Back to Mothering

First, I want to let you know that I have selected several photos of Rio that I took on Wednesday for you, but tonight I want to post about something else... oh, and don't skip the P.S. since I've got some news for you there.

My presentation yesterday at the conference went well. I had no glitches with the projector and software this time -- I had all kinds of trouble last week -- and last night we had an awesome round table discussion with three famous Brazilian writers, one of whom (the only woman) is the subject of one of my dissertation chapters! We have been exchanging emails and it was lovely to meet her in person!!

The congress (which is the tri-annual meeting of my discipline's international association) won't be over until tomorrow, but I just couldn't stay there any longer because I missed the boys too much. Everyone I talked to shrugged and said that they would be fine and that I should stay a few more days and enjoy. Some may have remarked that we miss our children much more than they miss us. And while I don't agree with the last statement, it is true that the boys were fine here with my parents -- however, most people, particularly older Brazilian women, don't understand the bond between parents and children when attachment parenting is practiced. They don't know that this trip meant the end of my breastfeeding relationship with 3 year old Linton (he already asked to nurse, but I just took some medication for my neck pain that cannot be taken while breastfeeding, so I diverted his attention) -- something that in and of itself makes me teary and sad, even though I know it would happen sooner or later; they don't know that the boys need us to be with them while they're falling asleep and still enjoy co-sleeping and that this was the first time in their lives that the boys were not put to bed by either their father or mother... (Kelvin slept with my dad while my mom shared a room with Linton). They also don't know that this (and last week's three days away) were the first days I spent away from them basically since their birth (excepting two separate days away from Kelvin when he was 2).

I am aware that parenting was very different in past generations and it is still different here in Brazil where most everyone has women who work in their homes, not only cleaning and cooking, but caring for the children (I wrote a post about this once, saying that in Brazil there are no mommy wars because everyone has hired help). My mom had a high school girl who was helping her this week and my brother's nephew's nanny (my brother's in-laws and divorced sister-in-law live three houses down from my parents) helped too since the boy is just two weeks younger than Linton and they enjoy playing together. This was the very first time that my sons had part-time caregivers that weren't family members (i.e. my parents) and I have to say that they got quite attached to those girls, which is nice to see, and is something new for them and for me.

I don't ever wish we could have a different lifestyle than the one we have in the U.S., though. I enjoy the hands on parenting that my husband and I have decided to practice with the boys, in spite of the fact that it's absolutely exhausting and all consuming -- Jody just posted about this "Endless Grind" yesterday. Thankfully for me, my husband helps more than 50% with the boys and house work, but that's another story. :)

So last week I had a very delightful reunion with Kelvin -- who had the most beautiful grin when he saw me -- and not so much with Linton, who woke up from a nap in the car with me by his side and didn't really react. This time Kelvin came to pick me up at the bus station and was glad to see me, but was even "gladder" to get his gift, a small train (he had asked for one). Linton, on the other hand, was waiting for me at home, and was very happey to see me. He gave me a big clingy hug and just snuggled with me, sitting on my lap for a good 15 minutes chattering away about the fact that I had traveled and was now back, etc. It was delicious. We hugged and kissed countless times today and Kelvin told me at regular intervals that he loves me gazzilions (in English). As I laid with them in bed until they fell asleep (we're sleeping on a full bed right next to a twin one so the three of us can be together) and thought about this post, I listened to their breaths and felt their warm little bodies next to mine and I felt whole. I am a mother and I fully enjoy being one. I had a good time away from them, but this is who I am and who I want to be -- a mother caring for her two little ones. Now all I need is to go back home so we can be a family of four again.

P.S. I've got some news for you:
1) My husband's visa petition was sent on Wednesday to the Immigration dept. and he should have the visa and start working at Big Pharmaceutical Company (BPC from now on :) in two weeks.
2) Our house was put on the market yesterday. Keep your fingers crossed (and/or pray) for us since the real state market is extremely slow right now.
3) We, I mean, my husband, bought a new car (2006 black Mazda 3), since his brother's friend was moving to a new state and didn't want to take the car and was going to hand it to a dealer. K will be driving it from Texas to PA next week with his brother.

Yeah, I know, we have way too many things going on in our lives right now. That's why next week I'm going to spend some time relaxing at "the largest hydrothermal resort [city] in the world" (I suspected that was the case, but here's Wikipedia to prove it -- that's where the quote comes from -- too bad the mispelling of the plural of "mango" in the third line makes me question the whole entry ;) -- Caldas Novas, Goiás. I hope to post again before we leave on Sunday morning.