In The Middle of the Night

Because today I am going to spend all night working on the dissertation, in an attempt to have at least three chapters ready for submission tomorrow (I have six chapters, plus a conclusion, and three appendices... I think I'm going to have a 500 page dissertation, yeah, I know, pathetic), I decided to take a tiny break and do a really rare thing here in this blog... post a poem. It's a very fitting one too.

I have no idea when I wrote it. It was one of those beautiful surprises that seems to appear from nothing, nowhere. I found it in my hard drive one day and was so stunned by it that I thought someone else had written it, but I think it was me... it's not that good, so it must be mine :-)

I found it and finished it on October 3, 2003. I think I may have written it during one of the nights when I was getting ready for my comprehensive exams back in February 2002 -- heavily pregnant with my first son. And later I wrote a Portuguese translation as well, which I include here.

There was a time when I wrote in Portuguese and translated my writing into English (I published several bilingual poems that way in a tiny journal), but I guess that five years ago the tide turned and now English has taken over... it's a little sad, but inevitable too.

Enjoy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
night

at two in the morning
with no one around
no matter how many friends one has in the world
it’s impossible not to feel lonely

there’s something about the night
that makes it the loneliest of places
so dark and silent,
time has difficulty to pass
perhaps because it can’t see
it advances slowly, halting at each step
looking back to see if no one is following

walking at night is lonelier
each light in the distance another lonely traveler
stuck in time and space,
unable to communicate with those around

spare sounds cut the air like lightning –
silence so thick it is hard to breathe

awake in the middle of the night
one becomes the only being on earth
and Night – the improbable place where
this loneliness of being materializes

then … I feel alive

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

noite

às duas da manhã
sem ninguém por perto
não importa quantos amigos se tem no mundo
é impossível não se sentir sozinho

há algo à respeito da noite
que a torna o lugar mais solitário de todos
tão escura e silenciosa,
o tempo passa com dificuldade
talvez porque não consiga enxergar
ele avança devagar, parando a cada passo
olhando pra trás pra ver se alguém está lhe seguindo

andar à noite é mais solitário
cada luz distante outro viajante sozinho
preso no tempo e espaço
sem poder comunicar-se com aqueles ao redor

sons esparsos rompem o ar como um raio –
o silêncio tão denso que fica difícil respirar

acordado no meio da noite
torna-se o único ser na terra
e a Noite – torna-se o local improvável no qual
esta solidão de ser se materializa

então... me sinto viva

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
And, this is heartbreaking for me, but I like the English one better, in spite of the gender "twist" or revelation in the very last word of the Portuguese version.