I did my part...

... in two days I created a full syllabus, the outline of another and a few more reading lists that can become future syllabi.

These were some of the classes that I'd always dreamed of designing.

Whether I will ever get to teach them someday is a whole different matter.

Right now I'm just hoping that I look good on paper (as I usually do, thankfully, except for my measly publication list). I do know that I can pull these classes off, yes I can! If given the chance. And I'm hoping that doing my best will help decide our case (because they obviously want K already). I didn't want to be the deciding factor, but I think I don't mind anymore. 'Cause I do deserve something too.

It was a dangerous exercise in dreaming, this was. On Monday, when the request for syllabi came I freaked out and felt like a farce, like I just wanted to pretend I could do this, but really wouldn't be able to. Then I got down to work and it dawned on me that not only could I do this, but probably do this well, and enjoy doing it it, for the rest of my  life... Teaching things that matter to me, that I think will contribute to furthering the knowledge about my country, its culture, its literature.

Yeah... dangerous because what I am actually working on right now is fun and easy, but it's not why I spent 10 years doing a PhD for. I want to be challenged, I want to push myself and my students. I want to learn from the material and from them, I want to grow!

And K does too. That's the main difference between here and there.

So, yeah... I sent my stuff a bit over an hour ago and while I was writing this post, K was probably on the phone with his dept. chair -- the one who is trying to get me placed too. I wonder what they talked about. I wonder, with bated breath, what's going to happen.

No fear, I'll keep you updated.