I am a feminist because...

Yes, I decided to utter the new "F" word in my blog.

The title is an attempt to counter the ubiquitous statement "I'm not a feminist, but..." which is the title of this excellent post by two peas, no pod, a post that really got me thinking about feminism. I'm not an outspoken feminist, but I certainly am one, and I don't fit any of the stereotypes outlined in Cristy's post either. Saying this reminds me of item number 7 in this post by writing as jo(e). I'm sure I'd get similar comments if I talked to acquaintances more often about being a feminist.

Brazilian men, for one, would be "scared" of me and despise me for sure - not that I'd care. Last September we spent two days with this group of Brazilian friends at a camp, and while I was waiting in line to get my lunch one day, I overheard a guy talking to a friend. With scorn in his voice, he said: "Yes, I think she was one of those feminists." I have no idea what they were talking about, but my eyes must have betrayed my feelings, because in that split-second, the guy just looked at me sideways, and I had a feeling he knew, yes, he must have known I was one of them...

Sunday afternoon, I was working on my dissertation. I’m drafting a history of the Brazilian women writers right now – it’s a difficult history to write and think about, and I had tears in my eyes when I read certain essays and thought about what some of these women went through (if you can read Portuguese, this one is worth checking). And then I remembered one of the reasons why I chose to write about women writers in my dissertation.

It all started one sunny afternoon back in the late 1980s. I must have been 17 or 18. I was taking a walk with one of my best girl friends, and we happened to bump into this guy, several years older than us, who was just an acquaintance. Maybe it was on my last year of high school, because he may have asked us what we were going to study in college, I don’t really remember.

What I remember more clearly, though, was that he asked us what we wanted to do or become professionally, a "what do you want to do when you grow up" kind of question. And – oh how I miss those “idealist, dreamy” teenage years – I answered truthfully that I wanted to be a writer. He turned to me and said: “Oh, so... you’re never going to marry.” Just like that! Oh, how I despised him. No, I actually hated him.

On top of that, my mom also used to say things like that when she was mad at me for being extremely disorganized and spending most of my time reading, writing, and dreaming instead of cleaning my room. She was sure I was unfit to be a wife and mother (at least on her own sense of women’s "obligations" as wife and mother)…

So, I went and became a feminist, of course. Not a very outspoken one, or very preachy… but, nevertheless a feminist. I had endless discussions with my husband (then boyfriend), trying to explain my views… I don’t think it bothers him now (does it honey? :) I guess he just doesn’t like the “fuss” women make about this, even though he fully believes in women’s rights and, as far as our partnership is concerned, he cares for the boys in every way (except breastfeeding, of course) and does everything around the house (he doesn’t like cooking very much – his only weakness ;)

Oh, and that guy, what became of him? You may ask. I have no idea what/how he's doing today, but when I left Brazil, he still seemed to be a very disagreeable kind of person. He'd been married with a former high-school classmate of mine for several years. I think they even had two children by then (1996). I don't envy her at all. By now, she may have done a boob job (I have nothing against boob jobs, you know, not being very endowed in that department :) even though I rationally know that as a feminist I shouldn't be too concerned about how my body looks) .

But why do I suppose that? One of the few things I did know about this guy is that his wife once complained to a dear friend of mine that he kept pestering her and saying that she was not as endowed as my friend (who actually had breast-reduction surgery), and he wished she were. Well, his wife, my former classmate, was a bit of a blabbermouth, but still... this kind of comment reflects a very despicable behavior from the part of her husband.

So... I think I want to be a more assertive feminist, and my dissertation subject reflects that position. Maybe I shoud just avoid the topic around Brazilian men other than my husband :)