Some Jumbled Thoughts on "All This"

You know... I think that to begin with, the reality of "all this" (K basically having a job now and all) hasn't yet sunk in for me. I'm having a hard time transitioning from a life-looking-forward-to-and- dreaming-of-a-future into a life in which concrete things are beginning to happen, in which the future is finally taking shape. It's been a long time in coming, after all.

I'm sure it's normal, but it just feels a bit paralyzing to me right now. I'm still stunned at how quickly things went. And a bit terrified of the perspective of perhaps moving into a place where we'll live for the next 20, 30 years? It's a big step in life, isn't it? And a step that's much more complicated for an expatriate person with solid, close-knit family relationships and who has been far away from said family for many years, moving around all the while. This sentence I just wrote? Could be broken down into countless posts, some of which I hope will still get written and "published" here.

First, I want to address Articulate Dad's question/comment to the previous post. K is very happy with this job offer. It was actually one of his first choices all along. What *I* seem to be more "upset" with is him accepting right away and then perhaps getting another offer from "the other school" (of course he could walk away from a contract, but that's something that one tries to avoid at all costs). In fact, I guess the whole "problem" for me has nothing to do with the fact that it is a prestige school. What is so unsettling to me is the fact that this school has *the* department in my area and is near to another school with another similar department. This alone makes me wish for the "impossible" -- K getting a job there. And I know that this is a bit foolish from my part because his job wouldn't mean that *I* would be able to work at this department. One can dream with the mere possibility though, right? I think that this is what's "making/tying knots in my head" as we say in Portuguese (I imagine it doesn't make any sense in English) and making me sound stressed out and not excited about K's job offer.

K does want to "buy" some time, though, if at all possible, so he'll try. He would also like to know if he has any chance at the other place, it's just natural, no? We are both happy with the offer, though, and we do think that (for several reasons) our family might be happier there than in the other place. We do think it's reasonable to argue that our family should visit the place before he accepts, don't you think?

So, yeah... "all this" is happy, nice, great, but also hard. Nothing in life is easy. And right now I'm feeling quite awful because instead of being all celebratory about it all I have is a huge bunch of mixed feelings.

They will get sorted out eventually, I know. Like a humongous pile of clean, fresh-smelling laundry that has to be put away.

Too bad sometimes I let my clean laundry sit in the basket for several days before I tackle it. I can try to do better this time.