Outside Higher Education - A Mother's Manifesto

December is here, and so are the butterflies in my stomach.

This month is when I'm going to find out whether that postdoctoral fellowship will happen or not. My overgrown pessimistic side says "no," but a tiny part of me still hopes.

So, just in case I do get another shot at being an academic again, let me try to squeeze this post out of my brain before the almost clever title becomes obsolete.

I have said countless times that for me, being a mother is infinitely more important than the PhD and having an academic career. In fact, to be perfectly honest with you, I've been thinking lately that I actually don't want an academic career. Trouble is, what then, am I to do with my life? I know that there are many things that I can do, but very few of them will make use of the work that I put into the degree. So, let me get started with some ideas as to why higher education and motherhood don't go so well together, at least in my experience (and, of course, who am I to be writing this meager post about such an encompassing issue? You can read a whole book about the subject, and follow several of the book contributors' blog at, ironically, Inside Higher Ed ;-)

The academic establishment is a rough place for anyone. We as a family know that it's not much easier for men in the sciences either -- my husband is doing his second post-doc, last year he sent out 25 job applications and was selected for only one campus interview. The "dream" industry job that appeared out of nowhere went up in smoke within a year. If it isn't easier for him, however, it's much harder for me.

Of course, as I've said repeatedly, it's not hard only because I am a mother, but also because of the particular area of specialization that I've chosen and because things are harder for people in the humanities to begin with. However, one thing is abundantly clear, having babies during graduate school slowed me down considerably. It took me a really long time to finish the dissertation, it took me a couple of years to be able to present at academic conferences again and... most importantly, being busy as a mother has not made it possible for me to pursue the publication of articles and, perhaps, even working to transform my dissertation into a book.

Having a PhD and being outside higher education doesn't feel very good, but at least I'm in very good company! My friend Articulate Dad's experience was an eye opener for me in realizing that there are other avenues to explore, that we don't need to be constrained by our drive to "fulfill our destinies" as PhD holders by becoming part of the academic establishment. And also, in a sadder note, that one can try with all one's might, for several years (three in his case), applying for literally hundreds of position and not getting anything. Not even a campus visit (only for a lecture post).

The saddest thing for me is to realize that as graduate students we're mere "cogs" in this huge gear that is higher education. There is no room for us when we graduate, but they still need us as cheap labor and as ego building fodder for tenured professors (and their careers, in the case of the sciences), who revel in teaching graduate students and/or having their names appear in every single of their students' publications. (this last feature of the sciences sometimes makes me glad that I'm in the humanities -- if I ever publish anything, it's in my name alone!).

My friend M had a recent conversation with a graduate student colleague that makes very clear the incomprehension and almost intolerance that people who decide to have babies and pursue a PhD at the same time face. It seems that it is easier and more comfortable to be a mother here, outside of academia, than inside. Particularly because it seems that by being mothers we are at much higher risk of remaining in the fringes -- as adjuncts, lectures and, obviously, being in the fringe of the fringe of the fringe, like I am doing right now, working online.

Well, I am sure there's more to be said, but my son is sick (he's got a croupy cough) and I'm getting really sleepy because last night was not very good, so I'll leave it at that for now! ;-)