Two Weeks... still grief stricken, I wanted closure...

I found out on Sunday when we met with our Brazilian friends in Philly, that Blues actually disappeared on 6/8, two full weeks ago. My friend actually talked to her neighbors and walked around the neighborhood looking for him. She also left the door slightly open for a few nights, in hopes that he might come back in.

I feel bad that I didn't make a flyer and went there to put it on lamp posts and stuff, but I was almost 2 hours away and I didn't want to bother my friends. I just emailed a flyer to a friend (I made one on Sunday), so maybe they will put it up. I know I should also call or have called the local animal shelters and maybe vets. I really don't think these things will help much, though, so I don't have the energy to do it (I have this weird problem with calling strangers, one of my neuroses, I guess). It's just been too long. Someone probably just took him in, since he's a gorgeous cat.

Last night I cried again for a few minutes and today I've felt upset when I saw two friend's updates & photos on facebook (a photo of M's son napping with the cat and an update by Aliki saying that her son was glad to be going home to their cat). :-(

I think the worse thing about Blues having gone missing is the lack of closure. One of the first things K said to me on the phone was "I prefer him disappearing like that than having one day to put him down," but I disagree with a vengeance. I wanted to be able to say good-bye, to know what happened to him. If he were dead, I'd bury him somewhere, you know. Closure is important. So, yeah... I'm just missing him so much right now.

When I made the flyer, I found that I'd taken tons of recent photos of him, from March to now (we bought this laptop in January, so I don't have any older photos here). I know there are probably hundreds more since 2003 when we got the digital camera and at some point I'll put them all together. That will be painful.

I'm crying writing this post and looking at the photos. I drove by a cat adoption place in town today and I felt just devastated because we won't get another kitty until we own a house again. In the meantime, whenever anyone mentions a pet I'll just cry inside a little more. Today Kelvin and I were sad because he was talking about his latest obsession (he wants us to get a Wii Fit Plus) and he mentioned that it has a feature to weight cats and dogs. He looked grief stricken and said, "Too bad we don't have a cat anymore. But I can still create an avatar for him."

A virtual pet will have to do for now, I guess.