ of the other professor's students), but today I found out that an invitation had been sent-out to a listserv on campus that has 70 people on it!!! I asked them to RSVP and I've already received 7 confirmations. I cannot believe that I may be actually cooking all by myself for 50-70 people because my colleague sent out this announcement without telling me.

(if that was the only thing this colleague/boss had done without consulting me this semester, that'd be ok, but it wasn't -- GRRRRR -- see why I don't really feel remorseful or sad in leaving?)

and there's more that I've been thinking about, but really I need to do some grading tonight.

My apologies for not being a "happy camper" at the moment. Even I can't stand my own grumpiness! :-(