Accidental Academic

Last week, on Monday, the day we took my DH (Dear Husband, DH from now on :) to the airport for his trip to Brazil, I told our son the following bed-time story:

"Once upon a time there was a boy named 'Daddy', when he started high school, he found out about this thing called Physics, and he liked it a lot. He had a great teacher, and did really well. Then he moved to another school, but still enjoyed studying Physics and became well-known in the school because of his high grades in Physics and Math. He decided to try to get into a Physics program in the university, and he got in [in Brazil you have to pass an entrance examination to get into the university/ college you want - each school has its own exam]. He had been studying there for two years when he met this girl called Lilian, and almost five years later they got married. Daddy and Mama graduated, and, later, they both came to the United States. Daddy started to continue studying Physics, and some years later, you were born. Then, when Daddy finished his Ph.D. we moved here so he could do be a Post Doc, and now he's going to Brazil to give a talk at these two universities close to where each of your grandparents live."

We usually tell him true stories from our lives at bedtime, silly things about different falls and hospital stays, and stiches and broken bones, those are the ones he enjoys the most. But since daddy was away, I thought it would be interesting to go over the whole story, which would explain why he was now travelling. And, of course, when he's tired, he falls asleep quickly and it doesn't really matter what you're talking about, just that you keep talking. I told it to myself, to remind me of how more "certain" my husband's trajectory has been. When he started, he never thought very seriously about becoming an academic, a researcher, but as he progressed, he found out he simply loved what he was doing, and became more and more invested in becoming a good scientist. I felt really excited for him, but for me, the opposite seemed true. I had always been passionate about what I was doing, and kind of always knew I wanted to become an academic. But in it's different in the humanities, there are just way too many people, and very few jobs. I was never the same after I read Invisible Adjunct and The Chronicle's articles she linked to. And then, I'm a mother, I spend all my time and my energy caring for my boys, and I love that more than the prospect of struggling to find my place in academia.

The trip, by the way, went OK. DH learned a lot about the academic job market in Brazil, which is completely different from here. It is hard to get an opening because many of the job opportunities open up simply for the universities to hire people who have been working there, but not in a tenure track position. He went this time, for example because he sent his CV and a letter expressing his interest in a position that might open at one of the only universities he'd like to work. We paid for the expenses ourselves. Anyway, after he gave the talk, he asked why they did that, and they explained that they wouldn't even open the position and officially advertise for it if they didn't like any of the candidates! He also gave a talk at the university that is close to his parents' house (the first one is close to where my parents live). While he was there he also finished writing the application for the Florida school, and I mailed that on Monday night. It's really too early to try for a job, but we just thought he should seize each opportunity from now own... and, as I already said. I like the suspense, I like this not knowing where life will bring us.

DH is coming back tomorrow morning. Last night I tried to tell my story as a bedtime story to our son, but I just couldn't. It doesn't have a happy ending yet, I haven't earned my degree, and I don't even think of the job market or anything. I feel sad about all of this. I have thought about my story many times. It's not a bad story at all, I don't really know why I feel so negatively about it. I'll try to tell it sometime. For now, I'll just say I've been feeling like an accidental academic. Maybe this should have been my blog's name...