Still Chasing the Musical Dream -- 2nd Generation

This story has almost acquired the status of legend in my family...

It was the year of 1978. Early one morning -- apparently it was a Friday and my parents were sleeping in a bit -- there was an unexpected knock on their bedroom window and when they opened it, they saw their neighbor, a young woman, a music teacher who was a friend of the family. She had come to confirm with them if I was going to start piano and music lessons or not as they might have previously talked about. So I did.

I was 6.5 years old and just beginning to read (I learned on my own, I only went to school at 7.5, but that's another story). I not only had private piano and recorder lessons with teacher Edith, but also weekly music classes at a the best music conservatory (and, I believe, art school) in the city, the School of Fine Arts (Escola de Belas Artes). I also sang in Edith's children's choir (my little brother did too). In the first months I had to go to another neighbor's house to practice, since we didn't yet have a piano. I remember walking by myself and trying to practice in those strange houses (there were two different neighbors with pianos).

Then my mom got the money from her scholarship (she was just starting to study to get her master's degree and she got a scholarship from the government, given in a lump sum) and bought me a beautiful upright piano. It still occupies a prominent spot in my mother's living room since I don't live in Brazil -- much to my mom's chagrin, obviously -- and I know she would rather have the piano at my house than being daily reminded of my absence by looking at it. I could go on an on, but now comes the heartbreaking part and I'll summarize as best as I can. After the piano got home, I could practice more easily and, also, find the hard, sad truth that I was never going to be a good piano player. You know, I've never wanted or asked to be brilliant, I just wanted to be able to make some music, to play OK. When I was six years I had certain melodies and harmonies in my head that I'd heard on TV and loved, and I wanted to play them with my fingers but I just couldn't.

And I still can't.

In spite of the fact that I studied piano for long, endless seventeen years. Yes, I was already married when I finally finished my "degree" in music (equivalent of a high school diploma) when I gave my last recital, four years late. I don't regret it. I did do it partly for my mom, and for my teacher, not really for myself. They would never give up on me, although I wouldn't practice enough, and could never be really good. Although I still feel like a failure and profoundly sad for my ineptitude to capture the music inside of my head or on the printed page, I think it was kind of worth it (OK, I'll admit that I do have mixed feelings about all this).

All right... all this to say, with heartfelt trepidation, that today my 7.5 year old son begins taking piano lessons.

My parents are helping us pay for the boys' music education (Linton is going to a Musik Garten class with the same teacher, who has a music studio at her house) and we decided that the fact that I'm cyberschooling them makes it both easier and more desirable to add other "extra curricular activities" (that sounds so pompous!). I wish we could start swimming lessons too, but I don't think we can afford them. :-(

I have mixed feelings about this milestone because I don't want to set my sons up to fail as I did*. However, since my husband also plays the piano (mostly by chords, not reading music that well) and my brother, two of my brothers-in-law, as well as my mom and my MIL do too, learning to play the piano and actually playing it (even if just as well/ or badly as I do) is an absolutely non-negotiable goal that we have for our sons. They won't be given the option of not learning to play the piano, so I'm taking the utmost care in choosing an experienced teacher that I think will motivate them and who uses the best methods available (this for piano).

I have high hopes for them, though. I kind of wish I could teach them myself, but I know I just can't. I'm too undisciplined. Now I need to make sure I will get them to practice. That won't be easy because I didn't like to do that at all! I just hope this all works out. And I don't mind if you say that I'm "projecting" my own dreams and frustrations on my boys. They will study the piano and I'm sure they'll learn something, but I don't really mind if they don't do well. I just wish I could be able to avoid the frustration the not doing it well can bring, but I also know that it's part of life, and will help them grow. And I dream on.

* I did not really fail, I just don't have any talent. I love music dearly and that's why it's all the more heartbreaking not having the talent. Of course the piano is one of the most difficult instruments there is, so I'm not berating myself for my lack of ability! I also play the flute and I'm not that bad in it. I hope someday to go back to taking flute lessons and trying to play in an orchestra or chamber music ensemble.