Maybe Hope?

(But I still have a deep-seated need to be prepared and "rehearse" worst-case scenarios)

Last week I finally, FINALLY got to talk in person to NH ("new hire") for the first time since the first day of classes. And...
                       ... and?

Well... maybe, just maybe all is well regarding the possibility of employment next year. I know it cannot (even "by law") be certain, but I feel much more positive and hopeful about it.

This is a relief, and also a slight embarrassment given my hugely stressful reaction. But... I have this need to be prepared for the worst (especially considering my nightmarish beginning of the semester!) and I know that my "pessimistic realism" is an important coping mechanism for me.

I don't know if I can truly be "cautiously optimistic" because that's almost foreign to my nature, but I can try, right?

I'll keep you posted!