It's a Girl Blog Book Tour!

As most of you know, I have two boys, but I missed the It’s a Boy blog tour. I didn’t want to miss the It’s a Girl tour, particularly because I have always, for as long as I can remember, wanted to have a daughter. I dreamed about sharing with her my love of “girl books,” like Little Women, Laura Ingalls Wilder’s "Little House" books, Anne of Green Gables, Secret Garden, Alice in Wonderland and many others (my original plan was to write my Ph.D. dissertation about these books). Furthermore, I love pink, so I longed to dress my little girl in cute pink clothes and to let her have long curly hair, something I’ve always wanted, but have been unable to do because my hair is curly and too fine and just doesn’t grow long. My husband has thick wavy hair and I was hoping she would take after him. I could have written an essay just like the one by Katherine Weber, except it’d be titled “The Girl We Didn’t Have,” instead of “The Boy We Didn’t Have.”

So, I really wanted to read this book. When I brought it to be signed by Andi at the It’s a Girl Mother Talk, she wrote: “A vicarious thrill read!” Well, it has been a vicarious pleasure for sure, but not exactly the way I expected. One of the things I kind of “expected” from this book was some consolation for the fact that I didn’t have a daughter. Thoughts, for instance, on how it’s harder to raise daughters because we mothers were once girls ourselves and that it’s difficult to separate ourselves from our daughters and not to expect too much of them – the way it looks like it’d be with me (e.g. the hair issue above). However, I didn’t feel this way reading many of the essays. In spite of the fact that these difficulties do exist, most writers featured in the book expressed their experiences as mothers of girls in very positive terms.

I also expected to feel very sorry for myself and my daughter-less state when I read about all these great girls, babies, toddlers, tweens, or even bulimic teenagers. That’s not the way it worked out either! I caught myself, instead, constantly thinking – the same way it happened during the last Philly Mother Talk discussions – that my boys had many characteristics that were similar to those of the girls described. Both of my boys are extremely verbal and like to have long conversations and read stories with me. My oldest son is a sensitive child, much like myself, who says that he’s sad when his brother cries and who is quick to tell me “Mama, don’t be sad/ frustrated/upset – I love you, I’ll be with you.” Of course they’re very much boys in their love for cars, trucks, and trains, but my oldest enjoys playing with dolls as well, sometimes! In addition, some of his favorite bedtime stories are episodes from Alice in Wonderland or the Little House books – and I can’t wait for the days when my son knows how to read and can enjoy these books on his own. I hope he still likes them then… It's good to realize that I can still share my "girl books" with my boys after all. (Oh, both of my boys have curly hair, and though I've let my oldest grow his long, we had it cut last week - I hope they both let their hair grow long when they're teenagers!! - Like Jo(e)'s sons, of course :)

Oh, and last but not least, I was also pleasantly surprised when I found two essays in the book written by mothers who actually didn’t have daughters! Like Vicky Mlyniec's "Daughter Dread" and Jessica Berger Gross's "Garden City." Mlyniec has two boys like me, and the last sentence of her essay will be echoing in my mind for a long time: "If we pay attention, there's much to be learned from all our children, even from the ones we don't have." I hope the girl I didn't have can definitely shape my life even though I never got to meet her and style her long curly hair...