Ever since I received that first email from the chosen candidate to the tenure track job (the young guy who is going to be my "supervisor") I shudder when I see an email from him in my inbox. I just received another one with the syllabi for next semester (& already replied), so I had to come write this post for therapeutic purposes.
For the very first time EVER I will be required to use someone else's syllabus next year. We were really privileged in grad school and could design our own syllabi when we taught our own sections (which I did for about 3.5 years, including summer and winter sections). So... I've been thoroughly spoiled in planning my classes just the way I want.
This is not how things work at U#2, though, and this year was an exception *just for me* because I was the only person teaching my language/literature. In fact, I have a colleague who was an assistant professor at Ivy League school but who was denied tenure (horribly dysfunctional department, more on this on another post someday), and she is only an adjunct, teaching two classes -- she's not even full time like me. As a result, she has to use syllabi designed by people much younger and inexperienced than her and which have actual problems (such as a film that does NOT exemplify the genre the students are reading and studying about). I personally think that this is an indignity, but what can we do? We're just cogs in a machine. As adjunct faculty we're 100% expendable and replaceable, so we have absolutely no voice.
Sigh...
I know, that my problem with having to use someone else's syllabi is an issue of control. Perhaps I need to learn to be a more submissive person and to accept "the cross" I need to bear (all the while hoping it will be light)... but it's still hard!
Sigh...
On a different note, they recently announced who the new department chair will be next year and... I've talked with this person a few times since then because we teach at the same time and in the same hallway. S/he has actually been chair twice before and a member of hir family is also a lecturer, so we lectures are hoping that s/he will be on our side. (I better be careful here so it's harder to identify me or the department, etc.)
Back to the syllabus situation and to "bearing my cross" gracefully. First, I should be very thankful that he asked for my input and actually used several features from the syllabi I sent him. Second, I know I can still do what I want in class and it's just a "formality" that I need to use the "standardized" syllabus that he created. So... I just need to calm down. That's why I needed to write this post and it's helping. Thanks for listening! ;)
P.S. I was going somewhere completely different with this post when I wrote it in my head! I was going to say that I feel like a mercenary and that I'm only doing this (continuing teaching at this place even though I applied for the position and didn't get it) because of the need to earn money to help my family. I don't like being a mercenary one bit, but it's necessary. :( On the other hand, the students are great at U#2, so it's painful to think that I may not teach there anymore one day. Sigh... Ups, and downs... that's my life! (and anyone's, right?)
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