Indecision (or... should I title this "Indecisive"?)

I think I'm going to finish this post and send it "into the air" tonight. Yes, I will.

I say so because I'm writing while listening to music. I hardly ever do so, not only write to music, but listen to music. period. This is really really weird (and VERY SAD!) because, first, I own over 500 CDs (it's one of my obsessions, and I have yet to let go of the pleasure of having an album -- oh, I miss LPS -- in my hands, with the liner notes to read, etc... -- thank God for BMG its CD club, I pay very little for each CD I buy -- if you're curious, ask me about it and I'll elaborate in th e comments); second, one of the best things to "put me in the mood" for writing and writing is listening to music; and third, it's so much easier to accomplish everyday tasks around the house while listening to music!!! However, I generally don't like having earphones in my ears and... we have had the ipod for only half a year and I never know where it is (and don't really know how to work that thing -- we're not apple people YET, so I'm always a bit put off by tiny gadgets that you have to operate just moving a finger around). In the end, I like ambient music in the stereo better BUT... my sons have hijacked our living room stereo [topic for yet another post] and I haven't yet bought or gotten a most often requested gift -- a small, portable boombox that I can take with me around the house...

OK, this post is NOT about listening to music although I do need to write a post about that, and about a hundred thousand other things that I never get around to doing it.

There's this series of posts called "Issues" that I'm inaugurating right now and I guess it's a very fitting thing to write about this personality trait that does bring me lots of problems in so many levels.* It may sound silly, but it's not, I assure you -- I just have such a hard time deciding!!! And it may sound weird also, but it's the "useless little things" of life that I have to decide that are the peskiest ones. It's pathetic, I tell you. Take photos, for example. Whenever I decide to order photos I have a really hard time to choose which of the many poses of each photo to develop. It takes me a while sometimes to pick which photos to post here or to the other blog.

Shopping becomes a nightmare!!! Which shoe to buy? This? That? The other? It's much worse in Brazil (shoe wise) because there are just so many, a daunting number of pairs, to choose from. Sometimes I just don't buy anything. Good thing I don't have much money and have to stick to clearances which have very limited offers (if anything) in my size, so I don't really have to choose.

Making the big decisions in life is not hard for me at all, really... but the little things just make me waste so much precious time!! What to post about? Where to go first? The store? The library? What to wear today?

Packing for a trip? The worse thing ever because I have to decide!! Ahead of time!!! Which clothes to wear!! Not only for me, but for the boys too, and that's beyond overwhelming. Yeah, I think packing is the worse. Sometimes I overpack just because I cannot decide which clothes to take. At other times I just "decided" I wasn't going to take too many things and then almost didn't have clothes to wear :(

I cannot think of more examples right now, but indecision does make life a nightmare for me sometimes. I totally "inherited" it from my dad -- I'd always joke as a kid that I inherited both of my parent's defects, or "questionable qualities" ;), namely, indecision and disorganization/ messiness, and pack-rat tendencies from my dad and skinniness, nervousness, "electric"/ energetic attitude and demeanor, and bluntness, from my mom. (I always loved all their favorite foods too, potatoes from daddy, strawberries and cream from mom and dad-- I always felt very connected to my parents in all these ways).

My dad was so indecisive that my mom almost didn't get to marry him. Seriously. As we say in Brazil, the guy didn't know "whether to get married or buy a bicycle." In his case, he was almost 30 years old (that's how old he was when he got married and my mom 27 -- quite unusual back in 1968 in Brazil!) and he didn't know whether to marry my mom or to pursue the study of medicine. Well, good thing he went for theology instead,** they got married six months into his first semester, and I was accidentally born three years later (see here for the circumstances of my birth and, in fact, a summary of my life).

I don't know if I'll ever get better from my case of acute indecision, but at least I can say that I have blogged about it, what about that? (and if I remember any other horribly embarrassing and distracting examples of my "condition" I'll tell you about it, OK? And I'll name the posts, "Indecision, part II, III, etc." Yeah, it'll be fun - ha ha ha)...

Gotta go decide which photo to post in my 361+1 blog right now! ;)

P.S. See how music helped? I think I need more of it. Belated New Year's resolution: listen to more music.

* I have started several "Issues" posts and not been able to finish them, and I have a list of topics I want to write about and hopefully I'll get to them someday. Some are extremely hard to even think about, let alone write about. But I don't have money for therapy so I have to kind of do it here ;)

** Dad lived in the "frontier" of his time [remind me to write more about how my dad's family were some of the "pioneers" who in the 1940s helped settle the thick forests of the Southern Brazilian countryside] so he was only able to study from 1st-4th grade in the tiny town where they lived and then he didn't continue his schooling until he was 22 years old and went back to 5th grade (for adults, an accelerated elementary school). This was quite common in his generation because young man often stayed at home and helped parents either in agriculture or commerce and only left later. My mom even got to be his art teacher in 6th grade when she was already in college! (they didn't date until years later)