Note: Cat lovers, could you please answer the questions at the end? I need some help thinking through things.
and it hurts. oh, how it does.
A few days ago Dooce (Heather Armstrong) wrote this post and it reduced me to a messy aching pile of tears. My throat begins to hurt just thinking about it.
And then there was Friday night in VBS when my youngest son took me to see the drawing he had made and which was taped to the wall.
"Mommy, I come see what I drew for you!"
"Oh sweetie, a cat!"
"I had someone help me."
"Which cat is it, baby?"
"It's Blues. I miss him, mama."
I just had to hug him tight, saying "Thank you" and fighting tears.
Another sad thing is that Linton doesn't understand very well why I keep on crying about Blues. On that fateful day I cried and cried in the car after getting the news he said we needed to pray about it and he/we did. Then weeks later when he saw me crying he said, "But mommy, we prayed about it." And I had to explain that praying might not bring him back and make everything all right with me. It could only bring some consolation.
Last week Linton said that Blues was coming back and we explained to him that no, he probably wasn't. I think that stayed with him and made him draw the cat for me during VBS (I don't know what was the prompt for their drawings/sentences).
The hardest thing is that I keep on thinking about the boys' cat allergy and thinking that I won't be able to have a cat again anytime soon. We have other friends who are allergic to cats and had a hard time coming to visit us. And there's family (BIL K2) in particular who can't stand cats (he's apparently allergic).
How do you cat owners who read this blog cope with family and friends who are allergic?
Would you just not have cats because of allergies?
(I'm afraid that the boys were fine because we'd had the cat since they were born and now that they aren't being exposed to it anymore they'd have strong reactions, but I'm just hypothesizing).
All this thinking leaves me sad and, at times, angry. Why can't I have cats just because of other people? I've always loved cats, they make me happy.
One more thing to muse about while the roller-coaster ride of life continues to roar on endlessly.
Sigh.
Our neighbors across the street have three cats, and the woman is allergic to them. Two of the cats are her own. She loves them and has always loved cats, and she just deals with it. She controls her allergies with meds when things get really bad; but she says it's not a problem, as long as she washes her hands a lot. They have lots of cat perches, etc in a downstairs room, and the cats spend a lot of time there anyway.
ReplyDeleteT. has a good friend who is allergic to cats, but she still comes over to play. As long as she doesn't pick up the cat or pet her, then she's fine! Scott has a relative in the area who is also allergic, but he takes a pill before he comes to visit--he has come over without any medication, and he manages to hang out by just staying in a relatively "clean room"--a room our cat doesn't hang out in much, with hardwood floors. I think if you have wall-to-wall carpeting and heavy drapes, etc. it becomes more difficult to control the air. It's healthier anyway to live with tiled or hardwood floors and minimal window draperies--kids can be just as allergic--if not more--to dust!
My philosophy is that it is our home, and people need to accept what we have--it's kind of like our vegetarianism. When we invite friends/family over for Thanksgiving, for instance, they have to accept that they won't be eating turkey. We're not going to cook a turkey just to please, and we certainly wouldn't give up or not own a pet just to please a guest/friend/family member who might be allergic.
One more note: I'm not sure of the science behind this, but apparently allergies can be less severe depending on the breed/hair length/color of the cat. Here's a link: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Cats-1606/allergies-cats.htm
I forgot to say too that Scott's cousin recently got a Ragdoll cat. Her daughter is really allergic to lots of things--milk, cats, peanuts, and has terrible eczema. But Scott's cousin hasn't noticed any terrible reactions (she bought the cat intending to return it to the breeder if her daughter had a bad reaction and now it's a year!) to the cat yet.
Sorry this is so long! But I think if you are truly unhappy, you shouldn't let other people's allergies ruin this for you. However, I also believe pets are for life, and not disposable creatures. We have to be fully committed to owning them, caring for them, and shouldering to consequences of their care...