Hello Goodbye

I can't find the words to write this post, I just can't.

If I think about it too hard, I start crying, so I guess I'll cry quite a bit writing this, but I'm really OK, I'm fine, rationally at least. But emotionally I'm grieving over what could have been but shall not be. I know that all things will work for the best in the end as they always have in our lives until now, we just have to be mature enough to face the consequences to our wrong decisions and learn to make better ones.

On April 19 we "met" you and on May 3rd we decided you were the one we wanted and we thought you were going to be ours when they said we could have you. At the inspection day I took so many photos, but I tried my best not to allow myself to fall in love with you. Something inside me told me that I should wait until after the closing, until I knew for sure it was a done deal. How did I know? I worked hard on that, but I still thought about you quite often, planning for how it would be, buying plants and putting them in pots so they could be transplanted to live near you. When the closing date had to be changed a couple of weeks ago, I was startled. Reality check, we probably got ahead of ourselves in this, but I thought it'd be OK. Well, it turns out the safest thing to do is to give you up, even before we ever got to call you home.

And now that carpet of flowers will haunt me every Spring.












I know there's another home out there for us, but I'll miss never having known you, never renovating you or enjoying having dinner on your beautiful new deck. I'll even wonder, every time it snows, how hard it must be to clean that looong sidewalk around the corner.

Please don't feel hurt, but the fact that you're not our "dream house" is a great consolation to us. You have great qualities and I'm sure we'd have been happy there, but it's just not meant to be, I guess.

P.S. The process for my husband's visa is taking longer than we expected and we won't be able to get financing before he starts working on the new job, so we think it's best to break our agreement while we can still do it without any penalties (we were given a five day window for getting out after we received the association by-laws on Thursday and we'll take advantage of that -- while explaining the whole situation to the sellers). Besides getting our deposit back, we don't want to jeopardize the sellers since they close on their new house in August (on the same day their seller is closing on a third house).

What a week this has been! I hope things get better from now on and that everything goes well in my trip and my visa, etc... In these past months have had to face the consequences of several wrong decisions, the first of which was my husband's trip to Brazil that had to be aborted at the last minute and next one was the decision to start looking for a house a bit too early in the game. I basically "wasted" three weeks of dissertation work on account of the house hunting. Well, now, as we say in Brazil, we have to correr atrás do prejuízo [literally, run after the losses -- it's a soccer expression]. And sorry about the down and disappointing post... these things are part of life.