I haven't read the book yet, but the Blog Bonanza is not about the book, it's an event in which we are urged to write about fears that we have overcome or are working on overcoming. Here's my contribution.
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I wasn't a fearful girl growing up. Unlike my brother, who was afraid of the dark, for example I was quite fearless and one night went outside our house to bring him a tree branch and show that there was nothing to be afraid out there. I was also a tomboy who climbed tall trees and played high up in buildings under construction (I grew up in Brazil where that was not much of a problem).
Once I got older, I became a bit more fearful and one of the things I didn't really like to do was driving. It took me a long time to learn how to drive and to get my driver's license since I didn't have a car to begin with. Only three months after I got my license in Brazil, my husband and I came to the U.S. and we bought our first car. I was 24 then and it was quite a thrill not only to be living in another country, but also to be able to drive around on my own -- both things for the first time in my life. It was very scary to drive when it was snowing (we went to live in Massachusetts), but generally it was OK to drive around.
I became a good driver, but I always felt quite inexperienced and fearful. I don't have many recurring nightmares, but some of the few I have are related to driving. In these dreams I'm either trying to drive but the car is getting out of control, or the car is moving and I'm supposed to be in the driver's seat, but I'm elsewhere in the car, trying to go to my seat and grab the wheel. Scary. On long trips, my husband always drives and I sometimes get behind the wheel for two or three hours and then hand the car back to him.
Last year, however, I had to spend many many weekends on my own as my husband had to travel to Brazil several times. During that time, I not only had to be the sole caregiver for my two boys, but I had to drive a lot. I've never driven so much in my life as I did in 2006! I not only drove from Philadelphia to New York to pick up my parents from the airport in February (on the same day my husband had surgery in his arm), but I also drove to Washington D.C. and New York to take and pick up my husband. I did the most driving in October when I went to Massachusetts and back on my own.
All that driving, coupled with caring for the boys on my own, made me feel much more confident in myself, almost "powerful" in a sense because I knew that I could do all that on my own and more. I still have nightmares about driving once in a while, but less often than I used to have and now I'm not afraid of driving anywhere, quite the contrary, I have to be careful not to be too confident in my driving and end up speeding :)
I want to close this post with a reference to a post I wrote in January 2006 titled "Happy New Fear." In that post I wrote about how I feared the new year because I had to finish and defend my Ph.D. dissertation. I was also afraid of what the future might bring and wondered whether my husband would get a job in Brazil and we would have to go back or what would happen.
And here I am. My husband has a new job that we're all very excited about and we know where we will live for the next few (or many) years. The dissertation is well on its way for being completely finished and defended!
Fear can be helpful, but only if it moves us to action. If I were fearful of driving and had decided to stay home last year and not go anywhere, I wouldn't have acquired all this confidence in myself and my ability to take care of my sons and take us whenever we need to go. If I were fearful of not finishing the dissertation and simply cowered, giving up because of the problems I have faced (regarding feedback and other things), I would not be finishing now. Becoming fearless has been very important in my development as a mother, a person, and a scholar. I still don't know where this Ph.D. will take me, but I'm not afraid to look into the future and find out the results!
Once I got older, I became a bit more fearful and one of the things I didn't really like to do was driving. It took me a long time to learn how to drive and to get my driver's license since I didn't have a car to begin with. Only three months after I got my license in Brazil, my husband and I came to the U.S. and we bought our first car. I was 24 then and it was quite a thrill not only to be living in another country, but also to be able to drive around on my own -- both things for the first time in my life. It was very scary to drive when it was snowing (we went to live in Massachusetts), but generally it was OK to drive around.
I became a good driver, but I always felt quite inexperienced and fearful. I don't have many recurring nightmares, but some of the few I have are related to driving. In these dreams I'm either trying to drive but the car is getting out of control, or the car is moving and I'm supposed to be in the driver's seat, but I'm elsewhere in the car, trying to go to my seat and grab the wheel. Scary. On long trips, my husband always drives and I sometimes get behind the wheel for two or three hours and then hand the car back to him.
Last year, however, I had to spend many many weekends on my own as my husband had to travel to Brazil several times. During that time, I not only had to be the sole caregiver for my two boys, but I had to drive a lot. I've never driven so much in my life as I did in 2006! I not only drove from Philadelphia to New York to pick up my parents from the airport in February (on the same day my husband had surgery in his arm), but I also drove to Washington D.C. and New York to take and pick up my husband. I did the most driving in October when I went to Massachusetts and back on my own.
All that driving, coupled with caring for the boys on my own, made me feel much more confident in myself, almost "powerful" in a sense because I knew that I could do all that on my own and more. I still have nightmares about driving once in a while, but less often than I used to have and now I'm not afraid of driving anywhere, quite the contrary, I have to be careful not to be too confident in my driving and end up speeding :)
I want to close this post with a reference to a post I wrote in January 2006 titled "Happy New Fear." In that post I wrote about how I feared the new year because I had to finish and defend my Ph.D. dissertation. I was also afraid of what the future might bring and wondered whether my husband would get a job in Brazil and we would have to go back or what would happen.
And here I am. My husband has a new job that we're all very excited about and we know where we will live for the next few (or many) years. The dissertation is well on its way for being completely finished and defended!
Fear can be helpful, but only if it moves us to action. If I were fearful of driving and had decided to stay home last year and not go anywhere, I wouldn't have acquired all this confidence in myself and my ability to take care of my sons and take us whenever we need to go. If I were fearful of not finishing the dissertation and simply cowered, giving up because of the problems I have faced (regarding feedback and other things), I would not be finishing now. Becoming fearless has been very important in my development as a mother, a person, and a scholar. I still don't know where this Ph.D. will take me, but I'm not afraid to look into the future and find out the results!
I hear you on the driving! I still don't have my license. T least I know that you are one person that won't be bugging me with questions of why.
ReplyDeleteIt will take you far...I don't doubt that for a minute. Loved your post here for Fearless Friday!
ReplyDeleteLove,
D.