Send in The Clowns

I've been a little sad lately. More disgruntled than sad. K is away (left this afternoon, will return Friday night). And while I hope everything goes well, the fact that a decision may have to be made and that we might go as early as January just adds to the stress of just having moved.

Just having gone and come back through Philly -- "the city who ate my cat" -- before and after our trip did not feel good. I'm reminded every time that even though everything is going well for us, we're starting over once and that I miss my cat, my garden, the backyard, so many things. We're supposed to go again visit friends next week and I'm not looking forward to that. Particularly being so close to my old house (can't blog about that yet, not that I'm terribly sad or anything, it's just that it kind of "died" for me and I've forced myself to "forget" about it for the time being).

By now I'm used to being alone, unsettled. I've left my country after all and all my dearest friends behind. New friends were made, but those are away too (we moved multiple times, remember?). Thanks to you, my dear, but elusive friends in the computer, I have survived and been pretty happy these past 5+ years.

So after a pretty useless day in which I spent way too much time online watching stuff (I usually don't do that, I just read blogs), I have to take my friend's Dawn's cue and turn to music... write about my love of Stephen Sondheim and his songs, particularly one.

I "met" Sondheim through the friend that I just went to visit in Canada. She was the one to who introduced me to a performer I'm now a little embarrassed to admit I used to love, and whose cds (these two) I still listen to once in a long while: Barbra Streisand. Through Barbra I "met" Broadway. Previously I had only been familiar with The Sound of Music and other things by Rogers and Hammerstein, but now I learned of other musicals and their "standards." And I became particularly interested in Sondheim because the best songs in Streisand's two Broadway albums were his: "Putting It Together," "Being Alive" (thanks for this link, Dawn, he's truly handsome too! And all those people playing and walking, awesome), and "Not While I'm Around." "Send in the Clowns" captured my heart immediately. It is still my most favorite piece of music of all time. I love really sad music and this one is particularly heartbreaking, at least for me and I didn't really know why.

Because it was not until today, after reading Dawn's post (and discovering the lovely "I Remember Sky" -- a song by Sondheim I didn't know) that I went to read more about my favorite song. I know, silly me, right, to like it so much for 20 years and never even try to see or listen to a full recording/video of the musical. (I'm into musicals but have never really been to any, save for Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera in London -- I haven't cared for Webber in a long time, I totally agree with Dawn that you care for his stuff at first and then get sick of it and that doesn't happen with Sondheim). I loved what Sondheim had to say about this song reading his quotes here. That it is a song of regret and anger, "not a soaring ballad" (which is how it has been interpreted by those who made it most famous -- Judy Collins and Frank Sinatra). And the whole thing about them being the fools in the end.

I went to look for the song on YouTube and although I don't know if Streisand's interpretation would be considered good (angry and regretful) versus "bad" (ballad), but I guess Sondheim liked it enough that he wrote a new verse for her to record it (!) (that always surprised me, having carefully read the album's notes), all I know is that after I saw Judi Dench interpreting it (singing here is not the point), I don't think I will ever be able again to see Streisand do it. I think that the theatrical effect of the man (Fredrik) being there gives the interpretation its context and much more feeling:

I listened to Judy Collins's interpretation (OK, definitely "soaring ballad"), but could only get through a few seconds of the Frank Sinatra. I think Catharine Zeta-Jones did a good enough job. If anyone is curious, here's the original 1975 rendition of Glynis Johns. I think Dame Judi Dench's is even better.

OK, I'll embed Streisand too... just because it was how I first encountered this song.

And though I love it so much, I hope this song has nothing to do with our life situation right now. I hope that we're not the clowns (fools) that are here. Neither now, nor next year.